The biggest question from the Phantom Menace
Dave wrote a long blog about the whole Star Wars versus Star Trek thing. Personally I think they both suck and for the most part always have, although if you put a gun to my head I guess I would have to vote Trek. However, while arguing with Dave about it I was reminded of the ultimate question from Phantom Menace. If your mind is ready to be blown apart here it is:
“Where the hell did eight year old Anakin Skywalker find a child sized helmet inside the cockpit of a Naboo fighter normally piloted by an adult???”
That’s pretty much it. I guess Lucas believes in child safety strongly enough to put the continuity of his film in serious jeopardy. The Who’s your Daddy image I found in Dave’s Star Wars t shirts. I find it funny, but also creepy when you see adult Padme connecting with eight year old Anakin.
Jason
Is a Star Wars TV show really the way to go?
Unlike Dave, who has very strong opinions on what he calls the “whoring out of Star Wars ” by Lucas, I am honestly wondering. On the one hand, it can definitely be said that Lucas has milked so much out of his one cow that he should have enough dairy products to feed the nation. Between the six movies, all the comics, books, and video games you would think that eventually he would get tired of beating the same dead horse.
On the other hand, when I think about this I can’t help but think back to another mediocre movie that later was turned into an amazing TV show: Stargate SG1. The movie was definitely weak, but the show was amazing. Even if you don’t like it you can’t argue with the success of a show that went ten full seasons. Given the possibilities I think this could actually go somewhere, especially since they have announced that the TV show is going to be focused on the criminal elements for the Star Wars universe. In my head I see Boardwalk Empire in space, with the Hutts being the criminal kingpins.
However, Lucas doesn’t have a particularly good track record when it comes to doing something good while exploiting the only two good movies he made, so the possibility of this to suck is pretty high. I will watch it, and odds are have to listen to Dave bitch about it week after week. We’ll see.
This Japanese Star Wars image I got from Dave’s Star Wars T Shirt collection. It seems extremely cool.
Jason
Star Trek Post Production 3D Blues
I don’t share the same amount of hatred of JJ Abrams’ Star Trek with Dave, and while I kind of wonder how they are going to remake the Wrath of Khan when the first movie pretty much made it so that Space Seed never happened, I kind of expect it to be pretty good. I do have one opinion in common with Dave and that’s post production 3D sucks.
JJ Abrams has announced he is going to shoot the whole thing in 2D and let Paramount 3D it up post production. I don’t think this has ever produced a good effect. All the best 3D movies are shot in 3D, and generally make for really good films. Whenever it is done in 2D and ramped up later the 3D is almost not even noticeable and the film makers never seem to look for the right opportunity to show the 3D effects. Basically it turns into a huge waste of film.
Dave is more the Trek fan and has a lot of strong opinions about JJ taking over the franchise and rebooting it. I just enjoyed the film and am not that worried about sticking to canon. I am looking forward to listening to Dave bitch about it when he is writing the review however.
This Khan shirt I found in Dave’s Star Trek t shirt collection. Good episode IMO.
Jason
Think Like a Man Review
I honestly liked it, and for the life of me can’t figure out why.
This film was a huge surprise to me. According the the trailers (which I watched over and over again) it looked like every movie I should hate on every level: good looking late 20-somethings dating and screwing each other while living in the lap of luxury and enjoying the finer things in life while I struggle to buy something more than Top Ramen. It also had the appearance of following in the pattern set in Valentine’s Day and my fourth worst film of 2011, New Years Eve in that it is an assemblage cast with multiple interweaving multiple story lines crossing into each other. However, while New Years Eve enjoyed all the success of a barbed wire jock strap, somehow this movie does it right and manages to keep the audience engaged and into the story.
I think a big part of it is in this film the talented cast of actors all put their heart into the roles, ending up with a great and believable performance from all of them (with one exception, maybe). That, combined with excellent dialog and very strong chemistry, both romantic and platonic, made up for some of the weaknesses around the script.
I do have two major issues with this film and like most of my problems, they are personal. First of all seeing as I have been riding a dating rejection streak is approaching presidential term length (two term, that is) seeing all these hot young people date and for the most part succeed in finding love was like multiple daggers made of frozen nitrogen stuck into my chest. The fact that there wasn’t a woman in this film I couldn’t fall in love with was the twist on the handle.
The other issue was the portrayal of Los Angeles as the most romantic city in the world or something. I have tried dating in LA and from a romance perspective you will not find a more wretched wasteland of shallowness, ego, and self image destruction short of the fourth level of hell. If any of you readers are women living in LA I apologize if this offends you (I’m sure you are the exception to this generization) but the girls of Los Angeles are the most horrid humans to date in the known universe. 
I would literally rather kiss a wookie. (I’d Rather Kiss a Wookie image courtesy of the Star Wars T Shirts. Also, cute but hirsute women don’t be afraid to contact me).
Anyway, the movie. It is the story of 4 men and the women who have to date them. They are all friends and all take on aspects of the worst stereotypes of bad male partners: the non-committer, the player, the mammas boy, and the unemployed loser. For the record they are played by Michael Ealy (Seven Pounds, Underworld Awakenings), Jerry Ferrara (Entourage, Brooklyn Rules) Terrence Jenkins (Burlesque), and Romany Malco (Weeds, the 40 Year Old Virgin, Blades of Glory). They are joined by comic relief and recently divorced Kevin Hart (Soul Plane, Fool’s Gold, Along Came Polly). They are either involved with or meet and start dating four women who are each respectively sick of these types of guys. They are Meagan Good (Brick, Stomp the Yard, Eve’s Bayoo), Regina Hall (Scary Movie 4, Scary Movie, Law Abiding Citizen), Taraji P. Henson (the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Karate Kid, Date Night), and Gabrielle Union (Bad Boys II, 10 Things I Hate About You. Bring it On) and are to a woman very easy on the eyes.
The four women seem destined to keep on moving in the same direction they always have in their relationships until they come across a date advice book by Steve Harvey. I don’t know what he did to become a dating expert but since I first started this blog by giving out dating advice who am I to judge? (if you want to laugh here is the link to Part 1 of 19 posts on Online Dating I did. Kind of bitter, but some of the funniest stuff I have written IMHO) The four women buy his book and learn how to deal with men. Steve’s advice seems to be summed up as “lower your standards and then browbeat the hell out of your man until he morphs into something you can stomach”. I’m not saying I disagree with him.
Of course, the men find out about the book and start using the info back at the women. Things go to hell all around. Plans go astray. Dating chaos ensues.
The stars. I was really impressed by the cast and their performances for the most part. Two stars. Great dialog. One star. The characters all had really good, solid chemistry that worked. One star. All the women were pretty. One star. The multiple story lines not only managed to avoid tripping each other up, but actually enhanced each other. One star. I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected to. One star. Total: seven stars.
The black holes. The Kevin Hart character, while useful as a comic relief, was the one character that felt fake. I don’t think this is on Kevin so much as it is on the writer. One black hole. Sappy, predictable endings. One black hole. I don’t know if was my own feelings about dating, Los Angeles, or what but something about the film kind of infuriated me. Also we ended up looking at a lot of bare man chest. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
Four stars total, a great score for a romance film. Should you see it? Not really if you are a single man. Date movie? Hell yes. Interesting enough to keep you engaged while fulfilling every dream your date has ever had. However, I think this will work even better on a TV in front of a couch in a couple months, if you know what I mean.
I’ve kind of hit a streak of either decent or good movies. While that is a plus for me personally I know that this translates into kind of boring reviews. I can only hope something coming out soon sucks the proverbial teat, but honestly it looks like a good lineup. The best two cantidated for suckage are probably the Five-Year Engagement and Safe, but we’ll see. This weekend I should see both of those as well as Pirates and the Raven. Busy weekend. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu or email me with questions or suggestions to [email protected]. Feel free to post any comments on this movie here. Thanks for reading. Have a good weekend.
Dave
More on the Han Shot First debate.
So a couple days ago George Lucas did an interview with SlashFilm in which he stated that it was always been his intention to show Greedo shooting first and missing badly from a distance of two feet in an effort to paint Han Solo as something other than the criminal drug smuggler he was. Oh, sorry I meant to say spice smuggler. Anyway, he lays the blame firmly on the poor editing techniques they had back in the 70’s. This Star Wars logo is from the Star Wars T Shirts, by the way.
The thing is he never had any of the same issues in any of the other scenes involving blaster battles or complicated angles, and that shot didn’t look all that difficult to shoot. The real thing, however, is that as a kid I was really into Star Wars and would buy anything I could afford with the Star Wars logo on it. In one case I bought the book adaptation from the movie and in the book Han shot first without Greedo even pulling the trigger. This book was licensed and approved by George as well. Is he going to tell us that due to the 1970’s book writing techniques he couldn’t accurately show that Greedo shot first?
The very fact that he expects us to by this line of crap is conclusive proof that he actually has no respect for the fans of Star Wars at all. It would have been a lot more acceptable if he had just said something like “Look, I wanted to clean up Han Solo’s image a little when I had the chance.” Instead he is going to lie to us and expect us to buy his bull. For shame, Lucas.
Jason
Join me in the Boycott Lucas movement.
So George Lucas has announced Feb. 10th as the day of evil as he rereleases his horrible movie The Phantom Menace, now in 3D. I am calling on all nerds and, for that matter, all Americans to boycott the entire series. As everyone knows the prequels were crap, and post production 3D is crap. Why would you spend money to support crap?
This Empire logo comes from the Star Wars T Shirt category.
This goes beyond mere dislike of what Lucas did to his franchise. We need to take a stand against the raping of cherished movie franchises. Hollywood needs to realize that they don’t have carte blanche with regards to good movies just for a fast buck. In case you were wondering what the inevitable conclusion to this ugly trend I have one thing to say to you: Highland 2, the Quickening with 500 Years Ago on Planet Zeist. You think I’m kidding? How about a Alien prequel that has Ripley in flight school but somehow involved with aliens? A remake of Weird Science starring Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith as “geeks” who can’t get girls? How about a remake of the Karate Kid starring Jaden Smith but mistakenly set in China? Oh, wait. That one happened. How about On the Waterfront but make it about MMA?
So do the movie world a favor and don’t go see any of these. This goes well beyond my personal desire to see Lucas fall on his face. Don’t take your kids to see these films. You know the new ones will just damage their soft brains and the older ones will be so full of extra worthless crap that you will want to scream.
Jason
Red Tails Movie Review
Ha ha ha Lucas you fail again.
All you regular readers should have figured out by now that I have a very large axe to grind with George Lucas for ruining a cherished childhood memory of mine, Star Wars (Stormtrooper image courtesy of the Star Wars T Shirt category). If you don’t understand how he did this, or are to young or dumb to realize how much of an amazing epic the Empire Strikes Back is, then I suggest you spend some time at Red Letter Media checking out the Plinkett Star Wars review for Episodes I-III. I have come to the conclusion that while Lucas has claimed responsibility for Episodes IV-VI, the talented people who actually made the movies what they are were fired after EOS was made, leaving us with freaking Ewoks as a predecessor to the eventual doom manifested in many ways but mostly in the form of Jar Jar Binks.
So it would be fair to say that I went into this movie looking for reasons to trash it, but fortunately for me I didn’t have to look hard. The suck reasons are varied and many, and we will get into them in detail shortly, but while this movie may or may not be a commercial success it is definitely riding the short bus to movies. What gives me even more enjoyment of this failure is Lucas had all the elements to make a truly amazing film: a star studded and talented cast, an amazing true story to work with, and stunning CGI effects. All this and the movie still sucks.
Before we get to much farther into this dog let me say that I am a big proponent of civil rights advancement, and have great admiration for the men of the Tuskegee training program. Theirs is a truly amazing story, and one deserving of a truly amazing film. Unfortunately their story fell into the hands of George Lucas, who is to good movies what thalidomide is to pregnancy.
The movie is, of course, the story of the Tuskagee airmen the first group of African American pilots during WWII who fought with honor and pride against the Germans. It tells of Col. A.J. Bullard (Terence Howard-Iron Man, Hustle & Flow, Four Brothers) struggling with the brass in the newly built Pentagon in the face of rampant racism and negative stereotypes. Meanwhile unit commander Maj. Emanuelle Stance (Cuba Gooding Jr.-As Good as it Gets, Men of Honor, Jerry McGuire) leads the gang as they start out flying regular patrols well in the rear with outdated aircraft, eventually getting to support a landing and finally flying bomber escorts. He and his crew are punched out of the stereotype paper doll book: there’s the squad leader struggling with alcoholism (Nate Parker-The Great Debaters, the Secret Life of Bees, Felon), the hotshot rogue pilot who can’t obey orders and is constantly on the prowl for women (David Oyelowo-Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the Help, The Last King of Scotland), the younger pilot struggling to prove himself to the veterans (Tristen Wilds-the Secret Life of Bees, 90210 (2008), Half Nelson), the religious nut, the joker (named Joker-anyone remember Full Metal Jacket?), and a couple of country bumpkins. They each have a sub plot and story that does nothing, goes no where, and actually hurts the movie (especially the romance story so worthless and crowbarred it felt like a big weighty dumb story forced into a movie. Hey, I can’t be the king of analogies every day). Each one is an anchor even heavier than the one preceding.
It has been often said that George Lucas is not an actors director, and I don’t think it has ever been more apparent than in this movie. In spite of working with some of the most talented professionals in Hollywood he somehow managed to get them all to act like they were each passing a golf ball sized kidney stone. This combined with dialog that compares favorably only to a flesh eating virus makes each non flying scene feel like being smothered under a burning mattress. The antagonists were even worse. A blatantly racist commanding officer (Bryan Cranston-Malcolm in the Middle and one of my personal favorites, Breaking Bad) was so over the top it was laughable, and the evil German pilot (Lars van Riesen-A Brunette Kiss, Private Peaceful, the Parachute Ball) was laughable cartoonish with lines taken from the Ming the Merciless catchy one liner phrasebook (“Die, you foolish African!”). I guess Lucas can’t do a movie without a goofy fake character with dumb lines.
As for the racism, it was painfully drummed into our heads for the first half of the movie and then somehow just evaporated in the second half. I know Lucas is trying to do something for African Americans (possibly to make up for all the heat he got for racist stereotype Jar Jar) but Spike Lee he is not.
I will say the time spent showing the action in the air was exciting in the same way the dog fights in Star Wars were fun. The CGI was flawless and only once did I see a flight sequence I know for a fact was literally impossible. The one thing Lucas can do is CGI, and he does use it here. However, for every minute spent in the air with exciting combat you spend like five on the ground grinding through some god awful character development.
The stars. I’ll give one star for the cast, especially Cuba Gooding Jr., although he spent the entire movie with a big dumb pipe in his mouth like he was Gen. Douglas MacArthur. What exactly was that supposed to add? One star. The story of the Tuskagee airmen is one that deserves to be told. Two stars. Decent fight sequences and CGI effects. One star. WWII movie. One star. Total: five stars.
The black holes. Acting ran like a chewing the scenery contest. One black hole. Dialog that made listening to drunk guys debate politics sound good. One black hole. Characters so flaccid and ill developed I really didn’t care if and when any of them died. I wasn’t hoping they would die. I just couldn’t worry about them. One black hole. Each sub plot that slowed the story down. One black hole. Very few of the sub plots actually had a conclusion or, for that matter, a point. One black hole. A bonus black hole for the romance sub plot, which pretty much led to the most obvious ending in the history of war movies. One black hole. Pacing and editing from hell. Stuff jumped around in a fast/slow/fast method that made me want to scream. One black hole. At one point Lucas felt the need to channel Hogan’s Hero’s and include a POW escape plot that did absolutely nothing but add in some more worthless ground crap. One black hole. While the African American pilots were heroes of the sky, the portrayal of the Caucasian pilots make them looks like a bunch of undisciplined cowboys, not really reflecting well on the Army Air Corps. One black hole. The scar faced German pilot turned the movie into a comedy. One black hole. The instantaneous reversal of bigotry in such a pat and worthless manner (not so much a resolution as Lucas got bored portraying it and decided to drop the whole thing). One black hole. The film suffered from the war movie “We bought a tank, we are going to show a tank” syndrome. In other words, every scene’s background was so packed with jeeps, trucks, tents, planes, and more jeeps you couldn’t see the ground. One black hole. Some fairly grievous plot holes (If the guys were flying patrols well behind friendly lines, how then did they come across a German train?). One black hole. Total: thirteen black holes.
So a grand total of eight black holes. I feel pretty good about that. The movie, in spite of the great subject matter, was out and out dumb. Of course, the theater was packed and apparently it did pretty well for it’s opening weekend. Odds are very likely that the film will do fine and Lucas will never read this review or if he did even care. He is still rich beyond my biggest dreams. Still, I do feel a bit of satisfaction for this piece of tilting at windmills. I can see why Don Quixote did it. Should you see it? If you like airplanes and combat sure. If you want to somehow support the cause of 1944 Civil Rights sure. If you like good acting, direction, and story telling or want to join me in not supporting Lucas in any way then you should not (incidentally he plans to re release the entire Star Wars franchise in 3D one at a time. I am starting a campaign to not go see any of these and ask you all to join me. Don’t support this. Besides, we all know post production 3D sucks. Don’t fall for the hype)
By the way, Lucas has announced after finishing this dog he was going to retire from film making. I am of two thoughts on this concept. On the one hand I found myself singing “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” while doing a little dance in my office chair. On the other hand I kept thinking to myself “Why didn’t the house fall on the witch fourteen years ago before she made the Phantom Menace?” I do wish him a happy and relaxing retirement, with lots of sitting a beach somewhere not working on any of those pesky scripts or anything.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. By the way, you will be seeing a lot of smaller posts by my guy Jason, who works for me and is going to be looking for interesting nerd stuff to post about. Basically these long blog posts actually don’t serve the purpose this blog was created for and I need him to make it actually work. He seems sharp enough. Look for my Underworld review tomorrow. Talk to you soon.
Dave
10 Best Movie Chase Scenes
OK, I have been flaking a lot on my blogging lately, but the fact is I have been super busy getting ready for this Warhammer tournament. I am sitting in the bar at the hotel in San Antonio and had some time to kill, so I thought I would crank this out. I have been working on this list for a while, and like it a lot.
The weird thing is I checked a bunch of other lists and they don’t exactly have a lot in common with mine. I guess I have a different perception of what is cool in a chase scene.
10. Bullitt. Great scene all around as they tear ass through San Francisco, my second favorite city. Ever wonder what it looks like when you manual a car? This movie can show you (that was a skateboard joke).
9. Ronin. This one, Bullitt,and the next one on my list are pretty standard for best chase scene lists, but it’s obvious this one is on it for a reason. This movie is like a huge single chase scene across Europe, with occasional pit stops to load up on food, fuel, and ammunition. They destroyed over 80 cars in the shooting of this flick, and even hired an F1 driver to do a lot of it.
8. the French Connection. Yes, I guess I am slowly turning into one of those snooty movie jackasses who feels the need to reference “the classics”, but I can’t deny this one is pretty epic. There has been a rumor around for years that they filmed this one in New York without permission from the city, but I have my doubts.
7. Bladerunner. I never said this was all car chases. I have always liked the scene where Deckard chases down Zhora, the replicant girl with the snake. Great foot race, and she takes a header through a plate glass window, only to have Leon almost choke him to death.
6. the Blues Brothers. Hey, they wrecked a mall and a bunch of cop cars. That mall was scheduled for demolition, but it must have been a ton of fun to film. Just thinking of driving through all that plate glass makes me all tingly.
5. Smokey and the Bandit. This movie was nothing but a chase scene. Great film, with good humor. Unfortunately it introduced us to the incompetent hillbilly sheriff who plague films for about 15 years afterwards.
4. Terminator 2. Motorcycle to helicopter to big rig hauling liquid nitrogen, this scene had it all. The best line was Arnold saying “This is the vehicles maximum velocity” as they ripped along at 5o MPH.
3. Last of the Mohicans. Another foot race, but one of the best. To be honest, this movie kind of drags for a long time, but the final chase scene with Hawkeye, Uncas, and Chingachgook chasing down Magua makes it all worthwhile. Even more amazing was the soundtrack for the scene, which to this day rocks for me.
2. the Empire Strikes Back. Yes, I’m a fanboy, but the Millennium Falcon running through an asteroid belt chased by six TIE fighters only to hide in a cave that is actually the gullet of a giant sock puppet and eventually escape by attaching itself to the outside of an Imperial Star Destroyer is in all ways awesome. Watching this movie over and over again sometimes makes the pain of Episodes I-III feel more like a severe bowel obstruction rather than getting punched in the balls over and over again for six hours. (Empire logo courtesy of the Star Wars T Shirt category)
1. the Road Warrior. The final chase scene makes this movie, which is great anyway. An interesting fact is from the moment Max starts the engine until he crushes Wes on the grill of the Humungous’s car and lays the truck on it’s side the camera never stops moving. Another interesting fact is they did stunts in this film you will never see in another film. The reason is they didn’t hire stunt drivers. They hired guys off the Australian demolition derby circuit, and those guys would do anything. The differences are subtle, but if you pay close attention you will realize that, instead of the standard “car gets hit and crashes because the driver is planning it or not even in the car” they would do stuff like have the car get t-boned by the truck, straiten out, and keep on driving. It doesn’t sound like much until you think about it, but once you do it kind of blows your mind. Watch it again and understand how the lack of huge crashes and explosions is actually an improvement over the standard Hollywood pap.
I also like the fact that Max didn’t really start kicking ass until after all his helpers were killed.
That’s it. I have to get to sleep. Big day of Warhammer tomorrow. I will be seeing a bunch of movies this week and will try to write something every day. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKung Fu. Thanks for reading. If you disagree with this list or think I missed something feel free to post a comment. Talk to you soon.
Dave
50/50 Movie Review
100% a good film.
I have been looking forward to this film. I am a Joseph Gorden-Levitt fan ever since he was on 3rd Rock From the Sun and thought he was excellent in Inception. Seth Rogan I enjoy a love/hate relationship with; love for Superbad and Pineapple Express, hate for his active participation in the cinema abortion known as the Green Hornet (Knocked Up I have mixed feelings about. Good in parts, but possibly a case study in the worst relationship in human history). Anna Kendrick I don’t have a real opinion about, although I liked her in this one. She still carries the stink of Twilight about her, however.
So last night I went and was not disappointed. The story was real, with some funny moments and a lot of scary, depressing moments. I was honestly touched at several points, and while I hate admitting I am becoming more girl-like as I get older actually felt myself tearing up at a few moments (some people might call that maturing emotionally, but I refuse to walk down that path). What was cool was the emotional response was honest, sincere, and built up over time, not the hamhanded “let’s kill the one character you like in the movie” approach I suffered through in One Day. The director (Jonathan Levine, who has done nothing I have heard of but whom I expect to see a lot more from) and writer (Will Reiser, who’s only real credit seems to be the Allie G Show) managed to make the audience connect with every character on the screen, but most closely with Adam, the protagonist. You really end up identifying with him and his situation, and I spent the last 30 minutes of the movie praying that he wouldn’t die.
I don’t know who to lay the laurels on for this one. Honestly, I really think it was a near perfect storm of great acting, directing, and story writing that led to such a good experience. Of course, the last film I saw before this was Taylor Lautner’s lamentable and horribly misnamed Abduction, so it could be that the part of my brain responsible for movie appreciation has taken one too many hits to the head. This film was like a man dying of thirst finding a full water cooler in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
Anyway, the story is of Adam, a young Seattle urbanite who, in spite of his extremely cautious and healthy lifestyle, develops a rare form of cancer on his spine. His best friend is Kyle (Seth Rogan), a lackadaisical, unhealthy slacker. The story goes through the drama of Adam dealing with his selfish and self centered cheating girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard, the hot blind girl from the Village, but she also played in Spiderman 3, Terminator Salvation, and the Lady in the Water, so she doesn’t exactly have a great filmography) who is super hot but such a reprehensible person you want to cheer when Adam boots her out. He has to also deal with his extremely engaging worrywart mother (Angelica Houston, looking better than I have seen in years), his Alzheimer father (real trend towards Alzheimer dad’s this year), and his own emotional stress and stages as he goes through the suffering of chemotherapy and eventually surgery. He is aided by the very young councilor in training Katherine (Anna Kendrick) who comes to play a bigger part in his life, but his rock throughout the movie is his friendship with Kyle. Kyle shows what true friendship is about. I don’t want to give this one any spoilers as I expect you all to see it, but when you do look for the scene where Adam finds the book and you will know where I really started to tear up.
The stars. Extremely well acted. Two stars. Good story, if somewhat linear and kind of predicable, at least in parts. Two stars. Some really funny moments. One star. It managed to pry a real emotional response out of my cold, dead heart (odds are it will have most of you crying like a little baby, so macho am I). One star. Anna Kendrick was looking heartbreakingly cute throughout the movie, and can actually act. One star. The Adam shaving his head scene was really fun and cool. One star. All the interactions between the characters, especially Adam and Kyle, were extremely real. One star. A generally good movie experience. Two stars. Total: eleven stars.
However, as any of you who have read a few of these knows, the movies without any black holes are extremely few and far between (and for the record, they are The Empire Strikes Back, Blade Runner Directors Cut, TWOK, and Fight Club. Boba Fett image courtesy of the Star Wars t shirts category), and this movie is not one of them. First of all, the trailers I saw made this movie look about 10 times funnier than it actually was. I know, how much can they do with cancer, but still there were some great lines in the trailers that got cut out of the film entirely. One black hole. While well written, a careful analysis of the story shows a decent percentage of cliche-sium. One black hole. Finally, again while the movie was overall great, the shift in tone from humorous buddy movie to emotional tear jerker was jarring at times. I’m not sure how they could have gotten around that, but still. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
Total of eight stars, and I do highly recommend this film. If you can convince a girl to go on a date with you it is a great date flick. See it in the theater in order to support good movies, but honestly you won’t miss much if you wait to see it at home. In fact, this might be the perfect movie night at home date movie, if you know what I mean.
Thanks as always for reading. I think tomorrow I will see Dream House even though it looks like it will creep me the hell out. Actaully, if I can find it nearby I want to see Machinegun Preacher. On the other hand, if my movie partner joins me tomorrow I will probably have to see something tamer, like I Don’t Know How She Does it or What’s Your Number. God save me. Anyway, follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Nerd Dating: the greatest date ever-movie night in-Part 3 more cleanup
Like the US Marine Corps likes to say, Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. You actually have a human female (to the best of your knowledge) coming over to watch a movie at your place. Don’t screw the whole deal up before she even arrives.
You have hidden away most of your nerd stuff and other things that could potentially embarrass you in your living room. However, there are plenty of things to screw you up in pretty much every other room in your place.
First, the kitchen. Make sure there is actual food in your refrigerator, not just beer and condiments. Salad makings, some meat and cheese, maybe even some kind of food that requires preparation. I won’t go as far as to suggest you actually cook something. I mean, we’re not trying to stop the world from spinning on it’s axis here. Just make it look like you subsist on something other than fast food and Cheetos.
Then the bathroom. Assume she will at some point glance into your medicine cabinet. Get rid of anything medical, especially if it is for an embarrassing affliction. Preparation H, rogaine, viagra, anything skin related, or for that matter anything that could be used for something weird (Vasoline) needs to go away. Your medicine cabinet should contain toothpaste, floss, deodorant, a comb, some hair gel, and maybe some Q-tips. Then, go out and by some good, super soft toilet paper and be absolutely sure you have a full roll on your holder AND a spare roll somewhere handy and visible. You have no idea how much toilet paper some women can go through in a given day, and running out of TP and having to ask you for more (or go without) will really piss her off. Hide the plunger, but make sure you have a toilet brush in a holder. Even if you are not in the habit of washing your hands after using the bathroom (and really, if you aren’t, why don’t you just go out every day and eat a bucket of sewage? Also don’t shake my hand) have some hand soap next to the sink in a dispenser. If you had to buy some for this date make sure the seal is open and dump about 1/3rd of it out.
Finally, the bedroom. This is where you hope to end up, if not tonight than some point in your lifetime. Don’t make the huge mistake of getting rid of all your contraband by dumping it into the bedroom and hoping she avoids it. Get rid of the weird stuff. Make sure you have clean, high thread count sheets, a duvet for all your cruddy blankets, a bed frame (no 
mattresses on the floor), a minimum of two pillows, and a nightstand with a lamp. Assorted other bedroomy stuff is cool, like a dresser or a mirror. Keep the decorations to a minimum. You don’t want her to think you like to go to sleep looking at your Empire Strikes Back poster every night (Empire image courtesy of the sci fi t shirts). If there is something in your bedroom that a 10 year old would think was cool, get rid of it.
Now, it’s time to clean. Yes, everything we have done up until now was just to get your place ready for a complete cleaning. Honestly, I hate this and when I have the money I like to pay a housekeeper to come do it for me. However, it has been a couple years since I have had that kind of scratch, so I am back to doing it all myself. If it has a flat surface, dust it. If it folds, fold it. Make your bed. Scrub out your bathtub, sinks, and toilet (actually pay particular attention to the bathroom, as most women are really sensitive to that sort of thing and will get really skeeved out by a dirty toilet). Scrub your linoleum. Vacuum your carpets. Open your windows and get some fresh air in. Throw down some air fresheners and spray Fabreeze likes it’s a fire extinguisher at a four alarm fire. Don’t miss window sills, the top of your TV, under the couch, or the inside of your refrigerator and microwave.
Odds are you will spend hours and still do a mediocre job of it, but this is the minimum you have to do. The vast majority of women can’t feel comfortable in a place they think of as dirty, and more than anything you need her to feel comfortable so she will want to get closer to you or at least come back some day.
OK, I’m seeing the new X-men movie tonight, so tomorrow will be a movie review. More on this subject Sunday, I think, although I am done with the cleaning stuff and will get into some other movie related specifics, like what kind of movie to recommend.
