A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 7
So you have the conversation started, reached the two minute point, and she hasn’t maced you yet. Kudos. Now what are you going to talk about?
Again, the main thing should be her. You need to seem honestly interested in her (and, to be honest, actually be interested in her). However, if she is somewhat reserved you will have to find some things to talk to her about.
One of the best things you can do to keep a conversation moving is give her a compliment of some kind. However, be aware there are good compliments and bad compliments. Most women are more or less looking for a reason to get rid of guys bugging them and the first thing you say that they can choose to interpret negatively is their rip cord and for the most part they will pull it.
So, as always, I will start with what NOT to compliment her on.
1. Any part of her body, especially breasts, legs, or more or less any part thereof. Even something as innocuous seeming as her hands is a huge land mine. Women are for the most part massively insecure about a lot of stuff you wouldn’t believe, and something as innocent as “Your hands are very slender and clever looking” can easily trigger her pathetic self contempt for her skinny fingers. Also, mentioning any part of her body that can be interpreted as a sexual turn on (and for most guys, that can be any part of her body) will put you permanently into the creep category. Stay away.
2. Most of her clothing. There are a few exceptions to this, but most women use clothing to hide the things they feel insecure about and mentioning it will only reminding them about it. Also, complimenting a woman on her dress is an open invitation to throw out a “Does this dress make me look fat” trap for which there is no good answer.
3. Any observed perception of what you think her religion, politics, or other agenda may be. This is all fodder for the first and second date. Don’t mess around with it.
Ok, so what can you safety compliment her on? Here are a few items.
1. A very general appreciation about her looks if she looks dressed up. “You look fabulous.” Don’t get into specific items.
2. Shoes. Women love shoes (I have a theory on this, but won’t get into it today). They seem to love compliments about their shoes, especially if it looks a little different from what every else is wearing. In my experience, if a woman is wearing boots of some kind (especially if they are unusual color boots or have tassels or something hanging off them) she is fishing for compliments on her footwear. Don’t disappoint her.
3. Jewelry. This is another category of things women wear to get compliments. Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and rings are all open to comment. HOWEVER, if she is wearing a pendant that is combined with a really plunging neckline and some good cleavage comment on her earrings.
Hey, Diana. Nice bracelets!
(image courtesy of the Wonder Woman t shirt)
4. Handbag. This is a weird one, in that some women love handbags and will literally spend thousands of dollars on a single bag whereas others don’t really care much at all and throw their stuff into whatever sack they have lying around. However, in general the smaller the bag, the more worth of a compliment. Also, it is worth your time to go to a high end department store and learn what the logo’s of the higher end bags looks likes and compliment her on her bag by name (“Is that a Prada bag?”). If a woman is carrying around a $3500 handbag she is most likely so desperate for a compliment on it your comment will feel like the first breath of air after being trapped under the ice, if you know what I mean.
5. Hair. Women spend a lot of time on their hair, and for the most part appreciate a good compliment on it. Color (as long as it’s not gray) comments are generally well received if it is obviously an artificial color (“Your hair has the coolest green highlights”) but stay away if it looks like she is attempting to look natural, even if it is painfully obviously not her natural color.
6. Any apparent ability she has, especially if it something “fun”. Tell her she is a great dancer, runner, drinker, or whatever (“Wow, you can really hold your own on these Jager shots”). Everyone loves being noticed for some kind of ability.
That’s some good guidelines. As always, remember that things are all situational, and keep in mind that two minute rule.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 1
Last post I talked a little about the fact that there are women everywhere, and later on I will talk about specific places that I think are particularly cool for this sort of thing. However, if I send you out into the world without equipping you with the bare rudiments of how to open a conversation with them without coming across as a total creep either you will get maced or simply be so intimidated you won’t say anything to anyone. So like a hunter headed out to catch a lion, we have to make sure you are equipped with the proper weapons to bag your game without losing any vital organs.
The first thing we should talk about is the massive fear of rejection most guys (not just nerds, although as a sub group we seem to be more paralyzed by this) experience when contemplating talking to an attractive girl. Let me say that this fear is well founded, as approaching a girl who is a total stranger in akin to crossing a mine field only to get kicked in the nuts on the other side. How, then, do we deal with this? The answer is get used to stepping on land mines and wear a cup.
By that I mean get used to rejection. There are three things you need to do to be great at anything and they are practice, practice, practice. I had a friend who helped me get over my inability to talk to and/or pick up women and the thing he did was told me to go out and get rejected. Not joke. We would go to a club or a bar and he would not give me back my car keys until I had been rejected by 25 different women. He was Batman to my Robin.
(Robin t shirt from the comic book t shirts section). Like Robin, eventually I learned enough and morphed into Nightwing, capable of fighting crime (or getting women) on my own, while my replacement got beat almost to death with a crowbar and blown up by the Joker. However, the biggest part was getting rejected so much that I developed a callous over the part of my ego that gets injured by rejection. Now I am more or less impervious to it.
Now that I think about it, I think this should be your first homework assignment. Starting tonight and until you get a girlfriend your job is to talk to 10 different women each day. You are not trying to pick them up, just get used to talking to them and not feeling bad when they blow you off. And by different women I mean women you do not actually have a legitimate reason to talk to. Coworkers, family member, friends, etc. do not count. You must talk to them for whatever reason (even if it is to ask the time, but I would put a limit of one of those per day). You can wait until tomorrow when I have posted some more guidelines, but if you are really motivated you will get out there tonight.
That’s it, as I kind of have a headache tonight. I will post more tomorrow.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Accessories
Accessories is actually pretty simple for guys. We don’t have the jewelry options and requirements that women have. As a matter of fact, DO NOT ASSUME the accessory requirements women have. As a rule, stay away from rings, necklaces, and earrings (unless you are into piercing or are a rock star). Honestly, while some guys can pull these items off, for the rest of us it is like jumping out of a plane and hoping the thing on our backs is a parachute not a knapsack.
Unless your ring can give you powers like GL’s, stay away (image from the comic book t shirts)
The main accessory item for guys tends to be your wristwatch. The two things all women notice (remember those near-instantaneous evaluations women can make? A lot of it is based on these two) are shoes and watches. All guys should own a watch, and if you tell yourself that you just use your cell phone know that you are immediately stuck into the “loser tech geek” by a lot of women.
There are any number of watches out there, so here are a few guidelines. First of all, your watch should be metal or metal and leather, not plastic (nor a gift from some kind of meal. I don’t care how humorous it is. You might think you are being quirky and weird but what you are really transmitting is broke loser). It should not calculate anything. The more features it has, the weirder you look. Stay away from diving watches unless you actually dive. In general less is more. Simple is good. Personally I am a huge fan of Movado and love my Movado watch.
As for how much you need to spend, I would say at least $350 and as much as $1K. Sounds like a lot but a good watch will last you at least five years, so not so much over time. I have no proof of the validity of this, but a theory I cooked up is you should probably spend about 1% of your annual salary on a watch. In other words, if you make $35K drop $350, $100K drop $1K. I know this is just my thought process, but I can’t help but imaging this is the kind of equation that pops up in a woman’s head.
Other accessories include wallet, business card holder, keys, and cell phone.
Your wallet should be leather or leather-like (if you don’t do leather) and black. That simple IMO. DO NOT do Velcro, canvas, anything with writing on it (yes, we all saw Pulp Fiction and the Bad M-F-er wallet. Not as cool as Samuel L. Jackson made it seem), or anything with a chain attached, unless you are a biker (motorcycle) or a mailman.
A business card holder is something I highly recommend. I go with stainless steel. I also can’t stress the importance of having business cards on you at all times. Only losers don’t have business cards. Also, business cards are the perfect item for the “Hail Mary” pass at a girl (more on that later). If your job does not give you cards have them printed. Vistaprint does a great job dirt cheap. If you don’t believe me about how cool business cards and holders can be check out this scene from American Psycho.
It might seem weird that I include keys in this post, as we all have keys, but this is one item that nerd guys screw up all the time. Basically, your keys should be as small as possible. Guys who have huge rings of keys always end up looking like weird conspiracy nuts. Your keyring should consist of one small fob of some kind (go nuts on this. Personally I have a miniature Death Star on mine), car keys, house keys, work keys, and that’s about it. If you are a big beer drinker add a church key, but your keyring should always be as minimum as possible. Also, NEVER, EVER hang your keys on your belt for any reason.
Finally, cell phone. It used to be another item where smaller was better, but now bigger is better. Honestly, if you don’t have a smart phone capable of sending complex and fast texts and emails you look like a loser. I don’t know about the validity of this survey, but there is an article floating around the internet to the effect that women are more likely to give their number to a guy with an iPhone than one without. Whether or not this is true, there is a perception that iPhones equals more success and stability, so why not?
That’s it for appearance (although I might throw in the odd blurb as they occur to me). Next post we get into more actual meeting women with Where to Go to Meet Women! OMG! See you soon.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Pants
Pants is pretty basic for men. It is hard to mess up (although trust me, there are ways to make it happen). I’ll run over some quick do’s and don’ts.
Pants should be comfortable, clean, and in good repair. Dark colors are best. Don’t go too baggy unless you have a legitimate reason for it. In casual situations jeans are fine. In slightly more formal (quality bar rather than dive/sports bar) Chinos or slacks, although good jeans are OK. Formal situations slacks for sure. Pants should cover your socks entirely, and about an inch of the back of your shoes. They should NEVER touch the ground. Wear a belt with them (leather, not canvas. No spikes or studs. If possible get it to match your belt at least on color). Your pants should not sag around your ass. Makes it look like you are carrying a load.
There are some things to avoid. Here is a list:
1. No striped pants. No joke. You don’t want to look like a clown, and stripes tend to make you look fatter anyway.
2. No checkered pants. Again, same stuff.
3. Unless you are in the military and actively on duty, no camouflage pants. Seriously. You look like a douche.
4. For that matter, no changes of colors of any kind. This includes flowers, images, patterns, flames, or whatever. Pants should be one color and that’s it.
5. No white pants. Total recipe for disaster.
6. No cargo pants.
7. NO SWEAT PANTS EVER! Unless you are in the gym (and then you should be wearing shorts anyway) nothing says loser slob like sweat pants.
8. Shorts are OK if you are outside on a warm day doing something physical, but generally go with long pants. Also, if your legs are somehow hard to look at (I have a friend who is grossly overweight and insists on wearing shorts at all times. His legs make my eyes sad) don’t wear shorts.
9. And as long as we are on the subject of things around your waist, NEVER, EVER, EVER WEAR A FANNY PACK! I can’t stress this enough. If your pants don’t have pockets odds are you bought some womens slacks.
Speaking of pockets, try to avoid overloading them. It breaks up the lines and makes you look weird. Wallet, keys, cell phone, and maybe a business card holder is about the limit. If you think you need more stuff you are treading in weirdo territory. Also, avoid hanging stuff on your belt. I hate those guys. You are not freaking Batman (image from the comic book t shirt section).
(I hung out with a guy at one point who opted to carry on his belt two cell phones, a pager, a PDA, and for reasons I still can’t fathom, a garage door opener. I think he finally rethought his equipment options the third time in one night a girl asked him “Is that a garage door opener?”).
Put your cell phone in your pocket.
Next post: Shoes
A New Breed of Superhero Movie
Even people who had become disenchanted with the Batman franchise have been impressed with what Christopher Nolan has done with the latest installments of the series. Casting Christian Bale as Batman, many people finally got what they felt was missing from some of the previous Batman movies. They had a hero that could pull of both Bruce Wayne and Batman. The two very different personas had stumped previous actors such as George Clooney (an admirable Wayne but a faltering Batman) and Michael Keaton (an amazing Dark Knight but a bumbling Wayne).
The new films also boast a much darker feel and have fans donning Batman t shirts once again. These certainly aren’t happy go lucky films intended for comic-loving kids. The villains aren’t caricatures of lunatics. They’re just lunatics, and Heath Ledger was even awarded a posthumous Oscar for his twisted and unsettling portrayal of the Joker. And that is what’s so fantastic about this new breed of superhero movies. They stand alone on their own right. While we can all praise Ledger for his amazing turn in the film, it takes nothing away from the iconic way that Jack Nicholson portrayed the goofy grinned gangster.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 1
Whoops. Forgot to publish this one. A little out of order but pretty good IMO.
This part of the presentation was both surprisingly well received and needed. If you think I am off base even presenting this information, I invite you to attend any comic or Star Trek convention towards the end of the day. The funk can be overwhelming in power, volume, and variety. The sad fact is that a symptom of certain types of nerds is a belief that grooming is something that happens to other people. I have a few theories as to why this happens:
Theory 1: They don’t smell their own funk, and therefore assume no one else does. WRONG. The fact is you can get used to anything, especially something that creeps up on you like body funk (this, by the way, was my excuse for not bathing through most of high school). This belief also tends to expand to the belief that a shower every few days is sufficient. Believe me, it isn’t. Incidentally, I have found about 100 articles about how women have a much more sensitive olfactory sense than men, so what might be a slight odor to you could easily bowl a woman over. Note-never ask women their opinion of your body odor. They will ALWAYS lie. This is one thing they seem incapable of giving their honest opinion of. They perceive being honest in this realm as cruel, but at the same time have pretty much decided they aren’t going to date you. If you must, ask a guy, or better yet, just assume the worst and take a fraking shower.
Theory 2: The nerd believes that he will not be in a circumstance wherein he will be meeting girls. WRONG. As we will expand later on, you are surrounded by women. You could be stinking up your local comic book store 
in your favorite Punisher t shirt and run into a girl who happens to have a Frank Castle thing. If, on the off chance this miracle happens, do you really want to push off your one chance to date a comic book chick because you haven’t bathed in three days? You never know when you might run into her.
Theory 3: “I am a wild, crazy barbarian that some woman will dig.” Yeah, this plan sucks. There may be women out there who dig grubby, smelly guys, but for every one out there I can promise there are at least 100,000 other women who like clean, non-smelly guys. Also, women who dig grubby guys generally look like they dig grubby, smelly guys if you know what I mean. Granted, there are situations where a guy looks dirty and women feel like he is sexy, but what women generally like is guys who look dirty after doing something (changing oil, putting out a fire, etc) but who will then shower and look clean again.
Theory 4: The nerd has more or less given up all hope of meeting someone and has more or less said “To hell with it“. This is the saddest case, since it is a very strong self fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you will never meet someone, and therefore stop grooming or doing anything else to enhance your chances, odds are you will not. At least you will have the satisfaction of feeling like you can predict the future, but that sort of self gratification is destined to leave you lonely for a long time. You have to believe it is possible, and if you can’t believe it then lie to yourself until you do. As you believe, so shall you achieve.
Anyway, those are my main theories behind why certain nerds don’t like to bath. If, on the other hand, you bath frequently, remember this is not directed at any one person. I am sure you are the fragrant delight of your workplace.
Anyway, I’ll boil bathing down to a couple simple rules. They are:
1. Every morning. This is pretty critical
2. After doing anything that causes you to perspire. Exercise causes BO. For the more advance students we can talk about masculine pheromones caused by perspiration being attractive to women, but lets face it. If you produced those pheromones odds naturally odds are you would not be reading this.
3. Before any kind of social interaction that may or may not include women.
Bottom line, if you ever find yourself asking the question “Do I need a shower” the answer is always 100% yes. There is no gray area in this matter.
As for the mechanics of bathing, you should have learned this at age 4 or so, so I will make it short. Bathe every inch of your skin with soap, paying particular attention to the feet, groin, and armpits. Shampoo your hair, and then use conditioner (this is actually pretty important. More on hair later). Get out, dry off completely, and then immediately apply deodorant! I cannot stress the importance of this. A stick of deodorant might cost $1.50, but the value of not stinking is priceless. While buying it go nuts and get a deodorant with an antiperspirant.
That’s it for now. Next post: Grooming Part 2 (shaving)
A Windy Wednesday in Niles, CA
So I am looking for store fixtures to use at our next comic book show and saw a listing on Craigslist in Niles, Ca. I’ve never been there, even though it’s only about 20 miles away. I drive down there and it’s like teleporting into another dimension. The street I was on had three dive bars, a bead store, a few other oddball shops, and at least twenty antique stores.
No joke. They all seemed to be about the same size, shape, and inventory, all with shy, mousey employees. I stopped by a candy store and got a huge chunk of fudge. The weather was very cold for California; windy, and raining like hell, but I was so fascinated by the surreal nature of the town I walked all the way up and down the main street. It was like being in the Midwest maybe eighty years ago.
I also saw the local Merchants Association, which was located in an old streetcar (again, no joke). There was a record store that only sold vinyl, a roach coach taco wagon, a pizza place, and a nice looking Italian place. In spite of being there at lunchtime, the whole place was sleepy.
I met a guy at the store I was visiting who was interested in my site. He was a big Justice League fan so I told him about this new JLA shirt I uploaded last weekend to the comic book t shirt section. I hope he checks us out.
Successful Comic Book to Movie Translations
There have been hundreds of different comic book movies made over the years, but few movies pale in comparison to the depth and majesty of the original comics. The most successful comic books made into movies are those that draw little from the comic books other than the actual characters. Having a director with a love for the comic books and vision helps a lot too. For example, the first two X-Men movies are regarded as being quite excellent, with the directing of Bryan Singer. However, when Singer departed to make Superman Returns, the X-Men movie franchise turned bad with all haste and left those wearing X-men t shirts in dismay. Other good comic book movies made in recent years include Spiderman 2, Hellboy: The Golden Army, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and Iron Man. Three of these films were released in 2008, in a year that would see a comic book film, The Dark Knight, win the first Oscar for acting, a nod to the deceased Heath Ledger.
Despite a smattering of successful comic book films, the comic books themselves are still what fans turn to for the purest and most enjoyable renditions of the superheroes and characters that made the series.
Traveling down irrelevant tangents.
So I have been know to go off on irrelevant tangents in the past, but I think I hit a new high while working on this new Spider-Man t-shirt for the Spiderman t shirt section. Unfortunately I lost the full sized image, but will shoot another one tonight.
I really enjoy going off in weird directions on my descriptions. It is a very freeing experience. I start off on one thing but then it reminds me of something else and next thing you know I am talking about something completely irrelevant (yet, I hope, entertaining). For example, on this shirt I started off on the shirt itself and ended up discussing the issues I have with the surf industry. It all kind of makes sense when you read it.
Other than that, I have ordered a ton of replacement shirts. As soon as they arrive I will be doing some new stuff that I hope will help out a lot with promotions. I’m sure I’ll talk about it soon.
New infant creepers
So I uploaded a massive 43 new shirts over the weekend. Of course, a lot of them still don’t have descriptions but I will be working on that this week. Most importantly are the new baby creepers. I think they are really cute, and perfect for nerd and nerdish parents.
At the show this Wonder Woman creeper sold great from the comic book t shirt section. Actually I created a whole new infant section, but most of these ended up on other sections as well.
Actually, the best selling creeper was the Green Lantern one, to the point where I sold out completely and don’t even have one to photograph. I’ll be placing the refill order today.
Anyway, long weekend of work, although I did play a great game of Warhammer on Saturday against a friend of mine with Dark Elves. While I lost, once again I took on a much tougher list and made him work for it. More importantly I can feel my game play upping.
