Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 18: Keeping the conversation going.
OK, you sent out about 100(,000,000) emails to assorted women and got one back. Your job is now to keep the conversation going until she is comfortable enough with you to agree to meet up.
This is actually a lot harder to do than you would think. The problem is if you exchange too many emails she will either get bored or come to the conclusion that you have something to hide (missing limb, frequent and fragrant flatulence, etc). It’s like trying to drop excess weight to keep a helium balloon from going down in piranha infested water and the only thing you have left to drop is your excess blood. You have to balance out enough weight lost without bleeding to death (while the piranhas get driven into a frenzy by all that blood dripping into the water).
Honestly, I tend to treat this like I would going for the first kiss while dating. 3-5 emails seems to be the correct number. Each email needs to both tell her something about you (not too much) and keep her interested enough to reply. The best thing to do seems to be to ask her a few questions about herself related to her last email while answering her last set of questions with as few details as possible. By the way, if she is not asking you questions than odds are she is just killing time at work. You can probably let the thread drop.
The thing about these is never volunteer extra information. You need her to feel like you are doing her a favor even telling her your name. Also, by keeping detains low you will intrigue her and make her want to see you face to face, where the implication is you will be more forthcoming. If you give here everything she has no reason to email you again.
Here are a few examples.
She asks: “Where did you go to college.” The correct answer would be “UC Irvine. Where did you go?” The incorrect answer would be “UC Irvine. I studied studio art. It’s kind of boring but I had some fun. All my best friends came from there, and my frat voted me “Most likely to bazooka barf on Yeager” three years in a row.” See, if you had gone with the first answer she would have been forced to email you again with questions like “What did you study? Did you like it? Have you ever projectile vomited while drinking Yeager?”
She asks: “Did you have pets as a kid?” and you answer “We had a cat and a dog.” She will then ask stuff like “What kind of dog? Is he still alive? Is there the slightest chance he’s actually a werewolf trapped in canine form?”
See how that works? Answer her questions, but leave the subject open for more questions.
Also be sure to ask her questions. Never get too specific or detailed or she will conclude you are likely a stalker of some kind (probably correctly). Here are some innocuous questions you can feel free to use. “Where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? What did you major in? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What do you do? Do you like it?”
The one thing to remember is any details you are given you will have to remember and reference when you do meet here, so don’t do too much or you will strain your brain.
Incidentally, this exchange is exactly like the game point in a tennis (or, for the less athletically inclined readers, ping pong) match. You hit the ball into her court, she returns, rinse and repeat. If the ball gets dropped for any reason it’s game over. If she fails to respond to your last email you must have butchered it and no amount of “Hey, you never replied to my last email. Everything OK?” will get the ball bouncing again. Go back to spamming new girls.
That’s it for today. I think it safe to assume most of you actually communicate better via email than in person so I won’t burden you with too much detail. Next post we will talk about actually meeting with your girl.
I want to mention real quick that this weekend I will be at the Star Trek Convention in San Francisco this weekend and will very likely be wearing this Star Trek red T shirt just because I like to live dangerously. This show will feature the vaunted Leonard Nimoy as well as the great Michelle Nichols, so if you are in the Bay Area be sure to stop by and say hi. I will have a new girl working with me on Saturday as well so if you see a cute nerdish girl there while I am trying to get Nimoy’s autograph be sure to say high to Angela.
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