Nerd Movie Reviews

The Nerdy Awards: The Best and Worst Movies of 2011 Part 1

Time to get into this.  First of all, this is actually the best and worst movies of 2011 that I actually saw and reviewed, for the most part.  If I missed something you think is supposed to be here, my apologies.  I am going to do this Oscar style by listing the candidates for my fake awards and then let you know the winner.  I think each post in this series I will give a few of my bitter joke awards and end up with one or two good one.

The “Who Brought This Guy Award” for the most unnecessary, worthless, or unasked for sequel of the year.  The candidates are: the Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part I, Johnny English Reborn, Columbiana, and The Hangover Part II.  Johnny English seems to be the obvious choice, but when you think about it the reasons for this sequel make total sense: ripping off as many foreign viewers as possible.  The bitterness that resides deep in the heart of the voting Academy (one member, me) makes me inclined to go with the Hangover, but I think if the movie going audience had been poled prior to this abortion being released most people would have said a sequel was a good idea.  Yes, the winner of the Who Brought This Guy Award goes to Columbiana.  It was originally written as a sequel to the Professional, a film that in no way ever needed a sequel.  Also it was pretty miserable as a stand alone movie.

The “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” award for the flattest, most robot-like emotionless performance(s) of the year.  The candidates are Nicholas Cage for Season of the Witch and Drive Angry, Ryan Gosling for Drive, Robert the tire from Rubber, the dead cosmonaut from Apollo 18, and Atom the fighting robot from Real Steel.  The winner, barely beating out the dead cosmonaut, has to be Nicholas Cage.  Congratulations.

The “Accidentally drank from the Drano can instead of my beer award” (AKA the George Inman (my father) memorial award) for the movie that I thought was going be great and instead felt like I was being shot naked with a paintball gun for two hours.  The candidates are The Green Hornet, The Green Lantern, Conan the Barbarian, Battle Los Angeles, The Hangover Part II, the Killer Elite, and The Adventures of Tintin.  In terms of biggest level of anticipation followed by biggest fall, this Nerdy can only go to the Green Lantern.  I had so much hope for this movie, and was so bitterly disappointed.  (Green Lantern image courtesy of the Comic Book t shirt category)

The “Purposely drank from the Drano can” award for the movie that I totally expected to suck and it did.  The candidates are New Years Eve, Jack and Jill, Footloose, Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, What’s Your Number, the Change Up, and I am Number Four.  This Nerdy is near and dear to my heart, as it is my chance to feel good about how smart and perceptive I am.  Bucky Larson was a contender, but I have to give it to Jack and Jill, the movie equivalent of passing a baseball sized kidney stone.

The “Dave is an idiot” award for the movie I expected to suck and turned out great.  The candidates are Fast Five, Bridesmaids, Friends with Benefits, Our Idiot Brother, Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, Warrior, and the Thing.  Honestly, I am going to have to go with the Thing.  I thought it was going to be another mediocre remake of a great movie, and instead it was a brilliant prequel to a great movie.  Kudos.

The “I wish I had a hot car and girlfriend” award for the best driving movie.  This year there were only  three eligible.  Drive, Drive Angry, and Fast Five.  I am going to have to give this Nerdy to Fast Five.  I was really surprised how much I enjoyed it.  The other two were retrospectively a boring arsty noir film and a bad grindhouse spoof.

That’s it for today.  Warhammer tonight and I have to compose a new list.  More awards tomorrow.  Thanks for reading.  Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu.  By the way, I saw the trailer for the Hobbit and, while it looks decent like detecting a lump in my testicles I am starting to see signs that the cancer of remaking great stories to suit Hollywood creeping its way into this film.  It’s been years since I read the Hobbit, but I don’t recall Bilbo Baggins spending a lot of time in Elrond looking at the Shards of Narsil.  He was there, but it was pretty brief.  Also, I couldn’t be sure but I think they stuck a human into the party besides Gandalf with the dwarfs.  Also someone told me they managed to crowbar Arwen into the the story.  You know, in a story as rich as the Hobbit I think it’s OK to not have a pretty face in there worthlessly.  I don’t know if any of this is true, but I hope they aren’t going to ruin this in order to make a few more bucks.  I’ll let you know what else I hear.

Dave

Tags: Best Movies of 2011, comic book t shirts