Why I’m OK with Tobey Maguire not playing Spider-man in the next movie.
So I was reading online last night about the new Spider-man movie and saw a bunch of weirdo fan boys whining because they cast someone else besides Tobey Maguire as Spider-man. Honestly, I am cool with this decision. The fact is, a real fan of Spider-man is a fan of the comic book hero. Even a fan of the movies has to be a fan of the mask. Peter Parker is just there to give context to the problems Spider-man faces when not punching out bad guys. Also, in general Peter Parker is supposed to be a young guy and Tobey is starting to push the limit.
For that matter, I don’t really think Tobey Maguire has defined Peter Parker with his amazing acting ability, and his willingness to turn Peter Parker into a total emo cretin in the last movie has really caused him to lose any claim he might have had on the roll. Anyone who is QQing about Tobey Maguire is obviously just a Tobey Maguire fan, not a Spider-man fan. Honestly I can’t really think of a real reason to be a Maguire fan, unless you are really hot for him. I looked at his other movies and they all look like junk. I, and I think most of the world, am ready for him to slink off into obscurity, resurfacing 20 years from now to sign autographs at Comic Con.
The new guy looks shockingly like Tobey, so I guess you won’t have your brain broken too much having to watch him. The image above I pulled off a new comic book t-shirt Dave just had the guys upload onto the site. Talk to you soon.
Jason
The Avengers Trailer is looking pretty damned cool.
Already I can tell you all must think I am the guy who craps on everything, and for the most part you would probably be right. However, I have to say the trailer I saw this morning for the Avengers is looking pretty amazing. I will leave the whole reviewing business to Dave, but I have a good feeling about this movie. I am pretty sure it is going to rule.
The only weird thing is, as you can see from this image of the classic Avengers from the Marvel Comic T Shirts, the Hulk was never really featured much, and in fact I think he left the Avengers after the first few issues. The whole question of how to actually control him or write in a reason for him to just happen to be pissed off at whoever the Avengers were fighting I think seemed a little awkward. In the trailer I just saw Tony Stark seems pretty confident about the teams ability to keep the Hulk under control, but personally I think that sounds a little optimistic. Part of the thing that made the Hulk so cool was the fact that he could fly off the handle at any given moment.
Other than that, I think this movie is looking pretty amazing, and will probably at least go with Dave on opening night to watch it. I just don’t want to listen to him bitching about pacing and other dumb movie stuff.
Jason
A new Blade Runner movie? Really?
So apparently Ridley Scott is working on a new Blade Runner movie. I can probably say that this is another franchise that doesn’t need a sequell, prequel, remake, or reboot. Really, once they came out with the directors cut you pretty much had a perfect movie all in one two hour segment. Would you really ask Da Vinci to go back and repaint the Last Supper, only this time put clown noses on all the figures? This is pretty much the same concept.
Replicant image from the sci fi t shirts.
The funniest thing about this story is the serious doubt as to whether Harrison Ford is considering doing it or not. There are stories going in both directions. The most recent ones seem to indicate he will not touch it, which I think is the best move. He looked so young and vibrant in Blade Runner. He has no need to look like an old man like he did in the recent Indiana Jones. Besides, there is no way the new script could end up being anything but suck.
Ridley Scott, do your fans a favor and don’t fall for the huge pile of money the studio must be offering you. Prove to the world that you are a better man that George Lucas. Don’t do this movie.
Jason
I just saw the trailer for the new Three Stooges movie. It’s scary bad.
I am a Three Stooges fan from when I was a kid. Moe, Larry, and Curly will always be among my all time favorites. Even Shemp I like, although we don’t have to talk about Curly Joe. The thing is, these guys are literally one of a kind, and the fact that they did their movie shorts on a shoestring budget makes them even better. Trying to remake them today using no name morons would be like trying to recreate the Mona Lisa using fingerpaints. It really can’t be done, and to do so would be an insult to their noble heritage. This credits image comes from the movie tshirts, by the way.
Of course, nothing will ever prevent the blood and soul sucking opportunists of Hollywood from betraying their heritage and turning a quick buck. I don’t care if it is the Farrelly brothers. The fact that they agreed to make this tells me that maybe they aren’t as great as we all thought, and should probably take another look at their work. I noticed that all the big name stars who were rumored to be in this bailed out. I guess they figured out how much suck could go into a film. The thing is, the Stooges were brilliant physical comedians, which means the makers of this film should look for good physical guys. Instead they hired three guys no one has ever heard of. I guess if you don’t have a career to speak of you aren’t risking much doing something like this. Personally I am glad it is Dave who will have to watch this and all I have to do is read his bitter review.
Jason
Is a prequel to the Watchmen really necessary?
So I guess DC has announced that they are going to develop a prequel for the Watchmen and I ask the ultimate question, why? I think everything you ever needed to know about the events before the movie or comic were related in some of the best story telling possible, without a lot of extra crap. The montage opening at the beginning of the movie after the Comedian takes his dive is one of the best ever and managed to relate a huge sequence of impressions and events without even saying a single word. This image, by the way, is from the DC comic t shirts.
I guess the ultimate answer is, of course, money. I don’t really collect and read comics but I know Dave will buy one of these like the sucker he is. It will probably sell really well and lead into another multi million dollar movie, but really, do we need to see how Dollar Bill gets killed or Mothman loses his mind? All these things really become overexplained when delivered in detail. Honestly, I think this is another sign of big media doing what it can to suck as much money out of nerds pockets at possible. Anyone else feeling like a sheep?
Jason
Johnny Depp as Tonto?
I guess this is old news, as the announcement was made last November, but I just heard this and it’s kind of blowing my mind. Johnnty Depp, shown here as the Mad Hatter from the Movie T Shirts, has been cast as Tonto in the next remake in the “We are all out of creativity in Hollywood” tour, the Lone Ranger. Are Native American actors so hard to find? How about all the guys from Windtalkers? I mean, sure he did a decent job and looked kind of Ethnic as Captain Sparrow in Pirates of the Carribean, and according the the Interweb he is part Cherokee, but I think if you need makeup to look like an ethnicity maybe they should have cast someone more closely associated with that ethnicity.
However, this isn’t really what has my boxers in a knot. What does is the interview he did when they announced the roll. He apparently has said that he wants to remake Tonto into the star rather than the sidekick. While I appreciated the desire to maybe not play such a stereotype, Tonto is the ultimate sidekick, even more than Robin from Batman. If you look up “sidekick” on the Interlink the Wikipedia article about it lists him third on their short list of examples. In the show Tonto’s job was to get his ass kicked so the Lone Ranger would have an excuse to come into town and shoot some guys. Seems a pretty simple formula.
Jason
Resident Evil 6 to take place in China?
I read this morning on Nerd Reactor that RE6 is rumored to take place in China. I think this is hilarious. You see, Capcom has received a lot of well deserved abuse for the apparent racism associated with RE5, with a white protagonist mowing down hundreds of diseased Africans in an attempt to prevent a worldwide plague. In fact, RE4 got a certain amount of protest for being racist, with the abused race being South American. Capcom responded by coming out with an even more racist game.
So why does that make China really funny? Well, racially the Japanese and Chinese don’t exactly get along like peas in a pod, and in truth the majority of the blame for that can rest on the Japanese shoulders. They did horrific things to the Chinese during WWII, and the Chinese have not forgotten. The Chinese are pretty sensitive about fictional things happening in their country, and have really strict rules for gore and blood (they can’t, for example, show human bones ever). While we may not see this from our Western perspective, this is a huge racist insult. I guess Capcom isn’t going to let any petty morality prevent them from making a buck. Sounds a little like Umbrella Corp. to me. This very cool zombie picture I got from the Resident Evil T Shirts category, by the way.
Talk to you soon.
Jason
Dr. Strange movie: To Suck or Not to Suck, That is the Question
So it looks like Marvel is going ahead with a bunch of it’s B level super heroes for movies, and one of the ones they are considering is Dr. Strange. To go with a B level hero they are running with B level writers, specifically Thomas Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer who wrote the remake of Conan the Barbarian. The movie was kind of crap, and a lot of that blame sits right in the writers laps. Conan image from the Movie T Shirts, by the way.
What can we do, you ask? Well, in this post I am going to list a few major mistakes these two guys could make in hopes that they might read this and pick something up. First of all, Dr. Strange is gay. There, I said it. You don’t need to hide that fact, and more specifically you don’t need to write in a female love interest.
Second of all, Dr. Strange has all kinds of mystical powers but really isn’t much for physical. You don’t have to have him punch some guy out. He uses his brains and powers to defeat bad guys, not a gun. For that matter, his villains tend to be more than the run of the mill bank robbers, so let’s try to keep things nice and occult.
I’m sure there are other ways to suck this one up. If I think of any I will mention it, but I feel like hell tonight and need to get to bed. Have a good one.
Jason
Join me in the Boycott Lucas movement.
So George Lucas has announced Feb. 10th as the day of evil as he rereleases his horrible movie The Phantom Menace, now in 3D. I am calling on all nerds and, for that matter, all Americans to boycott the entire series. As everyone knows the prequels were crap, and post production 3D is crap. Why would you spend money to support crap?
This Empire logo comes from the Star Wars T Shirt category.
This goes beyond mere dislike of what Lucas did to his franchise. We need to take a stand against the raping of cherished movie franchises. Hollywood needs to realize that they don’t have carte blanche with regards to good movies just for a fast buck. In case you were wondering what the inevitable conclusion to this ugly trend I have one thing to say to you: Highland 2, the Quickening with 500 Years Ago on Planet Zeist. You think I’m kidding? How about a Alien prequel that has Ripley in flight school but somehow involved with aliens? A remake of Weird Science starring Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith as “geeks” who can’t get girls? How about a remake of the Karate Kid starring Jaden Smith but mistakenly set in China? Oh, wait. That one happened. How about On the Waterfront but make it about MMA?
So do the movie world a favor and don’t go see any of these. This goes well beyond my personal desire to see Lucas fall on his face. Don’t take your kids to see these films. You know the new ones will just damage their soft brains and the older ones will be so full of extra worthless crap that you will want to scream.
Jason
Tree of Life gets two Oscar nominations???
So after I read Dave’s review for Tree of Life months ago I went and saw it to see if he was right on how bad it was. It totally sucked. I’ve seen YouTube videos that had better plots and stories. How can the morons at the academy give a Best Director nomination on a film that was a random pile of weird footage? Dave’s probably smarter on movies than I am and he couldn’t figure out what the damned point was.
This is a pretty good sign that the academy is chock full of pretentious a-holes who use their position to try to prove to the rest of Hollywood that they are smarter than they really are. The question on my mind is if this is so why do they bother with such blue collar awards like best special effects? Shouldn’t they be focused on which movie had the best caviar at the catering trucks? If Tree of Life actually wins either of these awards I am going to set up a camera at the dog park near my house and submit whatever random footage I get as the animal movie of the year.
By the way, I don’t think Starfleet Academy is full of pretentious a-holes. This shirt from the Star Trek T-Shirts category was the only image I could find with the word academy on it.
Jason
