Journey 2: The Mysterious Island in 3D Review
The human race is collectively stupider for each child that watches this film.
I am in all ways a man of my word. I didn’t do as well as I had hoped at the Warhammer tournament and as I promised in punishment went last night and saw the Mysterious Island. This movie is actually one of the hardest for me to review, as from a cinema point of view it is the movie equivalent of blunt trauma to the head: painful and potentially brain damaging. However, as I scan a few other reviewers I respect the phrase “good for what it is” keeps cropping up like a returning herpes sore and I have to admit, taken in the context of “moronic entertainment for kids with a story that won’t have parents wanting to kill themselves” it definitely qualifies.
I did not see the first one but honestly, I don’t think I missed much. I have read a lot of Jules Verne and watched a lot of Scooby Doo, which seems to be the basis for this movie. The problem is of course how to review it? If I treat it like a kids movie I won’t have a lot to say. If I treat it like an adult movie (and based on how much the camera lingers over Venessa Hudgens (Sucker Punch, High School Musical) very skimpy outfit outfit an argument could be made that it is an adult film) I will be dumping all over it but be revealing to the world what a bitter and horrible soul I am at heart.
I think the answer is, like most bad comprises, to jump both ways. I will review it like a childs film but raise a lot of the points I would have raised if it were an adult film, thus creating more work for me but in truth probably writing something a little more entertaining. I will try to keep my complaints about the really, really, horrifically bad science to a minimum. 
Sufficed to say science and technology will have been set back 10 years when the generation of kids watching this film grows up to become scientists and have the items in this film rolling around in their subconscious (anyone else remember Idiocracy? Brawndo shirt image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category).
So the story. Sean (Josh Hutcherson-American Splendor, the Kids are All Right, Journey to the Center of the Earth) hates his stepfather Hank (Dwayne Johnson (NOT the Rock)-Fast Five, the Rundown, the Scorpion King) and wants to decode a secret message in Jules Verne code from his missing grandfather Alexander (Micheal Caine-Batman Begins, the Dark Knight, The Prestige, Children of Men). Turns out Hank is a construction worker who also is an expert code breaker and he and Sean solve the complex code in about 14 seconds. It is a map and coordinates of a mysterious island of some kind out in the Pacific near the island of Palau, a small country who’s official language is happily English. In an attempt to bond with his stepson Hank agrees to take Sean out there to find this island. Once they land they find that the only person crazy enough to take them to “the most dangerous part of the oceon” is the incredibly goofy Gabato (Luis Guzman-Boogie Nights, Anger Management, Carlito’s Way) and his incredibly hot daughter Kailani (Vanessa Hudgens). They board the most decrepit helicopter in the history of aviation and in the 7th worst decision in the history of the world (after the decision to air the Star Trek episode Spock’s Brain but before M&M’s decision to not let their candy be featured in E.T., passing it over to Reeces Peices) opt to fly into the mother of all storms.
They crash, of course, and wash up on the beach of some mysterious seeming island completely uninjured. At that point the adventure begins and they travel the island, coming across many wonderfully stupid and impossible creatures (I know I said I would avoid bitching too much about the scientific impossibilities of the things in this film, but there is a phenomenon known as scaling and strength of materials that tells us why giant ants and tiny elephants couldn’t exist. For the most part they wouldn’t be able to breath). They find Alexander in about 2 minutes and it turns out they are all experts of one type or another in tectonic plate activity, biology, archeology, and jungle survival. They find out the island is sinking (and does so ever 140 years. Sorry to be a pill but do they really think an entire complex ecosystem can develop that quickly?) and have to get out. The only way to leave is to find the hidden Nautiless, the submarine from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea left hidden on the island 140 years ago (again, sorry about this, but the fact is my dad once left a car on a driveway for two years and when he wanted to move it had to replace the battery, tires, and about half the hoses. I don’t think a 140 year old abandoned sub would really be seaworthy).
Anyway, from a child’s point of view this movie is fun, with cool giant creatures running around on and some funny, dopey dialog. Visually impressive, and will probably make a ton of money both here and overseas. I think what I object to in this and a lot of other children’s movies is the missed opportunity to enhance rather than degrade a young persons education. Would it have been so hard to write in a few actual scientific facts that were based on reality, thus making this film slightly more less worthless than the giant sodas sold at the concession stands? I understand that Jules Verne took a liberal hand when it came to science, but still. A movie for children should, in my opinion, have something other than empty calories. That being said the kids in the audience seemed to be loving it, and I can’t argue with that.
However, if I were to treat this as an adult film I would give the film the following stars and black holes:
Stars: Vanessa Hudgens is super hot, and the movie apparently had a limited wardrobe budget when it came time to buy her shorts as there wasn’t a lot of material in them. One star. Some entertaining moments between the characters, especially the dislike and needling that Hank and Alexander had at first for each other. One star. I am a big fan of Michael Caine. One star. The CGI and camera work, while not really state of the art, worked well together and delivered some pretty impressive images. Also this is one of the few movies I have seen wherein the 3D actually enhanced the film and didn’t just leave me with a headache (actually I was headache free from this. Weird). One star. Total: four stars.
The black holes. For the most part the characters were all pretty flat and two dimensional. One black hole. As a fan of science and technology I found concepts offered here to be really offensive, and hate to imagine teachers dealing with kids thinking that you can ride a giant bee in school for the next few weeks. Three black holes. I don’t know if I can call what I perceived as plot holes plot holes, as they all seemed to derive from the concept of “we are here to make really bad decisions” (for example: Alexander is trapped on the island and makes a radio out of coconuts or something. He can only transmit every two weeks and so when he has the chance he sends out his message in a code that only one human on the planet, assuming he is even listening, will understand. Why not just send out a regular SOS and get rescued? The castaways on Gilligan’s Island would have taken him out back and beaten him with a 2×4), but the plot holes were annoying the crap out of me. One black hole. For the most part the characters were all in a secret contest to see who could be the most annoying movie character of 2012 (Luis Guzman won IMO, although Dwayne Johnson was a close second). One black hole. At one point we are forced to listen to Dwayne Johnson sing while accompanied on a ukelele. One black hole. Total: seven black holes.
So a grand total of three black holes, which is shockingly less that I thought I would give walking into the movie, assuming I were treating it like an adult movie. Should you go see it? As an adult absolutely not. If you have kids they will probably enjoy the hell out of it, but understand that you are opening their brains to all kinds of oddball future theories, such as aliens, Bigfoot, the government orchestrated 9-11, flat tax is good for everyone, or creationism. Odds are pretty good you will want to own a copy as it will keep your rugrats out of your hair for 94 minutes.
Thanks for reading one of my most disjointed reviews. Not a lot of new stuff right now, but next weekend is looking really good. In particular I am looking forward to Acts of Valor and dreading Wanderlust. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu and feel free to post a comment here. If you don’t tweet and want to ask me something or make a suggestion privately email me [email protected] (email me in particular if you are in any way associated with an upcoming movie and want to invite me to an advanced screening in the Bay Area. I would like to get these out before they are released if possible. I promise I will buy popcorn and not text). Talk to you soon.
Dave
How is an I Am Legend sequel with Will Smith even possible?
So I just read online that Will Smith has agreed to do a sequel to I am Legend, the horrible remake of the really good Omega Man starring Charlton Heston. Didn’t his character die at the end of I am Legend? Unless they expect us to believe that he is such a bad ass he was able to fight off about 100 infected humans with a scalpel. Also, didn’t he blow himself up with a grenade?
The really funny thing is the only thing they took from the book and movie was the title. The reason it was called I am Legend was the one remaining human survivor wasn’t really a scientist. He was a guy who would go out every day and kill the infected humans as they slept. What he didn’t realize was that over time they were regaining control of their higher brain functions and were reforming society, just a sort of vampire/zombie can’t stand the light sort of way, and he was becoming a legend as a supernatural mass murderer. Very cleverly done in my opinion. This movie was total crap and the fact that it made serious money means the movie going audience is comprise of morons.
Dave doesn’t have any I Am Legend merchandise so I lifted this image from his zombie t shirts. He says I should put in an image for each post. It’s not really an infected human like in I am Legend. More of a classic zombie. You get the idea.
Jason
LOL Dave is going to freak out when he has to review the new Twisted Metal movie.
I think he has talked about it on some of his blogs or descriptions, but in case you didn’t know this Dave, who is a fully grown 6’5″ 250lbs guy, is deathly afraid of clowns. Mimes too, but clowns really freak him out. Some friends of ours showed this movie Killer Klowns from Outer Space a couple years ago and I thought he was going to pass out. The image comes from his Movie T shirts, but I don’t know how he managed to force himself to order these shirts. He must have been drunk to get through the process.
The reason this is funny is the video game Twisted Metal, which I played the crap out of, has some of the coolest and scariest clowns of all time. These are clowns possessed by Satan and amped up on crystal meth. Sweet Tooth was my favorite, but Doll Face was cool and of course, who can’t but love Calypso?
The other part about this that is funny is Dave sucks at pretty much all driving games and I have kicked is ass at Twisted Metal many times. He is better at RTS and point-and-click MMORP crap like WOW, but can’t touch me on anything with a steering wheel. I think I will go to this movie with him just to see the blood drain from his face.
Jason
George Lucas continues to defile and disgrace his whored out legacy.
So while listening to Geektime this morning I heard that the new Star Wars Kinnect will be coming out soon. I don’t really have any problem with that. The problem I have is that it is supposed to include a dance off feature where you can dance against or as Darth Vader. This is wrong on so many levels it boggles my mind. This Vader image is from the Star Wars tshirts, by the way.
It seems pretty obvious now that not only was George Lucas specifically not responsible for all the things that made Star Wars great but actually does not get the movies himself at all and possible has never actually watched them. Darth Vader should never dance. The very idea of him dancing is so wrong that anyone suggesting it should probably be executed for the good of humanity. Darth Vader is in all ways cool, menacing, and deadly. The only people dancing around him should be the people he is force choking for failure.
However, it seems pretty obvious that Lucas really doesn’t care one bit about Star Wars and would willingly show any of his characters engaged in illegal and immoral sexual acts if someone offered him enough money. He started it with the Holiday Special and has steadily spiraled down and down. By the way, his dumb 3D Phantom Menace comes out this weekend. Join me in specifically not seeing this opus and no longer supporting him in any way.
Jason
I just saw the trailer for the new Three Stooges movie. It’s scary bad.
I am a Three Stooges fan from when I was a kid. Moe, Larry, and Curly will always be among my all time favorites. Even Shemp I like, although we don’t have to talk about Curly Joe. The thing is, these guys are literally one of a kind, and the fact that they did their movie shorts on a shoestring budget makes them even better. Trying to remake them today using no name morons would be like trying to recreate the Mona Lisa using fingerpaints. It really can’t be done, and to do so would be an insult to their noble heritage. This credits image comes from the movie tshirts, by the way.
Of course, nothing will ever prevent the blood and soul sucking opportunists of Hollywood from betraying their heritage and turning a quick buck. I don’t care if it is the Farrelly brothers. The fact that they agreed to make this tells me that maybe they aren’t as great as we all thought, and should probably take another look at their work. I noticed that all the big name stars who were rumored to be in this bailed out. I guess they figured out how much suck could go into a film. The thing is, the Stooges were brilliant physical comedians, which means the makers of this film should look for good physical guys. Instead they hired three guys no one has ever heard of. I guess if you don’t have a career to speak of you aren’t risking much doing something like this. Personally I am glad it is Dave who will have to watch this and all I have to do is read his bitter review.
Jason
The Academy Award Nominations: my thoughts and comments.
I know all you readers out there are rigid in eager anticipation on my thoughts regarding the 2012 Academy Nominations, and believe me they are legion. I don’t want this post to go 1,000,000 words, so rather than write my usual clever and scintillating intro will dive right in. I will also include links to all the reviews I wrote for these so feel free to check those out.
Best Picture Nominations
The Artist-didn’t see it, and I know that is a failing on my part. However, it seems a move nominated for Best Picture should be considered outstanding on all aspects of the film, including dialog and sound. Honestly, not having spoken dialog seems like an unfair advantage; it’s like a blind person having his or her hearing enhanced by focusing so much energy on it. By not having to worry about the sound performance of the actors the director can focus on the other visual aspects of the film and make them that much better. The Descendants-I can’t really argue with this one. While I had a couple minor issues with it (having to do with lack of tone) I can say it probably deserves to win. Really good, considering the complete lack of gunfights, chase scenes, or explosions (or perhaps because of that). Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close-I was surprised this even got a nomination. Way too soon in my opinion, and by that I mean during my lifetime. Also, while the kid did a great job as a kid actor, his performance isn’t really going to set the world on fire. I predict no actual award for this one. 
Hugo–I have a feeling the Academy couldn’t let Martin Scorsese do a film and not throw him something. Visually impressive, but the story kind of meanders at points (Hugo image courtesy of the Movie Tshirt category). Midnight in Paris-fun and whimsical, but not really Oscar worthy in my opinion. The Help–if this film had been based on a true story I think it might have been a real contender, but as it was a fictional book (and the fact that it was based on a white woman coming to help the oppressed minorities rather than them helping themselves) I think it won’t win anything. Moneyball-probably my second choice for Best Picture, and if I actually had a vote in the Academy the one I would actually vote for. War Horse-good movie, but I think the lack of an actual protagonist you can really connect with, combined with horrific scenes of animals in extreme pain, makes this one not really a choice. Tree of Life-oh God are they kidding? I’d give it the Academy Award for the Most Worthless and Pretentious Picture of the Year. The very fact that this random collection of home movies chewed up, partially digested, and then vomited all over the screen got a nomination tells me that Hollywood is desperate to prove to the world that they have some form of artistic merit, but I studied art and there is surrealist art that makes a point and then there is weird just to be weird, and this film fits firmly into the second category, except for the fact that it was also one of the laziest productions I have ever scene. If this dog wins it will not only prove once and for all that the Hollywood intelligentsia has their head firmly lodged where the sun doesn’t shine, but will make me question my desire to ever see another movie again.
Best Actor
George Clooney, The Descendants. He probably should win. Jean Dujardin, The Artist. Didn’t see it. Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I thought he was good, but I also don’t think it really a stretch of his acting ability to play a deadpan British man who shows no emotion throughout the film. Kind of robotic. Brad Pitt, Moneyball. He was good, but I really think George Clooney has it this year. Demian Bichir, A Better Life. Didn’t see it, although in doing some research on it kind of wish I had.
Best Actress
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs. Not only did I not see this one, I wasn’t even aware it existed. Another triumph in film marketing. Viola Davis, The Help. If you want to talk about emoting and delivering a range of emotions, Viola really did a great job. I would seriously consider her for this award. Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. You know, I really enjoyed this film and Rooney’s portrayal of Lisbeth. However, she really seems to have locked on to that character and not exercised much divergence. I have little to no acting ability myself (and am also a terrible poker player) but it seems to me that playing an angry young adult is not that challenging an acting roll. Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady. I’m torn on this one. I thought Meryl did an exceptional job in portraying young Lady Thatcher as a powerful world leader. However, I found her performance as a decrepit dementia victim a little contrived and unfortunately that is where the director decided to focus. In my review I talked about how unfortunate it is that a great actress like Meryl Streep is not given the room she needs to show her acting strength in this film. Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn. Didn’t see it, and to this day I don’t regret that choice.
Best Supporting Actor
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn. Didn’t see it. Jonah Hill, Moneyball. I will say this about Jonah Hill. He plays a fish out of water better than anyone I have seen in a long time. Nick Nolte, Warrior. I don’t see an alcoholic abusive father as much of stretch for Nick’s acting ability. Christopher Plummer, Beginners. Didn’t see it. Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. In spite of my issues with this movie, I actually really like Max in this film. I’d probably give it to him.
Best Supporting Actress
Berenice Bejo, The Artist. Didn’t see it. Jessica Chastain, The Help. Meh. Plus I’m still annoyed at her for helping make Tree of Life happen. Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids. You know, I wouldn’t have thought to nominate her, but now that it has been done I have to say I would probably say she deserves to win. She is an exceptional actress. Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs. Didn’t see it. Octavia Spencer, The Help. Another great performance. I’m actually torn between her and Melissa McCarthy.
Best Director
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris. Maybe. This movie was good, but it’s no Match Point. Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist. Didn’t see it. Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life. Not only should he not get an award, but after the ceremony the Academy should take him out back and beat him with a garden hose full of sand. Alexander Payne, The Descendants. Yeah, this one should get it. Martin Scorsese, Hugo. I’m pretty sure Mr. Scorsese did this film in order to learn how to do 3D.
Best Original Screenplay
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris. Actually, this screenplay was actually pretty good. I think it would be a good choice. JC Chandor, Margin Call. Missed it. Did anyone even know it existed? Asghar Farhadi, A Separation. What is the deal with candidates for Best Screenplay all having Worst Marketing Campaign? Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist. Didn’t see it. Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, Bridesmaids. I don’t know about this. I enjoyed the movie, but one of my criticisms was that the screenplay felt more like 11 skits rather than a single movie.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxton, Jim Rash, The Descendants. Probably the winner. John Logan, Hugo. Meh. George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, The Ides of March. Sorry, but I thought the screenplay was one of the major problems with this film. Aaron Sorkin, Steven Zaillian, Moneyball. Maybe. Not as good as the Descendants. Bridget O’Connor, Peter Straughn, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. If the book this movie is adapted from is as good as I have heard, than this might be the all time worst adaptation.
I didn’t see many animated films that are up for awards, and don’t have a strong enough opinion on the technical items to really have an opinion on Best Score or Cinematographic achievements, so I will not comment on those.
That’s pretty much it. Feel free to agree or disagree here or on Twitter @NerdKungFu. New movies coming out this weekend so look for some new movie reviews soon. Thank you for reading. Have a great day.
Dave
Johnny Depp as Tonto?
I guess this is old news, as the announcement was made last November, but I just heard this and it’s kind of blowing my mind. Johnnty Depp, shown here as the Mad Hatter from the Movie T Shirts, has been cast as Tonto in the next remake in the “We are all out of creativity in Hollywood” tour, the Lone Ranger. Are Native American actors so hard to find? How about all the guys from Windtalkers? I mean, sure he did a decent job and looked kind of Ethnic as Captain Sparrow in Pirates of the Carribean, and according the the Interweb he is part Cherokee, but I think if you need makeup to look like an ethnicity maybe they should have cast someone more closely associated with that ethnicity.
However, this isn’t really what has my boxers in a knot. What does is the interview he did when they announced the roll. He apparently has said that he wants to remake Tonto into the star rather than the sidekick. While I appreciated the desire to maybe not play such a stereotype, Tonto is the ultimate sidekick, even more than Robin from Batman. If you look up “sidekick” on the Interlink the Wikipedia article about it lists him third on their short list of examples. In the show Tonto’s job was to get his ass kicked so the Lone Ranger would have an excuse to come into town and shoot some guys. Seems a pretty simple formula.
Jason
Resident Evil 6 to take place in China?
I read this morning on Nerd Reactor that RE6 is rumored to take place in China. I think this is hilarious. You see, Capcom has received a lot of well deserved abuse for the apparent racism associated with RE5, with a white protagonist mowing down hundreds of diseased Africans in an attempt to prevent a worldwide plague. In fact, RE4 got a certain amount of protest for being racist, with the abused race being South American. Capcom responded by coming out with an even more racist game.
So why does that make China really funny? Well, racially the Japanese and Chinese don’t exactly get along like peas in a pod, and in truth the majority of the blame for that can rest on the Japanese shoulders. They did horrific things to the Chinese during WWII, and the Chinese have not forgotten. The Chinese are pretty sensitive about fictional things happening in their country, and have really strict rules for gore and blood (they can’t, for example, show human bones ever). While we may not see this from our Western perspective, this is a huge racist insult. I guess Capcom isn’t going to let any petty morality prevent them from making a buck. Sounds a little like Umbrella Corp. to me. This very cool zombie picture I got from the Resident Evil T Shirts category, by the way.
Talk to you soon.
Jason
The Grey Movie Review
Survivor Man just got real.
So my little “Choose Dave’s Adventure” contest ended in an exact tie, with one vote cast for The Grey and one vote cast for One for the Money (by my best friend, whom I think is screwing with me). However, I was feeling like crap and opted to cast the tiebreaker in the direction that would cause me the least pain.
Overall this movie was very good, at least in a couple very specific directions. I don’t know what kind of pain Liam Neeson (the Phantom Menace, Shindler’s List, Taken) has experienced in his life to allow him to project so much darkness all over the screen, but it must have been pretty heavy. No one else can project so much pain and despair combined with anger and gritty realism. He carries the movie entirely on his back, with a support cast of disposable heroes along give him a framework upon which to showcase suffering.
Before I get much deeper into this, let me say that if you have any kind of deep seated fear of plane crashes, being eaten by wild animals, or freezing to death in the Alaskan tundra than this is probably not the movie for you. This movie shows these deaths in a manner that makes you feel like it is you who is getting disemboweled. I will call this a credit to the director, Joe Carnahan (A-Team, Narc, Smokin’ Aces), and say 
further that this movie is far, far scarier to watch than any film about a goofy supernatural hockey mask wearing maniac risen from the dead to kill teenagers with a chainsaw (Friday the 13th image courtesy of the Horror Movie T Shirt category). The fact that these deaths not only could happen but actually have makes them far more graphic and horrible.
Let me also give myself a self congratulatory pat on the back for my prediction about this movie, that there was some factor making the wolves unusually aggressive, being more or less true. Feel free to call me the movie Nostradamus.
In the movie, Liam Neeson plays John Ottway, a sharpshooter hired by an oil company to shoot wolves, bears, and such in order to keep the oil workers safe. He is plagued by his wife leaving him and suffers from suicidal thoughts. He boards a plane for Anchorage which goes down for unexplained reasons (ice buildup on the wings is implied, but never confirmed. Nor does it really need to be). The plane crashing scene is as horrific and realistic as possible without actually throwing the theater you are sitting in down a cliff and setting it on fire. He and six others manage to survive relatively intact and set up a camp in order to not freeze to death. That night they encounter a pack of timber wolves who attack and kill one of them. Don’t make the mistake of seeing these wolves as being like dogs, by the way. They are huge and scary like nothing you have seen before. Anyway, they decide they need to get out of the area before they freeze to death or get eaten. Thus the long trek through the frozen woods begins, with member after member of the party dying with standard regularity, usually just after we learned more about them and got to like them. I want to give props to director Joe Carnahan for managing to make the audience really identify with and like his characters before killing them off. The fact that they were all gritty oil workers rather than vacuous teeny bopper contributed to that.
That’s pretty much the entirely of the movie. I don’t want to give any spoilers but want to say this movie was really, really scary (making the life of the loner movie critic going solo to see this stuff that much harder. I was seeing a lot of wolves out of the corner of my eye as I headed out to the car).
The stars. Liam Neeson was awesome. Two stars. Most of the rest of the cast was really great too. One star. Scary, scary movie. Two stars. The wolf CGI was very good. One star. The director managed to make me connect with pretty much every character before killing him off. One star. Overall he also managed to keep the tension ratcheted up to eleven on a continuous basis. One star. As long as you aren’t terrified of plane crashes or wolves, an excellent movie. Two stars. Total: ten stars.
The black holes. One of the support characters seemed a little over the top (although he got cool towards the end) and was sort of bugging. One black hole. The pacing, which seemed spot on for most of the movie, really slowed down in the last 20 minutes. One black hole. SPOILER ALERT I don’t want to spoil this movie in any way, but if you are clever you might be able to infer something from this next point so maybe you want to skip to the next paragraph. The entire movie seemed to be pushing towards some kind of meta message about things happening for a reason and the hand of God creating fate, only to prove that there was no reason of any of the stuff that happened in this film. I left the theater with a distinct feeling of “What point was the director trying to make?” in my head. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
So a grand total of seven stars. A really good movie, if you want scary. I think the camera work warrants a big screen, so try to see it in a theater if possible. Not a good date movie, in my opinion. There is nothing going on here that will inflame your her passion, unless she is turned on by gritty middle aged men wearing six layers of clothing (in which case, after you fail with her send her my way).
A little shorter than I would like, but I really am feeling like crap and think I am going to go crawl back into bed. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. If I wake up with enough energy I will probably go see One for the Money, which I expect to suck like nothing ever seen before in this universe or the three universes next to us. Feeling this bad will probably hone my bitter sarcasm to the point that I will either write the best negative review ever or just spew a bunch of random words and letters all over the screen. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Join me in the Boycott Lucas movement.
So George Lucas has announced Feb. 10th as the day of evil as he rereleases his horrible movie The Phantom Menace, now in 3D. I am calling on all nerds and, for that matter, all Americans to boycott the entire series. As everyone knows the prequels were crap, and post production 3D is crap. Why would you spend money to support crap?
This Empire logo comes from the Star Wars T Shirt category.
This goes beyond mere dislike of what Lucas did to his franchise. We need to take a stand against the raping of cherished movie franchises. Hollywood needs to realize that they don’t have carte blanche with regards to good movies just for a fast buck. In case you were wondering what the inevitable conclusion to this ugly trend I have one thing to say to you: Highland 2, the Quickening with 500 Years Ago on Planet Zeist. You think I’m kidding? How about a Alien prequel that has Ripley in flight school but somehow involved with aliens? A remake of Weird Science starring Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith as “geeks” who can’t get girls? How about a remake of the Karate Kid starring Jaden Smith but mistakenly set in China? Oh, wait. That one happened. How about On the Waterfront but make it about MMA?
So do the movie world a favor and don’t go see any of these. This goes well beyond my personal desire to see Lucas fall on his face. Don’t take your kids to see these films. You know the new ones will just damage their soft brains and the older ones will be so full of extra worthless crap that you will want to scream.
Jason
