Nerd Dating: Making “the Move” part 4:When is the time right?
OK, you’ve read some kissing instructions (I hope) and are on your third or later date. Now we come to the crux of the dance known as making out. Like dancing, if your timing is good it looks like a beautiful performance but if your timing is off by even a little you could easily trod on your dates foot and never see her again.
Unfortunately, knowing when to go in is both situational and requires a certain amount of instinct and experience. Even with experience you can totally screw up and blow it, so be prepared for rejection. However, I can give you the benefit of my painfully gained experience.
My personal policy is to go in when the awkward silence seems to get boring. This is a terrible policy and you should not use it, but I think my personal boredom tolerance level is about the right time, as I seem to be correct more than incorrect (this is not a great record, actually, as this could be as low as 51%, a straight F). However, everyone has a different boredom level, so don’t try this.
I should probably throw something in here about misinterpreting the situation. I hate using cliche phrases like “No means no” but the fact is there are times when you think you are on final approach when in reality she is actually waving you off. If you go for the kiss and she pushes you off or asks you to leave it is time to go home and think about where you messed up. Either you suck at interpreting women or she is nuts. If its the former work on it and the latter you are better off having learned now. However, do not make the mistake of thinking she is telling you one thing while thinking something else. Bail out and chalk it up to experience.
Here are some signs to look for that tell you the time is right. This list is neither comprehensive nor absolute, so don’t hold me to it. They are just decent guidelines.
1. You have your date alone somewhere private. This is actually more of a requirement than a guideline. In other words, your first kiss had better be somewhere private. Do not try to kiss her somewhere in public, as she will be very self conscious and vulnerable. Also, I find I also feel very vulnerable if there are other people around while making out with a girl, and that tends to ramp up my caveman testosterone fight-of-flight instinct and make me even more a pain in the ass to deal with (at least I understand some of my own limitations).
2. She is paying attention to you. If you are watching a movie on her TV and she is really into it, don’t try to go in for a kiss. If the movie is playing and she is looking at you instead of the screen, odds are good the timing is not bad. If you try to kiss her while she is paying looking at something else you will assuredly get the cheek, followed by getting kicked out as soon as the movie ends.
3. She is comfortably snuggled up to you. She should be up close and personal. That tells you she feels safe with you, and that your bathing and brushing regimen are paying off. By the way, sit up strait. She wants to feel like she is with a solid manly man, not a human bean bag.
4. Awkward silence combined with looking into each others eyes. Unless she is truly a psychotic (and trust me, there are reasonable odds that she actually is. At some point I should talk about some of the women I have dated) she is probably thinking about kissing and wondering when you are going in for it. This is usually the green flag. The thing to remember is that when it comes to dating women have mastered the art of maintaining total control while feigning complete helplessness. If you are alone with her at her place with the lights turned down and your arm around her, it is entirely because she wanted to get to that point. If she wanted to get rid of you trust me, you would be outside with the garbage.
5. Unnecessary light contact. All of the former are good signs, but if she runs her fingers lightly up your forearm this is her sending you email, text, 
Batsignal, semaphore, and smoke signals that she is ready to start making out (by the way, women, not only is it a great signal but personally I find it to be a remarkable turn on). A lot of women will not do this, so don’t wait for it, but when one does it usually means she is bored and wants to make out for a while.
(Batman image courtesy of the Batman t-shirt category)
Anyway, that’s pretty much it. More tomorrow. My “who would win” question from yesterday has sparked quite a debate among my friends. Stormtroopers are remarkably bad shots, but Red Shirts are remarkably bad at dodging shots. I think at the end of a long, protracted, and ammo depleting battle the Stormtroopers would win, but it’s really a toss up. If the battle were to take place on a planet where Kirk hooked up with an alien female I would have to bet on the Red Shirts, as the odds of surviving triple for Red Shirts landing on planets where Kirk gets his freak on, if you know what I mean.
Today’s question is one of scale: Who would win, Darth Vader from Empire Strikes back versus Godzilla from any of the Toho movies.
My review for Inception
I know I keep promising to write more on dating, and I will, but honestly I am not feeling it at the moment. Maybe because it is summer and I am feeling lazy, maybe it’s because I have about a million other things going on, mostly about the Star Trek convention we are doing next month in Las Vegas (“I like to call it lost wages”-name that reference).
Anyway, I will get back on track soon, but last night I saw the movie Inception and felt compelled to write a review for it. In a nutshell, freaking awesome. I normally approach anything involving Leanardo DiCaprio with the same enthusiasm I would approach a dead, radioactive skunk rotting in the center of a toxic cactus patch. I saw the trailers and more or less decided to pass, but then my best friend saw it and told me I had to go. I am very glad I did, and in the course of two hours became a DiCaprio fan.
The story is amazing. Clean, makes sense, doesn’t try to oversimplify in order to pander to the grunting masses that comprises most of human society, didn’t throw in some dumb hot chick for no purpose other than to show cleavage, and ends entirely appropriately. All around great plot.
The acting was superb from all participants. I especially like the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun (a great show) in his first adult roll. The young hot chick (Juno) actually delivered the weakest performance, but really that is only in comparison to everyone else. She did a great job. Just everyone else did better. I also like the fact that Nolan did not over play her to gain teen sex appeal. He seems to understand the concept of supporting actresses just supporting main actors.
Christopher Nolan is great as a director and writer. He did the Dark Knight and I guess it made enough money that he was given free reign with which to prove himself and he did. I guess every Hollywood director isn’t a complete jackass who lets creative freedom turn into an opportunity to gratify his own overblown ego.
I realized after seeing this movie that I have been remiss in not featuring more Dark Knight shirts in my comic book t shirt section. In fact I will definitely keep an eye out for Inception t shirts and put them up as soon as possible.
The thing I love about this movie is when a great, intelligent movie makes a lot of money (as this one is obviously making) it encourages the production of other great movies. This summer has been pretty horrible, movie-wise. If I see one more sparkly, shirtless, body-hairless, homo-erotic teenage vampire heart throb I will vomit. By the way, anyone who wears a Team Edward or whatever t-shirt needs to go shopping for a life and then neuter themselves in order to keep from passing their genes on to the next generation. This summer also has more talking cats and dogs, and the ruination of a great cartoon series, Avatar. In fact, I think tomorrow I will write a review of the Last Airbender, which I was unfortunate enough to watch last week.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 1
Last post I talked a little about the fact that there are women everywhere, and later on I will talk about specific places that I think are particularly cool for this sort of thing. However, if I send you out into the world without equipping you with the bare rudiments of how to open a conversation with them without coming across as a total creep either you will get maced or simply be so intimidated you won’t say anything to anyone. So like a hunter headed out to catch a lion, we have to make sure you are equipped with the proper weapons to bag your game without losing any vital organs.
The first thing we should talk about is the massive fear of rejection most guys (not just nerds, although as a sub group we seem to be more paralyzed by this) experience when contemplating talking to an attractive girl. Let me say that this fear is well founded, as approaching a girl who is a total stranger in akin to crossing a mine field only to get kicked in the nuts on the other side. How, then, do we deal with this? The answer is get used to stepping on land mines and wear a cup.
By that I mean get used to rejection. There are three things you need to do to be great at anything and they are practice, practice, practice. I had a friend who helped me get over my inability to talk to and/or pick up women and the thing he did was told me to go out and get rejected. Not joke. We would go to a club or a bar and he would not give me back my car keys until I had been rejected by 25 different women. He was Batman to my Robin.
(Robin t shirt from the comic book t shirts section). Like Robin, eventually I learned enough and morphed into Nightwing, capable of fighting crime (or getting women) on my own, while my replacement got beat almost to death with a crowbar and blown up by the Joker. However, the biggest part was getting rejected so much that I developed a callous over the part of my ego that gets injured by rejection. Now I am more or less impervious to it.
Now that I think about it, I think this should be your first homework assignment. Starting tonight and until you get a girlfriend your job is to talk to 10 different women each day. You are not trying to pick them up, just get used to talking to them and not feeling bad when they blow you off. And by different women I mean women you do not actually have a legitimate reason to talk to. Coworkers, family member, friends, etc. do not count. You must talk to them for whatever reason (even if it is to ask the time, but I would put a limit of one of those per day). You can wait until tomorrow when I have posted some more guidelines, but if you are really motivated you will get out there tonight.
That’s it, as I kind of have a headache tonight. I will post more tomorrow.
Next
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Pants
Pants is pretty basic for men. It is hard to mess up (although trust me, there are ways to make it happen). I’ll run over some quick do’s and don’ts.
Pants should be comfortable, clean, and in good repair. Dark colors are best. Don’t go too baggy unless you have a legitimate reason for it. In casual situations jeans are fine. In slightly more formal (quality bar rather than dive/sports bar) Chinos or slacks, although good jeans are OK. Formal situations slacks for sure. Pants should cover your socks entirely, and about an inch of the back of your shoes. They should NEVER touch the ground. Wear a belt with them (leather, not canvas. No spikes or studs. If possible get it to match your belt at least on color). Your pants should not sag around your ass. Makes it look like you are carrying a load.
There are some things to avoid. Here is a list:
1. No striped pants. No joke. You don’t want to look like a clown, and stripes tend to make you look fatter anyway.
2. No checkered pants. Again, same stuff.
3. Unless you are in the military and actively on duty, no camouflage pants. Seriously. You look like a douche.
4. For that matter, no changes of colors of any kind. This includes flowers, images, patterns, flames, or whatever. Pants should be one color and that’s it.
5. No white pants. Total recipe for disaster.
6. No cargo pants.
7. NO SWEAT PANTS EVER! Unless you are in the gym (and then you should be wearing shorts anyway) nothing says loser slob like sweat pants.
8. Shorts are OK if you are outside on a warm day doing something physical, but generally go with long pants. Also, if your legs are somehow hard to look at (I have a friend who is grossly overweight and insists on wearing shorts at all times. His legs make my eyes sad) don’t wear shorts.
9. And as long as we are on the subject of things around your waist, NEVER, EVER, EVER WEAR A FANNY PACK! I can’t stress this enough. If your pants don’t have pockets odds are you bought some womens slacks.
Speaking of pockets, try to avoid overloading them. It breaks up the lines and makes you look weird. Wallet, keys, cell phone, and maybe a business card holder is about the limit. If you think you need more stuff you are treading in weirdo territory. Also, avoid hanging stuff on your belt. I hate those guys. You are not freaking Batman (image from the comic book t shirt section).
(I hung out with a guy at one point who opted to carry on his belt two cell phones, a pager, a PDA, and for reasons I still can’t fathom, a garage door opener. I think he finally rethought his equipment options the third time in one night a girl asked him “Is that a garage door opener?”).
Put your cell phone in your pocket.
Next post: Shoes
A New Breed of Superhero Movie
Even people who had become disenchanted with the Batman franchise have been impressed with what Christopher Nolan has done with the latest installments of the series. Casting Christian Bale as Batman, many people finally got what they felt was missing from some of the previous Batman movies. They had a hero that could pull of both Bruce Wayne and Batman. The two very different personas had stumped previous actors such as George Clooney (an admirable Wayne but a faltering Batman) and Michael Keaton (an amazing Dark Knight but a bumbling Wayne).
The new films also boast a much darker feel and have fans donning Batman t shirts once again. These certainly aren’t happy go lucky films intended for comic-loving kids. The villains aren’t caricatures of lunatics. They’re just lunatics, and Heath Ledger was even awarded a posthumous Oscar for his twisted and unsettling portrayal of the Joker. And that is what’s so fantastic about this new breed of superhero movies. They stand alone on their own right. While we can all praise Ledger for his amazing turn in the film, it takes nothing away from the iconic way that Jack Nicholson portrayed the goofy grinned gangster.
New infant creepers
So I uploaded a massive 43 new shirts over the weekend. Of course, a lot of them still don’t have descriptions but I will be working on that this week. Most importantly are the new baby creepers. I think they are really cute, and perfect for nerd and nerdish parents.
At the show this Wonder Woman creeper sold great from the comic book t shirt section. Actually I created a whole new infant section, but most of these ended up on other sections as well.
Actually, the best selling creeper was the Green Lantern one, to the point where I sold out completely and don’t even have one to photograph. I’ll be placing the refill order today.
Anyway, long weekend of work, although I did play a great game of Warhammer on Saturday against a friend of mine with Dark Elves. While I lost, once again I took on a much tougher list and made him work for it. More importantly I can feel my game play upping.
How to paint rusty metal and the Dark Knight
So I painted my first Skaven using my new stippling technique to simulate rusty metal. Basically you start off painting a red brown (I used GW dark flesh) on the metal bits. You then take a round brush and cut it off flat. Then you stipple on (like dry brushing, but instead of brushing you dab it on) with first black, then bright orange. After that you stipple on a metal and do a hard line metal on the sharp edges. Brown ink and good to go.
The results are impressive, but I have to ask myself if I am willing to go over my entire army with this labor intensive technique. I think I have to, as my new army is based around maximizing soft points and that includes paint. I’ll go unit by unit I think.
I played the Dark Knight while painting on DvD. Great movie, but if I had the remote control in hand I would probably fast forward to all the parts with Heath Ledger in them. He really carried that movie. I am a huge Batman fan but Christian Bale doesn’t really do it for me. Plus I heard him bitch out that poor lighting guy on the set of the most recent Terminator movie and he sounds kind of like a D-bag. I will stick with classic Batman as featured in this Batman hoodie until the next movie comes out.
