Ride Along Review
I’m kind of embarrassed to say I found myself laughing at parts.
The cop buddy film is a genre so prevalent that most of the studios in Hollywood must be using them as insulating material. It honestly dates back to the Lone Ranger and Tonto and hasn’t change much since then. Some films get more comical, some more serious, and some might involve a dog or other non human mammal (or alien. Anyone else remember Alien Nation, I Come in Peace, or the Hidden?). It is a formula that appeals to the gestalt Western consciousness and is a very safe foundation upon which to build your house.
The point is Ride Along has jumped on that long and slow moving freight train pioneered by officers Ridzik & Danko, Costanzo & Hughes, Sykes & Francisco, Crokett & Tubbs, Tango & Cash, Starsky & Hutchinson, Tuner & Hooch, Doyle & Russo, J & K, Burnett & Lowrey, Riggs & Murtaugh, and Bomowski & Bomowski and really didn’t ever get off. While on the train it picked up every scene, cliche, joke, and action sequence it could stuff down it’s pants to make it’s own Frankenstein cop movie and animated it by hooking up the star power of Ice Cube and Kevin Hart and flipping the switch. (By the way, as a true test of your pop culture mojo see how many of those partners I just listed you can name the movie or show they are from. It’s a fun challenge. Crockett & Tubbs image courtesy of the TV Show T Shirt category).
That’s not to say it’s bad. The formulas used and borrowed are all good ones and if you haven’t seen a cop buddy film in a while you will probably enjoy it. Also if you gain a sense of smug satisfaction from predicting exactly how the story is going to progress you might just reach know-it-all Nirvana while watching this movie. Within five minutes of the film starting I knew exactly how it was going to play out even to the point of knowing who was going to be injured. You will find more surprise in using the same blue pen you write with every day and discovering that today it is writing with blue ink.
In checking the filmographies of the stars of this film (yes I do research. I don’t just roll my face back and forth across my keyboard while drinking methylated spirits) I was surprised to discover Ice Cube is something of a stealth actor. What do I mean by that? I mean he is an actor who seems to have his role type cast as the bad ass cop or rap star but when you look at what he has done you rediscover that he has actually done a number of really good or out of the box movies. When I think of him Boyz in the Hood is not the first film that pops into mind but is exceptional. Anaconda was a horrible movie but is so bad it’s good, and Ghosts of Mars actually got me laid back in 2001 (as it turns out that is about the only time for this century. I am eagerly anticipating New Years Day 2100) so I have some warm feelings about him as an actor. Nothing caught me off guard with regards to Kevin Hart’s career. I think he is really funny but doesn’t seem ready to do a serious drama yet.
The story. Ben Barber (Kevin Hart-This is the End, the Five Year Engagement, Think Like a Man) works as a security guard at a high school and plays FPS video games incessantly. In spite of all that he has a stunningly hot fiance Angela (Tika Sumpter-Salt, What’s Your Number, The Have’s and the Have Nots). She wants to get her cop brother James (Ice Cube-Boyz in the Hood, 21 Jump Street, Friday) to approve of him but James has (accurately, IMO) determined that Ben is a worthless layabout completely lacking in machismo.
Ben gets accepted into the police academy and tries to use that as a bond with James. James rejects him again but offers to take him on a ride along where they can both rip off lines from Training Day. Meanwhile James is trying to track down local crime kingpin Omar (Lawrence Fishburne-Cherry 2000 (I know. Not the movie he would want to be credited for, but I think it’s awesome), the Matrix, Apocalypse Now). They go out together and comedy hijinx ensues.
Honestly that’s it. By that point I had pretty much written out the whole script in my head. James tries to inject Ben into really annoying but non lethal situations. Ben finds some critical clues with regards to Omar. James gets set up by his friends (John Leguizamo-Kick Ass 2, Ice Age, One for the Money)(Bryan Callen-Warrior, the Hangover, 10 Rules for Sleeping Around) and Ben saves him in the dopiest way possible. Like I said, if you know the answer to the question “Knock knock” is “Who’s there?” this film will hold no unexpected shocks for you.
The stars.
While playing his traditional role as a serious bad ass Ice Cube was not really stretching his acting ability I enjoyed his character and liked him on the screen. One star. Kevin Hart is honestly funny too, although his antics occasionally shifted from funny to uncomfortable. One star. Tika Sumpter is drop dead gorgeous and spent a lot of the film lounging around in t-shirt and underwear (easily the sexiest look for a girl around home, in case any of you ladies are wondering what the secret is to attracting an elite dude such as myself). One star. There were some actual funny moments. One star. Kind of fun in a very formulaic sort of way. One star. Total: five stars.
The black holes.
The story was basically a retread of about 1,000 other buddy cop films. The director avoided even the scent of a risk like it was a skunk smoothie left in the sun for a couple days. One black hole. For me this would have been about 10 times better rated R rather than PG-13. When you see Ice Cube get pissed off you expect some cursing. Seeing him restrain his language is as unnatural and out of place as seeing an elephant trying to ride a skateboard. Also if you are going to film a PG-13 movie don’t insult my libido by having a scene in a strip club but have all the girls fully clothed. That is figuratively trying to have your cake and eating it too (I’ve been literally trying to avoid misuse of the word literally). One black hole. If you happen to not be the type to get turned on by your own precognition the predictability will grind like a fine grit sandpaper bikini. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of two stars. Meh-worthy I guess. If you are an Ice Cube or Kevin Hart fan you will not be disappointed, but honestly if you are not there is nothing in here to positively contribute towards the enjoyment of your life. This film pretty much screams Tuesday night Red Box, so wait until you can see it in the comfort of your home or trailer park rec center. Date movie? Sure, why not? There is a love story here sort of and it is funny. None of the violence is over the top (or really interesting) and seeing a guy save the day thanks to the thousands of hours he has played video games may bode well for any argument you have with your girlfriend regarding the direction you have chosen for your life. Bathroom break? Any scene you miss you will have probably already watched on the screen of your imagination, but the scene that stands out as most missable is when James and Ben get to the hospital. Contribution to the plot: 0.00.
Thanks for reading. Lot’s more to see in order to survive the bleak movie season known as January. Not a lot of Oscar nominations surface in this month. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu (Do it now!). Post comments here on this film or my review (telling me what a sexy genius I am is also welcome) right here and off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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