Intersteller Review part 3
Bad science is the least of this films problems.
I could go on about all the other bad science for the rest of this review but I don’t really need to when I have such campy mediocre dialog and gaping plot holes to party with. Even assuming Christopher Nolan didn’t hire a top scientist to consult with him (which he did incidentally) and learned all he ever need to know about science and astrophysics by watching old Space 1999 reruns I have to believe he knows how to make a decent film and not have the story stumble upon dopey plot holes and story pacing from hell. The dialog was very campy which would have worked brilliantly in a camp film but this film was supposed to be taken seriously (also I know this is my own personal bias but every time I heard Matthew McConaughey speak all I could see was him shirtless in Magic Mike saying “But I think I see a lotta lawbreakers up in this house tonight…”). Of course since this is a Nolan joint the soundtrack has to so overpower the dialog that you miss most of it. Good thing there weren’t about 3 billion different ideas he was trying to transmit with his dialog (oh wait there was…).
For all that if you dropped acid in a theater while watching the “My God! It’s full of stars!” scene from 2001 you will probably enjoy the hell out of the visuals (Image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). If you are not a fan of sci fi but want to be able to at least sound like you know a thing about it when talking to the tech geeks at work (you know, become a poser) this film will probably work very well for you. Like many of Christopher Nolan less than great films you can’t just hate this one completely. He is too talented to make absolute crap and I applaud a film that fails for trying to do too much rather than one that fails for trying to do too little. I can totally see why half the reviews are lauding this movie and the other half are lamenting it (including Jae, there girl who writes on our other blog. She thought it was great).
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Gone Girl Review Part 3
In spite of those issues the film was definitely several steps above the usual dross foisted upon us by Hollywood, most of whom seem to think we are mouth breathing cow people who are content to chew on whatever cud they send our way. Here is a brief, spoiler free recap:
Nick Dunne (Ben Affleck) is a cruddy husband who comes home to find his wife Amy (Rosamund Pike) missing under suspicious circumstances. She is a minor celebrity and a media storm rapidly builds around her disappearance. A tough police investigator (Kim Dickens) leads the investigation and as it progresses suspicion shifts towards Nick and his sister Margo (Carrie Coon). Plot points and twists are revealed and things get freaky as they often do in David Fincher movies.
So worth seeing? Absolutely yes, if only to help educate the rest of Hollywood as to what we the American audiences really want. Story was good for the bulk of the film, acting was great (especially Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck. I also really liked Tyler Perry), camera and film work extremely well done, pacing kind of brilliant in the sense that Mr. Fincher wanted to build a story rather than just present one, and overall a great movie going experience. 
I just don’t think it’s worthy of the tongue bath adulation that most people seem desperate to lather it with. It’s a decent flick swimming in a sea of mediocrity. It’s not the second coming of the Godfather with a script written on paper pulped from a piece of the True Cross (Godfather image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). Go see it and if you can turn off some of your higher brain functions you will love it. Personally I think it would be a better movie if you actually left before it takes it’s left turn into Mundania. At 149 minutes you could cut out 25 minutes early and still feel like you got a quality movie experience.
4 out of 5 Phasers.
The Infamous Dave Inman
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The Top 10 and Worst 5 Kurt Russell Movies
I was supposed to see something tonight, but everything seemed to suck and I wasn’t in the mood. Instead I am going to publish something I have been working on, my list of the best and worst Kurt Russell movies.
I got this idea while working on my the Thing review, and have been thinking about it. Kurt Russell has had quite the film career, and seems to waver between loser and super tough action guy. Personally I’m drawn to the action guy, but they are all good (or bad). Here we go with the best:
10. Stargate-not many people besides me remember that Kurt Russell was the original Col. Jack O’Niel. While this movie was kind of crap, it earns it’s slot on my list (albeit at the bottom) for spawning one of the greatest sci fi TV shows ever.
9. Dark Blue-Kurt plays a sort of corrupt but really dedicated cop who pushes things a little too far but then starts to question himself. I liked this one as it was a real arc for Kurt’s character, and did not have a pat happy ending. Also, Ving Rhames always makes me happy when I see him in a movie, and honestly he is a guy who has worked hard to not get typecast.
8. Escape from LA-OK, yes this was just a remake of Escape from NY, but any movie featuring a one eyed Snake Plisskin gets props in my book. Also, I was living in LA when this came out, and it was fun to see the parts of town I was hanging out in as a post-apocalyptic wasteland. This movie, as cheesy as it was, it did feature one of the best gun fights of all time, which ended with Snake uttering the word “Draw”.
7. Backdraft-odds are this movie should be ranked higher, as it was really well done and I like firefighters. Just not enough sci fi for me. However, in addition to being a great story, the pyro special effects were amazing, back in the day of no CGI. Ron Howard is an amazing director.
6. Soldier-I love this movie. I own it on DVD and watch it about once a year. I can’t even tell you why. It’s kind of dopey and super camp. I think I just like the idea of super soldiers trained from birth. Also, for a guy who is supposed to show no emotion Kurt manages to give you some pretty cool feelings from his performance.
5. Grindhouse-Death Proof-yes, while there are any number of issues you can have with Grindhouse, everyone will admit the best part (or least bad part) is Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike. I guess he just inhabits that role very well.
4. Tombstone-Another Kurt Russell I am good to watch about once a year. While it is weird to see Kurt, who normally plays an outlaw, play lawman Wyatt Earp, he really plays the part well. Of course, it was Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday who made the movie pop. The strange thing is I don’t think I ever really considered him as a serious actor until that role. Plus, this movie gets the award for the best Kurt Russell mustache of all time.
3. The Thing-weird shapechanging alien escapes the dreaded Norwegians and tears ass through an American antarctic research base. Kurt plays a helicopter pilot with the unlikely name of R.J. MacReady and kicks ass. I will take a serious look at any John Carpenter movie, and this one is a great example of why. Also, I love the creepy, ambiguous ending.
2. Escape from NY-the movie that introduced us to Snake Plisskin and the mission to rescue the President from the slums of Manhattan. Snake is such a good character and such an all around bad ass that you can’t help but love this movie. Also, it inspired a pizza place in San Francisco called Escape from New York Pizza, which does a decent NY style pizza. If you find yourself on Haight stop by and get a slice. If nothing else, the attitude of the kids behind the counter is hilarious.
1. Big Trouble in Little China-sigh. Words cannot accurately describe how much and in what ways I love this film. Action with an awesome sense of humor, this is another phenomenal John Carpenter movie. Kurt plays Jack Burton, an over the top truck driver who gets embroiled in a supernatural war between Chinese spiritual factions in Little China of San Francisco. Not only does he manage to pull the witty everyman off to a t, but he does it without resorting to being some kind of super powered action guy. Mostly he gets lucky, and is hilarious while doing it. If you haven’t seen it jump on board the cool boat with your Captain Dave. (Pork Chop Express image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). I would also like to add that this movie has some of my all time favorite quotes. Here are a few that stick with me in particular:
Jack Burton: “That is not water.”
Egg Shen: “It’s black blood of the earth.”
Jack: “Do you mean oil?”
Egg: “I mean black blood of the earth.”
Another one.
Lo Pan: “Shut up, Mr. Burton! You were not brought upon this earth to get it!”
Of course, the funny thing about the career of Kurt Russell is he seems destined to do some god awful movies too. You can’t even say there is a progression, as in he did crappy movies when he was just starting out but now does only great ones. Six months after doing something awesome he comes out with a movie that makes you wish humans had never developed the sense of sight. Here, in my opinion, are the five worst movies he has ever done.
5. Posiedon– as a general rule I would say never get involved with anyone named Wolfgang, as in Wolfgang Peterson, the director of this 2006 bomb. For some reason they always sound creepy. It got a well deserved Golden Raspberry for Worst Remake. At the time it had really great CGI, and made a good amount of money, so I guess it’s not fair to call it a bomb. Culturally awful, however. Bad Titanic.
4. Tequila Sunrise-If you like complicated, labyrinthine plots that leave you wondering what the hell is going on then maybe this isn’t the 4th worst film Kurt has done. On the other hand, if you like your stories to make some semblance of sense then you should be with me on this. I think the best way to describe this plot is to take a love triangle and add about 14 more sides. Don’t try to follow the plot too closely or you will strain your brain.
3. Captain Ron-to give Kurt his due, I place more blame for the suckage of this family comedy in the lap of Martin Short. Of course, I have never found him charming or funny. Remember that anti-drunk driving commercial from the 70’s that was a kid playing with a toy car and the catch phrase was “a car is not a toy”? That’s how I see this movie. Kurt plays a great comedic action hero, but really should stay away from the actual comedies. It’s rare that you watch a movie and spend most of it hoping the boat sinks and all the characters die, but that is pretty much what I was hoping for.
2. 3000 Miles to Graceland-this movie, in addition to truly sucking, was a bitter disappointment for me. I am an Elvis fan, and when I heard it was about Elvis impersonators robbing a casino I thought it would be great. It also featured Courtney Cox, whom I have always had the hots for. However, the screenplay, acting, dialog, and action all really sucked. The movie really started to Hoover when 2/3rds of the way to freedom Ice T shows up as another action character for some of the dumbest sequences in cinema history. What he is doing in a movie about Elvis impersonators I don’t know, but he was so out of place what little credibility the movie still had at that point fell apart like a sand castle in front of a tsunami. I would also like to point out that this movie was one of the extremely rare times I got sick of violence. To say I have a high tolerance for violence in film or video games is a bit of an understatement, but this movie managed to fill my tank and spill all over the ground. I don’t know if it was the continuous violence that did it, or just the ridiculous nature of the violence, but after watching it I wanted to go home and watch Smurfs or something.
1. Tango and Cash–ironically, I had blocked this movie from my memory and it wasn’t even on my list when I started composing it, but while checking Kurt’s filmography came across it and the awfulness rushed back into my frontal cortex like a repressed memory of childhood molestation. Sly Stallone and Kurt play cops Tango and Cash, who are trying to nail crime lord Jack Palance in a terribly convoluted plot that looked, acted, and smelled like a garden maze made of excrement. The final action sequence with the off road vehicles didn’t so much as require me to suspend my disbelief as murder it and dump it in a quarry. There was also a really dumb prison break sequence, which is ironic given that the movie Sylvester had done before this one was Lock Up, a halfway decent prison break movie. It also featured Kurt Russell in drag in a scene that will make you want to drink a Drano martini. During the course of the film Kurt and Sylvester seemed to have entered a contest to see who could chew the most scenery, and by the end of the film the audience lost.
That’s my list. Thanks for reading, and be sure to follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. I think I am going to see the new Johnny English film later tonight, which I expect to kind of suck. Should be fun to review. Anyway, talk to you later.
Dave
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 3
OK. Your dressed right, bathed in the last 24 hours, and understand how to not mess up the personal space and body language. You see an attractive young woman and need to talk to her. What do you do?
This is the famous question of what is the best opening line. Honestly, opening lines suck and feel fake. The fact of the matter is there is no such thing as a good or bad opening line. If the girl thinks you are attractive you could say something completely dumb and worthless and she will be enthralled. If she does not then you could make a statement that would cure global warming and she will blow you off. The only time the opening statement is important is in that very broad “maybe” zone that most guys end up in.
I have found the best way to open a conversation is observational humor or comments. If you are at an event and see a couple women with big hair you could say something like “I hadn’t realized the 80’s were back”. If you are at a coffee house and observer her reading a book you could ask here what she is reading (or, better yet, notice what book she is reading and make an intelligent comment about it. If you have the time it might be worth looking the book up on your iPhone, read a review, and then tell her you were just reading a review of the book and wanted to get a first hand opinion on it). If it’s cold or hot make a comment about that. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter what it is (unless you say something really dumb or inappropriate). The reason it doesn’t matter is because it shows confidence.
Captain Kirk didn’t score with hot alien women from one end of the universe to the other just because he had power (although power doesn’t hurt. Try to get some. T shirt, by the way, from the Movie t shirt section) but mainly because he is insanely confident. Girls don’t want to date a wimp, and the first test is if you are confident enough to strike up a conversation. Look her in the eye and speak as clearly as you can.
My best “line”, for lack of a better term, is usually something on the order of “How are you doing?” However, if I am in a park near a hot girl and the Blue Angels pass overhead in formation I will jump on that opportunity and say something like “Think they are on their way to finally bomb the Tenderloin?” (local humor). The best part about that is not only have I opened a conversation, but if she laughs I know she has a good sense of humor too.
That’s it for now. Next post: open ended questions.
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Buzz Aldrin on the Howard Stern show this morning
So I was listening to Stern this morning and he had a great hero, not just for America, but the human race, Buzz Aldrin on for a candid interview. The guys who made it to the moon were the first step towards mine and every thinking nerd’s dream of getting off this rock we call home.
Unfortunately, our current administration has opted to no longer pursue the space program, the one decision I most strongly disagree with. In order to keep the morons of this country happy in the short term they are selling out the human race’s long term benefit. I know I have bitched about this before, but if you could get a letter or email sent to the president (www.whitehouse.gov) in support of NASA that would be very cool. I just sent another one.
Anyway, in the spirit of space exploration I have shown a picture for Forbidden Planet from the movie t shirt section. Great movie, if you haven’t seen it.
I am the top nerd!
So I went to this very tiny Warhammer tournament this weekend and took best overall, going 5-0. While it is pretty pathetic to win something that small, it does make me feel like Conan in this movie t shirt answering “What is best in life” with “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” Of course, as usual there were very few women there (one playing 40K), but you get the idea.
Winning best overall gets me an army box set, a plaque, and an invitation to the national championships in Las Vegas. I am torn as to whether I want to go or not. I always say no right after a full day of Warhammer but then a couple months later get gung ho again.
So I got home, just had dinner, and now get to start diving into all the work I blew off in order to do the tournament. Lots of new shirts to write up, including the new baby onsy’s. Should be fun.
