A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Making the call Part 4
Here’s where we talk about email or Facebook rather than a phone call. 
I can’t think about Facebook these days without picturing this shirt (image courtesy of the horror t shirt category).
First of all, know that you are actually in for a bit of a more difficult time here. If a girl gives you an email or Facebook rather than a phone number that usually means she is less into you than she might have been. Email or Facebook is for girls a nice, soft way to blow you off without having to deal with rejecting you to your face. That being said, I have successfully dated women who I started off communicating via email, so don’t give up.
Like the voice mail, keep it simple. You can even follow the guideline I gave last post for voice mail. However, as there is more room to communicate there is a certain amount of pressure to make some kind of non-essential personal comment. I usually roll with a joke or something. You also have to have an modest idea of what you would like to take her out to do. Here is what a typical first email might look like:
“Hi (girl’s name here). You gave me your (email/Facebook page) the other day at the (event) where we (talked about something/did something together). Did you ever (find your contact lens/figure out who was wearing that clown outfit/put out that brushfire/etc)? LOL.
I was thinking we should (get coffee/see the movie she expressed interest in/go to the pistol range/go hiking/etc). That would be cool. Let me know how your schedule looks next week. You can call me at (your number here).
(Your name)”
This a pretty direct email, but personally I don’t like to mess around via email too much. I have found most women appreciate a direct approach. If she calls you things are looking good.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Making the call Part 2
This post will be short and sweet. Before we get into the actual mechanics of making the call I need to give you another one of my simple dating rules: the two message rule.
Like the two minute rule, the two message rule sets a contact guideline. Here is how it works: if, after you have made two attempts to contact a women, be it voicemail, email, smoke signals, or whatever, and you don’t get a call or email back, it is time to lose the number.
Unlike the two minute rule, there is no room for interpretation or judgment on this one. Two messages. That’s it. Honestly, if you don’t get a call after the first one it really is time to give up hope, but there is always the chance that the first message got lost, spam filtered, or accidentally deleted. However, if you give two missives and don’t get a response, that is her sending you a message and that message is move on.
Don’t be that guy who calls over and over again. In addition to never working anyway, you will sound pathetic and end up bruising your ego in a bad way. Your ego needs to be tough, like Chuck Norris here. 
(image from the movie t shirt category)
Star Wars Junkie Finds True Love!
I have never fit in with the mainstream crowd. This has always been sad for me, not fitting in that is. The only comfort that I have had over the years is my love of Star Wars characters. I could sit and play with my Star Wars action figures all day. In fact, I used to pretend like I was the Princess Leia figure and wore Star Wars t-shirts to school everyday.
I never thought I would find someone to share my love of Star Wars; I never thought there was someone out there that appreciated a life that consists mostly of action figure play. Low and behold – I did. I met the love of my life at a Star Wars convention. I guess there’s someone out there for everyone.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 8
Sorry again about not posting as frequently as I would like, but I have been super busy getting ready for the Quake City Rumble, the biggest Warhammer tournament I do every year. It was this last weekend and I am happy to report that I received the Best Army award and placed 5th out of over 100 competitors. Now I should have some more time to continue with this guide for all you single nerd guys out there.
Ok, you’ve started a conversation, you’ve managed to not offend or disgust her, and things seem to be moving nicely. What next?
The answer is simple. Get her number (or email address) and bug out. DO NOT spend all night talking to her. I’ve covered that before, but really, you should get her number within 10-15 minutes of starting a conversation. If you have a limited time (bus is arriving, etc) make it quicker, but by no means extend the conversation beyond about 15 minutes. Get it quick.
Any experienced sales professional (I worked in sales for years) will tell you that you will never get the deal until you ask for it, and the same holds true for women. YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR HER NUMBER. She will never volunteer to give you it. In fact, most women are so insecure that they will not even be sure that you like them until you ask. Asking her for her number will cement in her mind the idea that you like her and she will be able to tell you if she likes you or not (if she opts to not give you her number, the answer is she does not. Live with it). Also, if you don’t man up and ask odds are she will think you are some kind of wimp. Women like confidence.
I have always found that the best way to get a number or email address is, after a pleasant, engaging conversation (with her actively participating) is to say something like “Hey, we should hang out sometime.” Don’t be specific (unless she has expressed a massive interest in something. For example, if she has said she is a massive bull riding fan you could suggest going to a rodeo). She will know what you mean, and that will give you time to figure out what the hell you are going to do when you go out. If she thinks you are kind of cool, interesting, or sexy (remember all that grooming and dressing we did earlier?) she will probably say sure. You can also judge how much she likes you by the type of contact info she gives you. Here is a breakdown.
Cell phone number=Great!
Business card=Good.
Email address=Ok
Facebook page=Meh. (image courtesy of the horror movie t-shirts)
She takes your business card=Bleh.
She takes your number=Uh-oh.
By the way, even though giving her your card is second to the last worst result, it is always worth doing. Business cards cost about $.02 each and are well worth it for the “Hail Mary” when all else fails. I was out with a group once and gave a bunch of people my card and the one girl I liked ended up calling me. Don’t give up, but don’t really expect a call. By the way, always have business cards with you. You never know when something could drop in your life.
Put her number or email into your phone (hopefully iPhone).
Once you get her number or whatever, get out. There is a pattern to these things and once you get the number, in most people’s minds the conversation is done. Do not keep talking to here as it will only feel awkward and make you look really lame. Say something like “Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon” and move onto the next girl. Really. Don’t screw up all your work.
Next post, how to call and hopefully avoid this the let’s be friends speech.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 5
Time to delve into a tough subject for most nerd guys. Shutting up and letting the girl talk.
This is tough for most nerd guys. We start to feel nervous talking to women and the defensive mechanism is to fill the awkwardness with examples of our wit and verve. Also, we really think we need to impress her somehow by showing her how much intellect and knowledge we have. However, this is a huge trap (thank you Admiral Akbar) that a lot of nerds fall into for most of their life.
Here is why it is a bad thing. If there is one thing most women love it is a mystery. Guys that are mysterious are by nature sexy. Women feel compelled to dig more and more until they understand the guy as well as they can (which is pretty poorly, to tell the truth, but they like to believe they have accomplished their goal). If you shut up early on and make her work for every tidbit then by the time she has you figured out you have been in a relationship with her for a couple years.
The fact is, familiarity breeds contempt. No matter how cool and put together you or any other guy is, you have things that annoy women just by having a Y chromosome. As a mysterious figure out of a romance novel she 
knows nothing about your bad habits or obsession with Boba Fett (shirt image courtesy of the Star Wars t shirt section) or any number of other things that she will have nothing but contempt for. As she learns of them your chance of seeing her naked drops.
Think of it as a score. When you first meet a girl imagine she assigns a score from 1-100 to you. If you are super good looking or super rich you are probably in the 80-90 range. If you are horribly disfigured or just the wrong body and/or facial type you might be in the 30-40s. Most of us end up in the middle range. Bottom line each girl has a minimum score they require in order to sleep with you. Every time you open your mouth you risk losing points. Granted, there is the chance of gaining points, but unless what you are about to say is “I am the owner of a multi-million dollar corporation” then I think it fair to say the odds of losing points grossly outweighs the chance of gaining points.
So bottom line, say next to nothing about yourself. If I have done well talking to a girl then I know a ton about her (fodder for future conversations) while she knows my first name and maybe a vague idea of what I do for a living. That’s it. Every thing she knows about you is less chance to get anywhere with her.
I’m not saying don’t answer her questions. That would be weird. But every time she asks you something answer with as few details as possible and turn it into a question about her. For example:
Girl: “So, Dave, what do you do for a living?”
Dave: “I run a web site. We sell t-shirts. What do you do?”
Girl: “I work in marketing.”
Dave: “Really? Have you worked on any campaigns I might have seen?”
See how that worked? I answered her question and gave her the opportunity to talk about herself for another five minutes.
Eventually she will learn all your bad habits and idiosyncrasies, but by that time you should be already sleeping with her and she will develop other relationship ties that will keep her from kicking you to the curb.
This point is kind of near to my heart, as it is the one piece of my advice I really struggle with. It is so easy to talk about myself with a girl and say too much. Just recently I was dating a girl. She caught the flu or something and was sick, so instead of sleeping together we would talk a lot via phone and text. Bottom line is she learned too much about me before we slept together and I got dumped. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt.
Next post: the Two Minute Rule.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Shoes
I realized something important several years ago that really opened my eyes: women really notice shoes. Think about it. Most guys have at most 2 or 3 pairs. According to Reuters the average woman owns 19 pairs of shoes (which means there are women out there with 50 or 60 pairs). I think it fair to say that women pay attention to shoes (I have theories as to why this is, but won’t get into it here).
This is where most guys fail miserably (Epic Fail image courtesy of the movie t shirt category). Most guys (not just nerds) default to the most comfortable pair they have.
Think about it for a minute. Not only do women own a couple dozen pairs of shoes, but they learn to walk in some of the most uncomfortably footwear items ever invented. High heels are no joke (if you don’t believe me walk around on your tip toes for ten minutes and see how you feel). It’s like the Marquis de Sade was a fashion designer. They do this in order to look good, and you are going to schlep around in a pair of ratty old sneakers and expect to impress the ladies? It is to laugh.
Therefore, you are under an obligation to to not only have good shoes, but several pairs of good shoes. Let me list what I think any guy who is trying to date women should have.
1. Sneakers of some kind. There are definite times when you need to wear something casual. The important thing is that the shoes need to be clean and in good repair. I generally go for skateboard shoes in black. They tend to be very comfortable, nigh indestructible, and by being black can go with a lot of stuff.
2. Running or hiking shoes. Even if you don’t run (and really, you should) women love hiking as an activity and you need to be ready. Nothing will make you look like a tool than going on a romantic hike and having to bail out because you have a massive blister or something. Also, running is a great way to both lose weight and meet women.
3. Brown leather shoes. These are NOT your dress shoes. These are shoes you can wear with jeans or slacks when you are not necessarily wanting to look formal but are not casual. I have a pair of Ecco Unlimited shoes that look great and feel good.
4. Two pairs of dress shoes. One black, one a deep color. I have a pair of deep burgundy shoes that look good. Slacks and suits. Buy belts to match each color shoes you have.
5. Sandals. I know I said to avoid sandals, but there are some times when they are appropriate. This times are at the beach or pool. Generally go with something simple, but absolutely avoid Birkenstocks. And never socks. If it is cold enough for socks put on some damned shoes.
This is the minimum every guy should have, but you can’t go wrong having more pairs. I have a friend who has 150 or more pairs and he always looks sharp. More pairs gives you options of matching your clothes better.
Let me add a few notes. First of all, with the exception of sandals, socks should be worn at all time. Some fashion mags like to tell guys to go sockless with dress shoes but honestly, don’t try it. It just looks gross. Also, except for your athletic shoes go with black or dark socks. Showing a band of white around your ankles with your dark pants and shoes is the express train to lameville.
Learn to polish your shoes (or find someone who can do it for you). Buy ceder shoe trees for your dress shoes. Store them on a shelf, not a pile.
Finally, never be seen in public without shoes. Barefoot is only for kids, homeless guys, and gross Burning Man tree hugging hippies. If that is the look you are going for why are you even reading this?
That’s i
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Clothing Basics
This section is a little rudimentary in my mind, but I know there are guys out there for whom this stuff might not be as obvious as it is to a lot of others. And like I said before, most of these mistakes I have made in my life, usually over and over again.
These are basic clothing rules, and should be your guidelines at all times.
1. Underwear should be worn at all times. I cannot impress upon you how important this is. Women can get away with no underwear. You cannot. Going commando can do a lot of bad. I don’t want to get into a lot of graphic detail with the kinds of things that can go wrong for the lack of undergarments, except to say it can have social impacts you can never wash away. Also, once as a kid I caught my junk in the fly of my pants, and it was the most embarrassing injury of my life. If you are out of clean underwear use you last clean pair to run out and buy more, or better yet do your laundry.
2. Which brings us to our next clothing basic rule: do your laundry. Do not wear clothing repeatedly without washing it. A rank t shirt can undo all the good your regular bathing has done. Also, fold your laundry so it doesn’t look like you slept in it. If a label says “Dry clean only” first of all congratulations on having a high quality garment and second take it to a dry cleaner. When I am feeling lazy and have money I take all my laundry to a Wash-n-fold laundry and two days later the hand them back to me clean and folded like magic. Iron your shirts.
3. If a pair of pants has loops for a belt, they should have a belt in them.
4. Never wear clothes with holes in it. It is true that a pair of pants can look cool with some holes in it, but if you could correctly pick out the right torn clothes to look cool odds are you don’t need this blog.
5. The same thing for stains. If you have to decide which jacket goes with the marinara stain, get rid of it.
6. Sandals are a bad idea, unless you are going to the beach. Sandals are what guys in relationships wear, after they have reached the point they can safely not care anymore. Also, NEVER EVER WEAR SANDALS WITH SOCKS! Seriously. Those guys make me want to run them over with my car. Finally, Crocs suck. I don’t care how comfortable they are.
That’s pretty much it. We’ll get into more specifics in future posts.
Don Corleone knows how to look sharp (from the movie t shirts).
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Clothing Part 1
It has been said that clothing makes the man, and this is absolutely true, at least when it comes to impressing women. We’ll talk more later about how women evaluate the men they meet (in my experience and opinion) but for now you should know that women are capable of making assessments regarding your eligibility as a dating partner in micro-seconds, and a lot of it has to do with clothing, both directly and indirectly.
You don’t have to dress like a GQ model (and in fact, in most cases you look work even worse just by trying), but you need to look like you are making the effort. There is very little that makes me laugh more than seeing a couple out on a date where the girl obviously spent a considerable amount of time (sometimes on the order of a couple hours) looking good and the guy looks like he just rolled out of bed.
Fortunately it is the nature of being a guy that your grooming process can take 1/6th of the time it can take a woman, but you really don’t want to look like you only took 1/10000th the time, and the easy way to get around that is to dress up a bit.
Now, given the nature of my business it should be obvious that I love and appreciate t-shirts like this 
awesome Bruce Lee one from the movie t shirt section, but if you think the time for a t-shirt is all day every day, you need help. There is a time and a place, and even when I opt to wear a t-shirt it is clean, as am I and the rest of my attire.
When should you dress up? We will get into when and where you can expect to meet women (although honestly, the only place you can count on not meeting a girl is on your own couch) but honestly, anytime you cannot be sure you will NOT meet a girl you should do what you can to dress up. Standard apparel for me is a collared shirt, good jeans or slacks (usually chinos), and leather shoes.
I am not recommending you change your entire attire (in fact, remain true to yourself) but like putting a coat of paint on the outside of a house to increase it’s resale value, putting on some better clothing can add a lot of value to yourself.
I would like to also add that every time I get dressed up (especially in a suit) I feel sharper and most importantly, more confident.
Anyway, like I did with grooming I will address each attire section in a different blog post.
Next post: the basics
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 5 The Mouth
Here is a funny story to introduce this topic. Years ago I had a job driving across the country doing promotional events. My friend and I ended up in New Orleans a few weeks after Mardi Gras and naturally had to hand out on Bourbon Street. We parked our van and not five minutes later while walking towards Bourbon Street three cute girls, two of them giggling their asses off, came up and asked us if either of us had our tongues pierced. By coincidence at the time I did (this was my post-punk body piercing phase). The two giggling girls explained that their friend (who was turning red from embarrassment) was visiting from Alaska and had never kissed a guy with a pierced tongue and asked if I would. I did (she was really cute) and enjoyed it. Of course years later as a more mature adult I get weirded by the thought of that kind of casual contact, but back then I knew no fear.
Incidentally, my friend decided that night he wanted to sit down with one of the street fortune tellers and ended up talking to her for two hours. Kind of weird. Fortunately I had my yo-yo with me. No joke.
Anyway, the point of this story is, casual contact aside, you never know when you will need your mouth for things other than eating and talking. It is therefore very important that you keep it clean and orderly.
First of all, there is never an excuse for bad breath. Make extensive use of breath mints, Binaca (one day I’ll tell you the story about my friend who shot Binaca up his nose…twice), breath strips, or even gum. If you are fortunate enough to be having dinner with a girl hold the onions. Honestly, just be aware of your breath and take steps to keep it minty fresh.
At the risk of sounding like a public service announcement (anyone else remember Yuck Mouth?) you should most definitely brush and floss your teeth multiple times a day, preferably after every meal. See your dentist 
often. If you have crooked teeth or a gap (or look like Jaws from this movie t shirt) look into getting them straitened. I went out with a girl who was in all ways gorgeous and smart, but she had a massive gap in her front teeth and that’s all I could ever see.
Also, be aware that if you drink a lot of brown liquids (coffee is the number one culprit, but I had a real bad Diet Coke habit that hit me hard) it will tend to turn your teeth brownish. Use a whitening toothpaste. Also when you visit your dentist there are a number of different tooth whitening procedures that can help with this.
Anyway, that’s it. Like hair and bathing, mouth care takes a little work, but you will reap the benefit. Girls dig guys who smile a lot.
Next Post: Grooming Odds and Ends
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 4 Smells
Your (and more importantly, the women you are trying to meet) sense of smell is critical for attraction and repulsion. It has been shown that people who, for whatever reason, lose their sense of smell also lose all sex drive. Smell is the best memory trigger, and the first scent a woman has of you will color her perception of you forever.
It is OK to smell of: soap, deodorant, and breath mints.
It is NOT OK to smell of: body odor, sweat, your last meal, flatulence, or pretty much anything else.
Odds are this guy from the zombie movie t shirt section will not impress the ladies with his scent.
The whole bathing every day and deodorant will help with most of the body odors, and we will discuss teeth later but brushing your teeth and using mouth wash will help with the breath. Generally maintaining an aura of cleanliness will keep the funk down.
However, a big question when it comes with women is cologne. Do I use it, and if so which one? In general my answer stay away. The chance of buying the wrong one or using an inappropriate amount is astronomical, and there are a decent amount of people who are allergic.
If, on the other hand, you feel the need to splash some scent on, here are a few basic guidelines:
1. In spite of what the French believe, cologne is not an excuse for not bathing or using deodorant. If you believe it is enjoy smelling like cologne and BO, the worst of both worlds.
2. Do not buy cologne from a guy on the street selling Designer Impostors. Not that it’s a better deal, but picking a scent at random is a bad idea.
3. Buy scent from a woman, or better yet with a woman helping you. Test each one on a wrist and have the woman smell it. Then clean your wrist (<–important) and try another. Don’t buy the first one you try just because it doesn’t cause you to gag.
4. Never use cologne given to you by a family member, especially your grandparents.
5. Never, ever use Patchouli Oil. Seriously. That stuff is rank.
Once you have selected your quality cologne, remember subtly is the key. There is a fine line between having an intriguing, intoxicating scent and smelling like a French cathouse. A tiny dab on the neck under each ear and on each wrist should suffice. Never use spray on. Remember less is more. If you feel you aren’t overpowering enough you can always add more later, but the only way to go less is to take another shower.
Honestly, though, take my advice and stay away from it. The best way to wear cologne is if you have a girlfriend and she helps you select it. That way you know she likes it.
Next post: the mouth.
