Dave and Dave: how to kill the Six Million Dollar Man
Dave I: Mr. Miyagi vs Splinter.
Dave C: Good one! Splinter I suppose but I like Miyagi better. (image comes from a great Karate Kid t shirt)
DI: As a Skaven player I have to support the rats.
DC: Splinter uses weapons so he gets an edge. Steve Austin vs the T100 unarmed.
DI: T100. Austin didn’t have a bionic rib cage and the Terminator would rip out his heart. “Jump high now a#&*@#$”
DC: He can pop a tennis ball with his hand. Ghostbusters vs Christine.
DI: With or without the ECTO-1?
DC: Sure with.
DI: Ghostbusters but it would be close.
DC: Dunno Christine was indestructible and pissed.
DI: They’d probably have to get a dump truck sized ghost trap.
DC: Peter Pan vs Legolas unarmed.
DI: Is there a way they could both die?
DC: Lol sure but who falls first?
DI: Legolas is faster with more combat experience. Pan can fly. I’d have to go with Legolas.
DC: I’d root for Peter. Lobo vs Godzilla. No chopper.
DI: Lobo is effectively immortal. Godzilla would eat him and Lobo would claw his way out.
DC: I see him butchering Godzilla steak by steak.
DI: Yep. Lobo vs Darth Vader.
DC: Lol Lobo no contest. Dr. Venture vs Mandark.
DI: With or without Brock Sampson?
DC: No, but they get their labs.
DI: Mandark
DC: Brock Sampson vs Archer.
DI: Brock
DC: Captain Brannigan vs Archer.
DI: In battle Archer. In love Archer. In snazzy velour uniforms Brannigan.
DC: Lol
the Infamous Dave Inman
Dave and Dave: Michonne’s sword, new Spider-Man movie, and Puberty Love
Dave C: Michoni vs Inigo Montoya.
Dave I: You got me. Who the hell is Mishoni?
DC: Walking Dead.
DI: I think it’s spelled Michonne. Probably Inigo especially if Michonne happens to have six fingers on one hand.
DC: They have to nerf her sword. Is it a monofilament sword or what?
DI: Lol. It’s super easy to cut off heads. You should know that.
DC: With a real sword she would not last one zombie.
DI: Maybe a bastard sword would work but that’s because those were basically sharp clubs.
DC: Yay! New Spider-Man movies and they are recasting Spidy. I’m sure Sony will get it right this time. Still they are refusing rights to Disney to make a good Spider-Man movie. (note-image is from a very cool Spiderman t shirt in our collection)
DI: No way could Sony screw up Spider-Man AGAIN. “Me fail Spider-Man? That’s unpossible!”
DC: LOL
DI: At least we can count on them not casting some sizzle chested man/boy in his mid to late 20’s pretending to be a teenager.
DC: Their last star hit puberty and got disqualified.
DI: Oh his testicles dropped? Good/bad for him.
DC: Puberty, puberty love.
DI: ?
DC: Puberty Love is the song from Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
DI: That’s right. Cool.
DC: Now I have Puberty Love stuck in my head. Killer Tomatoes vs zombies.
DI: Tomatoes.
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Dave and Dave: Supernatural is fun and Chim Chim sucks.
Dave I: Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs the Munsters. With Spot.
Dave C: Munsters. Ever see Herman pissed?
DI: True. Might go badly for Granpa though. She is expert at vampires. Ghostbusters vs Evil Ash?
DC: Ghostbusters.
DI: Ghostbusters vs Big Ben from House with the M60.
DC: Ben.
DI: Big Ben vs the Winchester Bros from Supernatural.
DC: Ben was really tough. Haven’t seen Supernatural.
DI: You should watch Supernatural. It’s fun and has like 10 seasons. At least the Winchester Bros bring guns. Ghostbusters vs Beetlejuice.
DC: Beetlejuice.
DI: I agree. Unless they say his name three times.
DI: Partrick Sqayze in Ghost vs the Ghostbusters.
DC: LOL.
DI: Moulder and Scully vs Graboid.
DC: Graboid. Aquaman vs Space Ghost.
DI: Space Ghost unless the Phantom Cruiser crash landed in the ocean. Blip from Space Ghost vs Gleek from Super Friends. Remember that Blip had a jet pack.
DC: Blip. The man with no name (Clint Eastwood in 3 movies) vs Rick.
DI: Tough one. I’ll say Clint Eastwood unless they are fighting in a zombie apocalypse.
DI: Sorry Walker apocalypse.
DC: But the man with no name was a ghost.
DI: Ever get annoyed at the Walking Dead for not just saying zombies once in a while?
DC: High Plains Drifter he disappeared at the end. Ghostbusters vs High Plains Drifter! LOL!
DI: True. Blip vs Chim Chim. And as much as any sane human hates Chim Chim remember he could fix cars.
DC: I hate Chim Chim.
DI: That’s because you are a sane human.
DC: Never mention Chim Chim to me again.
the Infamous Dave Inman
(Mach 5 diagram from the cartoon t shirt category)
Dave and Dave: Paying Clone Child Support
Dave C: I want a McDlt and a Shamrock Shake.
Dave I: Ugh. Love it when your employee creates more work than she saves.
DC: That is what employees do. The busier I get the less I let employees do so I can get everything done.
DI: Can I just clone myself a few times?
DC: It’s expensive and you end up with rejects and paying support is a bitch.
DI: How about a hologram of myself?
DC: “Help me David Inman you’re my only hope”? Like that?
DC: I have one of my father saying “never get married and don’t have kids”.
DI: Classic Battlestar Galactica or the ship from Starblazers?
DC: BSG.
DI: Ever wonder why the didn’t just stick Dr. Theopolis’s brain into Twiki’s body and cut the annoying characters in that show by 50%?
DC: ALL THE TIME.
DI: Kingpin or Jabba the Hut?
DC: Kingpin.
DI: Jabba has a live band and a hover palace.
DC: Flash Gordan or Han Solo?
DI: Solo. He gets Carrie Fisher when she’s young and hot. Also his ship doesn’t have sparklers coming out the back.
DC: Flash was in better shape and hawkmen are way cooler to hang out with than Wookies.
DI: Solo was in good enough shape.
DC: Princess Leia was a drugged out bitch.
DI: Mean but true. (Image courtesy of my Star Wars t-shirts collection)
the Infamous Dave Inman
Dave and Dave: Buck Rogers, Farscape, Star Wars and Zombie Nation.
Dave I: Chewbacca or D’argo from Farscape?
Dave C: That guy was cool.
DI: I agree. C3PO or Tweeki?
DC: Tweeki just in case 80’s Linda Grey comes looking for him. The cat from Red Dwarf or Three-PO?
DI: I kind of hated them both equally.
DC: Not as much as Dr. Theopolis.
DI: True.
DC: I’d call him meat shield. 80’s Cylon Raider or X-Wing?
DI: X-Wing.
DC: Dang I loved the Cylon Raider. I used to draw them by the billions. You can have 2 Cylons riding bitch.
DI: LOL. Although Command TIE Fighter > all others.
DC: No where to hang your fuzzy dice in an X-Wing.
DI: You know they spent a lot of time looking over their shoulders. Why not have a rear view mirror?
DC: They put a guy in the back to get shot instead.
DI: Not in the X-Wing.
DC: Buck Rogers Thunderfighter or 80’s Colonial Viper?
DI: Viper.
DC: Thunderfighter flys like thunder.
DC: 8 armies in the Total War Warhammer game including Skaven and Chaos.
DI: You had me at Skaven.
DC: Check out the other Total War games. They are renowned for their accuracy. Zombie apocalypse weapon: bow or crossbow?
DI: Bow. Crossbows take to long to reload. (image from a great Walking Dead t shirt I found)
DC: Yes and hard to maintain.
DI: But all zombie weapons pale to insignificance when compared to the spiked aluminum baseball bat.
DC: Haw with a hot Russian redhead. (note-if you didn’t get this reference check out Zombie Nation on Netflix. It’s good/bad)
DC: Everyone should be nicer to Will Wheeton.
DI: He was great in the Guild.
DC: That’s a Family Guy reference to Stewies lisp whhhill whhhweeton.
DI: LOL
the Infamous Dave Inman
Another Text Conversation with Dave and Dave: Big Trouble and Zombie Godzilla
More of the same. I’m just having fun with this.
Dave I: Oh goody. Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is going to remake Big Trouble in Little China. Finally the last excuse I need to kill myself.
Dave C: Interesting. They are developing games focused on helping kids with autism relate to others. I’ll show you previews sometime. The games look fun and high quality.
DC: What the hell? I didn’t mean to send that to you.
DI: The ghost in the machine strikes again.
DC: Starring Dwayne Johnson
DI: Next he’s going to remake the Godfather.
DC: I’ll pay one MILLION DOLLARS for the shirt on fire.
DI: ?
DC: Constantine shirt.
DI: Did you watch Constantine?
DC: I liked it. I have a great movie idea: ZOMBIE JAWS!
DI: What about Zombie Bridges of Madison County?
DC: LOL
DI: Zombies are uncool now though.
DC: Exactly. I’m counterculture.
DI: LOL. Zombies vs Transformers the Movie.
DC: Cool.
DI: But not the big cool Trasnformers. I want to see Bumblebee and the small annoying racist Transformers go out under a scrum of zombies while Optimus Prime and the rest are getting their oil changed. (image from the Transformers t shirt category)
DC: Hawkeye movie! Corporal Klinger or Gomer Pile?
DI: I liked Klinger better at least after he stopped wearing dresses. (Note-no dislike of transgendered people. I just thought he looked awful in a dress)
DC: Klinger was actually a soldier.
DI: So in that fight I’d say Klinger later season but Gomer during the slinky cocktail dress years.
DC: LOL the heels would tip the balance. Zombie Godzilla vs Optimus Prime.
DI: Zombie Godzilla as long as Prime doesn’t learn to fly.
DC: I want to see Zombie gaijin.
DI: Let’s do all the dead trends. Zombie ninjas vs zombie pirates in a vampire love story.
DC: Zombie LOTR.
DI: I’d pay to see zombie Shire. Ever see Zombie Strippers?
DC: No.
DI: If you ever need another reason to distrust women or strippers see it. It’s more gruesome than funny.
DC: That’s what I thought. I don’t want to mix horror with boobies.
DI: That’s the problem with the vampire romance movies.
DI: Well, one of the problems.
DC: Existing in the primary one.
DI: When your very existence is an abomination and contrary to all natural and moral laws maybe you shouldn’t make a sequel.
DI: Plus if you star a terrible actress.
That’s it for today.
the Infamous Dave Inman
More Vs. text conversation with Dave and Dave: Ash vs Macguyver and Anger Farts
Dave C: Ash vs Macguyver.
Dave I: Given time to prepare and a bag of Q-tips, a condom, and three rubber bands Macguyver. Otherwise Ash. Two Face vs Tyler Durden
DC: Two Face. A Team vs the Mystery Men – non lethal combat.
DI: Good one. With vehicles Mystery Men (Herkimer Battle Jitney > GMS Vandura). On foot A Team.
DC: Ash vs Ripley
DI: Ripley. Captain Amazing vs an Alien.
DC: Capt Amazing. I love that guy.
DI: He is amazing.
DC: Capt Amazing vs Capt Hammer.
DI: Amazing but I want Hammer to win. Dr. Horrible vs Mandark
DC: Horrible
DI: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vs the A Team.
DC: The League would wipe em.
DI: Hellboy vs the Thing
DC: Hellboy
DI: Yep
DC: Tick vs Hellboy.
DI: Tick
DC: Both are nigh invulnerable.
DI: Yeah but the Tick is blue and Hellboy red.
DC: Indeed
DI: Arthur vs Robin.
DC: Robin
DI: Robin vs Batmanuel
DC: Robin. Batmanuel is a lover not a fighter. Supes vs Avengers
DI: With Thor and Hulk? Avengers unless Supes cuts off their heads from a few miles away with heat vision.
DC: I say Supes because he is OP. He could pick them off one at a time unless they hold a Kryptonite sammich.
DI: True. Throw Hulk into orbit. I’m sure Hawkeye would slow him down though. At least as long as it took to wipe Hawkeye guts off his fists.
DC: LOL. No one launches Hulk or Doomsday into space. Problem solved until they hit the next populated planet.
DI: Or the Sun.
DC: Sun has a core they could launch from. Look at my muscles…in space!
DI: Maybe Hulk could anger fart himself back to Earth.
DC: LOL good point.
Another text conversation with Dave and Dave: Voltron vs Godzilla
Dave and I do these who would win/who is cooler/who would you rather be or have hang out conversations periodically. This one was pretty good.
Dave I: Who would win? Voltron vs Godzilla?
Dave C: Godzilla. He’d get his ass beat for a while then get pissed and tear them appart.
DI: But Voltron can fly and shoot him from the sky.
DC: Yeah but he’s nigh invulnerable. I love Godzilla and Voltron is a bitch.
DI: True. Plus if flying could defeat him Mothra or King Ghidorah would have kicked hi ass. Also Voltron always tries to to finish opponents with his sword.
DC: Mothra vs 2012 Kraken for stupidest monster.
DI: Don’t forget Mothra was awoken by hot chicks chanting at him.
DC: Their Asian powers hold no sway over me. Graboid vs T-Rex
DI: On rock T-Rex on dirt Graboid. Voltron vs Omega Supreme. (Image courtesy of the Transformers t shirt collection)
DC: Omega Supreme.
DI: So who can Voltron beat?
DC: Bumble Bee movie form.
DI: LOL
DC: Stalemate vs Thundercats.
DI: T-Cats. Graboid vs Morlocks.
DC: Graboids.
DI: Morlocks vs CHUDs?
DC: CHUDs.
DI: CHUDs vs Sleestaks?
DC: Sleestaks.
DI: Hmm. They move pretty slow.
DC: They have poison spit darts and are scary as hell. Gremlins vs Gollum?
DI: I need more info. Good gremlin or bad gremlin? Gollum with Ring or withoug?
DC: No Ring. Gremlins are what you get after you feed a Mogwai after midnight.
DI: No Ring Gremlins easy. Gollum will eat a couple and die.
DC: LOL.
DI: Gremlins could jump in the ocean and conquer the planet.
DC: Indeed. Until the next morning.
DI: Mogwai vs Smurfs?
DC: LOL stalemate.
DI: They’d just sit there looking cute at each other.
DC: Yeah. Conan vs He Man?
DI: I want to say Conan but my gut says He Man.
DC: Dunno depends on magic.
DI: Gloop and Gleep from the Herculoids vs the Smurfs.
DC: LOL Herculoids. 6 Storm Troopers vs Predator.
DI: Predator.
DC: Storm troopers wearing real armor? No plastic s&%*.
DI: In the jungle still predator. In the open 50/50. Skeletor vs old Obi Won Kenobi?
DC: Skeletor. Young Obi FTW though. Luke Skywalker vs Predator?
DI: Episode IV Predator. Episode VI Luke.
DC: Good qualification.
DI: Gargomel vs Harry Potter.
DC: Harry Potter year 3.
DI: If Harry Potter wanted to eat and/or turn Smurfs into gold how long would they last.
DC: Not long. ALthough being magical creatures they may have a resistance to magic.
At that point we both had to get back to work or something interrupting the flow of our high brow high geek conversation. If you knew every reference in this conversation and can come up with a qualified opinion on each match up you are very cool.
the Infamous Dave Inman
Another text conversation with Dave and Dave: Time Travel
So another weird conversation with my best friend Dave. Today’s subject: time travel!
Dave I: If you could go back in time what is the first thing you’d do?
Dave C: Tame a dinosaur.
DI: I’d probably go back to when my dad was still drinking and beat the s&%$ out of him.
DC: LOL good thought.
DI: Then jump to 1985 and beat the s&%$ out of three guys and myself for being such a goober. Time travel involves a lot of violence for me.
DC: You’re killing me. I’d go back to the time when I could have slept with all the girls that I could have then wreak vengeance on almost everyone else. Carol at Nichols (note: a place Dave and I both worked at) is first on the list. I had my chance and screwed it up big big.
DI: Yep. I’d tell myself to ask out Ginger and then not to tell Lisa from Nichols my age until the morning after.
DC: Ginger would have married you and turned you into me.
DI: Of course the real answer is go back and invent Facebook.
DC: I’d go back and make sure Facebook was never invented.
DI: LOL. Either that or create 10,000,000,000 temporal clones and conquer the planet.
DC: LOL
DI: Also find the chick who cancelled Firefly and run her over with my car. She should be careful. It will be a nerd who invents time travel and he or she will be looking for payback. Maybe not kill her but make sure her parents never kiss at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance in high school. (note: the image comes from one of the Firefly tshirts I wear all the time)
DC: LOL. It may not have caught on if it hadn’t been cancelled and we would be stuck with Muppets Avengers.
DI: Good point. This changing the history is hard.
DC: Ow my area!
DI: I’d like to go back and use my super future powers to impress and date Mary Tyler Moore. Or maybe Audrey Hepburn.
DC: Hahaha. I’d help Hefner invent Playboy.
DI: Knowing my luck it would morph into Highlights Magazine.
DC: Tell Terry Pratchet to lay off the diet soda and tuna. Take out Lucas before he did Jedi.
DI: Good one. Of course some other moron would have taken over and likely done something even more horrible.
DC: He fired all the writers that would have done Jedi. It would have been good.
DC: Which is the worse affront to humanity: all Star Wars post Empire or Red Tails?
DI: Good question. Red Tails was abysmal but at least no one really watched it. I’d have to say the bad Star Wars.
DC: Which would you rather see 3X in a row: Phantom Menace or Red Tails.
DI: Can’t I just choose to die horribly? Phantom Menace I guess but that’s like choosing to lose your testicles completely or keeping one ball.
DI: I’d like to do some time travel practical jokes. Like giving the guys signing the Declaration of Independence disappearing ink.
DC: LOL
DC: Beastmaster’s Tanya Roberts or Dragon Slayers Caitlin Clarke?
DI: I liked Tanya’s costume better but Caitlin Clarke.
DC: Caitlin Clarke = no costume in the movie.
DI: Caitlin or Joan of Arc from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure?
DC: No brainer Jane Whelen.
DI: Agreed.
DC: I had a huge crush on her since Some Kind of Wonderful.
DI: Yeah I liked that film too.
DC: Plus the hot limo driver was a ringer for my dead girlfriend Leah. Mary Stewart Masterson.
Like most of our text conversation this one ran out of steam at that point. I’m sure I’ve improved the collective value of Western literature by sharing this with you but honestly I think these conversations are hilarious.
the Infamous Dave Inman
Another text conversations with Dave and Dave: Vampire chicks verses werewolf chicks
Another day, another surreal conversation with my best friend who happens to also be named Dave. Before I get blasted for being sexist let me say that this is how dudes talk. Ladies, any guy who denies this is a flat out liar.
Dave C: Would you rather date a vampire or werewolf chick?
Dave I: Werewolf. Turns into a beast once a month? How is that different from a regular chick? (Note: I can sense the hate emails being written as I write this)
DC: I think she would have two cycles a month.
DI: Oh. Vampire then. Sucks your lifeblood? How is that different from a regular chick?
DC: Vampires are usually loaded and I’d rather have to pay blood instead of cash and maybe she would let me crash in her castle. I prefer well groomed.
DI: You know once in a while I get kind of attracted to a cute hairy hippy chick.
DC: Yeah as long as they don’t smell too bad but I can’t deal with unshaven pits. I get sick at the smell of patchouli too.
DI: That’s the problem with dating a vampire. I love eating garlic.
DC: Any girl will find something they hate about you anyway.
DI: Yeah. The werewolf would probably not want to kiss you because of your silver fillings.
DI: Would dating a vampire chick count as necrophilia?
DC: .5. Diet necrophilia.
DI: Remember that blue bald chick from Farscape? Would that be having sex with a plant?
DC: There’s nothing wrong with that.
DC: Girl who will: work with you, play Warhammer with you, or play video games with you?
DI: Video games. Work with would get up your ass quick and there are no attractive women who play Warhammer. Plus a lot of cute girls play video games. Just look at Felicia Day.
DC: I love her. I would ruin her life within a year.
DI: Also if she ever starts to bug you you could pray for a power outage.
DC: I never get tired of COOP gaming except for Destiny LOL.
DI: That game got old like from one day to the next. Super hot chick who hates video games or an OK chick who loves them?
DC: OK is hot when you add a gaming headset.
DI: True. On the other hand you can always sneak in video games on your iPad once in a while. “I’m just reading the news honey.”
And I wonder why I’m still single. The image I got from a funny t shirt in my personal collection.
the Infamous Dave Inman
