A follow up annoying question from Star Wars
This is kind of an addendum to the question that came up yesterday about the fact that hiding a kid from his father while giving him the very distinctive last name of Skywalker is kind of dumb. I was thinking about it last night and came up with another related question.
As everyone knows Luke grew up with his Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. In Episode 2 they are introduced as the step son and girlfriend of the Virgin Mary Skywalker. However, they did not have the last name of Skywalker. If they were going to adopt Luke why would the not just give him whatever their last name was? Couldn’t they have dropped the whole aunt and uncle thing and just claimed he was their son? It might have saved them a lot of trouble in the form of a screaming, burning skeleton death. Leia’s adopted parents did so, so you can’t say there was some kind of galactic cultural imperative to keep all last names in order.
Also, ever wonder how most blaster wounds just burn a circle in a guys chest but somehow Owen and Beru were incinerated? Were the Stormtroopers carrying flamethrowers?
The Millennium Falcon shot I got from yet another of Dave’s Star Wars t shirts.
Jason
An annoying question from Star Wars
Dave hates this kind of question because it impugns his precious episodes 4-6 not just his reviled 1-3. Here is a question that has been bothering me for a long time:
Darth Vader’s original surname was Skywalker. He knows he had kids at some point. If Yoda and Obi Wan wanted to keep the kids hidden from Darth why did Luke grow up with the surname of Skywalker? Is it really smart to hide a kid in a way that a modest Google search would uncover him? I mean, even if I didn’t believe my kids were alive I think I might Google my own name once in a while just to see what pops up. Dave has a service on Google that alerts him every time his business or this blog pops up somewhere. If I were a powerful Jedi and knew that my relatives were possibly strong with the force I think I might have that service set up for the name “Skywalker” just in case some long lost cousin surfaced that I could potentially recruit.
Dave’s already pissed. These things bug him a lot. The image I got from his massive Star Wars tshirt collection. What a nerd.
Jason
The Curse of Ryan Reynolds continues to plague the nerd world.
When is Hollywood going to stop trying to reinvent Ryan Reynolds as something other than a sleazy party frat boy? He seems destined to fail as any role that isn’t Van Wilder, yet they seem to keep throwing him choice roles.
What undeserved role has he been handed this time? None other than one of my personal favorites, Highlander. Yes, they are taking a near perfect movie and remaking it with an actor who once stared in a movie that featured a baby excreting into daddies mouth. While I’ll give him Deadpool as he played it in the bad Wolverine movie, this is just dumb. Can he really do a Scottish accent? Will he grow out his hair? Can he go five minutes without smirking at the camera or nailing the nearest slut?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong on this and he will surprise me. I thought he was decent in Safe House, now that I think about it. Maybe he can do something decent. It’s just that based on his performance in Green Lantern I kind of doubt it.
The pillage shirt I think is really funny. I found it in Dave’s funny t shirt collection, unsurprisingly enough.
Jason
Kiss “Monster Book” sells for $3,500???
Another post that Dave will be bummed about because it is not nerd specific, but I like to think of this blog as a commentary on American culture in general. I just read that Kiss, the band with the make up, is selling a new book for $3,500 pre sale and $4,300 if you don’t pre order.
As this deck of Kiss playing cards I found in Dave’s music t shirt collection clearly indicates Kiss is not a band that is afraid of merchandising itself. In fact, I think it could be fairly said that Kiss is not afraid to sell anything and everything in order to make a fast buck. I honestly think if there were a way Gene Simmons could get away with it he would take his Kiss Army fans and sell their organs on the black market.
I thought this tendency to whore themselves out had reached it’s climax when they came out with the Kiss coffin, but this book of theirs reaches a new low. It is huge, however, and seems to be almost exclusively pictures. I think this fair since anyone willing to cough up this much cash on something so worthless probably can’t read anyway.
I’m not saying the book isn’t cool. Just that you really have to ask yourself how much does Kiss really care for their fans if this is the level of fleecing they are willing to get to.
Jason
Lego movie incoming?
Dave did a little weird happy dance when I told him about this rumor. He really is a dork. Apparently Warner Bros wants to make a CGI animated movie based on Lego toys.
I’m torn on this. On the one hand, kids of all ages and dorks like Dave will probably enjoy it quite a bit. On the other hand, Lego has toys, video games, t-shirts, telephones, keyboards, and pretty much anything else you can use to fleece your fan base. They are effectively the Kiss of the toy world. Do they really need to make a movie?
I also kind of expect the lengths they will go to to include every aspect of the Lego universe will get annoying after a while. Also, will this movie be about Lego toys that run around like Toy Story, or will it be a world adventure where all the characters happen to be Legos? In other words, is it going to be derivative or just lame?
Dave is threatening to throw stuff at me so I will wrap it up quick. This image from Dave’s Starwars trilogy t shirts was the best I could find for a Lego image. You would think he would stock more Lego stuff given he has been collecting them since he was three and will talk about his collection forever at the drop of a hat.
Jason
Bieber Fever is finally starting to abate.
Dave wants me to stay focused on nerd specific stuff like comic books and video games, but I happen to have a burning hatred of Justin Bieber that I think most nerds would share and therefore feel like this belongs on this forum. The fact is Justin did a TV show last night that came in with a very low 0.9 rating and was beaten by something called Dogs in the City, a show about dogs and a city of some kind. Simultaneously his new album is tanking pretty hard too.
All this puts a big grin on my face. Is it possible that America is finally starting to figure out what a worthless twat he really is and how completely lacking in anything resembling content or worth his “music” is? This is like the end of the Wizard of Oz when Toto pulls the curtain aside revealing that the great an powerful Oz is really a dopey little man who can’t navigate his hot air balloon.
Of course the problem is as Bieber follows the Jonas Bros into mediocrity it only opens the door for the next lame hipster pretty boy. I sincerely hope the teenage population can keep from falling in love with a guy who should really be working at a Hot Dog on a Stick stand, but I kind of doubt it.
Jason
P.S. Hate spam me all you want. Part of the deal I worked out with Dave is he gets to handle all the negative responses to my posts. This Die Hipster Scum picture I found in his cheap t shirt collection. I think I need to get one for myself.
Jim Carrey drops out of Dumb and Dumber 2
Rumor has it the studios were working on a sequel to Dumb & Dumber, starring both Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels playing their roles 20 years after the first movie and Jim dropped out after deciding that the executives really weren’t that into it.
I’m kind of torn on this one. I loved Dumb & Dumber and think it’s one of the best movies Jim Carrey ever did. There’s a part of me that wants to see what they could do in a sequel. However, there is another part of me that thinks that movie stands up pretty well all on it’s own, and doesn’t really need a sequel of any kind. The chances of this movie sucking and making me enjoy the first movie less are considerable, especially when you consider the fact that the last movie the Farrelly Bros did was the remake of the Three Stooges. Maybe they lost their magic.
Bottom line, I am kind of OK either way. If they don’t do it I still have the great first movie to enjoy, and if they do make it it could be really great and worth watching.
The good part about this post is I didn’t have to look hard to find an image. Dave had this gem right in his movie t shirt collection.
Jason
Crystals finally bite the dust in the new Superman movie
I for one couldn’t be happier. I always felt the whole “Kryptonian society is all based on crystals” to be a little too hippy dippy new age. Also, how exactly do crystals grow without some other source to fuel the growth? Isn’t there some law about matter cannot be created or destroyed. Dave would know that. He’s the science nerd.
When you go back to the original comics there was none of this crystal crap either. Krypton was shown as a very advanced planet, not the inside of the universes biggest geode. They had flying cars that looked right. The ship Kal-el stuffed young Superman into looked like a Christmas tree ornament.
Also, what was the deal with using a giant flat crystal as a bed and then having sex with Lois Lane on it? I can tell you from experience that more than once a month on the kitchen floor is a little rough, and unless you are really drunk you don’t want to sleep on it.
It was all 70’s hippy junk IMO, and one of the weaknesses from the last movie was the need they felt to make the magic crystals into a major point of the film. I think Lex Luthor is smart enough to come up with a way to wreck the planet without stealing alien technology.
Like his Batman collection, Dave has a massive amount of Superman t shirts, which is where I got this image. He’s such a fan boy.
Jason
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles neither teenaged or mutants???
This is literally making me sick to my stomach. I felt the first queasiness when Michael Bay, bane of all movie franchises, announced he was going to do the next TMNT movie, but I saw him saying on a stage that he is planning on making them “funny, lovable aliens” rather than mutants and started vomiting all over my desk here. Why are there never any good snipers around when you really need one? Dave is going to flip when he gets back from Italy.
Then I heard that they are changing the title from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Ninja Turtles and I lost my lunch a second time. Middle aged ninja turtles?
Really, why is this even necessary? Aren’t the TMNT cool enough already? Do you really feel the need to make them somehow uncool? Also, aren’t ninjas an Earth thing, not alien thing? Why would aliens who possess the technology to travel from another galaxy want to fight with ninja weapons? Don’t the have ray guns or something? What the hell happened to Master Splinter?
Dave has always led the charge against Micheal Bay, and I have not been as hard core about it. Sure, Transformers has it’s issues but parts of it are entertaining. However, this move has franchise doom written all over it. Has Hollywood not learned anything from the Avengers and how much better you do if you stick with canon? Anyone else remember when the TMNTs were true ninjas and would kill people?
Anyway, this move sucks. The Dim Mak image I took from Dave’s cartoon t shirts. Cool if you are a true fan.
Jason
A question from The Matrix.
Somehow Dave managed to avoid having an image from the Matrix in his huge collection of nerd t-shirts, but I figured since Hugo Weaving was filming both the Fellowship of the Ring and the Matrix at pretty much the same time I would roll with this one of Sauron. Very cool.
Anyway, here is my question. It is established early on that Agents can dodge bullets, as can Neo by the end of the film. I also get that if Trinity were to put a gun to the side of an Agents head the bullet would probably be too close to dodge even with Agent speed.
Why, then, on the roof of the building would Trinity, after performing a perfect flanking maneuver, get into position for a perfect execution and then take the time to say “Dodge this”? Saying that takes longer than a bullet travels. Given what has been established regarding Agent speed the Agent should have had enough time to move out of the gun barrels way, cave Trinity’s chest in, grabbed a quick cup of coffee and a smoke, and comb his hair back to perfect before getting back in Neo’s face. Seems like a case of continuity suffering for the want of more drama.
Wow I sound like Dave all of a sudden.
Jason
