Nerd Dating: the greatest date ever-movie night in Part 7 the arm move
OK, you’ve set up the date, picked a movie, and are ready to watch the movie with your amour. The question that arises is if and when to put one arm around the girl.
This is really a puzzler, to be honest. Given the fact that you are on hopefully your 3rd, 4th, or 5th date (by the way, never try to make movie night your first or second date. It will fail miserably, and if she suggests it it means she has the “let’s-be-friends” main gun locked and loaded) and she is willing to sit on a couch in a dimly lit (by candlelight or just the screen glare) room with you very strongly suggests she is comfortable enough with you to get a little closer. However, don’t forget one of my earliest dating lessons: as much as women want to be in a relationship and this particular one may or may not like you, they are skittish on a level that makes deer look like sea turtles and are eagerly searching for an excuse to dump you and run.
That being said, it is also likely she expects some action and would be disappointed if you didn’t try something. The first step is doing the old “arm around the shoulder” move. How best to accomplish this? And when is the best time?
In my experience, you want to get your arm around her before the movie even starts. This establishes the tone (something I like to talk about in my movie reviews) of the evening from the get go. The safest way to do it (you wimp) is to sit on the couch before she does with space on either side and put one arm up on the top of the couch. She knows what you are doing and if she is into it will sit in the crook of your arm without hesitation. Normally at that point you lower you arm gently (<–important) onto her shoulder. Odds are you will both share some kind of meaningful look or something and start the movie. If she is not into it she will sit on the other side and you can start enjoying your new friendship.
If, on the other hand, she beat you to the couch, or you just brain fizzled or chickened out, and the movie starts without you accomplishing this otherwise trivial goal, you are in trouble. If there is one thing girls hate on a date it’s the scent of awkwardness, and you are stuck hip deep in the awkward swamp. Here are a few ways to get around it.
The yawn-yes, this is really, really dumb move straight out of Happy Days. That’s why you don’t do it seriously. You so over exaggerate it that it will be obvious that you are making a joke. With luck she will laugh and let you proceed.
The creep-I don’t actually recommend this one, as it can be as creepy as it sounds. This is where you try to casually work your arm over the top of the couch and over the course of a couple hours lower your arm onto her. In addition to being kind of creepyish (think boa constrictor stalking it’s prey) it also looks extremely timid and ball-less. However, if you could accurately be described as timid and ball-less, or you have pretty much run out of options, than roll with it.
The break-this is where you get up to use the restroom, and when you return you just slide your arm around her like it was there before. This takes a little practice in order to make it look natural and not like a WWE move, but it can work very well. Unfortunately it is also the technique most likely to get you kicked out or punched, so be sure you know what she is about before you go for it.
The ask-this is one I have had decent success with. This is where, as the opening credits are rolling, you look at her in the eyes and say in your most sincere voice “Would you mind if I put my arm around you?” Most women are touched by this. Also, if they have been kind of waiting for you to do something it will be a relief for them to have you finally get it going. This also works really well if you are dealing with a woman who would describe herself as a feminist. She will appreciate the respect you are showing her (I guess. Who knows what really motivates woman, anyway?)
Rather than try all of these in the course of one evening, I would suggest picking one main and one backup and making those your thing. Pick the ones that seem to fit in with your personality and/or the personality of the girl you are dating. Good luck, and remember that if she is with you alone she wants to be there with you.
So this week I have been cropping images of a ton of new Star Trek t shirts and was struck yesterday by how many good and bad movies that franchise has spawned. By that I mean one great one, two mediocre ones, and a whole passel of garbage. Anyway, while cropping the image for Star Trek Nemesis it occurred to me that it would be fun to have a retrospective on my feelings for all the Trek films in order and what significance they had in my life. I think I will be starting that up tomorrow. I will have more dating stuck in there too as well as a couple more movie reviews. I don’t know if it will suck or not, but I will enjoy doing it. Talk to you soon.
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