Footloose Movie Review
While personally painful for me, if you like paint-by-numbers remakes and think a teenagers right to dance is of critical importance, go for it.
Well, it’s time to declare 2011 the official Year of the Movie Remake. Given that there are two this weekend alone, and any number so far this year, it really looks like Hollywood has thrown in the towel and is admitting they have run out of creative ideas for movies.
So, Footloose. I have any number of issues with this movie, both this remake and the original. As I have stated in other reviews (Bad Teacher, I think), high school plus dancing sets my mind into a mode I like to call “homicidal violent mayhem”. However, that is my issue, and I will try to keep it separate from this review. There are any number of other things to complain about, mostly having to do with the fact that the entire premise of this movie was stupid in 1984 and hasn’t gotten any smarter with age.
The weird thing is, I actually like the song Footloose. At one point in my life I lived with the super hot niece of Kenny Loggins (no joke) and that was something we kind of bonded over. Although truth be told, I think I’m All Right from Caddyshack is a better song. (Bushwood Country Club image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). I find his music weirdly infectious, which is kind of at odds with my normal preference for old school punk rock. I’m sure this says something about me psychologically.
Anyway, Footloose. I don’t want to get into the story too much because if you have seen the 1984 movie you have seen this one. It is like they dusted off the old script and just reshot it. I will do a quick symapsis. Kids get killed while driving home drunk from a dance. Rather than passing laws to help curtail underage drinking, drunk driving, or curfew violations the hick town decides to outlaw dancing. Some guy (Kenny Wormald – You Got Served, Clerks II, Center Stage Turn it Up) moves in with his uncle from Boston and instead of getting his ass kicked like any normal big town guy moving to a hayseed burg movie manages to make friends for life in like a week and his love of dancing compels him to fight the ban. Meanwhile, the super white trash daughter (Julianne Hough, who has been in nothing previously. I think she was on Dancing with the Stars and is dating Ryan Seacrest, which actually makes her a lot lamer in my book) of the preacher (Dennis Quaid – the Day After Tomorrow, Any Given Sunday, Vantage Point, which I liked) who pushed the ban falls in love with him. He makes an impassioned speech to the city council. People dance. He gets into a fight with the local color, including the even white trashier ex boyfriend of the preachers daughter. The movie ends with everyone dancing.
There are a few differences, but most of them were kind of stupid (and when I say kind of, I mean really). The whole tractor chicken scene is now replaced by a bus racing demolition derby that was just plain dumb. The ex BF challenges Rem to a bus death race wherein 4 buses get wrecked. It is supposed to be for some upcoming event but there are all of ten people watching. Even junk buses cost money.
The main issue I have with this entire movie (aside from the dancing, the fact that with only one exception the high school is filled with super models, and the complete remake thing) is the basic premise behind the film. How does the city council think banning dancing is going to save lives? Why do they care that much? Does the local law dog have nothing better to do than enforce dancing ordinances? How about curtailing the rampant meth problem plaguing the South?
By the way, this is my chance to prove to the world what an old man I am by laying down some insights to my teenage readers. Ever wonder why no one ever works to curtail the laws specific to young people, like not drinking until you are 21, curfews, and so on? It’s because that is something you really care about until the day you turn old enough to not care. If on my 18th birthday they had passed a law requiring all underage teenagers to wear leather gimp masks during the day I wouldn’t have cared. In fact, when someone turns 21 and can start drinking the first thing they think of is “I had to wait this long. Why shouldn’t everyone else?”
This review seems to be kind of hard for me to keep on course. Let’s get into the stars.
Well acted all around, even from Ryan Seacrests girlfriend. One star. I supposed a argument could be made that they kept it scene for scene in order to maintain the integrity of the original vision or something. One star. Both the girls were super hot, especially the supporting brunette IMO (Ziah Colon – Road Trip Beer Pong, Drop Dead Diva, Sparkles and Smiley Kill the Internet (???)). One star. Total: three stars.
The black holes. Pretty much a photo copy of the original. One black hole. Stupid premise for a movies. One black hole. In spite of being a copy of the original, they somehow managed to lose a lot of the emotional impact the first one had. One black hole. High school dance movie. One black hole. Everyone in the movie was one of the super cool kids in high school I hated. One black hole. There was a sub plot about the dopey hick sidekick with the super hot girlfriend having to learn how to dance that dragged on and on to no benefit. One black hole. In spite of the fact that Kenny Wormald is an accomplished dancer they couldn’t get away from the one second cut editing technique that sucks so bad for fight scenes and even more for dancing. One black hole. They really milked every small town hick stereotype possible. One black hole. Total: eight black holes.
I have a couple irksome but not black hole worthy points as well. While the music was pretty much true to the original score, it was definitely modernized and glitz’d up to its detriment. Also, he was supposed to be from Boston, but I sometimes found Kenny Wormald’s accent a little grating. Not really bad by itself, but in contrast with all the southern accents it really felt out of place.
So a total of five black holes. I don’t know. A lot of my black holes related to my own personal issues. It wasn’t claw-your-own-eyes-out bad. If I were less of a bitter soul I might have enjoyed parts of it. If you liked Glee, high school romance doesn’t infuriate you, are easily entertained by brightly colored objects, or you just like dance you might enjoy it. I will say this is an excellent date movie, as it has a lot of elements girls might like. Actually I’ll give you a move to make with this. Take a girl out to see this movie. Assuming you don’t end up hooking up with her that night, tell her you enjoyed it but the original was much better. That is an open invention to getting her to come over to your place to see the 1984 Footloose in your recently cleaned apartment. You are welcome.
I would like to share one more observation about this movie that perplexes me. In all the posters and images they show the logo for the movie as a cursive neon blue sign spelling Footloose. However, one of the “o”s in loose is always unlit, making the sign spell Footlose. Was that on purpose, as some kind of inside joke? Or just some marketing director’s subconscious mind manifesting his or her real secret feelings for this movie? That question is kind of bugging me.
Anyway, thanks again for reading. I am sorry I haven’t done more recently, but things have gotten super busy. I will see the Thing tomorrow to continue Remake-a-paloosa 2011, and maybe Ides of March early next week. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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