Cloud Atlas Review
A bit of a conundrum.
I have to admit I have been putting writing this off for a while. I saw the film Friday night and have been trying to figure out if I like it or not ever since. Normally, even if a movie is mixed I can readily pick out the good and bad elements and say “I liked this but hated this.” However, with this film even the elements I disliked I also liked on some level, whereas the parts that were cool also annoyed me. Trying to follow all six stories was a huge pain in the ass, but most of the stories were cool and reasonably original (from each other), although in context to each other really foggy yet at the same time simplistic. The vast number of characters was bewildering, as was trying to keep track of who was occupying by each soul, but to a man or woman they were all interesting and engaging. There were some great visuals, but for some bizarre reason the sound quality really sucked, at least as far as the dialog went.
This is one of the reviews that will inevitably attract comments from pretentious blowhards about my inability to “get it” like intellectual flies drawn to a picnic lunch left in the sun too long (see my review for Tree of Life for a good example of that). I want to state that for the most part I do “get” the point being made in this film: that we are reincarnated as a group in life after life together and the good and ill that we commit will affect our station in the next one. Furthermore, the love of your existence will resurface in one form or another in each incarnation. I actually like that a lot. I have a strong desire to believe in both reincarnation and karma (of course if that were all true than based on my dating life now I must have been Ghengis Khan in a previous life). I just don’t know how necessary that message is, or how well it was delivered here.
This film suffers from two major problems that I can see. The first is the same problem that plagues other multi-line stories like New Years Eve or What to Expect When You’re Expecting, in that by having six different stories with completely different characters you never really identify with any one of them and therefore not really care a lot. However, this film is so in advanced of that dross that comparing the two is like comparing a slug to Robert DiNero. This film makes up for a lot of the connection issues inherent in multi-lines by employing amazing actors and characters that really draw you in. However, each of the sub plots ends up feeling really undeveloped and insubstantial. I honestly wish I could have seen each of the stories fleshed out into a separate movie, although that would have ruined the overriding message that was being delivered. This movie does not lack for ambition, and in the end it feels like they might have tried to keep too many balls up in the air.
The other issue I had was the dialog. I don’t know if it was a sound quality issue, the homemade dialects, or the Clockwork Orange-esque linguistic idiosyncrasies, but I honestly didn’t understand about 2/3rds of what was being said. I was able to surmise most of it from the context, but for the majority of the film I felt like a ten year old listening to my parents talk about sex using allusion and secret words. I was able to get the big picture of what was being said but a lot of the more specific and subtle references were completely lost on me. It was frustrating and distracting.
The film is six different stories, all starring the same set of actors in different roles. There is a story about a young man in the early part of the 19th century on a ship being poisoned by a doctor while trying to help an escaped slave, a hot reporter in the 70’s trying to uncover the secret behind a nuclear power plant, a young composer in the early 20th century dealing with his homosexuality while composing a symphony called the Cloud Atlas, a modern book publisher who gets tricked into incarceration in an old folks home while fleeing from British thugs, a cyberpunk replicant slave girl who escapes the lies of her existence in a nightmarish futuristic Seoul, and a post apocalyptic survivor who helps a young woman contact off world colonies in an attempt to escape a dying and poisonous Earth. Tom Hanks (Saving Private Ryan, Philadelphia, Forest Gump) plays six different characters, Halle Berry (X-Men, Catwoman, New Years Eve) plays six, Jim Broadbent (Gangs of New York, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (bleh)) plays five, 
Hugo Weaving (Matrix, the Lord of the Ring, V for Vendetta. Middle Earth image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category) plays six (all of them villains), Jim Sturgess (21, One Day, the Way Back) plays seven, Doona Bae (the Host, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Take Care of My Cat) plays six, Ben Whishaw (Bright Star, Skyfall, I’m Not There) plays five, and Keith David (the Thing, Platoon, Mr. & Mrs. Smith) plays four. The stories connect only connect in the most tertiary manner, but each of them has something cool going on (although I was much more intrigued by the two sci fi stories).
The stars. The acting was tremendous. Seriously, Tom Hanks managed to pull off six completely different and believable characters, all of them intriguing. The rest of the cast rocked as well. I was most surprised by Halle Berry. She has developed extremely well as an actress, and I am going to have to start taking her seriously. Three stars. The movie had some amazing visuals, especially Neo-Seoul. Two stars. Each of the stories had the seeds of a great one, especially the sci fi ones. One star. Pacing and story balance were great. One star. Overall an extremely intriguing and interesting movie. Two stars. Total: twelve stars.
The black holes. Taken as a whole, the story is foggy and lacks direction. Two black holes. Each of the sub stories is like a seed planted in the shadow of a big rock, stunted and weak. One black hole. The freaking dialog and my inability to understand it was driving me berserk. One black hole. The overall message was on the prosaic and simple side for such a complex story. One star. Said message could actually be easy to miss, especially if you hadn’t seen all the trailers that more or less explain it to you. One black hole. Total: seven black holes.
A grand total of five stars. Should you see it? Absolutely. Even if you find it confusing and annoying, this is a movie that should not be missed and should be seen on a big screen if only for the experience. I’m not going to say it’s a cultural classic like Star Wars or even the Matrix, but ten years from now you will feel like you missed something when people are talking about Cloud Atlas and you have to say you saw it on NetFlix. Date movie? Maybe. The visuals are good, but if she gets confused by the complexities of the stories (no sexism implied here. I was getting confused by the complexities of the stories) that could turn her off, and if you give in to your natural instinct to explain things to here you could come across as a pretentious blowhard, leaving you at home alone with nothing better to do than post comments here. Bottom line, there are better date movies out there. Bathroom break? This movie clocks in at a massive 172 minutes (although to be honest, it didn’t feel like it) so odds are you will need one. I would recommend holding it if you can, however. If you have no choice I think the modern story with the book publisher is the least important and engaging sub plot, so every time you see Jim Broadbent bumbling around on screen that is your time.
Thanks for reading, and for your ongoing support. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this review or the movie feel free to post them here. I try to respond to all of them, and as long as you keep it civil will post them. Any off topic questions or comments can be emailed to [email protected].
I’m a little slammed right now with work, by the way. I will try to see some movies this week (Skyfall tonight, I think) but have come across some stories I wrote about my father that are pretty funny. If I don’t have time I might start throwing those up for laughs. Let me know what you think.
Dave
Is a Carrie remake really necessary?
So the latest in the Hollywood Remake Death March is Carrie, originally done in 1976 by Brian De Palma and starring Sissy Spacek. It was a great film, and truly a horror classic. As a kid who spent most of high school wishing I had the telekinetic power to destroy my school and everyone in it, this film always spoke to me in brutal, creepy whispers.
So they are going to remake this film and to be honest, I’m not at all sure how I feel about it. On the positive, I am a big Chloe Moretz fan. I think she is incredibly talented for someone so young. She was awesome as Hit Girl in Kick Ass and even cooler as the vampire in Let Me In. I think she will do a great job and rule in this film.
On the other hand, the original movie was based on a high school culture of abuse that kids today really don’t understand. When I was in high school getting bullied meant getting your ass handed to you pretty much on a daily basis, not getting called names on Facebook. I have the feeling this story is going to get beaten about the head and shoulders by the PC cudgel.
Furthermore, the director Kimberly Peirce is best know for the movies Boys Don’t Cry (decent film about a transgendered person) and Stop-Loss (Iraq war sucks), while the screenplay writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa has only done episodes of Glee (TV’s campaign to rid the world of testosterone) and Big Love (Mormon polygamist with three wives). I have scanned both of their IMDB profiles extensively and have yet to find any reference to anything remotely horror. Call me old fashioned, but if I found I had a skin condition I would want to go to a dermatologist, not a taxidermist. Is it really so hard to find people in Hollywood with experience in horror films?
All this implies a strong tendency towards softening this great movie up and making it more palatable for people who aren’t going to bother to see it anyway. This, in addition to the fact that once again Hollywood can’t seem to come up with an original idea to save its life. I hope this movie doesn’t suck, but I won’t be surprised if it does. I can only hope they don’t manage to insert a song and dance number into this.
(Sissy Spacek image courtesy of the Horror Movie T Shirt category)
Dave
Argo Review
Dave the Pirate says “Arr, go see this movie!”
I promise that joke will seem funnier once you see this film. I actually saw it a few days ago but due to life, work, and Warhammer haven’t had a chance to write this up. This has given me a chance to really think about this film, trying desperately to find a fault I can bitch about. There is no way I want a movie to escape my evil grasp without some scar to remember me by. I swear I could find an issue with the greatest movie of all time (Fight Club, in my opinion, although most credible reviewers seem to want to list films like the Shawshank Redemption or the Godfather) if I really put my mind to it.
However, I think I am going to be disappointed. This movie is nigh flawless, and in spite of the fact that there are no gun battles, fist fights, car chases, or monsters I was glued to my seat experiencing a buildup of tension and pressure that was highly reminiscent of my dating life, except that the movie manages to find release. This movie managed to make me care about each of the characters, even the bit ones who only had a line or two, and I was honestly gripping my seat in fear for them in a way no good or bad horror movie has ever accomplished.
Of course, if you are one of the grunting unwashed masses who can’t go two minutes without seeing something explode or Jason Stratham breaking someone’s arm than this movie is probably not for you. For you, sir, I would recommend Taken 2 followed by a bout of breaking beer bottles on your forehead in the parking lot of your local WalMart. For the rest of us (and hey, I’m not saying I haven’t broken beer bottles on my forehead. I’m just saying not all movies need to be done by Michael Bey) this movie is a great, well written story with excellent acting, direction, and pacing.
I vaguely remember the events of the Iranian Hostage Crisis. At the time I was more concerned with staying out of my father’s line of sight and the fact that I was getting my ass kicked at school at least once a week, so world events were not a really a concern for me. I remember thinking Carter was kind of a wimp for not just sending in the army and kicking the crap out of them all, but in retrospect I understand how that might have been a bad move. The fact that this story is based on a true story adds a lot to the perceived value of the film in my opinion.
Anyway, the story is of six members of the US Embassy in Iran (Tate Donovan, Scoot McNairy, Rory Cochrane, Kerry Bishe, Christoper Denham, Clea DuVall) who managed to sneak out the back when the revolutionary students stormed the building. They hide out at the Canadian Ambassador’s house (Victor Garber-Sleepless in Seattle, Titanic, Milk) and spend a couple months sponging off him and his wife. Meanwhile, back in the USA CIA director Jack O’Donnell (Bryan Cranston-Total Recall, Breaking Bad, Red Tails) taps extraction expert Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck-Gigli, Saving Private Ryan, Good Will Hunting) to help construct a plan to get them out of the country. The guys in charge are coming up with all kinds of bad ideas, and Tony calls them on it.
Eventually he comes up with the idea of creating a fake science fiction movie called Argo and an even faker Canadian film company to shoot it in Iran. In order to give legitimacy to their back story he contacts Hollywood make up man 
John Chambers (John Goodman-Monsters, Inc, the Artist, the Big Lebowski. World of Pain poster courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category) to help him. They recruit director Lester Siegal (Alan Arkin-Little Miss Sunshine, Grosse Point Blank, Edward Scissorhands) and together they create a fake movie buzz in true Hollywood fashion. Tony flies to Iran to scout locations, where he has to train the six to get them out of the country.
I don’t want to get too much more into it. Pretty much everything I just told you I picked up by watching the trailers, so no spoilers there.
The stars. Honestly, this might be a waste of time as I don’t think I will have any black holes, but it might be fun to list the parts I particularly enjoyed. Excellent story. Two stars. Excellent acting by literally everyone. There wasn’t a bad seed to be found. Two stars. Pacing and editing were brilliant, mixing the many sub plots (the fake production company, the suits at CIA headquarters managing things, the plight of the Americans as well as the hostages, and the Iranian investigation trying to track down the missing Americans) in a way that each piece reinforced the overall story rather than distracted from it. Two stars. Normally I give movies set in the 70’s and 80’s black holes for being true to the era (I have issues with American culture and fashion during my childhood. Also bad porn mustaches) but here it was well done. They also managed to give the film a very 80’s feel, which kept it from looking too polished and further set you in the time period. One star. The characters all made it incredibly easy to connect to, thus increasing the tension and concern as the movie progressed. One star. The tension and worry were palpable. One star. Direction and camera work were very well done. One star. In a movie with no action to speak of I was completely engrossed. Two stars. Total: twelve stars.
Black holes? Not really. If I had enjoyed the film less I could have dug something up, but that would just be petty. A big donut here.
Twelve stars and no black holes? I must be losing my mind. Normally September and October are the movie equivalent of crossing a huge open field comprised entirely of ruptured septic tanks (mainly because all the movies that suck to much to compete with the summer and holiday block busters slink here to hide like worms and bugs under a rock) but the last couple months has been a truly great movie experience. Should you see this? Duh. That’s like asking if you should keep on processing oxygen. Date movie? Yes, not because this film will really turn her on (no romance or shirtless young wolf men) but because everyone should see this film and she might appreciate your taste and intellect on this one. Plus if the date goes nowhere and you never see her again at least you have seen a great movie. Bathroom break? Honestly, this is one you are going to want to hold it. It’s a long 120 minutes but feels like 90. However, if you super sized your drink and really have to keep from embarrassing yourself I would say the scene where all the Americans have to go to the Grand Bazaar. It is a great scene but I think you could miss most of it without losing track of what is going on. But trust me, just get a small drink.
Thanks for reading. Things have gotten really weird lately in that I seem to be liking more movies than I hate. I hope watching all the horrible movies hasn’t desensitized me or shifted my tastes. Of course, we are on final approach to the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 so maybe I can tell myself I am building a bile reserve to unleash like a fire hose on that train wreck. Incidentally, Silent Hill Revelation is coming out this weekend and I can honestly say that playing the video game did horrible things to my head. I am not looking forward to seeing this. Fortunately my friends are queuing up to see it with me. I suspect they hope to see me do something embarrassing that requires a change of clothing. I plan to disappoint them.
Thanks for reading. My reader numbers are growing, and I appreciate every one of you that got to this point in my review. Follow me on Twitter (act now to be follower #169!) @Nerdkungfu. Any comments on this movie or review feel free to post here. Any off topic questions or suggestion feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Some thoughts on 30 Rock
So I finished season 2 of the Walking Dead and (of course) loved it. However, it was all around pretty grim and depressing so I figured after all that zombie stuff I could used some lighter fare and went with season 6 of 30 Rock. I have always enjoyed it. For me the measure of a good comedy is one wherein none of the main characters bug me, and 30 Rock manages to pull that off nicely. I am particularly a fan of Kenneth. I think he rules.
The thing I just noticed, however, is unlike a series like the Walking Dead I really can’t sit down and watch more than two shows in a row. If it’s zombies I can sit at my painting table and run six episodes in a row, but with 30 Rock I am full up after two. Maybe there is a limit to how much sophisticated, clever NY humor I can handle. I always noticed the same thing with Seinfeld, although not so much with Friends. Of course, whenever I got bored with the humor on Friends I could occupy my attention with just looking at any of the three women.
I’m trying to figure out if this indicates some kind of low brow mentality on my part. It possibly could. I will admit I laugh like a maniac whenever I see someone get punched in the testicles. On the other hand most fart or excrement humor really turns me off. It can be funny, but only if done in the right way.
Anyway, it is a bit of a conundrum. Sorry I don’t have a lot else to write about. I have a lot going on right now and my time is really taken up. I will try to see some movies this weekend and write up some good reviews. By the way, the Tracy image I pulled from the TV show t shirt category. We have a bunch of 30 Rock on there.
Dave
Seven Pychopaths Review
A fun movie, filled with dark humor, quirky characters, and misogamy.
I am not really a fan of misogamy, but almost every other aspect of this movie kind of rocked from me. 
Weird story, dangerous, psychotic characters, and some of my favorite actors, including the great Christopher Walken (Fear the Walken image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category). The misogamy takes the form of every female character having less than three minutes on screen and most of them dying in brutal ways, but I don’t honestly think that was the filmmakers intention.
Oh, on a less generous day I might say the story wandered back and forth a bit and kind of lacked focus, but a movie called Seven Psychopaths that is about seven psychopaths can be forgiven for dropping story in favor of more character development. The characters are all laid out and presented very well, with what I consider enough time spent on each to give the audience an understanding of their individual nuances. This film is definitely a character study, with each of the seven being different shades of guys you never want to ever mess with. While I am of course a Walken fan I have to give mass recognition to Woody Harrelson as the scariest nut job since Natural Born Killers.
The story is of Marty (Colin Farrell-Total Recall, In Bruges, Fright Night), a struggling (sort of. He sure has a nice apartment and hot girlfriend for a struggling writer. Most of the struggling writers I knew in LA were lucky if they had a clean dumper to sleep in) writer who is working on writing a script about seven psychopaths and killing his liver with alcohol. He is friends with one psychopaths Billy (Sam Rockwell-Iron Man 2, Napoleon Dynomite, Cowboys and Aliens) who makes a living by kidnapping dogs and then returning them once a reward is posted. He is assisted by Hans (Christopher Walken-True Romance, Joe Dirt, Things to do in Denver when you are Dead), who’s wife is in the hospital. They both have secrets that are revealed during the film, and in order to help Marty Billy starts telling him stories about psychopaths he has met or heard of, including the Jack of Diamonds killer who only kills mafia guys.
Billy and Hans make the mistake of kidnapping a dog belonging to local gang kingpin Charlie (Woody Harrelson-Friends with Benefits, Zombieland, No Country for Old Men), who is a violent sociopath who cares for not a thing in the world except his precious dog. He starts on a rampage across LA to find his dog. Other characters are introduced, including some convoluted back and side stories. The fourth wall gets beaten on pretty heavily (it is strongly implied that the script Marty is working on is actually the script for the movie we are watching, and some of the characters may or may not have been fictional from the protagonists point of view. At one point Hans even says “You don’t know how to write female characters” in reference to all the misogamy) but in a good way. I don’t want to get too much deeper into this film as it is full of potential spoilers.
The stars. I love a movie that treats characters as the reason for existing, rather than the necessary horses needed to pull the film plow. Two stars. Most of the characters were each in their own way intriguing and interesting. One star. Woody Harrelson was particularly good. One star. So was Christopher Walken. One star. Filming was admirable, and pacing quite good. One star. Dark humor is always fun for me, and really lacking in movies these days. One star. In general a good, fun movie. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes. The story kind of lacked focus. It wandered from set piece vignette to set piece vignette, and we got to the third act without really understanding a lot of the motivation behind it. Consequently the ending was kind of flaccid. One black hole. There was one character who did not add a lot from the film and was really like watching a mini film outside of the story. He later came to play an expository role towards the end but honestly that could have been done with any of the characters involved in the story. One black hole. I’ll give one for the misogamy just because I have enough friends who will give me crap if I don’t. I don’t think it was a critical element of the film but once I notice it I kept coming back to it. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of six stars, a very good score for me. Should you see it? Yes, in my opinion. I think most people will find at least one character that holds interest. If you like psychology, good drama, and plot twists for sure. If all you want is guns and explosions this film is actually kind of light in those. Date movie? Maybe. I’m not really sure how this one would play out. Could go either way, and therefore I would not recommend it based on the principle of “if it doesn’t help your cause, get rid of it”. However, if your date is into characters she might enjoy it. Bathroom break? At 110 minutes you might need one, but I am struggling to figure out where to do it. Maybe the scene where Marty, Billy, and Hans are all camping out in the desert. You definitely don’t want to miss any of the Charlie scenes.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Post any comments on this film or my review here, and if you have any off topic questions or suggestion feel free to email me at [email protected]. Lots more to see this week, so hopefully I’ll have something for you soon.
By the way, I got a note from casting director looking to do a reality TV show where they take low manliness men and send them to Man Camp or something. It has been a while since I did any of my Nerd Dating Advice columns but I can highly recommend machismo as a means of attracting women. If you or someone you know struggles with confidence, can’t seem to talk sports, likes drinks with fruit and umbrellas, and is just a little too much in touch with his feminine side consider it. I would go in myself but I’m afraid all my massive machismo in that room might spontaneously form cold fusion and cause a quantum singularity that would rip our planet apart, so for the sake of the human race will refrain. However, it seems like it could be fun and who knows? Maybe it will change your life or at least get you some notoriety you can exploit to hook up with reality TV groupies.
Talk to you all soon.
Dave
Here Come the Boom Review
What could possibly make Kevin James more appealing? How about Kevin James in a unitard?
That’s a little unfair I guess. I actually enjoyed this movie. I think it’s fair to say that to date I have not treated Kevin James movies with the kindest hand. For the most part I find them to be lame remakes of King of Queens but instead of playing a fat loser UPS driver with an incredibly hot wife he plays a fat loser job X with the incredibly hot wife/girlfriend. There’s only so much Kevin James looking lame in a dumb uniform that I can handle.
This movie manages to exceed the boundaries of the genre. The Kevin James genre that is. Sure, he plays a fat high school teacher who ends up within a hot girlfriend (Selma Hayek). However it didn’t annoy me like it usually does and I found myself rooting for his character. Maybe it’s because he kept getting his ass beaten over and over.
This movie had other elements that worked as well. The characters were all interesting and well-developed, especially Henry Winkler. The story had no glaringly obvious potholes, except of course for the obvious one of a 42-year-old high school biology teacher beating fighting and winning against an MMA champion who looks like a white Hulk. But generally it was a fun, harmless movie.
The story follows the general Rocky, Bad news Bears, Kevin James formula (Rocky image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category). Scott Voss (Kevin James-the Zookeeper, King of Queesn, Paul Blart, Mall Cop) is a high school biology teacher who is kind of on his ass not giving a damn about teaching anymore. He is on the outs with his principle (Greg Germann-Bolt, Ally McBeal, Sweet November), who is sort of the villain but not really. He is also into the school nurse Betty (Selma Hayek-Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Frida. As an aside, our school followed the “I hope you know how to put on your own band aid because if you get hurt you will bleed to death” policy of not having a school nurse but if we had had one this hot I would have managed to get hurt every day) who consistently rejects him. He is friends with the music teacher Marty Streb (Henry Winkler-Happy Days, the Water Boy, Night Shift) who is dedicated to helping his kids. Unfortunately the principal has to announce the cessation of all extracurricular activities due to lack of budget.
Any of this sounding familiar? Scott meets an MMA trainer named Niko (Bas Rutten-the Smashing Machine, Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Inside MMA). Once he learns what even losing MMA fighters earn he decides to train to be an MMA fighter and donate his winnings to saving the music program. After that it’s pretty much fat Rocky. There is a sub plot about a girl in the music programs who’s father needs her to work at his restaurant, Niko’s trying to pass the citizenship test, and Scotts father or brother (I really couldn’t figure it out) hating his job. Honestly they were all pretty minor and managed to not derail the plot at all.
Scott eventually ends up in the octagon with a bad ass MMA fighter known as the Executioner (Krzysztof Soszynski-the Ultimate Fighter, CSI) who looks like he chews on railroad ties for breakfast. There is some cool stuff in the background about how the MMA sets up and supports stuff like this that may or may not be real.
The stars. The actual fighting was kind of cool. Hokey in a Three Stooges kind of way at first but got better as Scotts skills advanced, showing a nice progression. One star. Henry Winkler was pretty awesome. One star. The entire rest of the cast managed to deliver a fine performance, and even the actual MMA fighters used in the film did a really good job of it (normally athletes pulled into movies are the death knell of the acting qualities. Just look at Shaun White in Friends With Benefits). One star. Selma Hayek can grace my screen any time she likes, if you know what I mean. One star. By the end of the film I found myself actually rooting for Scott, which means they managed to get me to connect with the protagonist. Always a good move for a movie. One star. In spite of what I was expecting (suckage) it was a good and fun film experience. One star. Total: six stars.
The black holes. The entire concept of a 43 year old overweight guy beating anyone in MMA is laughable. One black hole. You spend a lot of time seeing Kevin James in a unitard. That’s a lot of dumpy white guy to have to look at. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A grand total of four stars. Honestly I’m as surprised as anyone. In concept this looked to be a lame as possible without starring Nicholas Cage. However, I have to say I enjoyed it quite a bit. Should you see it? Sure, why not? It won’t surprise you but it won’t offend you. I’d say the best word for it is safe. Date movie? Actually yes. It has a good, uplifting message and Kevin James is one actor you can probably count on looking at least decent in comparison. Bathroom break? A big stretch of the movie is training montage and none of that is really too critical. If I had to pick a point I’d say the scene where Niko is teaching his yoga class could readily be missed, and it’s towards the second half so it would serve you well. The movie is 105 minutes so it’s not too long, but maybe just long enough to need a break.
Thanks for reading. I also saw Seven Psychopaths and will review that one tomorrow morning. I will try to see Argo and Sinister this week. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Post any comments you have on this film or my review here. Off topic questions or comments can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon. Have a great day.
Dave
Pitch Perfect Review
Worthlessly entertaining.
I am, in the parlance of nerd gaming culture, a tread head. In other words, tanks are my favorite thing to play. I have always played better driving a tank than any other type of FPS, and I think in a previous life I must have been a tank crewman. One of the things I love about tanks is they have absolute singularity of purpose. They are designed to kill stuff on the outside while keeping the stuff on the inside safe. You can’t use them to drive the kids to church, plow a field, or tailgate at a football game. In this day and age of multi function devices they are absolutely assured of their one place in the world and nothing will ever budge them from that.
Why, you ask, would I start off a review of a chick flick like Pitch Perfect talking about tanks? Because Pitch Perfect is diametrically opposed to the idea of singular purpose. It almost defies categorization. It is sort of a comedy, sort of a chick flick, sort of a romance film, sort of a Glee rip off, sort of a coming of age film, and sort of a sisterhood story. It has all the focus of a cheap security camera at the bottom of a 50 gallon drum of petroleum jelly, yet in spite of all that is weirdly engaging and entertaining.
I’m actually disappointed in that. I chose this film hoping it would be as bad as all logic and every trailer indicated it would so I could come home and tear into it like a jackal with a freshly killed gazelle. After the run of decent movies I have seen lately I need something to sharpen my teeth on. However, once I got over the testicle shrinking experience of sitting in a theater filled with more estrogen than a Lilith Fair I found to my surprise I was actually laughing at moments, and for some reason really liking the characters. Even the dumb acapella jokes (“Aca-excuse me?!”) had me laughing.
The story itself is as vapid and insubstantial as possible without actually being written by the Kardassians, and after a while the singing will have your ears bleeding if you aren’t yourself an acapella fan, but the characters and jokes are enough to carry it through. Don’t misunderstand me. This is not a great movie. You will not learn or feel anything amazing by the end of this film. It will not touch you emotionally or inspire you to be closer to your loved ones. The best you can hope for is the modest satisfaction of filling another 112 minutes of your individual journey towards oblivion. However, like a popsicle made of Kool-Aid in an ice cube tray with tooth picks, it is better than nothing.
One thing this movie did for me was remind me of why college kids are the preferred target of horror movie monsters and serial killers. 20 minutes into this film and I was ready to go chainsaw shopping. However, another 20 minutes in I had gotten to like a lot of them enough to not want this movie to turn into another Friday the 13th (Creature from the Black Lagoon image courtesy of the Horror Movie T Shirts).
The other thing to remember going into this film is the entire premise of the film is based around the idea that acapella singing is the end all and be all of everything cool in the universe. Remember a few years ago when there was a movie about a national karaoke contest that had a huge cash payoff? Well, let me tell you this sort of thing does not really ring true. The whole concept felt forced and fake all the way through.
The story is extremely derivative. See if this rings any bells. Young, anti social but heartbreakingly cute girl goes to a new environment where she meets a struggling group striving to win the big award at something and by the end is pulled from her shell in order to give them their best chance at victory. In this case the hot anti social girl is Beca (Anna Kendrick-Scott Pilgrim Versus the World, 50/50, Twilight), a wanna be DJ (number 6 on the top ten loser jobs that sound really cool when you are 18) and the new environment is Barden University, the lamest college in the history of education. It is so lame that all normal forms of college fun-frats and sororities, sports, drugs and alcohol, sex-as well as all scholastic priorities must take a back seat to the coolest activity ever: acapella singing. She (correctly) decides it is lame when the head of the Bellas Audrey (Anna Camp-the Help, Forgetting the Girl, 8 Easy Steps) and her friend Chloe (Brttany Snow-Hairspray, John Tucker Must Die, Prom Night) try to recruit her. She gets convinced to try out when Chloe hears her sing in the shower. We are also introduced to the real comedic force behind this film Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson-Bridesmaids, the Wedge, What to Expect When You are Expecting). She was honestly funny and enjoyable.
The rest of the crew is rounded out with a few oddballs. There is the incredibly soft spoken Asian who is secretly more messed up than any of them (Hana Mae Lee-no other film credits. She had a role on Workaholics), the black lesbian (Nicole Lovince-also first movie role. She was in Worst. Prom. Ever.), the local slut (Shelly Regner-another newcommer.), and a few others. Their big competition is the Treble Makers, the all male acapella champion group lead by self obsessed jerk Bumper (Adam DeVine-Adam from Workaholics). There is a guy who Beca has a thing for (Skylar Astin-Hamlet 2, Talking Woodstock) and some other nerd (Ben Platt-no other roles) who are either on the Treble Makers or dream of it. If you have seen Bring it On and more than a couple episodes of Glee I pity you but you pretty much know the story.
The stars. While the story sucked and the premise blew, I have to say I really got to like all the characters in this film. Great job in casting IMO. One star. Most of the girls were extremely easy on the eyes. One star. There were some honestly funny dialog moments. One star. There were two vomiting scenes that had me laughing my ass off. Something about otherwise well put together and attractive people puking makes me laugh like nothing else. One star. The sub plot with the bitchy roommate I thought well played, as well as the total nerd dude. Very much reminded me of college. One star. Generally stupidly fun. One star. Total: six stars.
The black holes. The story would make my high school AP English teacher kill herself. One black hole. The premise that there are more people who care about acapella singing than the people actually doing it is incredibly lame. One black hole. There was definite musical accompaniment for a lot of the acapella singing, and I have to say if you are not a fan the music grinds on you after a while. One black hole. The entire movie is a mashup of Glee, Bring it On, and Bridemaids with a light dusting of Animal House and West Side Story. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
A grand total of two stars, which is literally about seven higher than I expected to give this film. This movie was clearly not made for me or anyone with two functioning testicles, so if Glee-ish chick flicks do something for you I don’t think you will be disappointed. However, don’t expect this movie to make you feel at all macho. Date movie? You should never ever suggest this one but if she does I’d say yes. You see, if a girl subjects you to this film and then doesn’t reward you with sex then you know that she is secretly a sadist and you are better off dumping her before she locks you in her oubliette. Bathroom break? Pretty much anywhere you like. There isn’t a lot in here that I would consider necessary, and at 112 minutes you will need something. If I had to pick a moment I’d say the bus ride to finals after Fat Amy gets hit with a flying burrito.
I will say one last thing on this movie and that is if acapella singing gets a film then I can hope for a Warhammer movie in there someday. I kind of see myself cast as the villain in that one, and I don’t think a lot of my friends would argue with that. Honestly I would be willing to bet it would be at least as interesting, if missing a lot in distaff actors. If any producers are interested in working out a concept feel free to contact me.
Thanks for reading. More to see this week. Hopefully something out there will really suck and give me something to tear apart (what’s that you say? There is a new Kevin James movie this Friday where he becomes an MMA fighter? Score!!!). Actually I have a Warhammer tournament this weekend (Infernal Zoo) so I don’t think I will be able to write a new review until Sunday night. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Feel free to post any comments on this film or my review on it here, and if you have any off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Taken 2 Review
Watch this and feel taken too.
Headed into this film I felt an unusual level of ennui not normally associated with Luc Besson or Liam Neeson films (for those of you who aren’t uptight pretentious intelligencia (or don’t dream of one day becoming one) ennui is “a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest”. In other words, I had a hard time giving a crap). It looked like another miserable retread of an otherwise decent film in an attempt to get another ounce of milk out of the cow that is we the movie going audience.
Fortunately for my personal self esteem regarding my almost psychic ability to predict the suck levels of movies, it was exactly that. I think it now fair to say that Luc Besson has problems with sequels. He is brilliant when he comes up with his original film ideas but like the Piers Anthony of the film world (special geek cred if you get that joke) he falls in love with his own characters and decides they need a sequel when honestly he should have just let them sit in splendor as the brilliant stand alone movies they are. Columbiana was a perfect example, as is this dog.
Thankfully for Luc (and unfortunately for us) there are legions of Hollywood executive types eager to beat any dead horse lying in the street and spread whatever foul ichor spews forth from it’s assorted orifices (orifi?) all over the screen (I am currently looking forward to seeing Citizen Kane II: Rosebud’s Revenge, Godfather Apocalypse, and E.T. the Extra Terrestrial Resurrection. You know it’s only a matter of time). This film is not necessarily as bad as that, but it in no way deserves to be associated with the original Taken (or, for that matter, does Taken deserve to have references to itself crowbarred into this film in every way shape and form).
However, like most issues in films the blame does not reside firmly in Luc’s lap but rather in the lap of the director, candidate-for-stupidest-name-ever Olivier Megaton (he takes his name from his birthday, which was the 20th anniversary of the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima. Why didn’t he just name himself Olivier Douchebag? Isn’t that about the same? I have a friend who was born on Christmas Day, but she didn’t rename herself Katherine Stigmata). I guess the director of Taken (Pierre Morel) was too talented for this film so they hired the guy who is best known for miserable flop Columbiana. His ham handed approach to action with a complete disregard for story is all over the inside of this film like a frog in a microwave.
As long as I am bitching about the direction I am going to take a moment to rail against an ugly trend in action movies that I have coined (and expect a royalty from all you other reviewers out there for) quick cut action sequencing. This is where in a fight scene rather than actually hire actors who can fight and a choreographer who can set up a scene they just film the actors throwing punches, rolling around together, and spitting fake blood and then edit the whole bundle into a series of 1/4 second or less fast shots that simulate action while letting you know nothing about what is actually going on. It is a horrible technique, and all who ascribe to it shall one day eat a turd in hell for movie blaspheme. However, what Megaton did was decide that this technique is so awesome at hiding his inability to direct that he was going to apply it not only to fight scenes but every gun fight and car chase as well. As soon as the action music starts rolling the film starts to look like you are trying to watch it through a kaleidoscope in a shockless car on a dirt road. Even the slow motion car explosion scenes are cut into 5-10 tiny little headache inducing cuts. It is a horrible technique and needs to stop.
Anyway, the story, for lack of a better term. It is now five years past the events of Taken, and ex CIA operative Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson-Taken, The Grey, Batman Begins) is still obsessively stalking his daughter Kim (Maggie Grace-Taken, Lockout, Lost), who in spite of being five years older than she was in the last movie (when she was 17) still doesn’t have her drivers license. There is some really pointless character development with his ex wife Lenore 
(Jean Grey from all the X-men movies. X-men image courtesy of the Comic Book T Shirt category) and the meeting of Kim’s boyfriend Jamie (Luke Grimes-Assassination of a High School President, Brothers and Sisters, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane) who as a face you just want to stick fists into. In spite of the fact that last time she traveled to a foreign country she was kidnapped and sold as a sex slave to an Arab sheik Kim is totally gung ho to fly to an Arabic country with her mom to hang out with her father (Darwin at work, I guess).
Meanwhile, all the relatives of the guys Bryan killed in the last movie are out for blood. The head guy is Murad Krasniqi (Rade Serbedzija-Batman Begins, Snatch, Mission Impossible II), the father of the guy Bryan electrocuted in the last one. They “take” Bryan and Lenore but now (careful or some of this amazing plot twist might get in your eye) it is Kim who manages to escape and rescue her dad (or at least deliver to him a gun). That’s pretty much it except for the shooting, driving, and bleeding. All the great investigative elements and the mad intensity that Liam Neeson brought to Taken are completely missing from this film, leaving the director with a huge gape that he either filled with more bad action or nothing.
The stars. I still like Liam Neeson, and while they kind of spread him too thin on this film like a tiny drop of grease trying to lubricate a giant engine, it was cool to see him as Bryan Mills again. One star. Maggie Grace is pretty hot, and they managed to contrive an excuse for her to run around in short shorts and a bikini top for an extended period of time. One star. That’s pretty much it. Two stars.
The black holes. This film comes with all varieties of plot holes, from marble sized all the way up to Indiana Jones crushing. One black hole. A tired, unimaginative retread in an attempt to draw bored idiots (like me) into the seats. One black hole. No story to speak of. One black hole. Quick cut action editing to drive you nuts. One black hole. If you hadn’t seen the first film you would have had no reason to remotely care about any of the characters in this one. One black hole. Total: five black holes.
A grand total of three black holes. I won’t say this movie is horrible. If all you want is action and you change channel on your TV every 1/4 second odds are you can enjoy this film. If you are a fan of the complexity and character behind Taken (as I am) prepare to be bitterly disappointed. They took the script from Taken and left in out in the sun too long. Date movie? Meh. Nothing in here will encourage your date to take off her clothes but on the other hand nothing will discourage it. The romance is tepid and tertiary at best. Bathroom break? Any time in the first 35 minutes will work fine. Once the action starts you might as well sit through it as it is the only thing in the film worth viewing. The film is a flaccid 91 minutes long, but if you really can’t hold it I’d say the scene where Kim is watching her cell phone do a 5 minute count down. Some action there but not a ton.
Thanks for reading. Plenty more to see this week, including Frankenweenie (why am I not excited to see this?), Hotel Transylvania (looks cute), Pitch Perfect (there’s never an incoming meteor when you really need one) and Trouble with the Curve (I will probably love this one. I have a thing for baseball movies). Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. If you have comments on this movie or my review feel free to post them here. Any off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to me at [email protected]. Have a great Columbus Day. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Won’t Back Down Review
Ever see a cartoon that looks and acts like a real movie? Now you can see a real movie that looks and acts like a cartoon!
I wasn’t sure which movie to see the other night. I was torn between this one and the House at the End of the Street. They both looked annoying, but since I have been watching S2 of the Walking Dead lately I figured I had had my fill of horror this week. Also HATES looks chock full of exactly the lamo teenage cutesy kids that make me wish for the annihilation of the human race. When I realized my dream girl Maggie Gyllenhaal was in this one I figured “How painful could this be?”
The answer, unfortunately, was pretty painful. I will be the first to admit that I am not the target demographic most chick flicks strive to attract, being the most macho man you will ever meet who loves Cyndi Lauper music and plays with toy soldiers. However, the last two years of movie reviews has expanded my appreciation of movies outside of my normal genres and I like to think that while I might not enjoy a movie type in particular in general I am capable of recognizing quality work when I see it and in my opinion, I did not just see it.
The movie runs a massive 121 minutes and believe me, you will feel every one of them. The pacing drags on like trying to push your car to the gas station and accidentally left your parking brake on. The “drama” is so tertiary and uninspired that you might forget to keep breathing. The story attempts to show character development, but the main issue with that is the main character Jamie Fitzpatrick (Maggie) is so cartoonish and over the top that she literally eclipses every other character on the screen with her. It’s like trying to create a beautiful Lite-Brite flower but the light in the center has been replaced by a 400 watt flood. The only character who is even remotely interesting is Nona (Violet Davis), the teacher, but she is only able to shine in scenes where Jamie is absent.
This is not a criticism on Maggie Gyllenhaal, whom I consider a talented actor, but rather on writer/director Daniel Barnz (the Cutting Room, Beastly, Phoebe in Wonderland) for his creation of a working class super woman who crushes every obstacle in front of her with the relentless wheel of her steamroller personality. Her ability to beat down every problem in her path gets ridiculous and manages to more or less drain the drama from the entirety of the film.
The rest of the characters (with the exception of Violet Davis) are two dimensional cartoon characters as well, but none so much as the villain. Barnz wanted to create a movie about improving grade schools in America, so who does he tap for the villain? A selfish and uncaring school board? A corrupt city government? Local gangs and drug dealers making the school a living hell? No. How about…the teachers union??? Really? He makes the bad guys literally the teachers and the head of the union a selfish egomaniac who is only in it for those big teacher bucks. 
That is like creating a Death Star and crewing it with Care Bears (instead of having it be defeated by them. Empire logo from the Star Wars T Shirt collection). The only way he could have made the main bad guy more pointlessly evil is if they had raided his house and found he had been fertilizing his garden with dead babies. It seems pretty obvious that Barnz has some kind of axe to grind with organized labor.
The story. Jamie Fitzpatrick (Maggie Gyllenhaal-Stranger than Fiction, Donnie Darko, the Dark Knight) is a working class single mom who dresses like a stripper does during the day and works two jobs to support her child Malia (Emily Alyn Lind-Enter the Void, the Secret Life of Bees, J Edgar), who goes to THE WORST SCHOOL IN THE HISTORY OF EDUCATION! I’m not kidding about this. It’s almost like Barnz wanted to drive some anti-teacher union message home and took every example of horrible education ever and rolled it into one school. Also, Malia’s specific teacher Deborah (Nancy Bach-Dogma, Black Dahlia, the Bread, My Sweet) is painted as another stupidly evil and exploitative character for no reason. Basically Darth Vader to the union leaders Grand Moff Tarkin. Anyway, Jamie wants Malia to actually learn to read and tries assorted things to get her into another school or another class but is shut down by the most exciting movie antagonist possible, bureaucracy.
Meanwhile teacher Nona Alberts (Viola Davis-the Help, Disturbia, Solaris) is trying to find inspiration and help her own challenged son Cody (Dante Brown-America, Prodigy Bully, I Heart Shakey) with school. Jamie finds out about an obscure law allowing parents and teachers to take over a school if they think it is failing and doesn’t let the fact that it has never ever worked before sway her. She and Nona go through a long (long, long) process of collecting signatures and recruiting teachers. Meanwhile, the big, bad teachers union shows up in the person of sympathetic front woman Evelyn Riske (Holly Hunter-the Incredibles, the Piano, Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou. Am I the only one who finds her accent and slight lisp really sexy?) and Satan level evil union head Arthur Gould (Ned Eisenberg-Limitless, Last Man Standing, Million Dollar Baby). They do what they can to stop the pair from helping the school with a clear objective of destroying kids lives (Gould even says something to the effect of “When kids start paying union dues I’ll start to care about them”. Duh).
Honestly, that’s the story. The rest is a long, drawn out grind towards the inevitable and heartwarming ending. Minor obstacles are overcome, but they are more speed bumps than barricades. The final dramatic scene is the school room board meeting where the vote is split straight down straight white people verses alternative lifestyle and minority people. Then, with the magic of a jump cut scene, the school is miraculously transformed into the greatest educational institution since the founding of Harvard (it’s amazing what you can accomplish with some editing software).
The stars. I fell in love with Maggie Gyllenhaal when she did Stranger that Fiction (if you happen to read this, Maggie, I would risk extreme injury for the chance to have dinner with you), and she remains as hot and cool as ever (if disappointingly clothed). One star. I thought both she and Viola Davis did a good job with the mediocre roles they were handed, and the Nona Albert sub plot was as close as I came to being interested in this film. One star. I also thought both Emily Alyn Lind and Dante Brown did a great job as kid actors. One star. Total: three stars.
The black hole. Paced like standing on line at the DMV in Hell. Two black holes. Ultimately boring, with nothing really to sink my teeth into story wise. One black hole. Over the top, cartoonish characters with little to no depth. One black hole. Demonizing an organization that really doesn’t deserve it, and staffing it with Satan’s minions. One black hole. Painfully predicable in every regard. One black hole. Stupidly manipulative on almost every level. One black hole. Using a film to foster a political agenda. One black hole. Total: eight black holes.
A grand total of five black holes. Not really worth seeing in a theater IMO. I’m not saying you will wish for a clean death. It’s not THAT bad. It’s just that this is the film equivalent of eating 0% unflavored yogurt. No flavor, no texture, and while it may help sustain you ultimately you are spooning spoiled milk into your mouth (guess what’s on my menu for lunch today? I hate dieting). You might actually enjoy it, if you think that the teachers unions are directly responsible for the downfall of the American education system or enjoy the idea of wading through a massive bureaucracy to accomplish a nebulous goal. Date movie? Probably not, unless your date is hyper active and you have tried everything short of rufies to calm her down. Bathroom break? This film is so bland and uneventful I can’t for the life of me remember a specific point that seems more worthless than the rest of the film. Feel free to cut out any time. It’s a long movie, so odds are you will have to.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for such a tepid review. They can’t all be winners, and blase movies inspire blase reviews. There’s a lot of new stuff out right now, but none of it really excites me. I’ll go see something soon. I suspended my watching of all the TOS episodes so I can finally see S2 of the Walking Dead on NetFlix. Awesome. I am working on a new Star Trek post soon that should be fun however. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Post any comments on this review or movie here, and if you have off topic suggestions or questions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Looper Review
Sooper.
I feel like I have somehow shifted into an alternative Bizarro world where the majority of movies are actually decent and not the intellectual equivalent of blunt trauma to the head. This is the third movie in a row I have watched and thoroughly enjoyed. It actually scares me, in the sense that I feel like we are somehow headed to cinema Armageddon, where the all time worst movie in the history of the world will be released and completely destroy society.
Of course, Jack and Jill has already been released and we survived that, so how bad could it be?
Anyway, Looper. I have said many times that time travel as a plot device is the potty training seat of movie making: there to help a toddler to not soil him or herself and learn to use a toilet like an adult. Whenever a fully grown adult wants to use the training seat it is pathetic and creepy. However, I am going to amend that statement and say that while time travel as a plot device is weak, time travel as a main storyline can be good as long as it is treated properly.
Oh, this film suffers from any of the normal time travel bugaboos. If you think too much about it the paradoxes will hurt your brain, and the fundamental Laws of Thermodynamics are bent over a pinball machine and raped. However, if time travel were feasible then the way it was treated in this film could potentially work without straining your suspension of disbelief to badly (unlike MIB3). It should be obvious to any reader of science fiction that the writer of this film subscribes to the “flowing river of time” theory of time travel rather than the “butterfly effect” theory. In other words, the flow of time has the means and inclination to correct itself and more or less remain on track when hit with minor events but a strong enough event (killing a man in the past, inventing something from the future, etc) will cause the flow of time to completely shift over into something new. Changes are shown for individuals, but the major events and even the individuals are not really affected. This really is the only way to approach a movie like this, although in truth I think the butterfly effect has a lot more credibility (dinosaur image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category).
However, if you can buy into time travel and are happy with it than this movie is an exceptionally well made and entertaining film. Acting was great from both Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, story was well thought out and complicated enough to hold your attention without being brain strainingly convoluted, and the action was both cool and believable. Overall a great film. Just don’t let your mind wander down the dark paths towards annoying questions like “Why did they need to transport the victims back in time live? Couldn’t they have just transported a corpse? Why couldn’t they have transported them into the heart of an active volcano, or the bottom of the ocean, or the earths core?” Also it wouldn’t be a science fiction movie review from me if I did not point out how bad the science really is. The main issue I spotted here was the idea of being able to send someone back in time yet have them land on the planet Earth at all. There is no known central point in the galaxy and everything’s movement is all based on relative positioning. If you try to send someone back in time 70 years our planet will have traveled billions, if not trillions of miles in that time period and your guy should be on the other side of the universe (which would actually neatly solve your problem with regards to getting rid of a body for you).
I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but since I have started I can’t help but point out another major plot flaw here. If they can send a guy back in time why would they use the machine just for getting rid of inconvenient people? Why not send a guy back to win the lottery six times in a row and start a massive business empire based on futuristic technology? If you timed it to arrive the day after you were born you could make sure your youthful self lived a massive life of luxury and have things good forever.
Anyway, the story. Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Inception, 50/50, the Dark Knight Rises) is a Looper, a hit man in a dystopic near future who’s job is to wait at predetermined points for victims from 30 years further to appear and execute them. He and his friends live lives of luxury but are called Loopers because at some point at the end of 30 years they will have to execute themselves to avoid being caught time traveling (I know, I know. It is a less annoying concept when you see the film). Joe’s friend Seth (Paul Dano-There Will be Blood, Knight and Day, Little Miss Sunshine) let’s his future self get away and gets to demonstrate what happens when someone doesn’t close the loop. Joe ends up meeting his future self Older Joe (Bruce Willis-Die Hard, Fifth Element, Pulp Fiction) who manages to get away from him. Now it is a race to catch and kill his future self before the guy in charge catches him and starts cutting off body parts in order to make Older Joe come back in. Older Joe has his own agenda relating to killing a crimelord as a young child before he can become he terror of the future.
Honestly, I don’t want to get too much deeper into the story as I think it really good and you should all see it. The chance of throwing out an accidental spoiler is high. There are some cool twists. There are some great gun fights. Nothing gets blown up in the name of stupid cinematic. The movie ends super cool.
The stars. The story was great. Two stars. Exceptionally well acted by both Willis and Gordon-Levitt. Two stars. Great supporting cast, including a couple hot girls and the main bad guy. There’s also one little kid (Pierce Gagnon-the Crazies, One Tree Hill, the Way Home) who nails it for a ten year old kid. Remarkable. One star. A slight flavoring of a little rated R nudity. One star. A lot of story is delivered with remarkable efficiency. We are treated to a complex story with a minimum of wasted scenes. One star. The ending is really cool. One star. The director managed to avoid the sci fi trap of over explaining everything. One star. Overall a really fun movie. Two stars. Total: eleven stars.
The black holes. While I enjoyed the hell out of this film, there are any number of what I might on a crappier day call massive time travel related plot holes. One black hole. They movie kept showing the police doing…something? I couldn’t figure out if they were working for the bad guy or working against him. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A grand total of nine stars, and yet another recommendation that you go see this film. I really had fun with it, and I think you will too. Date movie? Maybe. The romance was a little tertiary, but both young and old Joe is what women tell me is hot so I guess it might get your date in the right mood. Of course if you compare unfavorable this could bite you on the ass. Bathroom break? The movie is pretty good in it’s entity, but if you have to go I would say the scene where young Joe wakes up chained to a cot in the barn of the hot chicks farm. Not a lot going on there that you can’t pick up later on.
Thanks for reading. Sorry I haven’t been writing all weekend, but I did a really crummy event (somehow the organizers thought doubling the ticket price was the way to increase attendance). It was a huge waste of time and I lost money. I am a little bitter about it, which means every minute I spend folding and sorting the t-shirts from the show is another hot coal you know where. 
However, the one positive thing from the weekend is I got to spend some time with one of my favorite show celebs, the lovely Ms. Maxine Wasa. She has starred in a number of films most notably My Stepmother is an Alien and is now a scream queen, starring in any number of independent, cool horror films. She has also been recently cast in a biker reality show with mans man Chuck Zito. More importantly, however, she is cool and fun to talk to (not to mention very easy on the eyes). She asked me to mention that she will be participating in the Rock the Walk event in Los Angeles, a benefit concert for AIDS research. If you are going to be in LA next weekend be sure to stop by and check it out. If you see Max tell her I said hi.
Dave
