More advice for Nerds to meet and date girls: Dating Etiquette part 2
I have been seriously remiss in blogging lately, but have had an unbelievable amount of other stuff happening. This last weekend I was at a Warhammer tournament where I got my ass beat pretty badly. I need to figure out how play 8th edition competitively.
Anyway, I promised I would get back on the dating advice and so here I am. Last post I started talking about basic dating etiquette and I will continue here. I am going to operate on the assumption that you have not creeped her completely out and she is going to let you pick her up at her place (I’ll do a post later about what to do if you HAVE creeped her out and she is going to meet you at a public place). First of all, it behooves you to show up early, but not too early. 5-10 minutes is most appropriate. If you show up 30 minutes early park OUT OF SIGHT of her building (don’t be seen hanging out in your car like a stalker. In fact her neighbors might see you. Try to park at the 7-11 a few blocks away or, better yet, don’t show up 30 min early) and play Plants vrs Zombies on your iPhone (fun game, BTW).
I know this is a stereotype, but it often remains true that she will make you wait while she finishes up. If she is willing to let you into her living room odds are she is fishing for compliments about her decor, so be sure to say something positive about her place. “Nice wall hanging, wow lots of space, love the potted plant, did you paint that sacrificial alter yourself?” DO NOT wander about her place at will. Stay in the living room unless she invites you elsewhere. DO NOT open cabinets or drawers. DO NOT turn on the TV or start texting on your phone. In fact, your best policy is to sit on the couch with your hands on your lap waiting patiently and trying to think of good compliments for her place.
Once in a while you will be stuck with having to talk to her roommate(s). This is a special level of hell. Be extremely careful. Not only are the roommates examining you like a fetal pig on a dissection tray, but since most women seem to like to see each other single and miserable they are looking for a 
reason to shoot you down. They will report to your date in excruciating detail all the reasons why you suck. They will claim to be looking out for her, but misery loves company and if the roommate is single then she will hate the idea of living with someone in a relationship (Lifeguard shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category)
Also, this should really go without saying, but given the guys I am talking to here I guess I can’t assume anything, do not under any circumstances say anything to any roommates that could be misinterpreted as hitting on them. It is a sad fact of the dating world that the roommate of the girl you are picking up will almost inevitably be hotter and more interesting than your date. Deal with it.
Feeling stupider by the minute…
So yesterdays post was all about the horrible trip I just took to New Hampshire. At one point the luggage handlers in Chicago managed to find an excuse to leave my luggage out in the rain for about an hour, leaving me with a huge wet pile of clothing and valuable personal property.
So I got home and hung the clothes all over my bathroom, which immediately smelled remarkably like wet laundry. Go figure. This morning I got up, went to the bathroom, was hit with the odor, and had the thought “When will this laundry be dry enough to wash…”
So, sufficed to to say, after slapping myself around for a while I am doing my laundry as we speak. I can swear I should never wear this Einstein shirt (from the Funny T Shirt category, although the best jokes have a strong element of truth to them).
Anyway, I promise my next post will be more dating advice. Just felt the need to show the world how inept I can be at times.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: What to do Part 3
I think I should take a moment and discuss the whole “going out and getting wasted” concept for your first date. In general, a bad idea. Most women will be intimidated by the concept, as most of them will stick to a glass of wine or two. This is not to say that they don’t like getting wasted. Just that they don’t want to get wasted with a relative stranger who may have unwholesome plans for them.
That being said, there exists a certain percentage of women who have no problem getting wasted at any time with anyone. For lack of a formal term we’ll call this person “Party Girl” from now on. Party Girl can be a lot of fun, but in the end usually causes more headache than you can possibly believe.
The fact is, odds are you aren’t meeting Party Girl. Party Girl hangs out with guys who don’t need my advice on how to meet women. However, if by some freakish fluke (trapped in the same elevator for a couple hours, seated next to each other at a wedding as a joke, same parole officer, etc) you do meet and date Party Girl , be ready and prepared to drink your ass off and probably not remember what happened. All my advice is more or less worthless for dating Party Girl, so I can’t really tell you anything except just go with it and don’t try to slow her down.
If a girl really likes this shirt (courtesy of the funny t-shirt category) she might be Party Girl.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Making the call Part 3
Here’s where we get into the actual meat of the phone call. Here there is only one rule: the K.I.S.S rule. That is Keep It Simple, Stupid! Seriously, your message or conversation should be brief and to the point. We’ll take each type of communication in kind.
This post will be voice mail. Voice mail is great, as you can use it as a more true barometer of how much she actually likes you. In other words, if she is interested she will actually call you back. If she doesn’t, you get to leave one more VM (remember the Two Message rule) and are then free to work on the next girl. I love voice mail. The other great thing about voice mail is you don’t have to have anything specific in mind to do with her.
Do not ramble. Do not beg. Short and to the point. Remember, every word you say is another chance for her to decide you are lame, so keep them to a minimum. Here is what a typical first voice mail might sound like from me:
“Hi (girl’s name). This is (your name) from (whatever event you met her at) the other day. I had a good time talking to you and wanted to give you a quick call. We should hang out sometime soon. Call me at (your number here). Talk to you soon.”
That’s it. Don’t go into a long description of who you were (“the guy wearing the Darth Maul costume” etc) or the exact details of how you started talking to her (“I was the guy who hit his head walking into a phone pole while updating my Facebook on my iPhone”). Honestly, if she liked you she remember. If, by some weird set of circumstances (black out drunk) she doesn’t remember giving you her number that will only help, as she will have to assume there was something about you that intrigued her.
Trust me, she is not going to be wearing this shirt, so don’t do it (shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category).
Next post, email or Facebook.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Making the call Part 1
OK. You have successfully obtained the real phone number and/or email address of a human female and want to contact her. The first question you need to ask is when to actually do it.
Current dating wisdom states that you should not call the next day. Personally I feel this sort of thing really depends on the circumstances in which I met the girl and/or how the opening conversation went. If we met while doing something fun and semi organized (hiking, vampire LARP, charity rugby match, etc) or perhaps the conversation flowed particularly well you might consider calling the next day (late afternoon). However, odds are if you are in need of this blog you probably don’t have a great barometer for measuring this sort of thing, so perhaps you should stay away. It is easy to let your eagerness and/or insecurity let you fool yourself into thinking the conversation was better than you think it was and call too soon.
Never call the same day you got the number (or send a text. Image courtesy of the funny t shirt category). If you want an example of how badly that can go watch the call scene from Swinger. Painfully funny.
Anyway, I would recommend as a guideline to call or email within 2-3 days of getting the number. More than that and you seriously risk pissing her off or worse, being forgotten.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 6
Sorry I have not posted more recently, but I spent all Memorial Day weekend working at a gaming convention, selling shirts. Our best seller was probably this Steam Punk shirt
from our novelty t shirt section.
Anyway, I am about to impart one of the most important rules I ever learned regarding talking to girls at a party, event, or bar: the Two Minute rule. This was taught to me by an old friend of mine who, in spite of being super skinny and weird looking (think a flesh colored Kermit the Frog) used to draw women in like you wouldn’t believe.
Rather than just toss the rule out there, let me set the context. There is a huge mistake guys in general and nerd guys in particular make (I used to make it incessantly) and that is, we get to a party, start talking to a girl, and up talking to her exclusively all night long without actually getting her phone number. This works mainly because most (yes, I am sure any women reading this out there are exceptions to this generalization. Don’t hate spam me) women enjoy (and some crave) attention from guys. They will therefore happily talk to you all night long, boring you with stories about their cat(s) and some lame friend of theirs. However, remember that whole “familiarity breeds contempt” concept. By the end of the night she more or less has satisfied her modest desire to be paid attention too by you and is ready to move on to the guy who has been blowing her off all night. Also, truth be told, most bars and parties are pretty damned boring so listening to you is slightly more stimulating than doing nothing, and most women are too polite to really blow you off (typically they will go to the restroom and sneak out the back if you really are locked on).
Thus we come to the Two Minute rule. If you start talking to a women in any kind of public setting (party, bus stop, concert, etc) and, after two minutes of your best wit and wisdom, are not getting a positive response, look her in the eye, tell her “Nice to meet you” and move on.
Incidentally, a “positive response” is not her answering your questions but rather actually engaging in a conversation, asking you questions and initiating new subjects.
This works on many, many levels. The first is the fact that there is more than one (cuttle) fish in the sea, or even at whatever thing you are attending. If you spend all night talking to some chick who blows you off you might be missing the entirely cool, hot, and compatible chick 20 feet away.
The second level is, you have to adopt an attitude that your time is valuable. If you spend two hours listening to some girl bitch about her job then you have proven to her your time is worthless. You have other things you could be doing, including talking to other women, and can’t spend all night listening to random crap.
Finally, at some point you are going to run out of funny, cool things to say and the conversation will falter. You don’t want to fire off all your ammo the first time you meet her. Save some for the first date.
Now, I have had guys ask me what if she is actually into me but I didn’t actually pick up on it? The magic part is, if she actually liked you and you blew her off she will like you even more, and will resurface in your face later on. At that point you should definitely engage here and go for the number.
Next post will be on actually getting the number from her at the end of your witty flirting. That’s it for today.
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Novelty Tee Shirts
Show your personality with the clothes you wear. Novelty t shirts have become popular due to the wide variety of designs and slogans printed on them. Some are funny, some thought provoking and some even have—gasp—racy words. They come in numerous colors that are sure to be a hit to young and old alike.
Novelty tee shirts are further unique in a way because the designs are sometimes so outrageous and out-of-this-world that those who have just met him or her would not easily forget the wearer. Make your own fashion statement. Wear a novelty tee shirt that can express thoughts you are afraid to say aloud. You even have the option of having your own photo printed in front with a personal quote you want to share with people you meet.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Jackets
Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday. Had a lot going on and trying to get ready for a big show next weekend.
Anyway, let’s talk about jackets. I love jackets, and not just for their thermal properties. They can look cool, and really bring an outfit together. They can also ruin all your efforts in one fell swoop. I will start with things to avoid:
1. Anything from the Marlboro catalog-do you really want to wear an “I am a loser” sign?
2. Any sports team jacket-I am sure you are a rabid fan of your local sporting club or whatever, but unless you are going to a game stay away. Anything that smacks of an obsession with something other than themselves puts women off. This rule goes double for Nascar merchandise.
3. Trench coats-I own a black trench coat, but I only wear it when it is raining. The whole “trench coat mafia” thing has cast these in a bad light. Unfortunately, this is the outerwear that most nerds are drawn too, like a mouse to the peanut butter on the trap. Therefore it has become associated with not only nerds, but nerds of a certain social inadequacy. Stay away.
4. Anything with fringes-the ’70s are done. Get over it.
5. Fur or f aux fur-the first because it is reprehensible, the second because you look like one of those douche bags from a few years ago who kept trying look like a pimp. If you are white and have ever felt the desire to wear something like that and combine it with a huge afro wig, stop reading as I think it is best for humanity that you never have the opportunity to reproduce. I don’t care if it’s Halloween.
6. A Letterman jacket-odds are you lettered in Marching Band, so spare yourself the embarrassment. Also, no one cares what you did in high school.
7. A “punk rock” jacket-unless you are actually a punker (hair, facial piercings, etc) stay away from patches, studs, spikes, and ripped up crap. Most of the punk rock girls I have known are pretty sharp, and will see through it for the phony you are. Only high school girls are fooled by that sort of thing, and if you are going for that I hope you go to jail. If you have a patch on your jacket of a band you have never seen in person or own an album, burn it (the whole jacket).
Those are the obvious traps. Let’s look at what works.
1. If you don’t have any objection to animal products, a good black leather jacket can work well. You will be alienating any Vegan women you might meet, but from my experience they are huge pains in the ass to try to date. You literally can’t walk across a room without offending them somehow.
2. A light canvas jacket in a dark color-nice for mid weather days.
3. A pea coat-this is a nice compromise for guys who feel naked without a trench coat. Mid thigh, some pockets. There is nothing wrong with looking like you just arrived from London.
4. A sports coat-every guy should have one of these. They look great with jeans and a long sleeve (unprinted) t-shirt, or a light turtleneck sweater. You will look kind of yuppie-douchy in my personal opinion, but women love this look.
5. A “militaristic” jacket-not an actual military jackets (yes, I know shopping at the army/navy surplus story is fun. Just don’t wear them in public) but a canvas jacket that has a military look can be good. Extraneous buckles, hooks, and small pockets are kind of cool. Go with black, navy, or olive green.
6. North Face-or some kind of similar “outdoorsy” jacket or fleece. I feel a little sick writing this, as I despise this look, but it works. These jackets look sharp and imply that you have a life slightly more active than sitting in front of your computer all day every day. Also, if you get sucked into going for a hike with a girl you will have something to wear.
7. Something classic. Steam punk Abe Lincoln here (image from the funny t shirt section) knows that retro is cool. Don’t go nuts for 70’s garbage, but something that looks like it came from pre WWII can look really sharp. Don’t dive into this idea until you have gained a better idea how to judge these things, but keep it on your radar.
As a rule, when shopping for a jacket fit is kind of critical. If the jacket is too small in the shoulders you will end up looking like an organ grinder’s monkey. If the sleeves are too short you will look like a kid who grew out of it. Unless you are from Seattle your shirt should never be seen from the bottom of your jacket. This is one area where it is better to error on the side of too much rather than too little. An jacket that is over sized can still look cool, although in general try to get one that fits.
If you are of plus sized, jackets are even more important, as they can really help hide some bulk. However, most big guys go straight to the windbreaker because they can get it in all kinds of sizes. Like I said with shirts, if you really want to look good save up your pennies an get a custom jacket made. I have particularly broad shoulders and a long torso, so buying jackets has always been a pain, but last year I found a leather shop nearby that did a custom jacket that looks phenomenal. Cost about half again as much as an off the rack jacket but worth every dime IMO.
That’s it. Next post: accessories.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 3 Shaving
As President Lincoln here will tell you (from the funny t-shirt section) facial hair can make or break the man. If you have the right face, a good looking goatee can do a lot for you.
Unfortunately, for certain types of men (and you know who you are) “growing a beard” is rapidly converted into an excuse to simply never shave. Shaving is a key portion of looking sharp. Also, if you grow facial hair quickly it can add a great deal of cool variety to your look. But like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil.
First of all, the most important thing to remember about facial hair is: not shaving is not the same as growing a beard. A beard should be cultivated and have a direction, not simply letting hair grow out of your chin. Honestly, having a beard should always be more work than being clean shaven.
My face grows a natural goatee of sorts, and for years I thought that not shaving is all I needed to do. Then a friend of mine showed me some stuff and I saw an immediate improvement. First of all, I learned to even it out and keep the sides nice and thin, for a better look. I had to trim the mustache to keep the hairs from hanging into my mouth, and shave the portions under my lip to either side of where the soul patch would be if I were to grow one. Overall, a dramatic improvement.
At one of the malls near my house there is a place called The Art of Shaving. If you have no idea how to deal with the hair jungle on your chin go there or somewhere similar and have them show you how to trim and maintain your face. Buy whatever products they recommend. If there is no such place nearby go online and find some tips and instructions. Seriously, a good beard is an investment in time. Good beards=Tony Stark from the last Iron Man movie, Riker. Bad beards=Grizzly Adams, Sasquatch, most of the men from Deadwood, anything that could be accurately described as a “flavor saver“.
As for the decision to grow a beard or not, that is a matter of personal preference. Some guys grow facial hair and have incorporated it into their persona to the point where you wouldn’t recognize them without it. Others (like me) grow one until they get board. If you are of larger stature a beard can be a great idea, as it will hide certain features and give people something to focus on. It really depends on your face. I would recommend taking a picture of your face, grow (and trim) your beard, and take another picture in as close to the same light, distance, and angle as possible. Then ask every woman you know (not strangers) for their hopefully unbiased opinion.
If you have decided not to grow a beard, then shave every morning. Fortunately if you are following my advice you will have recently showered and will be in your bathroom in a grooming frame of mind. By the way, for the first 12 years of my shaving life I would shave before showering. Then a girl in my dorm laughed her ass off at me and told me that if you shave after your shower the hot water makes the whiskers softer and less painful to shave off. I am embarrassed to admit she was right.
Personally I recommend shaving cream and a safety razor. Electric razors never seem to get it as complete as possible. At one point I thought I would be more bad ass if I got a classic strait razor and learned how to do it the old fashioned way, but for the most part that was just an experience in bleeding. Stay away in my opinion.
By the way, the bitterest disappointment of my life is that my face is incapable of growing good sideburns. If you can pull it off cool, but your sideburns should never be allowed to grow out far enough to be in danger of occluding your ears.
Next post: Grooming Part 4 Scents
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How I got into this
So one of the nerd groups I belong to and keep from the general public is Mensa. This is the High IQ Society (actually, it is the society of people good at taking tests and not afraid to broadcast the fact that they are smart) and claims to represent the top 2%
of human intellect. Of course, Einstein (as seen in this novelty t shirt) was considered developmentally disabled as a child and then later turned out to be a super genius.
By the way, Einstein happened to be quite the ladies man, so there is hope for all the brainy nerds out there.
Anyway, Mensa runs events every year and invite people to speak. A good friend of mine and I were invited to present “Dating For Geniuses. A Mensan Guide to Meeting and Dating Women“. We were considered the “hot bachelors” of the group (lol) and more or less threw a bunch of basic dating rules into a 45 minute power point presentation.
The actual presentation was a little frightening. We had as many women as men in the audience, all offended by the entire concept of the presentation and looking for an excuse to castrate the two of us. Most of the guys, however, fit perfectly into the “desperate single nerd” demographic we felt obligated to help.
Anyway, the presentation went off extremely well. We received any number of compliments from both men and women, and were invited to return the next year and do another seminar. Overall, a good experience and one I am happy to reproduce here.
Next post: Part 1 the Ground Rules
