Nerd Dating: Online Dating Part 2-More Pros and Cons
OK, I know I haven’t posted a lot recently, but the fact is I have spent the last five days fixing mistakes made by other people. I don’t want to get into it except to say that it really sucked. Anyway, let’s have more fun discussing the pros and cons of online dating.
Pro: given time to consider your words you can avoid blurting out something really stupid or inappropriate. Most of us have said dumb things without thinking in our lifetime. I have found I tend to sound better and smarter if I have even a couple seconds to consider my words before pressing send. Even IM seems smoother that way.
Con: if you are illiterate or like to wRiTE liKE ThiS you will look like a moron. Yes, spell check is great but if you lack basic spelling and grammar skills you can really look stupid. Also, that wanna be gangster mixed upper/lower case writing is the online equivalent of tying to impress a girl by covering yourself with paste and rancid meat (and being a moron). I don’t care if you have seen girls do it. Trust me, you will never get anywhere with those girls, and you don’t have to be a guy to be brain-damagingly stupid.
Pro: you can meet people who share your interests. Yes, if there is a girl out there who shares your love of 14th century bardisches, Snorky from the Banana Splits, or debating the eternal Captain Kirk/Captain Pecard argument (Kirk, IMO) this is the place to find her. Unfortunately, any girl who lists anything remotely nerdish or cool will have her email box filled by other nerds so fast her laptop may melt down.
Con: your specific interests may well repulse the majority of women out there. I play Warhammer and love it. However, as much as my dream would be to date a girl who plays it this is the last thing I would list on my profile as I know the vast majority of the girls out there would take one look at it and say “What is this guy into? He must be some kind of dork, playing with toy soldiers.” There is the cool, sexy nerd (you know, the hipster teck geek. Die hipster scum) and then there is the just plain old nerd. You need to seem to be in the first camp to intrigue a girl online. Try to find a girl who is willing to to help you and tell her what you are considering listing as interests. If she at any point wrinkles her nose and says “really?” dump that item.
Pro: you can claim to be into things that you have done once or twice in your life. Ever been on a pony ride at a carnival? Then you could claim to be into horseback riding. Completed a paint-by-numbers painting of a kitten? Then you are both artistic and into animals. Again, I don’t recommend out-and-out lying, but as long as you are ready to reap the whirlwind when she finds out your passion for ballroom dancing is derived from dancing with your mom at your sisters wedding, then go nuts.
Con: she can (and probably will) do the same thing. Trust me, this plays both ways and if something seems to good to be true, it probably is. If she claims to match your passion for Star Trek that most likely means she watched a couple episodes with her brother years ago. Girl Trek fans exist, but unless she lists it on her profile unsolicited she is probably trying hard to match up to your level of geek.
Pro: you can do it from your home. If the burden of bathing, dressing, and grooming weighs very heavily on you, you could theoretically pull it off from the comfort of your desk chair and never have to put any effort into it at all. This is a horrible idea and I highly UNRECOMMENDED this. However, it remains a pro.
Con: if you are prone to being anti social, this will only make it worse. If you feel intimidated talking to women trying to meet them online will only aggravate your condition. The only way to really get over being shy is to force yourself to get out of the house and talk to women.
I think that’s it. Next dating post I will either get into understanding other posts or writing your own. Not sure which is better. I think understanding posts would be funnier, though, so I am inclined to head that way.
As for the whole Wolverine vrs Freddy Kruegar question, it is interesting and boils down to actual powers. If Freddy can attack adults and just chooses kids than he would be highly competitive with Logan. On the other hand, if Wolverines healing powers can fix damage done in dreams than Freddy could never actually kill him. I think I am going to call this one a draw (Blood and Steel image courtesy of the Wolverine t shirts).
I am kind of into horror movie, so for today I post the question of who would win, telekinetic introverted high school hero (in my opinion) Carrie versus champion of the popular good looking kids Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nerd Dating: Dealing with Rejection Pt2 Things to not do
OK, a week of friends, family, and holiday cheer has gotten me over being rejected last week and, like a Superball dropped off the Empire State Building I have bounced back. However, while my motivations for starting this subject may have been suspect, I still believe this is both relevant and useful (not to mention funny) and will continue with it. Tonight we start a list of things to specifically NOT do after getting rejected.
1. Do not get a tattoo or body piercing in some painful spot. I can’t stress this one enough. Not that I have an issue with tattoos or piercings, having had several over the years myself. However, the decision to get one and, more importantly, what to get and where on your body, should be made with a clear head, not while wallowing in the depths of despair. You will probably end up with a tattoo of Edgar Allen Poe on your ass, and this is the kind of mistake you can make that will haunt you for quite a while.
2. Do not pick fights with random guys in bars. True, you have just had your manhood more or less kicked in the nads, but drunken violence against strangers has about a 15% chance of helping you recover your machismo and an 85% chance of you getting your ass kicked. It’s surprising how often guys who look kind of whimpy through an alcoholic fog turn out to be kind of tough, or have a bunch of friends hanging around looking for the chance to beat the hell out of something. Also, there is a distinct chance you are just looking for a way to hurt yourself and drunkenly decided the toughest looking guy is the way to do that. However, you have no control of how much pain he will bring to the table.
3. In general, do not do anything that you can say “This will show her.” Trust me, you have already blown it. There isn’t enough hang gliding, skateboarding, or other dangerous, macho stuff you can do to convince her she needs to see you naked again. Don’t quit your job by yelling at your boss (or buying a gun and shooting up you work place). Don’t join some cult. Don’t make any huge changes to your lifestyle until your head is clear.
4. Don’t inundate her with attempts to contact. There is a very fine line between infatuation and stalking, and once she has rejected you that line becomes so thin you couldn’t see it with an electron microscope. Trust me, even a single text or email will start her looking at getting a restraining order. The best you can hope for is to run into her randomly at some point and have a really awkward conversation. However, trying to arrange this “random” meeting is pretty much the definition of stalking. Give it up.
5. Don’t find some other girl you are attracted to and bitch to her about the girl who just dumped you in hopes of getting some sympathy (cough cough pity cough cough) love. Friends are a great resource and should be willing to suffer through your tribes and tribulations, but if there is a girl you have always had a thing for don’t bitch to here in secret hopes that she will sleep with you. She never will. You will look and sound like one of her girl friends in both demeanor and gender. Also, if some time down the road the new girl does want to hook up with you she will be forever haunted by the ghost of girlfriend past.
For the most part, avoid anything that is dramatic and/or potentially self destructive. Next post I will talk about thinks you SHOULD do after being rejected.
As for the question of Pee Wee Herman versus Sgt. Shultz, I think as comedic as Shultz is he does have military training and access to automatic weapons. I think it would go to him. Not my best question, in my opinion, but I was in a hurry.
Today’s question, I think, is better thought out. Uber annoying limited meta-morphs the Wonder Twins from the JLA verses super creepy heavy Witchiepoo from drug inspired H.R. Pufnstuf. (JLA image courtesy of the Superman t shirts).
By the way, in case you were wondering, Witchiepoo’s full name Wilhelmina W. Witchiepoo. WWW??? To bad, Al Gore. Looks like we found the real inventor of the internet. Her very cool vehicle was aptly named the Vroom Broom. She also had a henchman named Stupid Bat. I have to give her props for that. It is a evil super villain cliche that the henchmen all be of less than average intelligence, but to employ one who has the word Stupid in his name speaks of a commitment to the stereotype that is beyond the pale.
Movie Review: Unstoppable
Tuesday night is cheap movie tickets and I figured seeing a movie by myself in a theater is marginally more social than sitting around my office writing t–shirt descriptions. Plus it gives me something to write about for this blog, so win-win.
I chose Unstoppable in hopes it would suck so I could write some scathing review that would be really funny. I tend to be better, I think, when I am bitching about something. The trailers made it look like a bad Speed remake, and the fact that Chris Pine was one of the stars was going to give me a window to express my issues with the last Star Trek movie in a humorous manner.
In truth, I was disappointed. Not in the movie sucking, but rather in the fact that it was actually really, really entertaining. I have always been a fan of Denzel Washington, and I guess I should have had more faith in his ability to distinguish between a good script and Battlefield Earth. Kudos, Denzel!
The story is pretty basic. Some white trash moron sends a train loaded with explosive toxic chemicals down the a track with no one at the controls and the deadman switch (one of the coolest phrases of all time) disconnected. Denzel plays a grizzled train engineer veteran and Chris Pine the newbie conductor (they obviously live in the parallel universe where amazingly hot guys get blue collar jobs). There is some sub plots involving Chris’s estranged wife and Denzel’s stunningly hot Hooters waitress daughters, but most of the entirety of the movie involved figuring out how to stop the train before it blows up most of Pennsylvania.
That’s pretty much it, but about 40 minutes into the movie something really strange started to happen. “What is this weird, new sensation I am experiencing?” I asked. I pondered for a minute and suddenly figured it out. It was excitement. Yes, for the first time in years of movies I was excited by the action of the film, and honestly concerned for the well being of the characters. It was like seeing my first ever movie all over again. It was about 100 times more exciting than anything from Tron Legacy that I saw last week.
Let’s let the stars speak for themselves. The story is based on real events. One star. It involves trains. One star. The sub plots did not dominate the story or annoy me. One star. Both Denzel and Chris played their characters extremely well. One star. The writers did not break any of the laws of physics or thermodynamics in order to make the movie more exciting. One star. The action was both exciting and believable. One star. All the women were hot. One star. They did not force one of the main characters to be a chick for sex appeal (cough cough Sandra Bullock Speed cough cough). One star. Nobody did something blatantly stupid, and all the character motivations were clear and believable. One star. The camera work really immersed you in the movie, making it seem like you were in the action. One star. Net result: 10 stars.
Now the black holes, as there are very few movies without them. They managed to write in a train full of 150 grade school kids on a train safety field trip (??? What school has money to burn on something like that? For god’s sake it’s insulting) in danger of running headlong into the train early on in a pathetic attempt to either draw out sympathy or make it seem somehow more “real”. Two black holes. The guy from the government sent down to lecture said children on train safety (how much time does it take to say “Keep your head and arms inside the train at all times”?) was by amazing coincidence an expert on all things train related, including the nature of the toxic cargo carried by the train (molten phenol). One black hole. They managed to crowbar in a scene where the police SWAT teams shoot at the train with assault rifles in an attempt to hit some kind of stop switch that can be activated with bullets. One black hole. That’s it. Four black holes total.
Net result is a whopping six stars, my highest score to date. Honestly, this is a really fun movie. It is not a movie about anyone coming to grips with feelings or anything, so if you want to see something like that wait for Love and Other Drugs. It is also, with the exception of the aforementioned attempt to stop the train with bullets, not a shoot-em-up or action film in the classic sense. However, I think most people will enjoy it and have a pleasant evening, especially if you can see it for $5.
In answer to yesterdays who-would-win question, it is my opinion that Frank Castle’s training, experience, and more versatile equipment (including his body armor) would give the Punisher the ability to beat Jayne Cobb, in spite of Jayne’s superior attitude. Sad but true. (Punisher image courtesy of the Punisher t shirts).
For today, let’s consider what would happen if Maxwell Smart had to fight Austin Powers. Who would win?
Nerd dating: the seasonal nature of relationships
Odds are this would have helped you more a few months ago, but it didn’t occur to me until today that this might be useful.
As I have stated before, while I am decent at meeting and dating women, I have always been pretty mediocre when it comes to maintaining a relationship. A lot of this is on me, but a lot of it is on the women I date as well (it takes two to tango). Of course, since these issues seem to be endemic to the women I am attracted to, I guess it all really falls upon me due to the fact that my selection process pulls in flawed women.
Either that or there are no sane women out there, a premise I find both feasible and depressing.
Anyway, one thing I am an expert at is rejection and short to moderate length relationships. That being said, I have noticed patterns in the whole relationship cycle as it relates to the the seasons and more specifically the holidays. This info may help you on the front end, but if you figure out how to apply it to the back end for god’s sake share it with me.
Here’s how it works. Women hate going into the holidays single. Christmas (or your Winter holiday of choice) is the time when you get together with friends and family to compare lives and try to figure out who is the biggest loser of the year. Women are already struggling under a huge burden of self esteem issues, and not having a boyfriend or husband seriously compounds those issues. Every time they hear from their mother or sister “So when are you going to meet a nice man and marry him?” that is the female equivalent of someone asking a guy “So when is your other ball going to drop?” Nothing is worse for a woman than to go to the company holiday party and have to be the only single woman there.
That is the foundation of the cycle. Women start looking for a relationship in September and early October. The weather starts to suck, and people start to feel lonely. This way they can have the super fun Halloween party date (the onus to be in a relationship is less strong for Halloween, but costume parties are always more fun to go to as a couple when you can coordinate your costumes) and have the relationship be a couple months old when it comes time for Christmas. When the gift giving season comes around it is great to have someone new to buy gifts for (and to buy you gifts) so you can get something different from the same sweater your mom gets you every year. You can bring your new boyfriend to the holiday parties and have all the other women, still stuck with the same guy for 15 years, be totally jealous (new is always more interesting and exciting).
Then, there is the added benefit of having someone to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve while the crowd of single losers look on with palpable jealousy (if you look carefully into that photo you will probably see me). After that you get the post-holiday winter blues that are aggravating by being in the deep, dank, horribly depressing winter months when it’s really nice to have someone to cuddle up to.
Then we come to the one day a year when a boyfriend is more important than air: Valentines Day. If a girl doesn’t have flowers and gifts arriving for her on 
February 14th she will feel like a social pariah for the rest of the year. This is the girl equivalent of Green Lantern recharging his power ring, except that it lasts for exactly one year. Like Green Lantern if she doesn’t recharge she is a mere mortal once again. (Green Lantern logo image courtesy of the DC Comic t-shirts)
However, once you have served your V-Day function, things are likely to change. I’m not saying she will dump you soon, but everything you do that annoys here will no longer have the I’ve-got-to-have-a-man filter and will become glaringly obvious. Also, as the weather warms up she will be wearing less clothing and every other swinging Richard on the planet will be paying a lot more attention to her, assuaging her self esteem issues and stroking her ego. So with your flaws like a paper cut on her brain and a summer of dating and guys to look forward to, you can expect to get dumped sometime in April or May, which by no coincidence is almost always exactly six months.
Again, this is not the pattern 100% of the time, but I have seen it enough times, both personally and through friends, to approach April and May with dread. This info can help a lot when it comes time to determine when you want to focus your dating efforts (Sept-Oct) and also when you want to minimize your flaws (Feb 15th-the rest of your life). Also, women who make a New Years Resolution to loose weight and actually do it are eyeballing the bathing suit months so it might be the time to match her pound for pound.
Anyway, this post is less about actual, applicable dating advice and more about observation and ranting about how my dating life kind of blows. I’ll get back on track next post.
As for the Superman vs Prof. X question, it is my opinion that if Superman as originally written took the time to talk to the Professor he would be mind controlled and eating a Kryptonite sandwich in about three seconds. On the other hand, if he just charged in with super speed and launched Charles’s chair into orbit then Superman would win. Of course, in recent years they have said that Superman has heightened resistance to mind control (because he wasn’t powerful enough, I guess) so who knows.
Today’s question is another battle of the moronic comedy relief characters: Shaka from Land of the Lost versus racially insensitive carbuncle on the ass of the Star Wars universe Jar Jar Binks.
Nerd Rant: the 10 greatest superheroes WITHOUT any super powers
So at movie night a couple weeks ago my friend showed Kick Ass. This movie is a favorite of mine. I didn’t bother to review it as it has been seen by pretty much everyone I know and most likely everyone reading this blog, but it got me started thinking about superheroes who have no natural super powers.
In my humble opinion, these are the true heroes. It’s easy to stop crime when you are bulletproof, super strong, can fly, have x-ray vision, and can melt stuff with your eyes. The real heroes (are all in Afghanistan right now, in my opinion) are guys who could be killed by any random thugs bullet and have to ride a skateboard to the crime scene yet still manage to get some stuff done. Here is my personal list. (By the way, I am going to not list guys who gained super powers from super technology like Green Lantern or Iron Man)
10. Sgt. Rock. This guy was a man’s man, and showed Hitler’s boys what for. Seriously, I think there is a serious lack of military heroes listed in the lexicon of comic heroes. He is a crack shot, dangerous as hell in close combat, and has been shot so many times his dress uniform must look like a grape from all the Purple Hearts on it.
9. Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I never liked Scooby Doo, to be honest. It seemed like all the villains went to an amazing amount of trouble to accomplish over several month what ten minutes and a handful of bullets would do. Also, why was it they always found diamond smugglers in dead astronaut costumes instead of cocaine smugglers in body armor? However, of all the characters on that show I liked Shaggy the best, if only because he was truly a coward but, like a true hero, was able to rise above his terror and do what was necessary. He was the only human character with a true sense of his own mortality. He was also the only one who had the brains to suggest the radical plan of “Let’s get the hell out of here before we all end up hanging on a meat hook.”
8. Nick Fury, head of S.H.I.E.L.D. This man goes to show how far a man with one eye and a smoking habit can go, as long as he has super advanced training, equipment, and a team agents ready to obey every order. Still, very cool character (S.H.I.E.L.D. image courtesy of the Marvel comics t-shirts).
7. Green Arrow. Not only does this guy have no super powers, his technology was antiquated about the time of the invention of gunpowder. Also, it takes super courage to go out in public wearing that Robin Hood feathered cap and Ren Faire beard.
6. Oracle. Barbara Gordan, rendered a paraplegic by the Joker, turned out to be a super information broker and investigator, as well as a computer hacker and date mining expert. It has been said that the pen is mightier than the sword, and in the modern age information is the most dangerous weapon out there, so I think we will see more heroes of her stripe.
5. Big Daddy, Hit Girl, and Kick Ass. I am going to lump these three into one listing as they all come from the same comic and movie. Big Daddy is a fav of mine in particular, especially in his willingness to use any weapon available to accomplish his goes.
4. Brock Sampson. Brock Sampson is so the man. No superpowers, no guns. Just a knife, a pack of smokes, a serious bloodlust, and a ’69 Charger. Also he is a chick magnet (guys who are following my blog for dating advice look at how he interacts with women. Notice how he says hardly anything and kind of ignores them? Take notes, boys).
3. The Punisher. Duh. Frank Castle is the epitome of what a bad attitude combined some military training and seed money can do. Ex-marine, by the way, and there were some great comics of his experiences in Vietnam. Truly great.
2. The Chainsaw Vigilante. This guy is awesome. His stated goal is to convince other heroes wihn no powers to give up the life and return to their jobs and so on. He runs into the Tick, who is nigh invulnerable to his chainsaw justice. I don’t know why I included him, except that he has an amazing costume and name. I wish I could be known as the Chainsaw Vigilante. Of course, for those of you who take offense at me using a minor villain in this list, substitute the Tick’s sidekick Arthur here.
1. Batman. If I were to put anyone else at the top of this list, I would have to turn in my nerd card and then beat myself about the head and shoulders with a garden hose. Seriously, in my opinion not only is Batman the greatest superhero with no powers, he is just the greatest superhero of all time. Mr. “I’m-invulnerable-and-grew-up-in-pastoral-Smallville” Superman can suck it.
That’s it. I think I have another rant in me for tomorrow having to do with my tragic childhood, but the post after that should be more dating advice. As for the who-would-win question from yesterday, I hate to say it but I would have to vote for the Iron Giant. He is bigger than Optimus Prime, is basically a walking cannon, and can self repair. Sorry Optimus.
Todays question is also robotic in nature, if not scale. Who would win: Tweekie (with Dr. Theopolis) versus R2D2.
Nerd Dating: Making “the Move” part 4:When is the time right?
OK, you’ve read some kissing instructions (I hope) and are on your third or later date. Now we come to the crux of the dance known as making out. Like dancing, if your timing is good it looks like a beautiful performance but if your timing is off by even a little you could easily trod on your dates foot and never see her again.
Unfortunately, knowing when to go in is both situational and requires a certain amount of instinct and experience. Even with experience you can totally screw up and blow it, so be prepared for rejection. However, I can give you the benefit of my painfully gained experience.
My personal policy is to go in when the awkward silence seems to get boring. This is a terrible policy and you should not use it, but I think my personal boredom tolerance level is about the right time, as I seem to be correct more than incorrect (this is not a great record, actually, as this could be as low as 51%, a straight F). However, everyone has a different boredom level, so don’t try this.
I should probably throw something in here about misinterpreting the situation. I hate using cliche phrases like “No means no” but the fact is there are times when you think you are on final approach when in reality she is actually waving you off. If you go for the kiss and she pushes you off or asks you to leave it is time to go home and think about where you messed up. Either you suck at interpreting women or she is nuts. If its the former work on it and the latter you are better off having learned now. However, do not make the mistake of thinking she is telling you one thing while thinking something else. Bail out and chalk it up to experience.
Here are some signs to look for that tell you the time is right. This list is neither comprehensive nor absolute, so don’t hold me to it. They are just decent guidelines.
1. You have your date alone somewhere private. This is actually more of a requirement than a guideline. In other words, your first kiss had better be somewhere private. Do not try to kiss her somewhere in public, as she will be very self conscious and vulnerable. Also, I find I also feel very vulnerable if there are other people around while making out with a girl, and that tends to ramp up my caveman testosterone fight-of-flight instinct and make me even more a pain in the ass to deal with (at least I understand some of my own limitations).
2. She is paying attention to you. If you are watching a movie on her TV and she is really into it, don’t try to go in for a kiss. If the movie is playing and she is looking at you instead of the screen, odds are good the timing is not bad. If you try to kiss her while she is paying looking at something else you will assuredly get the cheek, followed by getting kicked out as soon as the movie ends.
3. She is comfortably snuggled up to you. She should be up close and personal. That tells you she feels safe with you, and that your bathing and brushing regimen are paying off. By the way, sit up strait. She wants to feel like she is with a solid manly man, not a human bean bag.
4. Awkward silence combined with looking into each others eyes. Unless she is truly a psychotic (and trust me, there are reasonable odds that she actually is. At some point I should talk about some of the women I have dated) she is probably thinking about kissing and wondering when you are going in for it. This is usually the green flag. The thing to remember is that when it comes to dating women have mastered the art of maintaining total control while feigning complete helplessness. If you are alone with her at her place with the lights turned down and your arm around her, it is entirely because she wanted to get to that point. If she wanted to get rid of you trust me, you would be outside with the garbage.
5. Unnecessary light contact. All of the former are good signs, but if she runs her fingers lightly up your forearm this is her sending you email, text, 
Batsignal, semaphore, and smoke signals that she is ready to start making out (by the way, women, not only is it a great signal but personally I find it to be a remarkable turn on). A lot of women will not do this, so don’t wait for it, but when one does it usually means she is bored and wants to make out for a while.
(Batman image courtesy of the Batman t-shirt category)
Anyway, that’s pretty much it. More tomorrow. My “who would win” question from yesterday has sparked quite a debate among my friends. Stormtroopers are remarkably bad shots, but Red Shirts are remarkably bad at dodging shots. I think at the end of a long, protracted, and ammo depleting battle the Stormtroopers would win, but it’s really a toss up. If the battle were to take place on a planet where Kirk hooked up with an alien female I would have to bet on the Red Shirts, as the odds of surviving triple for Red Shirts landing on planets where Kirk gets his freak on, if you know what I mean.
Today’s question is one of scale: Who would win, Darth Vader from Empire Strikes back versus Godzilla from any of the Toho movies.
Nerd Dating: Spotting crazy girls early pt 6
I think I could write about this for the next six months, but I think I have given you some decent guidelines. Remember that this list is both not comprehensive and not absolute. Each girl is different, and finding just one of these items is usually not a complete red flag (the three or more cats rule is one of the few absolutes I can think of). However, one sign of crazy is usually the herald of an avalanche craziness, so it is rare that you will see one of these running solo. I’d say after you run into three it’s time to pull the rip cord.
Anyway, I think I will give this topic a rest after this post. If something comes up later on I might revisit, but I think the time is upon me to move on to the next dating subject.
19. Does she seem to pick fights with random people all the time? Does she seem to get into a dispute with the server at dinner, cab driver, 
valet, movie theater usher, or random homeless (fellow) crazy people on the way home? This is a real bad sign for the crazy meter. It’s also a bad sign if she seems to shift from “reasonable debate” to “full throttle screaming she-devil” with practiced ease in a shockingly short amount of time. Imagine Wolverine on the debate team. (image courtesy of the Wolverine t shirts)
Also, if a girl seems to have a lot of stories about actual violence she has been involved in, stay away. Sane girls do not get into fights with other girls in her gym locker room. This goes double if she carries a weapon or weapons other than the typical pepper spray. I spent some time with a girl who carried a push dagger in her purse. At first I thought she was cool, but then I realized she was nuts. Avoid at all costs.
20. She revels in telling you about the freaky sex acts she has been involved in. This is something that is fun to discuss after you have actually slept with her a couple times, but if she insists on telling you the gruesome details on the first date she is either completely nuts or is testing to see what kind of weird sex acts you are into. Either way, trouble. So if she likes to talk about her lesbian experiences, three-or-more-ways, her penchant for handcuffs, or other acts that would be found in one of the “specialty” sections at the adult book store, odds are you will be happier in the long run going some where else.
However, in the short run, this girl could be a lot of fun. Just walk carefully.
Incidentally, the whole multiple partner thing is a huge intimacy killer. If you are just going to have fun with her than go for it, but if you are trying to build a real relationship stay away from this subject.
21. Does she drink or do drugs to excess? Getting hammered on a date as a thin excuse for “losing” control is a vaunted American tradition. Getting hammered 4 or more nights a week is a bad sign. Furthermore, while most of the signs of crazy I have listed at least indicated that the girl can be fun and amusing (in the same way being attacked by several hundred Dachshunds can be fun to watch while they chew your nuts off), alcoholics tend to be nothing but depressing. Also, don’t get sucked into the idea that maybe you can save her and then have the perfect girl. You can’t, and even if you did she wouldn’t be the same person you met.
While there is nothing wrong in my mind with the occasional imbibing of pot (heck, I live a couple miles from Oaksterdam University) or trying coke once or twice, regular use of anything harder is not only going to make you miserable but could also get you killed. This goes for prescription meds too. There was a crazy girl I used to like a lot (before coming up with these guidelines) who was on Xanax the whole time I hung out with her. She also had a lot of these other issues too, and in the long run proved to be completely loony.
22. She seems to talk about marriage a lot early on. This may just be my personal Peter Pan “I don’t want to grow up” issues, but I find women who discuss marriage on the first or second date to be trouble. I don’t mean saying “I’d like to get married some day.” Rather I mean the one who has her whole wedding planned out and discusses the flowers, venue, and wedding cake with you on the first date. This is something I have had to increase my tolerance for as I get older and all women are subject to this to a certain extent, so don’t make this the stray that breaks your camel’s back.
I think I am going to wrap it up here. I could probably add another 20 or so, but honestly all women are subject to at least a few of the minor issues, so unless you plan to swear off women you should probably allow for a few of these in your life. I’d say pick which ones are really going to drive you nuts and avoid those. Good luck, my friends.
New dating topic next time I get into it. Leading up to something big!
Dave goes A.P.E.
Alternative Press Expo, that is. I went to the show yesterday, took some really cruddy photos with my camera phone, and had a great time.
Going in, it was pretty obvious that it really was alternative press. I think I saw maybe one or two DC or Marvel images in the whole show. I was trying to get a booth myself, but now that I have seen it I am kind of glad they were full up. My DC and Marvel shirts would not have been well received, I think. Next year I will consider it again, but if I do it I will most likely be very selective as to what I bring in.
I did see one guy wearing this Umbrella Corp t-shirt, but that was literally about as mainstream as the show got (image courtesy of the movie t shirt category).
So, instead I saw a ton of really amazing comic books and graphic novels done by guys in their homes and published on a shoe string budget. There were any number of great ones (as well as any number of mediocre and cruddy ones), as well as a huge selection of art, creative products, and t-shirts (more on that later).
I was also really impressed with the vast number of booths and the size of the event. San Francisco is well know for creative people, but I had no idea it was so broad and encompassing. The other great part was how cool everyone was. Going in I had an idea that there were a lot of counter-culture people with an attitude towards mainstream comics. Instead, I found almost everyone was just comic fans trying to break into the world and get their art out there, as well as just being cool and fun to talk with. Everyone was grateful for people just stopping by their booth. No one was trying to hard sell anything (and I stopped by every booth).
Speaking of selling, I broke my personal promise to myself and actually bought four t-shirts for myself. Ironic that I run a site that sells t-shirts and end up buying more to add to my already massive collection, but these shirts were too cool to not own. In my defense, I am seriously considering bringing a lot of the very cool shirts I saw onto my site (maybe create a small press t-shirt category?) .
The event goes all day today as well if you are in the Bay Area and are looking for something to do. Well worth the $10 ticket. Parking is another $10, but I found street parking about four blocks away, which in San Francisco is like parking three cars down. The event is very well organized and smoothly run. The people running it were all very friendly. Food kind of sucks, and there was a huge line for the only overworked ATM machine, so consider packing a lunch and loading up on cash if you want to buy anything.
Probably more dating advice tomorrow, although I am working on some really great interview that I am really excited about. Keep checking back and see what I come up with.
My review for Inception
I know I keep promising to write more on dating, and I will, but honestly I am not feeling it at the moment. Maybe because it is summer and I am feeling lazy, maybe it’s because I have about a million other things going on, mostly about the Star Trek convention we are doing next month in Las Vegas (“I like to call it lost wages”-name that reference).
Anyway, I will get back on track soon, but last night I saw the movie Inception and felt compelled to write a review for it. In a nutshell, freaking awesome. I normally approach anything involving Leanardo DiCaprio with the same enthusiasm I would approach a dead, radioactive skunk rotting in the center of a toxic cactus patch. I saw the trailers and more or less decided to pass, but then my best friend saw it and told me I had to go. I am very glad I did, and in the course of two hours became a DiCaprio fan.
The story is amazing. Clean, makes sense, doesn’t try to oversimplify in order to pander to the grunting masses that comprises most of human society, didn’t throw in some dumb hot chick for no purpose other than to show cleavage, and ends entirely appropriately. All around great plot.
The acting was superb from all participants. I especially like the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun (a great show) in his first adult roll. The young hot chick (Juno) actually delivered the weakest performance, but really that is only in comparison to everyone else. She did a great job. Just everyone else did better. I also like the fact that Nolan did not over play her to gain teen sex appeal. He seems to understand the concept of supporting actresses just supporting main actors.
Christopher Nolan is great as a director and writer. He did the Dark Knight and I guess it made enough money that he was given free reign with which to prove himself and he did. I guess every Hollywood director isn’t a complete jackass who lets creative freedom turn into an opportunity to gratify his own overblown ego.
I realized after seeing this movie that I have been remiss in not featuring more Dark Knight shirts in my comic book t shirt section. In fact I will definitely keep an eye out for Inception t shirts and put them up as soon as possible.
The thing I love about this movie is when a great, intelligent movie makes a lot of money (as this one is obviously making) it encourages the production of other great movies. This summer has been pretty horrible, movie-wise. If I see one more sparkly, shirtless, body-hairless, homo-erotic teenage vampire heart throb I will vomit. By the way, anyone who wears a Team Edward or whatever t-shirt needs to go shopping for a life and then neuter themselves in order to keep from passing their genes on to the next generation. This summer also has more talking cats and dogs, and the ruination of a great cartoon series, Avatar. In fact, I think tomorrow I will write a review of the Last Airbender, which I was unfortunate enough to watch last week.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Making the call Part 5
I have purposely save the worst for last. The worst is when she actually picks up the phone and you have to talk to her. This sounds good, but really it is horrible. First of all she has not yet given you any secondary sign that she likes you. Also it puts her off her pace, and for most women the response to that is to turtle up and adopt a defensive position that usually results in getting rid of you as soon as possible. Occasionally you might get a girl who can have a fun conversation with a relative stranger, but don’t count on it.
The other reason this sucks is it can really throw you off your game. These days people are always expecting voice mail and are usually surprised when they get an actual human being. Let me give you some basic guidelines for this unfortunate circumstance.
First of all, remain calm. Don’t get over excited, and don’t run at the mouth. Keep it simple like you would for voice mail, but be ready to chat a bit. Definitely have something in mind to do on a date with her. In fact, have a couple ideas, as I have yet to have a girl agree to do the first thing I suggest (I suspect there is some woman out there writing a guide for girls to date guys who tells them to always shoot down the first idea the guy comes up with as a test). Make a couple jokes if possible, but some women respond well to a short and quick conversation.
However, there is one critical rule you have to remember when actually accidentally talking to the girl, and that is YOU must be the one to terminate the conversation. In other words, do not let her tell you she has to go and end what is going on. You want her to think you are busy and have a lot going on. The best conversations with a girl will have her thinking you are doing her a favor dedicating five minutes of your busy day to here and leave her wishing for more. If she ends the conversation than you just let her show you that her time is more valuable than yours, therefore reducing you value to her. Don’t mess this one up. It is easy to let your enjoyment of the conversation suck you in and letting her nuke it.
Keep your conversation like Catwoman’s outfit: long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep it interesting (image courtesy of the comic book t shirt category, and quote courtesy of my 12th grade English teacher).
