This is 40? Um, not so much…
Hi there, this is cousin Nora, signing on for my first movie review. It might be a little rambly, but hopefully you’ll enjoy my perspective. When I chose to see “This is 40,” I did so to avoid more overtly depressing flicks like Django and Les Mis. After a Christmas/New Year’s vacation without any sunshine, I needed to laugh and not think about slavery or oppression, two topics I deal with everyday at work (literally and figuratively, but I’ll refrain from the digression for now…) Anyhow, “This is 40” had its funny moments and great one-liners, but, holy crap, if that were my life at 40, I would’ve shaved my head, packed my s***and headed to Tibet. I couldn’t put my finger on what was so jarring about this movie and why it was taking up so much brainspace after I’d seen it – and it wasn’t that, “Wow, that was provocative” kind of brain space, but more of a “wtf” kind of brainspace. Then my B, Alexis, saw the movie and she summed it up nicely in two words: “Annoying and disheartening.”
Where to begin: The plot. There wasn’t one. This is 40 was a “slice of life” deal that looked at the lives of “Pete” and “Debbie,” who you would know from “Knocked Up,” if you’d seen that. In “Knocked Up,” Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann played Katherine Heigl’s sister and brother-in-law. In small doses, Pete and Debbie’s constant bickering and vitriol was hilarious, but a whole 2 hours of hate and bitterness kinda sucked. Why? Cuz it’s rarely that simple: A couple who hate each other usually do so in much more subtle ways. The characters of Pete and Debbie were constantly bitching at one another and their relationship didn’t show any depth. Every once in a while, they’d have episodes where they professed their love for one another, but that fell flat because, for most of the movie, they were just being complete assholes to one each other.
There was a funny scene where they escaped their two kids – brilliantly played by Judd Apatow’s own little girls. On a sidenote, the little girls were constantly bickering and mean to each other, with only a rare instance of sibling love. 
Anyhow, while at a posh hotel, Pete and Debbie eat some pot cookies and have a party for two (with the room service waiter looking on as they order tray after tray of desserts). But that was just about the only scene where they seemed to like each other at all, so, overall, the relationship came off as shallow. You’re left wondering why these two didn’t get divorced years ago. (Loved & Lost image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category)
And, speaking of shallow, since this is the nerd blog, I’ll say that, as a nerd, I would be very happy to see this movie because it shows how tiresome and ridiculous the LA/So. Cal. lifestyle can be. Pete and Debbie emBODY that dream: They drive (probably lease) $100k in cars, live in a beautiful home, work out regularly, and look, well, like people from movies. But, just below the surface, you find that both are miserable. In one scene, Debbie confronts her daughter’s classmate, a kid who has a crush on the daughter and, therefore, teases the daughter. The kid even puts the daughter in the “not” category of his “hot or not” list (the ultimate insult for an LA kid, obviously). The kid’s mother ends up being Melissa McCarthy, who gives a brilliant performance when she, Pete, and Debbie are summoned to the principal’s office. In this scene, McCarthy’s character provides commentary on superficiality and she’s funny as hell. Other highlights include the adorable Jason Segal as the unlikely trainer and hot Megan Fox in her underwear/bikini. Also, John Lithgow and Albert Brooks as Debbie and Pete’s dads were interesting, but, again, there was a cringe factor. Which brings me to my main point: This movie didn’t know what it wanted to be when it grew up. Was it a lighthearted comedy? Not so much. Was it a serious look at relationships? Nope, because, like I said, the relationship seemed to consist solely on bitter back-and-forths. And the relationships between other family members (the daughters, Pete and his dad, Debbie and her dad) were also bizarre and under-developed.
So, now that I’ve seen this movie, would I recommend it? Hm. That’s a tough one. It did have some clever writing and I laughed a lot. The acting was fine, which led to a pretty big cringe factor. So here’s the deal: If you’re in a low point in your love life, like maybe you’re on a “guyatus” or a “shebattical” and have just endured a rough holiday season, this might be a good movie for you. It’ll make you grateful to be single. If you’re happily married or in a good relationship, it’ll make you appreciate your partner for their genuine spirit and overall kindness, even if they don’t look like a movie star or drive a BMW. If you’re in a relationship that resembles that of Pete and Debbie, seeing this movie with your “Debbie” or “Pete” might provide a means to finally deal with your misery. But, all in all, this movie didn’t really know what it wanted to be: Was it goofy, funny, and sweet like Knocked Up? No. Was it serious and soul-searching? It was set in LA, so the answer’s obviously no. But it was a weird combo of the two, which made it uncomfortable and awkward. If I were to choose again, I’d skip this movie and just go for Django or Les Mis. With those choices, at least I know what I’m getting into…overall, I give “This is 40” a C+, the C for a movie that’s just sort of “meh” and the plus for good acting and, at times, clever dialogue. And there you have it. Thanks for “listening.”
Les Misérables Review
I need to get a note from my doctor excusing me from writing this review.
This is the worst kind of review for me to write, if only because it is so out of my realm of experience that I might as well throw a dictionary into a tree shredder and publish whatever comes out the other end. It’s like asking a nuclear physicist to perform brain surgery; he or she may be highly intelligent and well trained in their own field of expertize but at the end of the task all you are left is a big gooey mess and a souvenir skull.
I also hate writing these because they always end up showing the world what an uncultured oaf I secretly am. I am sure I will get a lot of feedback similar to what I got for my review of Tree of Life when I called it a disjointed mass of editing room scraps masquerading as pretentious self indulgent pseudo art (I still stand by that, incidentally. If any of you are screaming Tree of Life fans let me tell you that Terrence Malick masturbated all over your face and you not only didn’t realize it but thanked him for it).
The problem stems from the fact that I am not really a fan of theater. If I am going to sit for two or more hours watching a story why would I not want to go see something with production values and all the bad bits edited out? It seems to me the only reason you would want to see something performed live is because you are hoping to see someone really screw up (kind of like how all Nascar fans secretly hope to see someone killed in a horrible car crash right in front of them). I know they are supposed to be a cornerstone of our culture (well, upper class culture) but unless your kid is in the show I don’t see a real reason to attend (and there is the proof of my cultural oafishness. Feel free to start hate spamming me now, so I can get right on ignoring you. Lincoln image courtesy of the Funny T-Shirt category).
Not to say that this movie is a play. It is a full grown film, with high production values and multiple takes for each scene. It is in fact very pretty and generally well produced. However, I never fell in love with the story as a play and have very little interest in seeing an entire script sung out loud. I don’t mind a musical when the periodic songs are used to enhance the story (Dr. Horrible, for example. I love that show). But this movie has every line of more than three words padded out into a complete musical number to the point I felt like I was drowning in lyrics and struggling for the faintest breath of expository dialog. The phrase “too much of a good thing” plays out well at this point.
The real victim of all the musical numbers is the film pacing. In a normal movie, establishing that the innkeeper and his wife are crooks would be accomplished with a couple of quick pickpocketing or ripping off scenes. Instead we are given an extended duet that keeps showing them doing the same thing over and over again in order to keep the screen moving long enough for the song to play out. It doesn’t help that most of the songs were variations on three basic songs, and if I have to listen to that Red and Black song one more time my head will literally explode.
There were parts I enjoyed, and I won’t be all black holes. I just feel like had there been a little more discrimination in the song selection and a willingness to space them out with dialog the movie would have moved a lot better and made each song have much more impact and relevance. Having Javert sing about his reasons for suicide lost a lot of meaning after listening to everyone else sing about every bowel movement and raincloud that passed overhead.
One last personal note before I get into the meat of the film. One of the actual reasons I had for seeing this film is I have had a long time love of Anne Hathaway (in spite of One Day but recently greatly enhanced by her portrayal of Sylina Kyle in the Dark Knight Rises). If you are reading this Anne I’d like to take you to dinner at the best taco truck you have ever tasted. However, in this film she is purposely made to look as ugly as possible and then dies about 40 minutes in. I totally felt ripped off, especially given that she is featured in about 80% of the screen time for all the trailers. I suppose if I had been more familiar with the story I would not have been so surprised (or bitter) but there it is.
Anyway, the story. Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman-X-Men, Real Steel, Rise of the Guardians) is a man convicted of stealing a loaf of bread and spends 19 years at hard labor. He is paroled but due to his status is destitute and starving. Inspector Javert (Russell Crowe-L.A. Confidential, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind) is on him from the moment he is released. A priest gives him the means he needs to reinvent himself and he skips on parole and takes on the identity of a well-to-do businessman. Years later Javert comes to his office and sort of recognizes him. Meanwhile single mother Fantine (Anne Hathaway-the Devil Wears Prada, the Dark Knight Rises, One Day) is fired from Valjeans factory for something (?) and has to become a prostitute in order to keep her young daughter alive. Her daughter Cosette (Isabella Allen when young, Amanda Seyfried as a teenager) lives with two horrible innkeepers. Fantine is discovered by Valjean who realizes he is responsible for her downfall. She dies of something (?) and Valjean vows to take care of Cosette. However, Javert is after him so he has to escape to the other side of Paris (can someone please tell me why he didn’t just leave town the first time he got away from Javert?) and change his name again. Skip ahead again and the two of them live together in Paris while the post Revolution revolts are going on. A young revolutionary named Marius (Eddie Redmayne-Black Death, the Other Boleyn Girl, My Week with Marilyn) sees her and they fall in love.
You know, when I was watching the film I was having to pay so much attention to the singing I failed to realized what a convoluted mess the story really is. Tolkien would struggle to follow this. Anyway, the minor revolution happens. Guys die. More singing surfaces. Marius and Valjean go swimming in raw sewage with open bullet wounds (sepsis, anyone?). Javert fails in his duty and jumps off a bridge. For the most part the movie lives up to it’s name as almost everyone in it ends up dead or unhappy in some way or another.
The stars. Very pretty movie, with lots of cool images. One star. Excellent work on the costumes and period pieces. One star. There were a couple songs that actually struck my cold, flinty heart (Marius singing about his dead friends at the end in particular). One star. From what I could discern through the fog of music I actually like most of the characters, Javert and Valjean in particular. One star. Good acting all around, if you can be said to be acting when what you are really doing is physically emoting while singing. One star. In the A for effort category I will say I was impressed by all the actors being able to sing, and for the director insisting on each song being sung in scene and not recorded post production. Russell Crowe was the weakest of the singers but even he managed to pull it off. While not my cup of tea, I have an appreciation for the work put in there. Plus I sing like a dying cow. Two stars. Grand total: seven stars.
The black holes. I’m not hitting them for the fact that it was a musical. I will hit them however for the insistence of using music in many scenes that could have been accomplished via dialog or even camera work in a matter of seconds. One black hole. This is probably the end result of adopting a play to a movie while trying to keep the play feel, but the pacing was glacier-like. The film runs 157 minutes and you will feel every one of them, mostly in your ass. One black hole. They did that period thing that bugs the hell out of me with the accents. The film is set in France, but every character has an American accent except for a few minor ones who for some inexplicably reason are British (including one ragamuffin who sounded Cockney). Of course, they insist on calling everyone Monsieur or Mademoiselle, and when they do so have a flawless French accent. Just pick one and roll with it IMO. One black hole. I feel like featuring Anne Hathaway so prominently in the trailers only to have her shuffle off the mortal coil 1/4 of the way into the film is just false advertizing. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
A grand total of three stars. However, my scoring is truly irrelevant. I’m not going to bother to recommend or unrecommended this film as I know you have all already decided if you are going to see it or not. If you lack a Y chromosome or are a fan of musical theater you probably have already seen it or plan to see it soon, and if you are not you probably won’t bother. Date movie? Abso-freaking-lutely. If sitting through this epic with a girl doesn’t get you laid you might as well become a monk because you are the least attractive man on the planet (on a side note, does anyone know of any good monasteries that are taking applications? I ask from a purely hypothetical point of view, and not at all because I saw this movie with a girl and didn’t get any). Bathroom break? The weird thing about this film is you kind of really have to pay attention to the singing in order to know what is going on, so I’d say try to hold it. However, if you need an exact point to relieve yourself any time they start singing the “Red and Black” song is pretty good. It goes on forever, is repeated ad nauseum, is towards the last 1/3rd of the film, and doesn’t really tell you much.
Thanks for reading. If you have comments on this film or my review of it feel free to post them here (even “Dave you are an idiot” comments will get approved as long as you don’t cuss). If you have off topic questions or suggestions (or happen to be Anne Hathaway taking me up on my taco truck offer) you can email me at [email protected]. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu (I really only post my reviews and the occasional new t-shirt there). Talk to you soon.
Dave
Seven Pychopaths Review
A fun movie, filled with dark humor, quirky characters, and misogamy.
I am not really a fan of misogamy, but almost every other aspect of this movie kind of rocked from me. 
Weird story, dangerous, psychotic characters, and some of my favorite actors, including the great Christopher Walken (Fear the Walken image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category). The misogamy takes the form of every female character having less than three minutes on screen and most of them dying in brutal ways, but I don’t honestly think that was the filmmakers intention.
Oh, on a less generous day I might say the story wandered back and forth a bit and kind of lacked focus, but a movie called Seven Psychopaths that is about seven psychopaths can be forgiven for dropping story in favor of more character development. The characters are all laid out and presented very well, with what I consider enough time spent on each to give the audience an understanding of their individual nuances. This film is definitely a character study, with each of the seven being different shades of guys you never want to ever mess with. While I am of course a Walken fan I have to give mass recognition to Woody Harrelson as the scariest nut job since Natural Born Killers.
The story is of Marty (Colin Farrell-Total Recall, In Bruges, Fright Night), a struggling (sort of. He sure has a nice apartment and hot girlfriend for a struggling writer. Most of the struggling writers I knew in LA were lucky if they had a clean dumper to sleep in) writer who is working on writing a script about seven psychopaths and killing his liver with alcohol. He is friends with one psychopaths Billy (Sam Rockwell-Iron Man 2, Napoleon Dynomite, Cowboys and Aliens) who makes a living by kidnapping dogs and then returning them once a reward is posted. He is assisted by Hans (Christopher Walken-True Romance, Joe Dirt, Things to do in Denver when you are Dead), who’s wife is in the hospital. They both have secrets that are revealed during the film, and in order to help Marty Billy starts telling him stories about psychopaths he has met or heard of, including the Jack of Diamonds killer who only kills mafia guys.
Billy and Hans make the mistake of kidnapping a dog belonging to local gang kingpin Charlie (Woody Harrelson-Friends with Benefits, Zombieland, No Country for Old Men), who is a violent sociopath who cares for not a thing in the world except his precious dog. He starts on a rampage across LA to find his dog. Other characters are introduced, including some convoluted back and side stories. The fourth wall gets beaten on pretty heavily (it is strongly implied that the script Marty is working on is actually the script for the movie we are watching, and some of the characters may or may not have been fictional from the protagonists point of view. At one point Hans even says “You don’t know how to write female characters” in reference to all the misogamy) but in a good way. I don’t want to get too much deeper into this film as it is full of potential spoilers.
The stars. I love a movie that treats characters as the reason for existing, rather than the necessary horses needed to pull the film plow. Two stars. Most of the characters were each in their own way intriguing and interesting. One star. Woody Harrelson was particularly good. One star. So was Christopher Walken. One star. Filming was admirable, and pacing quite good. One star. Dark humor is always fun for me, and really lacking in movies these days. One star. In general a good, fun movie. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes. The story kind of lacked focus. It wandered from set piece vignette to set piece vignette, and we got to the third act without really understanding a lot of the motivation behind it. Consequently the ending was kind of flaccid. One black hole. There was one character who did not add a lot from the film and was really like watching a mini film outside of the story. He later came to play an expository role towards the end but honestly that could have been done with any of the characters involved in the story. One black hole. I’ll give one for the misogamy just because I have enough friends who will give me crap if I don’t. I don’t think it was a critical element of the film but once I notice it I kept coming back to it. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of six stars, a very good score for me. Should you see it? Yes, in my opinion. I think most people will find at least one character that holds interest. If you like psychology, good drama, and plot twists for sure. If all you want is guns and explosions this film is actually kind of light in those. Date movie? Maybe. I’m not really sure how this one would play out. Could go either way, and therefore I would not recommend it based on the principle of “if it doesn’t help your cause, get rid of it”. However, if your date is into characters she might enjoy it. Bathroom break? At 110 minutes you might need one, but I am struggling to figure out where to do it. Maybe the scene where Marty, Billy, and Hans are all camping out in the desert. You definitely don’t want to miss any of the Charlie scenes.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Post any comments on this film or my review here, and if you have any off topic questions or suggestion feel free to email me at [email protected]. Lots more to see this week, so hopefully I’ll have something for you soon.
By the way, I got a note from casting director looking to do a reality TV show where they take low manliness men and send them to Man Camp or something. It has been a while since I did any of my Nerd Dating Advice columns but I can highly recommend machismo as a means of attracting women. If you or someone you know struggles with confidence, can’t seem to talk sports, likes drinks with fruit and umbrellas, and is just a little too much in touch with his feminine side consider it. I would go in myself but I’m afraid all my massive machismo in that room might spontaneously form cold fusion and cause a quantum singularity that would rip our planet apart, so for the sake of the human race will refrain. However, it seems like it could be fun and who knows? Maybe it will change your life or at least get you some notoriety you can exploit to hook up with reality TV groupies.
Talk to you all soon.
Dave
Lawless Movie Review
Pretty damned good.
I consider it a waste of potential when a movie with a title so easy to twist into funny jokes like “pointless” or “scriptless” makes the cardinal sin of being fairly decent. It’s like having the most fertile soil on the planet but all you have to plant are lima beans.
Ironically, one of the few black holes I am about to award to this movie has to do with the title of the film. There is an ugly trend going on these days in movie titles where the title has little to nothing to do with the actual content of the film. Usually it falls into the “one word” title of the film. Brave wasn’t really about bravery or being brave, Abduction had nothing to do with abduction (or movie making apparently), and Drive actually had little to do with driving. Not to say the movies didn’t feature bravery or driving (there was no actual abducting in Abduction. It still grinds my gears) but in no way was the title describing a critical plot point.
So it is with Lawless. Technically the main characters are lawbreakers, but they seem to do so with the active consent of the local law enforcement. They are not rampaging hooligans with complete disregard for society and order, which is what the title had me thinking the movie was going to be. In their own way they were decent humans with a respect for their community who happened to think prohibition was a dumb law. I think this is another example of movie making by committee. No one could think of a good title for this project and Lawless was at the top of a list of 25 suggestions from the assorted producers and crew.
Not to say this movie sucked. Like the vast majority of movies it had its flaws, but the story was solid and most of the acting at least respectible. Even Shia LaBeouf (Transformers) managed to not annoy me and seemed appropriate for his role, but since his role was that of a wimpy loser with delusions of grandeur and a less generous review might describe him with exactly those words in all his roles that might just be a case of really good (or really lucky) casting. Tom Hardy (Warrior, Layer Cake, Batman Rises, Inception) was really amazing and has cemented himself into the pole position of actors I will always try to see regardless of the movie genre. Everyone else delivered a very respectable job, especially Guy Pearce (Hurt Locker, LA Confidential, Memento) as the fastidious villain.
The only real story issue comes from the denouement. The first 85 minutes come across as an awesome Godfather/There Will Be Blood crime syndicate long story, which seemed appropriate for the level of quality acting and direction. Then it kind of falls apart in the last 30 minutes and reforms itself into Red Dawn/Commando. Again, not in a bad way. It just shifted gears headed into Act III and left me with a completely different taste as I looked for my car.
The movie is set in the 30’s and details the adventures of the infamous Bondurant boys, real life bootleggers in Franklin County Virginia. The leader is Forest (Tom Hardy), who manages to communicate more meaning and emotion in a grunt and three words of hillbilly accent than most actors can with an extended soliloquy. The middle brother is Howard (Jason Clarke-Public Enemies, Death Race, Rabbit-Proof Fence), a psychotic hot head who acts at the gangs enforcer. The youngest brother is Jack (Shia LeBeouf), who is the wimpy sidekick who dreams of being bigger and is also the narrator and technically the protagonist. The three brothers believe they are indestructible and more or less prove it throughout the movie. They are doing fine as moonshiners until a new lawman (Guy Pearce) appears and is trying to gouge them for more money. (Drink image courtesy of the Funny T-Shirt category)
That’s almost the entirety of the story. If you have seen There Will Be Blood you can pretty much figure out what is going on. Jack is in love with a preachers’ daughter (Mia Wasikowska-Alice in Wonderland, Jayne Eyre, the Kids are All Right) and has a nice sub plot that manages to enhance the main story without hijacking it. A city girl from Chicago (Jessica Chastain-Tree of Life, the Help, Take Shelter) shows up and gets a job at the Bondurant gas station and has a romance with Forest. The story progresses in a series of developmental vignettes until the ending, when it all comes crashing together. Guys get shot, throats cut, and otherwise killed. After a great movie I found the ending to be more than a little flaccid.
The stars. Great, interesting story. Two stars. Excellent acting all around, with special props to Tom Hardy. Two stars. Based on real life American characters. One star. Some entirely gratuitous, unnecessary, and highly appreciated nudity including Jessica Chastain (after Tree of Life I figure she owes me something). Finally a director who gets that if you are going to eat an R rating anyway you might as well go to the hilt. One star. The atmosphere had a very strong 30’s feel to it, and the camera work and direction spot on. One star. Overall a very entertaining movie. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes. The whole title thing I started off this blog bitching about. One black hole. The shifting of story tone towards the end. One black hole. Pacing seemed a little erratic. Fast-slow-fast-slow. One black hole. I found the ending to be weak. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
A grand total of five stars and my recommendation that you go see this film. If you like crime and/or Americana this will really work for you. There is nothing in the camera work that demands a large screen, but if you like to see good movies do well support it by going to a theater. You won’t miss much doing it at home however. Date movie? I’m going to say sure, but not a first or second date. The violence is not so horrible that it will turn her off, and she might really appreciate the acting. However, it won’t ecourage her to like you more. I see this as a great compromise movie. It has elements both of you should like. That being said try to see it after you have actually formed some kind of attachment to her. Bathroom break? Nothing really stands out, to be honest. If I had to pick a scene you could live without I would say when Jack and Cricket take off in the truck by themselves to deliver moonshine. The driving scene has a little bit of interesting stuff but nothing that you will need to appreciate the film.
Thanks for reading. I’ll try to see Possession tonight and review it tomorrow. Looks like a creepy one. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments or thoughts on this review or movie feel free to post them here. If you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Review
Pretty much exactly what you would expect.
I have some time to kill in my hotel in Venice waiting for a business associate to join me for dinner and thought I would dash this off. 
I saw this movie Sunday and quite enjoyed it in the same way you would enjoy ordering your same coffee drink at Starbucks: pretty much exactly what you expect with no surprises either positive or negative.
(Drink coffee image courtesy of the Funny T-Shirts category)
I have learned that as a reviewer you have to treat independent films with kid gloves. Not only are they the beloved underdog of the movie community they are also particularly sensitive children. If I say the latest George Lucas film is a steaming pile of excrement I am but one voice in a sea of lost souls wailing for justice (and even if Lucas did read my review would he really give a crap?). On the other hand if I say something that sounds even slightly like a less than gold star about an independent film than I am destroying some poor struggling sods dream and I guarantee he or she will have read it.
Fortunately I don’t need to don the kid gloves for this one. While not exactly the deepest or most complex story around, it is nigh flawless in it’s execution and induces exactly the warm feelings it intended. The story is not terribly complex but it is definitely different, and the cast is extremely talented and delivers some great performances.
It is the story of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and the retired individuals who opt to live there. This is another story that devolves into a half dozen sub plots interweaved together. However, unlike other movies that do it badly (cough cough New Years Eve cough cough) the stories here are interesting, complex, and resound well with the talents of the individual actors. They also interact together, with each actor playing a part in the resolution of another’s sub plot.
Anyway, there is the retired high court judge who is coming out of the closet (Tom Wilkinson-Batman Begins, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Shakespeare in Love), the recently widowed woman who was left destitute by her husbands debts (Judi Dench-Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, As Time Goes By), the retired couple who are left broke when their daughters start up doesn’t take off (Bill Nighy-Hot Fuzz, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 1, Pirate of the Caribbean Dead Man’s Chest and Penelope Wilton-Shaun of the Dead, Match Point, Pride & Prejudice), the cougar looking for a sugar daddy (Celia Imrie-Highlander, the Phantom Menace, Bridget Jones’s Diary), the old rogue looking for love (Ronald Pickup-Prince of Persia Sands of Time, the Mission, Lolita) and the racist old woman (Maggie Smith-Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone, Hook, A Room With A View). They all arrive at the hotel only to discover it is not quite as clean and well kept as the advertisements implied. It is run by a young Indian named Sonny (Dev Patel-Slumdog Millionaire, the Last Airbender, Skins) who is desperate to make the hotel succeed to prove himself to his disapproving mother. He is also trying to get her approval to marry his super hot girlfriend (Tena Desae-Yeh Faasley, Sahi Dhandhe Galat Bandi).
The stories move and develop. The gay judge is looking for his lost Indian boyfriend. The destitute widow takes a job at the girlfriends telemarketing company. The couple are torn between the husbands new found love of India and the wife’s need to move back to England. The cougar is looking for a husband, and the old rogue for a hookup. The disapproving mother (Lillete Dubey-Monsoon Wedding, Vanity Fair, Kal Ho Naa Ho) threatens to pull the whole deal apart while the racist learns to love other cultures.
The stars. Acting was top notch, particularly Judi Dench and Maggie Smith. Two stars. The story was well done. Two stars. A nice insight into living in India, at least from the perspective of a retired white person. One star. A feel good movie that successfully makes you feel good. One star. Tena Desae was extremely easy on the eyes. One star. A PG-13 film that felt and worked as a PG-13 film. One star. Total: eight stars.
The black holes. Pacing at parts definitely dragged, and by the end of the film you start to feel the 124 minutes. One black hole. If I were a less kind person I could say that the endings all felt a little too pat, but I will pass on that. Other than that, taken in the context of what this film was supposed to be I can’t think of anything else. One black hole.
A grand total of seven stars. Should you see it? If you are my mother absolutely. If watching retired people find love and meaning in their life works for you then yes. However, if you find it difficult to connect with older actors and/or just want something resembling action or a bigger conflict than a couple fighting with each other than maybe pass. You have to want to see a feel good movie to enjoy this one. Bathroom break? Nothing really springs to mind. Maybe the part where the judge plays cricket with the local Indian boys. Not a whole lot happening there. Judi Dench wandering the city could probably be missed too if necessary.
Thanks for reading. I am having a blast here in Italy but if I find the time will try to get my review for Snow White and the Huntsman up. The one bad thing about this trip is I am missing Prometheus and will have to wait until I get back to review it. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or review feel free to leave them here. Off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to me at [email protected]. Thanks again. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Goodbye Davy Jones
Project X was sold out last night, but I am kind of glad as it gives me a chance to say goodbye to a piece of my childhood, Davy Jones of the Monkees. I’ll probably get a lot of heat from my friends for this, but the Monkees appealed to me musically in a way that the Beatles never could. I don’t dislike the Beatles, and I know the Monkees are pretty much a knock off, but it just never spoke to me. Last Train to Clarksville is a song I could listen to any day or night. Pretty much all their songs work for me.
However, it was the TV show that made it for me. For some reason almost all of the late 60’s and 70’s hippy shows never really appealed. HR Puff ‘n Stuff, Seseme Street, the Electric Company, and all those shows that were supposed to be cool for kids sucked, but every Saturday morning I could tune in to the Monkees and enjoy the hell out of it. It was like an American Young Ones staring British guys as struggling musicians is a surrealistic world. They lived in a weird world I could only dream of entering, as it looked so much cooler than my own life.
Davy was the leader of the band, and the coolest of the four. When I heard of his death I was really saddened. It has been a hard year for singers, but this is the one that sucks the most for me. Davy, you were a piece of my culture growing up, and I will miss you.
Dave
P.S. I also have respect for any David willing to go by Davy. That is the tougher road to follow in the name game. Monkey headphones image courtesy of the funny t-shirt category.
Post Apocalyptic Zorro?
So I read online that they are casting Gael Garcia Bernal to play Zorro in the next reboot. My first thought was who cares about a Zorro movie? Zorro has always been kind of a dumb character in my book. Like the Three Musketeers, he suffers from the fact that he looks like a ponce in his outfit and is fighting with a sword when any idiot could just shoot him with a black powder gun.
Then I read that they are considering making the new Zorro a futuristic post apocalyptic story and my second thought was how dumb. Why mess with something that has worked for decades? Does there really need to be a re-imagining of Zorro?
But then I combined those two thoughts and came up with my final thought on the matter, how freaking cool could this movie actually be? I love post apocalyptic anything and this could possibly take care of a lot of the costume and sword issues that have plagued the story from the start. I think this could possibly be one of the best Zorro movies ever.
This children are the future image was the closest I could find for a post apocalyptic image. It comes from the funny t shirts Dave carries.
Interesting trivia: the Mask of Zorro was the movie Bruce Wayne was watching with his parents right before they got killed. I suppose I could have pulled a Batman image pretty easily. Oh well.
Jason
The Woman in Black Review
Scary Potter.
I actually saw this Saturday night and will say it was scary. However, it is of the jack-in-the-box kind of scary where something jumps out at you, causing a minor adrenaline spike and the occasional need to change your undergarments. It is not the kind of scary that builds up in the back of your mind like water balloon on a faucet that you forget is running. The terror builds steadily until it finally burst and gets all over everything. Instead it is Snakes on a Plane scary, where after the first 20 minutes, once you understand the nature of the villain, you begin to expect to see something horrible and predetermined scene locations and, for the most part, you are not disappointed. (Jack in the Box image courtesy of the Funny T-Shirts category).
The film also makes the cardinal mistake of establishing early on that the one character you are destined to connect with, Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe-Harry Potter and not a whole lot else) is actually in no real danger from the ghost, as she has a thing for children. Once you understood that tension in the scenes bleeds off like the aforementioned water balloon with fifty or so pin pricks in it. Still scary, but not in the same sense of danger you get from a movie like Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, where you know the bad guys are actively looking to cause harm to the character you like the most. Instead the danger is focused on a bunch of kids, which is bad in a very general sense, but since none of the kids have more than a couple minutes of screen time pre death you never connect with any of them. Honestly, if some excuse had been found for a couple kids to hang out with Arthur so we could get to know them, then I might have cared when something horrible happened.
The other big mistake this movie makes is it fails to give us a real reason for Arthur to be doing anything besides running screaming into the night, along with any of the other characters. I’m sorry, but if I am by myself in a big, creepy mansion and there is a rocking chair moving by itself after a day of seeing a ton of other creepy stuff I would be out of there so fast your eyes would spin, and by the way I’d be setting fire to the place on my way out the door. The villagers are idiots too. It is established early on that the local innkeeper had lost a child to the woman in black. He then has another child that he keeps locked up for her own safety. Why the hell didn’t he move to another town, along with anyone else who had a child? Is parental instinct such a rarity these days? Sometimes I think so, but if you live in a town with a local supernatural killer of children you might want to consider a different school district.
Anyway, the story. Arthur Kipp is a widower with a young son (again, a great opportunity to connect with a potential victim squandered. We meet him briefly at the beginning and again at the end) who is in danger of losing his job as a solicitor. He has a job to go out into the countryside and sort out the final affairs and sell the old mansion of someone (??? To be honest I can’t tell you who died and left the house. It might have been the woman in black, but it seemed to be implied that she had been dead for decades. Also she didn’t appear to have ever lived there. It might have been her unseen sister, but the sisters grave looked about 100 years old too. The house itself looked as if no one had been there for a while as well. If someone knows who’s affairs were being taken care of please post a comment). His son he leaves with a shockingly hot nanny (Jessica Raine-Robin Hood, Call the Midwife, Elsewhere) but they plan to join him shortly in the creepiest village in English history (sorry to keep hitting you with these questions, but if Arthur was nigh bankrupt as is stated several times how can he afford a nanny and vacations and so on? That kid should have had “latch-key” written on his underwear band). He arrives in town to encounter the typical “we both have a deadly town secret and hate all outsiders” attitude from the local bumpkins. Everyone seems unusually protective of the kids, but nothing is ever explained.
Anyway, the story is almost painfully linear. Naturally no one wants Arthur around and do whatever they can to make his life uncomfortable, except for the local rich guy (magistrate? Judge? It seems to be implied that he has some kind of local power but it is never explored. Played by Roger Allam-V for Vendetta, the Queen, Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides) and his insane wife (I can’t seem to find her credit. Weird) who’s son died under mysterious circumstances. He doesn’t believe in ghosts and puts up Arther, helping him along. Arthur decides the best way to go through a bunch of old paperwork is by sitting up all night by himself in the the creepiest mansion in the history of the world instead of in a nice office or hotel room. Naturally weird stuff starts happening, and kids in the village start dying. The locals opt to blame Arthur instead of burning the mansion to the ground and/or just moving the hell away. The backstory of the woman in black is spoon fed to us in the most painfully obvious manner; a monolog delivered in a woman’s voice as Arthur reads a bunch of old letters.
SPOILER ALERT: if you have a brain you might be able to infer some info about the ending from the next few lines, so maybe skip ahead a bit. While the action had a number of creepy surprises, the actual story was about as linear and predictable as long distance train track. Whatever tension the movie started with gets pretty much drained by the last 20 minutes. Arthur pulls some Scooby Doo shenanigans in order to appease the ghost and takes a swim in muck. Everyone in the movie make the dumbest choices possible (most of them being “Let’s hang out instead of making like a hockey player and getting the puck out of here”). The depressing and predictable ending that had been looming over the story like a suspicious lump in your testicle sack is made manifest.
The stars. Say what you will, the director (James Watkins-My Little Eye, The Descent Pt 2, Eden Lake) knows how to do creepy. Everything in this film looks like it was rejected by Hellraiser for being a little over the top. The problem is, of course, a lack of contrast actually makes the creepy stuff less creepy. However, if creep is what you like, this movie has it in spades. One star. Daniel Radcliffe managed to deliver a pretty good performance while completely divorcing himself from his Harry Potter legacy. Good script choice IMO. One star. The minimal special effects and camera work were really well done, helping to deliver on the tone the director was striving for. One star. There were some definite heart in your throat scary moments, so if you are looking for an adrenaline rush go for it. One star. Pacing and direction were pretty good. One star. Generally a fun movie to watch. Two stars. Total: seven stars.
The black holes. Predictable. One black hole. Once you realized the ghost wasn’t going to kill Arthur due to the fact that he wasn’t a child the was a serious lessening of tension. One black hole. This movie I think would have actually benefited greatly from a couple more characters. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of four stars. This movie is actually better than that score indicates. I think it worth seeing. Definitely a good date movie, as your date should be gripping your arm nicely and not want to go back to her creepy, lonely apartment if you know what I mean. However, if watching guys in movies make bad life decisions infuriates you, maybe you should give it a pass.
That’s it for this weekend’s movies. I’ll try to get something watched this week, but have a couple other ideas to talk about soon. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.
Dave
This Weekends Movies.
Things are looking really busy this weekend, with three new movies on my must see list. I will see one a day for the next three days, and review each in turn the next morning. I offer to you, my beloved readers, the chance to help determine what order I should see them in. If there is a movie upcoming that you are interested in but would like my humble opinion early on speak now via comment here or Twitter. Your choices are:
The Grey-Liam Neeson and a bunch of disposable heroes land in the frozen North and have to escape while being hunted by a pack of wolves. I can only hope he is forced to eat his fellow passengers to survive. My prediction is that there turns out to be some kind of external influence causing the wolves to be unusually aggressive.
Man on a Ledge-I consider it both an insult to my intelligence and a warning sign of incoming suck when the movie description (not a review) calls this movie “heart pounding”. I have a feeling these descriptions are actually written by the marketing department for the film itself. The more they hype it the more it probably needs hyping. My prediction: so little heart pounding that I will be checking my pulse in order to make sure I haven’t accidentally passed away during the show. Man stands on a ledge in order to distract from his friends trying to steal a $40MM diamond in order to prove his innocence. Is it so much to ask that a movie premise make sense? I mean, does every crime in a movie have to be for some noble purpose? Would it not be enough to simply say “A guy stands on a ledge in order to distract from his friends stealing a $40MM diamond which they intend to sell and use the money to buy stuff”? Seems to make a lot more sense to me.
One for the Money-if your intention is to screw with my head vote for this one. A super hot girl is desperate for cash and decides to become Dog the Bounty Hunter. Apparently she is going after her ex boyfriend. My predictions: a lot of “girl too dainty to do anything all of a sudden kicks a guy in the balls and discovers she enjoys the feeling of power and regained self worth”; a highly improbably series of luck allows her to exceed the performance of one or more much more experienced bounty hunters; and finally she catches her ex only to discover she has feelings for him. These feeling either motivate her to let him go, or he is able to exploit her feelings in order to trick her and get away in the last five minutes. (Protect your Nuts image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category)
So make a comment here of hit me up on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Given the actual number of responses I get from these things the first person to hit me up will probably be casting the deciding vote. First review should be up tomorrow. Thanks everyone for reading. Have a great day
Dave
Joyful Noise Movie Review
Here is a movie to make you wish human beings had never developed vocal cords.
And I’m not talking about the singing. In fact, the music was one of the few redeeming qualities of this film. I am not a real fan of Gospel, but can appreciate the sound and understand what a powerful tool it can be for the advancement of the Christian pantheon (I consider myself more agnostic than anything else, although if I were forced to choose a specific religion I think I would roll with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster). No, it’s not the singing that made me want to stuff chewing gum in my ears. It’s the freaking dialog. If I have to hear Dolly Parton or Queen Latifah spout out another hillbilly, earthy country platitude (“If the jury is full of foxes then the chicken is always guilty”) I will be forced to go on a berserk chainsaw rampage.
The story is the unnatural offspring of Sister Act and Footloose, with lingering eye contact made with the Bad News Bears during conception. The proud parents had their child and, because someone else had already used the name Glee, ran with Joyful Noise. The weird thing is when you make a movie out of two mediocre movies you normally only take some elements from each and combine them into a crappier movie. What director/writer Todd Graff (The Electric Company, the Abyss, Five Corners, Stranger Days) did was, with the exception of the gangsters trying to kill Whoopie Goldberg, take ALL the elements from those two movies and pile drive them into one script until the screen is bursting with badness like rancid corpse stuffed into a corset. I mentioned Glee because that appears to be Mr. Graff’s favorite show, and honestly this movie reads like an entire season of bad TV compressed into 117 minutes with each episode creating yet another 5-10 minute subplot.
Fragmented doesn’t begin to describe this story. It is even more fragmented that the horrible New Years Eve I reviewed last year, although at least all the characters in this film know each other. The sub plots are legion. There’s the “main” plot of the losing church choir winning the national Joyful Noise competition. There’s the competition between Dolly Parton and Queen Latifah to be the choir director. There’s Queen Latifah’s hot 16 year old daughter rebelling against her mother’s restrictive nature, as well as her romance with Dolly’s grandson. There’s her Asperger brother trying to deal with being different from everyone else, learning to play the piano, and taking his sunglasses off. There’s the small Georgia town suffering from economic collapse. There’s the choir singer who’s father’s hardware store is closing. There’s Dolly Parton dealing with the death of her husband by ignoring it completely. There’s Queen Latifah’s husband joining the army to get away from her and the two kids. There’s Latifah’s struggle to provide for her family. There’s the grandson’s checkered juvenile past. There’s another girl hooking up with a guy and killing him after the first night (that subplot resurfaces later and somehow hijacks the whole story at the end). There’s the preacher who doesn’t want to spend money on the choir. There’s the struggle that the grandson and Dolly have to update the choir with more than just traditional music in order to win the big contest (oh yeah, somehow winning the contest is integral to the survival of the town. Still not sure what that was about). There’s the preacher hating the new music and pulling out his support. There’s the other kid who gets into a fight with the grandson over the daughter’s affection but later joins the choir as the worlds greatest guitar player or something. The list goes on and on.
In the credits (I read online. I didn’t really stay for the credits. I couldn’t get out of the theater fast enough) it is revealed that Todd Graff’s mother was in a choir, which makes a lot of sense. This movie looks a lot like a self indulgent labor of love, and Graff wanted to stick every small town or choir story schtick he could find into it. Next time I would suggest he make a list of his 20 best ideas and get a third party to whittle them down to like three. Just because you have an idea doesn’t mean you need to execute it.
Before I go on I’d like to say a few words about Dolly Parton. It seems pretty obvious that she is single handedly supporting the plastic surgery and hair care industries. That being said, I can’t argue with the results. She is 66 and looks at most 42-45ish. She also seems to have a sense of humor about it too, and plastic surgery jokes come about in a scene with Queen Latifah that was one of two that I actually enjoyed. Also, while she definitely is a lady throughout the film, her outfits seem designed to emphasis the assets she is known best for, if you know what I mean (her singing voice, obviously. What were you perverts thinking of?)
The story reads like it was written by the second place winner of a 5th grade creative writing contest. I don’t know if I need to get into it too much, as I seem to have covered it in the sub plot rehash. The church choir director (Kris Kristofferson-Blade trilogy, Planet of the Apes(2001)) drops dead during a choir competition, leaving Queen Latifah (Bringing Down the House, Living Single, Taxi) and Dolly Parton (Sweet Home Alabama, Moulin Rouge, Transamerica) up for the gig. Latifah gets it with the goal of winning the big Joyful Noise competition. Dolly’s grandson Randy (Jeremy Jordan-not much of a filmography. Looks like he was in Newsies on Broadway) shows up, falls in love with Latifah’s daughter (Keke Palmer-True Jackson, Cleaner, Akeelah and the Bee), who is a good church girl. At that point the story more or less explodes into the aforementioned subplots like a watermelon with an M-80 stuck in it. Church choir hijinks ensues. No real conflict arises. The story chugs along like a V8 with only three cylinders firing to the inevitable predictable conclusion.
The stars. The music and singing were actually pretty good. One star. The actors, working within the limitations of a bad script and horrible dialog, managed to deliver a decent performance. Kind of like winning a three legged race. One star. Queen Latifah is at her best when she is bitching someone out, and there were two scenes (one with Dolly in particular) that were entertaining that way. One star. Keke Palmer is super cute. One star. Total: four stars.
The black holes. Dialog that made me want to never see another film again. Two black holes. 1 kazillian subplots that went nowhere. One black hole. 1 subplot in particular was especially cringe-worthy. One black hole. Pretty much all the rest of the subplots gave me an attitude that rhymed with “Eye Mont Bare”. One black hole. 
The pacing dragged like trying to pull a corpse to a shallow grave by yourself (not that I would know anything about that. Where did I put that body image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category). One black hole. Glee ripoff. One black hole. Overall story seemed both pointless and dumb. One black hole. A movie that is supposed to be uplifting and heartwarming laced with death and sociopaths apparently not caring about it. One black hole. Two more black holes for generally wasting my time. Total: eleven black holes.
So a grand total of seven black holes. This is another one that was weird in that the audience around me seemed to be enjoying it and laughing. However, I suspect a lot of them came to see it from some kind of church obligation and had to pretend to like it otherwise their friends might think they were not the good Christians they like to think they are. A lot of the laughter sounded forced, like laughing at your bosses bad jokes. Speaking as a creepy loner who couldn’t care less about what the people around me think (if you don’t believe me just look at how I dress every day) the only prayer I was making was for the credits to start rolling. I don’t know. Was it better than tripping and falling into a tree shredder? In most ways yes. Was it better than spending those two hours working on my Doom Fortress in Minecraft? Absolutely not. However, if you are dating a girl who is Christian this could be a good one to see, especially if you are willing to wait until your wedding night for sex.
I’m back to scraping the bottom of the barrel on movies. Nothing to see tonight, but maybe I’ll see My Week With Marilyn. No way there is anything in that film to annoy me. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.
Dave
