The 15 Worst Movies of 2011
It is a sad fact that my life as an amateur movie reviewers is not all picnics in a field of daisies day after day. I enjoy movies, and there are definitely times when I think I might have found my calling. However, there are days when watching movies feels more like a job than you would imagine it would, and that job somehow involves getting repeatedly kicked in the groin.
Thus we come to the movies that made me wish I had opted to start a blog reviewing the many different manhole covers I encounter during my daily life. These are the films that make you wonder if the production office is located under a spiders web of power lines and the producers all have a healthy paint chip salad for lunch while watching Keeping up with the Kardasians and throwing billiard balls at each others heads during commercial breaks. The movies where the real question is if the writers, directors, and actors all started off brain dead or if their brains somehow died a slow, twitching death while writing, directing, or acting in these films.
I originally was going to only do the 10 worst, but as I filtered down my list, cutting out movies that almost made it but had some camp redeeming qualities like Drive Angry or Twilight ,I realized I had an obligation to warn you people what to avoid. It’s like if I were moping up a floor I would be responsible to put up a wet floor sign, although in this case I was not at all responsible for any of this production.
15. What’s Your Number?-Anna Faris tries to convince the world she is at the same time a sexual being and a prude, and more or less botches it. This is one of those romance stories that makes you wonder if the writers have ever actually dated someone in their lives.
14. Johnny English Reborn-Ever wonder what a hamburger would be like if you held the meat, bun, cheese, and all the condiments? Basically leaving you with a wrapper? That’s pretty much what Johnny English is. A comedy movie, hold the comedy.
13. The Three Musketeers-This movie accomplishes the remarkable in keeping as close to the original story as possible while diverging as far from the original story as humanly possible, all at the same time. It’s like if you filmed an episode of Star Trek but made the bridge of the Enterprise look like an Apple Store (oh, wait, that was done. Suck it J.J. Abrams). Maybe it would be more like if you were to film Romeo and Juliet scene for scene with the correct language but put it on the set of Outland (geek cred for anyone who saw that in the theater). Also, completely worthless 3D.
12. Season of the Witch–I almost stuck Drive Angry in here as well, but realized there were some parts of that movie that I found entertaining in an extremely Americana way, thus saving Nicholas Cage the ignominy of having two films in my Worst of 2011 list (that honor is about to be visited upon Ryan Reynolds). Season of the Witch is that special kind of film that leaves you wondering if at any time during the production did the director, writer, producer, or studio executives actually sit down and watch the film? Dopey, dumb movie but perfectly adequate for Nick Cage to display his Terminator-like acting style.
11. The Hangover Part II-I will say this is one of the movies that really caught me by surprise last year, in that I was surprised they bothered to make it. If there was ever a film that did not call out for a sequel it’s the Hangover. When I say sequel, however, I am really saying clone, as this movie is pretty much scene for scene the same movie without the slightest effort at originality other than putting it in Thailand. However, I think some grease was left in the cloning tube as this movie is not remotely funny like the original. Take the Hangover and drain it of pretty much everything that made it fun and you will get this film.
10. The Green Hornet–A super hero should never be the comedy relief. That’s the sidekicks job. Also, Seth Rogan should never star in a PG-13 movie that does not in some way involve him smoking pot. It’s what he’s good at, and honestly it’s what he should stick to.
9. Abduction–We are now at the point where I want to make all these films number 1, and have to start rating them based on which movies made me want to murder the projectionist the least. Abduction sucked on many levels, but if I try to remember that it was made for teeny bopper morons and can ignore the fact that it actually features no abduction whatsoever (or anything else that might be mistaken for a plot) then I suppose it goes to simply stomach turning. If you like wolf boys abs this movie might do something for you.
8. Green Lantern–If I were doing my list of top 10 most disappointing movies of 2011 this film would get numbers 1 through number 7, with Green Lantern at number 8, The Immortals at number 9, and Columbiana at number 10. As I am doing just general badness this one gets number 8, but on a different day it could qualify for any of the top 10 slots. Too much humans (especially Ryan Reynolds), not enough aliens. Action that was criminally short and stupid. Characters Mother Theresa would be OK seeing die. CGI used to cover up massive holes in the plot and direction like a fresh coat of paint on a pickup truck dredged up from a lake after 10 years. Green Lantern image courtesy of the Comic Book T-Shirt category.
7. The Zookeeper–There aren’t a lot of movies that make me want to slowly pick all the skin off my face, but this is one of them. Dumb story, dumb dialog, dumb physical humor, dumb movie. Plus it’s painfully predicable.
6. One Day–If you feel like your life is OK but are somehow motivated to find the right excuse to kill yourself, this movie will push you over the edge. Also, for the first 2/3rds of the movie you will hate every character in the film with the burning passion of 10,000 suns. Feel free to laugh at Anne Hathaways on and off English accent, but that is about the only entertainment you are going to get.
5. The Change Up-Ryan Reynolds rates special acknowledgement for piloting two films into my Top 10. The only thing this film really has going for it is that it is rated R. Otherwise it is neither funny or entertaining. In fact, I think the desire to end up rated R is what caused this movie to suck so badly. In my minds eye I see the director waking up late at night in a cold sweat with the burning question “What if it’s not raunchy enough for rated R yet? What if we end up with PG-13??”. He pulls out a pad of paper and writes down the next raunchiest thing he can think of, leading us to the inevitable conclusion: babies excreting into daddy’s mouth.
4. New Years Eve–What’s worse than a movie based on a really dumb romantic concept? How about a movie based on 20 different really dumb romantic concepts? I guess I could say that New Years Eve is proof that lightning doesn’t strike twice. This movie was like if you swallowed 20 different colors of paint one at a time and then vomited them all over a canvas to see what kind of picture you ended up with. I often find myself wishing I were in a different theater (or unconscious) during the watching of some of these movies, but this time I found myself really praying that I had walked into the wrong movie and was watching an extended introduction for Cloverfield.
3. Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star–There isn’t enough alcohol on the planet to make this movie anything other than cringe-worthy. If you ever wanted to lose all desire to have sex with any human, man or woman, again in your life, then see this film. As for the “humor” of this film I think I can sum it up nicely with the following statement: THE MOVIE IS CALLED BUCKY LARSON AND IT STARS A GUY WITH HUGE BUCK TEETH!
2. Tree of Life-I know I am probably ruining what little credibility I have by calling this film the second worst movie made in 2011, but it is really a steaming pile of crap. I know there are people who call this an amazing film, but I say they are all pretentious asses. There is very little of artistic merit in this film, and what is left is some of the most boring cinema in the history of movies. I think you could have the same impact on the audience with 1/3 of the work if you just had the projectionist pause the film every 10 seconds for 20 seconds. The film watches like a child’s diorama made with a Little People play set and some plastic dinosaurs.
1. Jack and Jill–When I look back on 2011, the movie I wish I could find a memory enema for the most has to be this failed Adam Sandler monstrosity. Not even Al Pacino could save this film from contaminating the higher brain functions of the few of us unfortunate enough to watch it. It’s like Adam Sandler is an evil scientist with a plan to conquer the world, and step one is to make the worst movie in cinema history. I think the only way he could have made this movie experience worse is if he had hired thugs to wait outside the theater to beat up people as they left. That’s kind of how it felt. However, I feel a certain amount of justice is served by the movie costing $79,000,000 to make and grossing $74,158,147 domestic (damn the foreign market for supporting bad film).
That’s it. Thanks for reading. Feel free to disagree with me via comments on here. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu or email me with ideas, suggestions, or questions at [email protected]. If I have the energy I might see a midnight showing of 21 Jump Street. It looks kind of good. Have a good day. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Top 20 Movies of 2011
So I was doing my own awards for a while, but got sidetracked and kind of ran out of steam. Honestly, I kept coming up wit the same awards. However, something I can do easily that I should have done earlier would be a top list of the best movies from last year. Next post I will list the 10 worst films of 2011. Look for that tomorrow.
I was going to originally do a top 10, but realized there are 20 movies I would at least like to mention positively from 2011. These are not all Oscar quality. They are all also not just the top scorers in my stars/black hole rating system. In fact, they are all based on my very biased personal taste in movies. I am rating these on how much I enjoyed watching them. Also these are all just the movies I saw, so don’t bitch to me about something I missed that should be on this list.
20. Warrior–I really didn’t think I was going to enjoy this, but then actually did. Also, I’ll see anything with Nick Nolte in it.
19. Thor-I had some issues with the pacing on this film (like how does someone land on earth, do the whole fish out of water thing, convince the super hot Natalie Portman to dedicate her life to you, and save the world in about six hours of movie time) but overall it was fun and exciting, with a good lead into the Avengers.
18. The Smurfs–Again, fun movie, and a pleasant flashback to a less painful childhood memory. Also, Gargomel was awesome.
17. The Muppets-Another fun flashback. You don’t get much better than seeing Gonzo the Great wreck his own life.
16. Fast Five–For all that this is really not my kind of movies (driving movies usually bore me) this movie was a big surprise for me. The story wasn’t just added on to propel the driving and was reasonably functional. Overall a big surprise.
15. Paul–Most other reviewers excreted all over this film, but I enjoyed it. Of course, I dream of meeting an alien and hanging out with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, so I have a personal bias.
14. Real Steel–Another film that I am probably alone in loving, but I thought this film was really super fun. I could watch giant robots fighting all day and night. If only this film had shown the inevitable conclusion, when the robots rise up and destroy mankind. Also, I loved the idea of mixing futuristinc high tech with white trash culture.
13. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt2–I avoided Harry Potter for years, and when this movie came out did a marathon watching of all of them. I was shocked at how much I ended up enjoying the whole series. Quite good.
12. Tower Heist–Eddie Murphy doing what he should be doing, plus the great Alan Alda. Story was good, cast was good, acting was good. Overall a decent experience, and it sucks that it didn’t make a ton of money.
11. Don’t be Afraid of the Dark–Do you want a movie that actually scares you because you care about the movie? See this one. Want to see something that you think is scary because they are stacking the bodies like cord wood? Look for something stupider.
10. Captain America: the First Avenger–This is how movies should treat comic books. I love the fact that they kept everything in WWII, like it should have been. Also, Hugo Weaving was amazing as the Red Skull (Red Skull image courtesy of the Comic Book T Shirts).
9. The Thing–I normally despise prequels, so you know it must be good if I am going to put it on my top movie list. If you ever saw the first one, see this one immediately. If you haven’t, see this one immediately and then see that one. You will not be wasting your time at all.
8. X-Men First Class–I thought this was the best comic book movie of the year, and easily one of the best origin movies so far. I did a whole diatribe about why most origin movies suck, and this one manages to avoid all the mistakes.
7. True Grit–Great remake of a great movie based on a great book.
6. Troll Hunter–This film sounds like a recipe for everything I hate in film: documentary, found footage, and subtitled. Yet somehow it is really amazing. The Norwegians can do it right.
5. The Descendants–Not my normal cup of tea (and I hate tea) but really good.
4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes–I have watched this movie about six times since I got it on DVD, and saw it three times in theaters. Love this film.
3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo–Once I got past the whole horrific rape scene this movie turned into an amazing film. I am really looking forward to the next one.
2. The Artist–I know I just saw this last week, but I should have seen it in 2011. Really an amazing film.
1. Moneyball–I was really torn on this. I almost gave it to the Artist, but honestly you can’t really compare the two. I really enjoyed this film, although a big part of it might be from living in Oakland.
That’s it. Look for my worst movies of 2011 tomorrow. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu or email me at [email protected]. Feel free to comment with your agreement or disagreement here as well. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Movie Review: Silent House
…but Deadly House.
To anyone who got that joke without any prompting, how are things going in your third grade class? Mine is great. Anyway, I saw Silent House last night and am kind of pleased. There are two kinds of horror movies. The first is the lame slasher film that has a double handful of teenagers getting butchered in assorted gruesome ways by some maniac in an isolated cabin in the woods (Friday the 13th image courtesy of the Horror Movie T Shirts). These films quickly devolved into a body count meter and are generally more comedy than horror. The second kind is the one where hardly anyone dies, but over the course of the film you get to really know and care about the characters and are therefore much more worried for them. The horror in these films is much more palpable, and your concern helps put you in their shoes. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is a good example of this, and Silent House definitely fits into that camp.
Another thing that makes this movie work for me is lead actress Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene and a bunch of Mary Kate and Ashley garbage). She has been playing third banana to the Olsen twins all her life, only to surface with her own acting career and an apparent ability to act that goes far beyond anything her sisters have done. In the story of my mind she is Cinderella. While her sisters are handed everything on a stick she has to work away in the kitchen, learning how to be a real actress, not a super hot novelty act, and consequently has smelted herself into an alloy far stronger than her sisters. I predict 20 years from now we will still be impressed with her performances while the Olsen twins will be another question on Trivial Pursuit Gen Y version.
Of course, I know nothing of the dynamics of the Olsen family or her relationship with the twins. I just like having stories in my head.
Anyway, Silent House. It is a creepy horror/psycho drama that I found intense and gripping. That is not to say there aren’t some problems, but overall I was totally engaged. The producers claim all 88 minutes was shot on one camera, with a few breaks here and there. I suppose that is doable, but I saw a lot of shots that would be easy to cut in and out of. The camera bounces around a lot, reminiscent of found footage but really more about trying to put you in Elizabeth’s shoes. For the most part it succeeds.
I won’t get too into the story, as it is pretty simple and also has some stuff I don’t want to spoil. Elizabeth Olsen plays Sarah, a young girl helping her father John (Adam Trese-40 Days and 40 Nights, Palookaville, Zodiac) and her uncle Peter (Eric Sheffer Stevens-As the World Turns, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Body of Proof) fix up the dilapidated family lake house. The house is apparently built entirely of foyers, creepy hallways, and cramped bedrooms. Peter takes off after an argument with his brother, leaving Sarah and John alone in a spooky mansion.
At that point it appears someone is in the house with them. John gets knocked out, leaving Sarah alone to run, pant, and scream in terror at every turn. She is locked in the house and all the windows are boarded up. The power is out so she is left with some propane lanterns and a couple flashlights. There are a lot of scenes of her running, falling, hiding, and crying all over the place. Plots thicken, a dark secret about the house is revealed, and things seem to go from bad to worse.
The stars. Really scary at points. One star. You really feel Sarah’s terror, and connect nicely with her throughout the film. One star. Elizabeth Olsen is easy on the eyes. One star. A lot of things that seem to make little sense early on in the film (and would have rated some black holes) get wrapped up nicely towards the end. One star. Excellent performance from Elizabeth. She really can act. One star. Even if they did have to cut and splice a little, the camera work and shooting were all really long, hard to do scenes, making it all the more impressive. One star. Interesting, different movie from what we are used to seeing. One star. A horror movie that does not rely on body count. One star. Overall a fun, exciting movie. Two stars. Total: ten stars.
The black holes. The movie struggles to give us any real insight into Sarah’s character beyond what is going on at the moment. One black hole. You know all those “Don’t go in there” moments you hate in horror films? This one has more than a few of them. One black hole. This movie was so intense and focused that I felt it really could have used a modest bit of comic relief. Cat in the closet sort of thing. One black hole. The jumpy camera made for some hard to follow scenes, and there were more than a few moments when the lighting meant we were staring at a grey blog on a black screen. The single camera made it hard to keep everything in focus. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
A grand total of six stars. Excellent score, and kudos to Ms. Olsen for a job well done. If you are into this type of horror try to see it on a big screen as I think a lot of the jumpy camera and generally poor lighting will make some of the horror get lost on a TV. Not a good date movie IMO. Sure it’s scary, but I think the terror of the main character will hit your date pretty hard.
Thanks as always for reading. Nothing to see right now, but I think I am going to write up something tomorrow that I should have done a couple months ago. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu or email me at [email protected]. Of course, you can always make a comment here as well. I have to run. Have a good day.
Dave
The Artist Review
Looks like I was wrong.
I will be the first to admit I have faults. They are far too many to list here in full, but they include a certain amount of arrogance, narcissism, OCD, paranoia, and self-delusion (Paranoia image courtesy of the Cheap T Shirt category). However, one fault I do not suffer from is an inability to admit when I was wrong about something, and it is obvious I was wrong about the Artist.
Regular readers might recall my discussion of the Artist during my Post Oscarlyptic Review and my questioning how a foreign, silent film could possible win all those awards? I didn’t go into detail at the time but my thought was that this was just Hollywood intelligentsia pandering to to an artistic ideal in an attempt to convince themselves that they produce something other than mindless pap for the ignorant, unwashed masses of the world. I am not a fan of silent films, and with a few notable exceptions (Man Bites Dog, City of Lost Children, Delicatessen) am not a fan of French films. How can a man who never says any words win Best Actor? How can a movie that ignores two facets of cinema (dialog and color) win Best Picture? Even the black and white aspect normally only flashes me back to my miserable childhood TV back in the slums of Southern California.
However, I had a couple hours free yesterday and felt I should see this film if only to find out what all the buzz was about. I have to say, I was truly impressed on a level that goes far beyond the pale. Somehow director Michel Hazanavicius has crafted an extremely well told story using only visuals. Main stars Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo (whom I am totally in love with now) deliver a complete range of emotions with only facial expressions and body language. They story gives us an exploration of early film production more in depth than any number of talkie films about the same subject matter.
What struck me about 2/3rds of the way through the film was the completeness of the story. By that point I wasn’t missing dialogue or sound in the least. In fact, the few times it was added it sounded really out of place and jarring, an effect that was obviously intentional and well executed by Mr. Hazanavicius. I felt the main character George Valentin’s pain and despair far more than I have from movies where the actor bellows on about feelings and such. The chemistry and romance between George and co-star Peppy Miller was clearly delivered with a few looks and a lot of body language. At no time did I feel a lack of understanding of any of the characters motivations or feelings, something that cannot often be said about movies with sound.
I am going to forgo my usual star/black hole rating system, as I feel it would be kind of wasted on this film. I honestly can’t think of any real black holes that would be anything more than petty nit picking, and that stars should be obvious to anyone watching the film. The story is relatively simple and fairly derivative (two examples of nit picks I could do if I were going in that direction). It tells of George Valentin, famous actor of the silent film generation. He is popular and talented. On his last film production he meets Peppy Miller, young up and coming actress. There is a huge chemistry between the two that actually hurts the film production in a short montage that was incredibly well done.
Sound is introduced and the studio jumps on board, cancelling all silent film production to focus on talkies. George derides the new technology as a fad and storms out. He then pays for his hubris as his career tanks and he goes broke. Peppy Miller becomes a rising star in Hollywood, embracing sound. I don’t want to get into the story too deeply, as I would expect everyone out there to see it. Just know that the story is well told and delivered brilliantly. Plus it has a super cute and cool dog in it.
The thing that struck me as I left the theater to the sound of the other patrons applauding was that this film illustrates how much movie dialog is actually completely worthless and unnecessary. A romantic scene in a normal movie would require a complete 3 act mini play: opening witty introduction, central banter and interaction, and finally the conclusion and possible kiss. In this film that is all accomplished with a few looks and at worst one or two one line dialog placards. I think the bottom line is that Mr. Hazanavicius isn’t under the reigning Hollywood belief that the audience is mostly comprised of marginally trained baboons that need to have everything spoon fed to them. I can only hope that this example of what can be accomplished by using the delete key when editing a screenplay is not lost on the rest of the film industry.
Should you see this film? Abso-freaking-lutely. See it on the biggest screen you can find (I didn’t go into it, but the camera work is pretty brilliant too). Date movie? Yes. This is an everyone movie. The real question, however, is do I really believe it deserves all those Oscars? That is a tough question. Comparing this film to movies like the Descendants or Moneyball is literally comparing apples to oranges. The Artist belongs in a category of it’s own. I think I can now see why it won all those awards, and cannot disagree with the choices the Academy made. I do now believe that Jean Dujardin does actually deserve Best Actor. He was amazing in this.
By the way, I would like to say that one of the greatest things about starting this blog and doing all these review is the fact that I am now exposed to films I would never in a million years have watched back in the day. There is no way I would have seen this film three years ago.
Thanks for reading, and please forgive me if my earlier comments kept you from seeing this great film. Follow me on Twitter @nerdkungfu, or email comments, questions, or suggestions to [email protected]. Feel free to post comments here as well. I have a ticket to see Silent House later this afternoon, so look for a review on that tomorrow. Have a great day.
Dave
A Thousand Words Review
At least eight of them have to be synonyms for “confused”.
I had mixed feelings in anticipation of seeing this film. On the one hand, the trailers made it look like a mediocre rip off of Liar Liar. A fast talking guy who is good at making faces is somehow magically compelled to curtail his speaking behavior. But then I remembered enjoying Eddie in Tower Heist and thinking at the time maybe he had evolved past doing kiddie movies and was back to doing films adults could enjoy.
Unfortunately my first instinct was more correct. I say more, because it wasn’t 100%. Instead of being a rip off on one movie this film is an unhealthy mix of Liar Liar, Groundhog Day, and Jerry Macguire all stuffed into a giant blender, set on puree, and then left in the sun for a couple days. It starts off with a very old school Eddie Murphy slapstick comedy with Eddie playing Jack McCall, smooth and successful literary agent with a gift for gab. Then it shifts over to a mystical lesson being taught by the universe to curtail his bad ways, with a thick frosting of a cheesy spiritual journey to address his daddy issues. You start off kind of laughing and expecting the story to be the Clumps, but by the end of the film you are watching a serious drama with Eddie dealing with his impending death and his feelings for his long estranged and deceased father, his dementia afflicted mother, and his unhappy wife and child. I swear it felt like someone knocked me unconscious and dragged me into a different theater halfway through the screening.
Anyway, the story. Eddie Murphy plays Jack McCall, hotshot literary agent who uses his quick wit and fast tongue to get anything he selfishly desires. His wife (Kerry Washington-the Fantastic Four, Ray, the Last King of Scotland) is unhappy as he refuses to consider moving to a more family friendly house for their infant son. He is given the assignment by his boss (Allison Janney-the West Wing, Juno, Finding Nemo) to secure the rights to a book written by an extremely popular new age guru Dr. Sinja (Cliff Curtis-Training Day, Live Free or Die Hard, Three Kings), who’s whole philosophy (which is never actually explained in any detail) seems to have something to with finding the truth in the silence, or whatever. While signing Dr. Sinja Jack is cursed with a magical tree that pops up in his back yard. Every time he says a word a leaf falls from the tree. Dr. Sinja theorizes that when the tree is out of leaves Jack will die. He agrees to consult with other new age experts on what to do.
At that point some goofy slapstick comedy begins, although to be honest I preferred the smooth talking Eddie Murphy comedy from the first 20 minutes. 
Jack enlists his long abused assistant Aaron Wiseberger (Clark Duke-Hot Tube Time Machine, Kick Ass, Greek. Chernobly (the drink from Hot Tub Time Machine) image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category) to be be the most awkward comic relief sidekick ever (I’m sorry, but this kid is only funny in a nerdy deadpan way. Watching him do schtick felt as natural as watching all the white guys do black jive in Bringing Down the House. Also, it should be considered a comedy warning sign when the writers feel the need to give an actor known for his great comedy a comic relief sidekick). Jack and Aaron bumble and ruin a couple of huge business deals and Jack gets fired. His wife attempts to seduce him but feels since he isn’t talking they cannot communicate and leaves, taking his child with her.
At this point we get into the unnecessary and really unasked for meat of the story, the spiritual journey where Jack learns to choose only words that have real meaning. He runs around making amends to all the people he had abused up until then (specifically the guy at Starbucks (Jack McBrayer-30 Rock, Forgetting Sarah Marshal, Despicable Me) and his building parking attendant). More emotional scenes come in and the whole story gets wrapped up with a bow made entirely of cheddar.
The stars. I do like Eddie Murphy, and he was good in the comedy scenes (if a little dated). One star. While it was a fairly mediocre movie, it weirdly didn’t feel like a mediocre movie. You could almost spot the bone structure of a decent movie under all the flab if crumminess. One star. I don’t want to bury this film in black holes because in spite of everything it was not unwatchable, so I will give it another star for exceeding my (fairly low) expectations. One star. Total: three stars.
The black holes. Extremely derivative. One black hole. Trying to mix three different movies that have no business being on the same screen together. It’s like if instead of mixing chocolate and peanut butter you mixed chocolate and lead paint chips. One black hole. I felt a lot of frustration at Jack McCall’s inability to use simple solutions to fix a couple of his bigger problems. Had he actually explained to his wife early on with a minimum of words the situation it would have saved him a lot of pain. One black hole. The fact is the story never actually make sense, and no attempt is ever made to explain it. One black hole. Attempting to turn a lifetime straight man like Clark Duke into some kind of comedian. One black hole. Eddie Murphy is at his funniest when he is actually talking, so to put a gag on him is a crime against comedy. Furthermore, there were a couple “comedic” scenes I would like to have scrubbed from my cerebral cortex. One black hole. If each individual movie used to create this Frankenstein were studied they would all have major issues. The comedy just wasn’t that funny, the life lesson learned felt forced, and the spiritual journey felt really cheesy and trite. One black hole. Total: eight black holes.
So a grand total of five black holes. Not very good, but not bad enough to prevent you from watching it on a bored Tuesday night at home. Worth paying money to see? Not really, although I didn’t walk away feeling like I had wasted money seeing it. It’s relative inoffensiveness makes it a good film to take your mother to see, but other than that just wait for video. Date movie? I suppose, although really if you want a date movie go see the Vow.
Thanks for reading. I might see Silent House tomorrow if I get the chance. Looks creepy. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu, or feel free to post comments here. If you want to send a suggestion, as a question, or invite me to any upcoming movie screening (I’m still have to see these films after they come out. Come on, Hollywood. Hook me up. I promise any film that invites me to an advanced screening (I’m in the Bay Area) will probably put me in a more receptive mood towards the film. I’m not saying I won’t dump on it if it sucks. I’m just saying I will feel much more guilty for having done so and probably apologize during the review) feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you all soon.
Dave
John Carter of Mars in 3D Review
Much better than the trailers make it out to be.
These guys need to fire their marketing team, as the trailers for this movie had me convinced I would end up seeing another cheesy Disneyfied victim of the PG-13 serial movie killer. While it does labor under the duel yokes of Disney and the PG-13 taskmaster, it manages to make for a somewhat entertaining film. It also successfully pays tribute to the Edgar Rice Burroughs novel (which I read as a kid) while making it modern enough to not feel archaic.
That being said, it does have its problems. Honestly, the whole thing felt like they were trying to do too much in one film. Overambitious. The story lags quite a bit in the middle (actually to the point of boredom at a couple points), and there are a lot of bad story leaps that progress without logic. It actually seems to fall apart towards the end. I think the main issues there come from trying to fit pretty much everything from the book into one movie, and while I appreciate that as a fan of Burroughs it makes the movie drag. I found it very difficult to tell any of the characters besides John Carter or Deja Thoris apart (even the main bad guy I kept getting confused with Kantos Kan) and the CGI was actually weaker than I expected. It wasn’t bad per se, but the green Martians looked more cartoonish that I would have anticipated from a Disney film with a $250,000,000 budget. Honesty, horrible movie Ghost Rider had better graphics. I also felt the 3D was underused and less than impressive (I actually saw it on IMAX).
On the other hand, some of the visuals were pretty stunning, and they managed to keep the savage Barsoomian tone in the costumes. I thought the two main actors were pretty impressive for relative newcomers (on the other hand, how hard is it to play a character in a pulp action film?)
Before I go into the story, let me call on my old friend Science and talk a little about gravity and the effect it would have on a Terran suddenly transported to Mars. Mars has 38% of the gravity of earth. That means you could pretty much jump three times farther on Mars than you could on Earth. This means if you could long jump 6 feet on Earth you could jump 18 feet on Mars. Pretty impressive and probably a lot of fun. However, what you could not do is jump six football fields up onto a giant tower. Also, lower gravity does nothing to stop inertia. I don’t plan to black hole this movie for this, as the whole jumping thing was a pretty integral part of the book, but just thought you should know. (Pigs Fly image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category).
Where you would be superhuman, however, is in your reflexes. Most science fiction doesn’t really address this, but here is how it works. On Earth if I drop my keys while trying to get into my apartment door a lifetime of video games has given me the reflexes to catch them with my other hand before they fall too far in most cases. If I were a Martian I would have almost 3 times as long to catch the keys, most likely causing them to evolve with slower reflexes. John Carter, while maybe being able to jump 10 yards or so, would actually be insanely fast on Mars and the Martians would to him appear to be moving in slow motion. That does not make for good visuals, however, but there it is.
Anyway, the movie. John Carter (Taylor Kitsch-Friday Night Lights, the Covenant, X-Men Origins: Wolverine) is an ex Confederate cavalryman trying to make his fortune in Arizona. He runs afoul of the local military and has to run off into the desert. While being pursued he and his pursuers are attacked by Apaches. He ducks into a cave and is attacked by one of the bald bad guys (Therns-kind of like much less interesting or menacing versions of the Strangers from Dark City) whom he shoots and gains an amulet. Then, 20 minutes into the movie about Mars, he ends up on Mars. There he discovers that his musculature from Earths gravity lets him jump super high and far. He is captured by Tars Tarkus (William Dafoe-Boondock Saints, Spider Man 2, Finding Nemo), Jeddak of one of the green Martian tribes. They are four armed Martians who live in a semi-savage state (if you read the books you might recall this was the start of some pretty serious racism. Disney managed to avoid most of it). He starts off treated as half prisoner, half child. Meanwhile, we learn of the two factions of red Martians, who look human, fighting it out and the bad guys are winning thanks to a ninth ray weapon given to them by the Therms.
Carter and the green Martians witness a battle in the air between the two factions and he rescues Deja Thoris (Lynn Collins-X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the Lake House, the Number 23), Princess of Helium. He wants her help getting back to Earth, she wants him to fight for Helium. They run away from the green Martians with the aid of Sola (Samantha Morton-Minority Report, In America, Control) and a kind of cool dog like creature who can run ridiculously fast. They travel all over Mars and more or less do a bunch of stuff. The problem is I kind of lost track of who was doing what for what reason. The bad red Martian Sab Than (Dominic West-300, Phantom Menace, the Wire) is involved in some kind of plot with the Therms, but I still can’t figure out what they were trying to accomplish. I was practically begging for John Carter to be taken in chains in front of him just so I could hear a evil monolog telling me what the hell was going on.
Anyway, the stars. Sci Fi movie based on a serious of books I really enjoyed. One star. While they didn’t stay locked on to the story 100% they did enough to not annoy me. One star. Both Taylor Kitsch and Lynn Collins did a good job as the good guys. One star. I’ll always give a star for William Dafoe, and his character Tars Tarkus was the coolest one in this film. Two stars. A lot of really good visuals. One star. The action and fight scenes were pretty good, and the jumping thing, even though provably not possible, was pretty cool to watch. One star. I thought the airships looked really cool. One star. Overall entertaining. Two stars. Total: ten stars.
The black holes. The pacing really plodded at points, especially at the beginning and the middle. One black hole. Except for the fact that some were green and some were red, I found it impossible to keep the supporting characters apart. One black hole. While the heroes were good, the villains sucked. The Therms had all the menace and threat of a meter maid, and Sab Than felt as dangerous as a rabid purse dog. One black hole. The story had too much stuff packed into it, which led to the characters making decisions based on pretty much plot convenience. One black hole. The movie ramped up in the third act and then petered out in a really drab and boring ending (which was also a massive lead in towards the inevitable sequel). One black hole. By the end of the movie you come to the slow realization that this film is actually kind of dopey. One black hole. Total: six black holes.
A grand total of four stars. Not bad, but not great either. Worth seeing in a theater? Sure, I supposed. Some of the visuals were pretty good. Worth seeing in 3D? Not really, in my opinion. Of course, I don’t actually like 3D that much so take that for what it’s worth. Date movie? Probably not. I think the dopeyness of the film would be much more apparent to anyone who is not a geek or fan of science fiction, and by the end of the film that dopeyness might extend to you especially if you start talking about having read the books, which any nerd is likely to do.
Thanks for reading. More movies coming up this weekend. I’ll probably see Silent House tonight, although that looks like it will freak me the hell out. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu, or feel free to post a comment here on this blog. If you have specific questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Project X Review
Project Why?
Movies about kids having amazing fun and sex in high school are difficult for me to review objectively. My high school experience can only be favorable compared to the Bataan Death March. Between high school and my home life the closest thing to fun I had was throwing bottles at concrete walls on the walk home. Thus I am having to struggle on Project X to divorce my personal feelings and accurately judge this movie on it’s on merits.
Fortunately for my desire to hate all movies involving high school kids enjoying life, once I get past my curtain of bitterness the movie more or less sucks. It is the hideously deformed mutant love child of Superbad and the Hangover, only without the premise, good story, jokes, character dynamic, or script. The story is of the laziest quality, mostly being chunks of YouTube found footage with nothing really connecting the pieces beyond the premise of “let’s have the world’s biggest and most destructive party” combined with the important life lesson for teenagers “high school popularity can be gained by throwing the world’s biggest and most destructive party.” 
What is weird is the main writer, Michael Bacall, also wrote Inglorious Basterds and Scott Pilgrim versus the World, two good movies (actually I have issues with Scott Pilgrim, but that is more from personal issues than real problems with the script. Inglorious Basterds poster from the Movie T Shirt category). I can only figure the studio offered him a ton of money to write something Superhangover-ish, and he dashed out the script on a plane flight to Las Vegas.
I could easily say that the lack of story (or anything else) is simply endemic of the whole found footage movie genre, except for the fact that a couple weeks ago I wrote a review for Chronicle and found it to be extremely well done (Devil Inside was decent too). With those as examples of how a found footage film can rise above the limits of, well, being made of found footage, Project X instead takes the attitude that stories and plots are crutches for directors who don’t have the balls take inane party home movie montages and call it a film. Of the 88 minutes that comprise this movie, only about 30 of them were occupied by anything that could be interpreted as necessary for plot advancement or character development. The remaining hour or so is entirely composed of hot girls dancing in hot pants, swimming topless in a pool, kids drinking, doing drugs, breaking things, jumping off things, or generally destroying a house or two.
The part that galls me, however, is all that being said I actually found myself laughing out loud several times and in general enjoying it. I guess there is a reason party videos are fun to watch. There were a couple scenes I found really funny (including all the ones involving little person Martin Klebba, whom I just heard on an interview on the Howard Stern Show. There is nothing funnier than watching a little person punch a guy in the balls). The brief nude scenes and general hotness of the distaff cast was greatly appreciated by my insensitive straight libido, and the general destruction of everything in the house hearkens me back to the days when all I ever wanted to do was destroy a rich persons home.
The story is, in case you were brain dead while reading the last few paragraphs, of a high school kid who’s parents leave town and he and his two friends destroy the entire neighborhood with the Little Boy of house parties. That’s pretty much it. There is some kind of sub plot involving the main kid Thomas (Thomas Mann. No real credits worth mentioning) having a thing for his childhood friend Kirby (Kirby Bliss Blanton-not a whole lot of credits more than Thomas. She did a couple episodes of Entourage), who is supposed to be the plain Jane that he falls for because of her personality rather than because she was so hot she made my teeth ache. He screws that up by hooking up with the hottest girl in the school Alexis (Alexis Knapp-Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Couple Retreat, Look). There is another sub plot about a ripped off drug dealer who shows but I can’t remember the point of that really.
By the way, is it worrisome that all the actors in this film are playing characters named after themselves? I guess this is an attempt to make this actually look like a real video, but I can’t help but think this is just more lazy film making.
Anyway, kids get drunk. Stuff gets wrecked. Girls are for the most part treated with the same respect you would accord any group of crack addicted strippers (I’m sure the feminists of the world will be thanking the film producers for such an advancement). The story, which started out lagging, is more or less forgotten for about 50 minutes straight. Then, like a collage student suddenly remembering a term paper due in two hours, kicks in for the last 10 minutes in an attempt to actually give the story some kind of conclusion (and more or less failing).
The stars. Like I said, the film had some funny moments and I found myself laughing. One star. Lots of hot women, with some marginally rated R nudity. One star. For some reason this film got a much better performance out of most of the actors than it really deserved. Either the cast is comprised of some really talented future actors or it doesn’t take much of a stretch for teenagers to act like drunken morons at a party. One star. In spite of everything, it wasn’t unfun to watch. One star. Total: four stars.
The black holes. No story. Two black holes. Completely derivative of (or ripped off from) Superbad and the Hangover. Two black holes. The few plot devices actually wedged between dance party scenes (like why was there a camera guy filming the whole thing, etc) were hamhanded and crude. One black hole. My personal hatred of films trying to convince the world how much fun high school is (if you actually enjoyed high school disregard this one. Also, know that I hate you). One black hole. The fact that the lack of story and the found footage format made me feel like I just spent 88 minutes watching random YouTube videos. Seriously, I kept wanting to minimize the screen and check my email. One black hole. There was one particular character I kept hoping would die of alcohol poisoning. One black hole. The title of the film has nothing to do with the film itself. Would someone please tell the producers that the whole “add X to a title automatically makes it cooler” phenomenon is pretty much overplayed and done. Kids are for the most part wise to that. One black hole. Total: nine black holes.
So a grand total of five black holes. Pretty bad, although to be honest based on the trailers I thought it would score much worse. Like I said, it is not not fun to watch. If you are in high school (or are one of those losers who keeps wishing he was back in high school) you might enjoy it. If you can sneak a bottle of Night Train into the theater with you and proceed to down it odds are you will love this film. Good date movie? Absolutely not. Worth seeing in a theater? Honestly, no. The best treatment for this film would be to wait for it to come out on video and then watch it at home with a bunch of your friends and a large supply of alcohol.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu, or post a comment here or via email at [email protected]. I just notice Jason hasn’t posted anything recently either so I will get him back on track here. I can’t do a movie review every day. There are a couple movies floating around that I haven’t seen like Gone or Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds, so I will see what I can see this week. Thanks again. Talk to you all soon.
Dave
Goodbye Davy Jones
Project X was sold out last night, but I am kind of glad as it gives me a chance to say goodbye to a piece of my childhood, Davy Jones of the Monkees. I’ll probably get a lot of heat from my friends for this, but the Monkees appealed to me musically in a way that the Beatles never could. I don’t dislike the Beatles, and I know the Monkees are pretty much a knock off, but it just never spoke to me. Last Train to Clarksville is a song I could listen to any day or night. Pretty much all their songs work for me.
However, it was the TV show that made it for me. For some reason almost all of the late 60’s and 70’s hippy shows never really appealed. HR Puff ‘n Stuff, Seseme Street, the Electric Company, and all those shows that were supposed to be cool for kids sucked, but every Saturday morning I could tune in to the Monkees and enjoy the hell out of it. It was like an American Young Ones staring British guys as struggling musicians is a surrealistic world. They lived in a weird world I could only dream of entering, as it looked so much cooler than my own life.
Davy was the leader of the band, and the coolest of the four. When I heard of his death I was really saddened. It has been a hard year for singers, but this is the one that sucks the most for me. Davy, you were a piece of my culture growing up, and I will miss you.
Dave
P.S. I also have respect for any David willing to go by Davy. That is the tougher road to follow in the name game. Monkey headphones image courtesy of the funny t-shirt category.
Dr. Suess’ the Lorax 3D Review
It’s like a Pixar movie without the Pixar writing.
So I saw this Friday night but have been busy with a Warhammer tournament (I went 3-2 and am disappointed. In retrospect I wish I has brought my Skaven) and couldn’t write it up. I am seeing Project X later tonight and if I feel the love might write it up so this might be a two review day.
This movie definitetly fell into the “overhyped marketing should be a warning of it’s impending suckage” category. The trailer played on every movie I have seen in the last four months (and that is a lot of movies). It has been all over buses, billboards, and bus stops. They even came up with the lamest silence your cell phones movie PSA ever (honestly, everyone who has enough of a conscience to care about this knows you need to silence your cell phones by now. I don’t need the Lorax telling me in a 45 second commercial for it’s own movie what the still slide, Regal opening snack selling montage, and about 50 signs in the theater have already told me) starring the Lorax. Obviously they felt this movie had some failings and needed an extra push.
By the way, as this is a kid’s movie in every sense of the word I will not be doing my usual star/black hole thing. Just feels like punching puppies with I get that detailed.
This film did have some serious failings but the weird thing is it wasn’t what I thought the fail was going to be (Lord of the Fail image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category). I thought the most annoying thing about this movie was going to be the voice characterization. Every time I would see a trailer with Danny DeVito doing the voice I would think “That’s Louie De Palma from Taxi“. The thing about great cartoon voice characterization is that when it is done right the cartoon character doesn’t actually sound like the person doing the acting. A good voice over person will “cartoon it up” or at least make an attempt to change it somewhat but in this movie it is pretty much Danny talking into a microphone. While that carried through and bugged me most of the movie (and, to be perfectly blunt, at least Danny DeVito had a distinctive voice. Zac Efron and Taylor Swift added nothing the their characters and were a blatant ploy to try to suck in a few kids past the age of 11. Based on the audience, that ploy failed) it wasn’t the thing that bugged me the most. Here are a few things that I feel really hurt this movie.
First off, the art. The thing about Dr. Suess that really rocked is he could deliver a cool story (I guess. I was never a huge Dr. Suess fan, except for the Star Bellied Sneeches. Those guys rock!) and do so with an extremely primitive seeming art style. Very classic, very Suessian. What this movie did was more or less recycle all the images from Despicable Me and change…pretty much nothing. Everything looks like a bloated slightly less life-like Happy Meal Toy. I truly believe they made this call simply for the ability to create more toys to sell to impressionable youths (a Google shopping search for “Lorax movie toys” gave me 248 items), but seriously to the detriment of the film. Instead of a distinctive Suess look we got another generic computer rendered 3D exxxxxxxxtravaganze. Nothing in the art is distinctive or even that interesting.
Secondly, the story is ham handed and amateurish. They managed to keep most of the original story (thank you Wikipedia) but added a dopey villain and love plot. Apparently no one in a kid movie can do something unless motivated by sex. Also, the anti-materialism message kind of loses impact in a film that just charged me an extra $3 for a disposable pair of 3D glasses to maximize profits.
I know it’s an oxymoron to call a villain in a cartoon movie “cartoonish”, but the villain in this film (a rich entrepreneur who got rich selling idiots bottled air. By the way, if you were hoping your kids would learn something cool about recycling and environmental science besides “cutting down all the trees is bad” prepare to be disappointed) was so two dimensional (haw!) and dumb he made Arnold Swartzenegger’s Mr. Freeze from Batman and Robin look like Heath Ledger’s Joker from the Dark Knight. No complexity, no motivation besides being evil for money, and his complex plan to stop the heroes is more or less “chase those guys”. Ironically the villain from Despicable Me was pretty cool. I don’t know what happened.
Finally this story (and most of the other decisions) reeks of “design by committee”, which makes sense as this film has not one but two directors (Chris Renald-Despicable Me, Despicable Me 2, No Time for Nuts and Kyle Balda-Despicable Me, Toy Story 2, Monsters Inc.). It seems like each director had ideas of how to cram as much as possible into the movie and see what aspect rose to the top. There is a strong divide between the chacacters created by Dr. Suess (Ted, the Once-ler, and the Lorax) and the characters created to take a 30 minute story and pad it out to 86 minute (Mr. O’Hare, Audrey, and the entire rest of the cast). Other things are tacked on to the script like the writer was the architect in charge of the Winchester Mystery House. Need to appeal to more kids? Let’s through in some snowboarding for no reason. Not enough excitement? How about some random axe blades for even less reason than the snowboarding? Teeny boppers? Zac Efron and Taylor Swift should pull in their soft sheep-like brains. The list goes on and had I reviewed this the morning after seeing is as per usual I could probably list more.
Anyway, the story is of Ted (Zac Efron-17 Again, High School Musical 1-3. Wow. Pretty much everything he has done except for a couple episodes of Robot Chicken bugs me. I think I found a new actor to hate) lives in Thneed-Ville, a town comprised entirely of plastic including the trees and bushes. The cars are all giant and ridiculous (think of Gru’s car from Despicable Me with a bright and colorful paint job and less fins or spikes), the architecture a failed attempt to 3D render the buildings from the book, and since there are no trees around everyone buys air from Mr. O’Hare, who delivers it in Sparklets jugs (if you listen carefully you can hear your kids grades in science slip a notch right about then). He is in love with the girl across the street Audrey (Taylor Swift-Hannah Montana the Movie, Valentine’s Day, Jonas Brothers the 3D Experience. I just looked at some pictures of her and there is something really off putting in her facial expressions. It’s like she’s looking at you through a worm hole from another dimension) who tells him about trees, which apparently everyone has forgotten about. She says she would sex up (I mean marry) anyone who brought her a real tree. He embarks on a quest to find her a tree. Apparently the only person who knows what happened to all the trees is the Once-ler (Ed Helms-the Hangover, the Hangover Part 2, the Office), whom Ted finds by going on a journey out into a barren and polluted wilderness populated by tree stumps. The Once-ler opts to tell Ted the story of what happened to all the trees, which kind of drags on.
Basically the Once-ler started to cut down all the trees in order to make his invention, the Thneed (imagine if you wanted to knit a scarf for Cthulu). He cut one down and was at once confronted by the Lorax (Danny DeVito-Taxi, Get Shorty, Batman Returns, LA Confidential), a mystical orange creature who “speaks for the trees”. The Once-ler agrees to not cut down any trees but once his stereotypically southern hillbilly relatives show up they go slash and burn on them. While being told the story by the Once-ler Ted is confronted by Mr. O’Hare, who doesn’t want trees as they produce free air. The Once-ler gives Ted the last tree seed, at which point the movie devolves into a chase scene like Scooby Do doing a cameo on a Roadrunner cartoon.
Again, I don’t do my usual rating system for kids movies but instead base my recommendation on how the kids in the audience react. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t hear kids laughing their asses off. There was laughter, and some cool visuals for the kids, but nothing like I heard in any number of kids films from the last year. Even Tintin seemed to have kids enjoying it more. I think the problems for kids are it was too polished, too clean, too many attempts to make the movie appealing to adults (which for the most part failed IMO), and no kids really care about ecological recycling save the trees messages. However, I think the most disappointed viewers will be the adults who grew up reading Dr. Suess and were hoping to see a tribute to a great and classic teller of children’s stories rather than a punch in the stomach attempt to exploit a dead man’s work and run off into the night with as much of their money as possible. I saw a few people in the audience wearing Cat in the Hat hats and I don’t think they were too terribly pleased by the end of the film.
Should you take your kids to see it? Sure, why not? The scenes with the Lorax in it will entertain them and at the least shut them up for a couple hours. I don’t think they will necessarily be bored. However, in the lexicon of childhood movie memories this one will barely register and will not stand out 20 years from now as a warm remembrance, motivating them to buy it on brain wave or whatever media storage device we are using in 2032. See it as an adult? Not really worth it. Except for aspects of the story and the fact that it stars an orange furry guy the connection to Dr. Suess is tenuous at best, kind of killing the nostalgia and leaving you watching a film made for grade school children.
Thanks for reading, as always. Look for Project X tomorrow (I expect it to suck, but you never know). Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu (who wants to be my 146th follow?), or feel free to post a comment here or email me at [email protected] with any questions or suggestions. People asking for specific movies are a boon, as it helps me figure out which ones to review next. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Post Oscarlyptic Review
I should have done this yesterday, but this week is kind of crazy. I don’t really want to tell you what I have going on, as it makes me look like an uber dork, but I will. I have a tournament for Warhammer coming up this weekend and have to get four new models painted before Friday. Wish me luck at the tournament please.
Anyway, I did not actually watch the Oscars. Watching the massively wealthy, successful, and great looking people of Hollywood give each other phallic golden statues kind of annoys me, and some of the acceptance speeches by actors or actresses I formally respected makes me regret having ever seen a movie in my life. From what I heard about the event I didn’t miss much. Sounds like the same bland pap and smug self congratulatory ass kissing that goes on every year, although according to reports this year got even more boring.
However, I would be remiss in my duties as a self proclaimed movie reviewer if I did not at least comment on what movies got what awards. For the most part I was not grievously offended by most of the awards, and was gratified to see that Tree of Life got what it deserved, which was el zilcho (and in truth the director should be parking cars at the Oscars next year). I’ll go through them in the order of the list I just found on the interlink.
Best Cinematography-Hugo. This makes sense. Given that Martin Scorsese seems to have done this movie more to learn new filming techniques and 3D it works for me that he would do some amazing cinematography. Also he is a brilliant director and knows his way around a camera. Hugo image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category.
Best Art Direction-Hugo. Again, this film was made for amazing visuals, and the sets and props in this movie rocked.
Best Costume Design–The Artist. Didn’t see it. Probably not going to see it. I know. I’m a neanderthal. From what I saw the costumes looked pretty good, and nothing else jumps into my mind for great costumes.
Best Make Up–The Iron Lady. This one threw me off at first. When I think of Best Make Up I go to Evil Ash from Army of Darkness. But then I thought about this movie and the way the make up artist successfully made Meryl Streep look both young and vibrant and old and decrepit. I lot of that goes to Streeps acting ability, but a healthy share belongs to the make up. Kudos.
Best Foreign Language Film-A Separation. Didn’t see it. I just looked it up and odds are I should see it, although I think I might find it depressing.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role–Octavia Spencer, the Help. I applaud this choice. I loved her in this movie and thought she really rocked it. I was torn on this one between her and Melissa McCarthy from Bridesmaids. I think they made a good choice here, however.
Best Film Editing–The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I can see this. I thought the pacing of this movie was excellent, and that is a reflection of the editing.
Best Sound Editing-Hugo. It seemed pretty obvious to me that Hugo was destined to win all the technical awards. Sound was good in this one.
Best Sound Mixing-Hugo. Has there ever been a movie that won Best Sound Editing that hasn’t won Best Sound Mixing? Why are they really separate awards?
Best Documentary Feature-Undefeated. Didn’t see this one. Documentary films rarely do much for me, unless it’s about Star Trek fans.
Best Animated Film-Rango. I can see this. I didn’t review this film as I saw it on video but it was certainly good. Better than Tintin.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role–Christopher Plummer, Beginners. I didn’t see this one, but enjoyed him in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Best Original Score-the Artist. Given that there was no dialog and the film was entirely score, it makes sense that they would win this.
Best Song–the Muppets, Man or Muppet. I don’t know. I loved the film and most of the songs were pretty good, but this song was sung by new Muppet Walter (the most boring Muppet since since Blandy McBlanderson) and Jason Segal (the second most boring Muppet since Blandy). Seems like they could have picked a better one. I think they voted this one just because the name is easy to remember and associate with the film.
Best Adapted Screenplay–the Descendants. Excellent choice in my opinion. I can’t really speak of this since I didn’t see the Artist, but I think it should have won best film.
Best Original Screenplay–Midnight in Paris. I did enjoy this movie. I don’t know if would have been my first choice, but I don’t find this choice objectionable.
Best Live Action Short-The Shore. Isn’t this another term for Best YouTube Video? That’s what it sounds like. I suppose it’s a short made with live actors rather than a cartoon. I didn’t see any of the nominees. I don’t have time to watch movies these days.
Best Documentary Short–Saving Face. I am more likely to watch a documentary short than a full on documentary. I blame my MTV generation.
Best Animated Short-The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore. Didn’t see this one, but it sounds like one of those whimsical cartoons parents love and wish their kids would love but the kids hate.
Best Director–Michel Hazavanicius, the Artist. Again, didn’t see it. Congratulations to Mr. Hazavanicius. I don’t know if lightning will strike twice.
Best Actor in a Leading Role-Jean Dujardin, the Artist.
Best Actress in a Leading Role–Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady. I totally agree with this one. Meryl Streep is an exceptional actress and totally deserves this in my opinion.
Best Picture-The Artist. OK, I’ll go see it and review it dammit!
That’s it. Thanks for reading as always. Like I said I’m super busy right now and might have to back off movies this week. I’ll try to sneak off and see something before Friday. Maybe a midnight showing of some kind. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu or email me [email protected] with questions, comments, or suggestion. Feel free to post a comment here and as long as you keep it clean and I understand what you are asking I will approve it. Talk to you soon.
Dave
