American Reunion Review
I have no clever pun for my opening subtitle on this one.
If you are a regular reader and have read some of my other reviews on movies based around how much fun high school was (Project X, for example) you should know that I have issues with them, most of them stemming from the fact that high school was four years of miserable, alienating, self esteem destroying bulls*** for me. I spent most days planning to either kill myself or kill everyone else in my school. Consequently, movies about high school kids having fun (and sex) infuriates me as a broken mirror of what I could have had.
On the other hand, I have actually enjoyed the two high school reunions I attended. Granted, I have evolved as far away from Southern California beach culture primordial ooze as possible without ascending to another plane of existence, but the actual events were fun. Most of the popular kids whom I hated with the burning passion of 10,000 stars have all gotten fatter, balder, and lamer while desperately trying to hold on to whatever shred of the fun they had back then (and most still live in San Clemente, the town with all the culture of a Petri dish) while the outcast nerds and geeks have for the most part moved on and experienced amazing lives. Time has a way of balancing the books in the long run, and I love it.
That being said, American Reunion is a lot like attending a high school reunion. However, since I avoided all the earlier movies (my hatred of high school kids having fun movies extends well before my time as a movie critic) it was like attending the high school reunion with a guy you sort of know from work but have never had a personal conversation with. You spend the whole evening drinking and listening to them all talk about all the fun they had in the first three movies (I mean high school) while vaguely wondering if it is worth your time to ask for details on the guy who vomited on his girlfriends dress at the Jr. Prom. Is it fair to review this film without having seen any of the others? Probably not, and if you agree you should probably stop reading now. However, I feel any movie should stand on its own merits without requiring you to see anything prior. There should be no prerequisites for movie watching.
If this film is based on some kind of pie like pastry, than it is a very bland pie made of recycled jokes with a few flavor crystals and a bunch of chicken bones, all of which are named Eugene Levy. I feel guilty saying that as I like Eugene Levy and feel he is a talented and funny actor. However, in this film he was so out of tone with the rest of the movie (especially when talking about his recently deceased wife) that it brought whatever momentum the story had generated to a screeching halt. It was like a clock gear with a bunch of missing teeth. I guess he was supposed to be the funny straight man, but since 90% of this cast was comprised of funny straight men I don’t see the point.
Speaking of cast, it was comprised of Stifler, four other white guys who all seemed like the same character (one guy had a beard, I guess), and a handful of women who more or less lacked all personality and were mostly there to give the guys something to focus their horniness on. Except for the minor physical differences (one guy had the beard and was wimpy, one guy was tall and muscular, one guy had a moon face, and one guy was Jason Biggs) they all had the same delivery, inflection, and more or less variations on the same problems (bored relationship, chance to rekindle with on old flame, etc). In truth Stifler I should have hated the most, but he was the only thing entertaining in the entire film and I found myself grabbing onto his scenes like a drowning man trying to hold onto a piece of driftwood.
The story is, of course, of the crew from American Pie coming back for their 13 year high school reunion (I don’t know where they got 13 from other than the intricacies of Hollywood scheduling unless there is some new tradition of scheduling high school reunions on prime numbers, which as a nerd I think is pretty cool). They are Jim Levenstein (Jason Briggs-all the American Pie movies and not a lot else I have heard of. He’s done a bunch of TV stuff including something called I’m in Hell I might have to watch), a married guy with a kid who doesn’t have a lot of sex with his wife these days; Oz (Chris Klein-all the same plus We Were Soldiers, Rollerball) a successful sports caster with a super hot model girlfriend; Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas-Rookie of the Year, Let the Game Begin, Bridge to Nowhere(haw!)) a live at home house husband and architect; Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas-Freddy Got Fingered, A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas, Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay) a world traveling free spirit; and Stifler (Seann William Scott-Dude Where’s My Car, Role Models, Planet 51) exactly the kind of desperate to get back to high school loser I was laughing at during my high school reunion. They roll into town with their assorted wives and girlfriends. Eugene Levy (Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, a Mighty Wind) plays Jim’s Dad (that’s his credit title) and dispenses some homey wisdom and lame missed point sex jokes. Assorted wives and girlfriends tag along to add drama.
At that point the story makes the horrible plot choice pioneered in stupid movies like New Years Eve and fragments into five or more grossly underdeveloped subplots. 
Jim isn’t having enough sex with his wife Michelle (Alyson Hannigan-How I Met Your Mother, Love, Wedding, Marriage, Date Movie. How I Met Your Mother image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirts) and, as either a complication or a sub-subplot his super hot 18 year old next door neighbor (Ali Cobrin-One, the Hole, Jack Turner and the Reluctant Vampire) wants him to deflower her (I don’t remember that happening to me at my 10 year. Maybe I should have attended the 13). Oz’s super hot model girlfriend (Katrina Bowden-30 Rock, Tucker and Dale Versus Evil, Sex Drive. Actually the most impressive filmography yet) is a freaky nymphomaniac but he still has feelings for old flame Heather (Mena Suvari-No Surrender, You Man Not Kiss the Bride, Restitution). Finch is supposedly a world traveler but kicks off a romance with Selena (Dania Ramirez-X Men First Class, Quarantine, Brooklyn to Manhatten) who was awful looking in high school but apparently got a full body transplant into a hottie. Stifler is a temp loser with an abusive boss who only wants the party to keep going while he forgets his pathetic life. Jim’s Dad is bumbling through life and stumbles into romance with Stifler’s Mom (Jennifer Coolidge-Legally Blonde, Epic Movie, A Cinderella Story).
All these stories are stunted and undeveloped, mostly serving as a vehicle to call back jokes from the previous movies. None of them held any interest or weight, and I spent most of the movie waiting for Stifler to do something else funny. Each story was painfully predictable and plods along to a series of endings that couldn’t have been more pat if they had all been named Patricia.
The stars. Stifler was funny. One star. Ali Cobrin’s breasts are amazing, and you get more than a two second look at them. One star. I will give this movie credit for taking a very open minded approach to gay issues, having a gay couple engaged and presented in a very positive light. One star. Total: three stars.
The black holes. This film more or less expects everyone to not only have seen the first three movies but be a fan. One black hole. Dull, fragmented story line that lacks a point. Two black holes. With the exception of Stifler all the characters are boring and could have been the same dude. One black hole. The Eugene Levy scenes really took me out of the movie every time. One black hole. These days rated R comedy automatically means we have to look at penis and deal with baby excrement, and this film is no exception. One black hole. Total: six black holes.
A total of three black holes. Meh. Should you see it? If you are a fan of the first three probably. You will get the jokes better than I did and probably have a better connection to all the characters (and therefore be able to tell them apart more easily). Date movie? Maybe if she is a fan. If not the crude humor and negative portrayal of men may hurt you. On the other hand, none of these guys are George Clooney or Brad Pitt so you might compare favorably in the looks department. Bathroom break? Pretty much anywhere, but do not leave the theater from the moment the group arrives at the lake party until Jim gets Ali into her bedroom or you will miss her topless scene (well worth watching). If I were to pick one scene in particular that could be missed I would say the one where Oz is in a sub sandwich shop with his old high school girlfriend. Not a lot going on there.
Thanks for reading. I am going to see Titanic 3D tonight and will review it tomorrow. This might not seem like a big deal since the movie came out a long time ago, but I have never seen it and feel the need to do so. I don’t think I will do my normal star/black hole since really, what’s the point? Instead I will come up with some annoying questions like I did for all the old Harry Potter movies. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu or email me suggestions or questions to [email protected]. Feel free to post comments here if you saw this movie and either agree or disagree with me. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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