Movie review: Kingsman the Secret Service
The secret is it’s not total crap.
All three of our regular readers must have notice I backed off considerably on my movie reviews in recent months, leaving a lot of the real blogging to the well written Jae. The fact is I started this blog to help promote my t-shirt web site and it kind of took on a life of its own. I found I enjoyed writing and espousing my opinion on movies and pop culture and what should have been 2-3 paragraph mini posts turned into 3,000 word epics.
Then a few months ago the consultants I hired to help me with this blog and my site promotion read me the riot act on what a huge waste of content that was. Phrases like “Keyword phrase embedment”, “link density”, and “optimal content length” were bandied about and I shifted my style to breaking up posts into multiple smaller posts with cross links in order to get the best Google love. However I found that I really don’t function well as a writer under those strictures and the actual writing turned into more of a chore than something I enjoy. At the same time my actual job (you know, the thing I do that makes money) got busier as Jae was showing her considerable talent as a writer and queen of social media I more or less opted out of writing on this blog.
However yesterday while writing my tribute to Leonard Nimoy I was reminded that when the muse takes me I really enjoy writing. Last night my mind was aflame with things to talk about, new turns of phrase, and the need to express myself creatively so I decided this morning to just write these reviews when the mood and time are right and leave all the structured writing to Jae. This will also give me the opportunity to keep seeing all the movies (something I quite enjoy) and continue to be the pretentious movie blow hard all my friends have learned to despise. So keep an eye out for these post, although in the interest of having a real job I will probably keep them somewhat short and sweet. I don’t plan on doing the elaborate story recaps or detailed star/black hole rating system. I think I will keep the 0-5 Phaser system in continued tribute to the great Mr. Nimoy.
No sparkle here.
So Kingsman: the Secret Service. I did not expect much from this film. When I saw the trailers I pretty much expected it to be yet another Hollywood “youthification” of a beloved movie genre. Remember when vampires were creepy old dudes with Eastern European accents who crawled out of the grave and burst into flame in daylight? Or when radical revolutionaries were people who had read a book once in a while, not some chick with a bow who won the worlds most deadly reality TV game show? Well, into the dipsy dumpster with all that content related nonsense. Now all you need to have in order to be an iconic movie figure is youth and bland Caucasian good looks.
And so it seemed with Kingsman. This looked like a remake of James Bond done with the young love child of Doctor Who and Jason Stratham 
(one of the good looking Doctor Whos. Not the current guy). Young hot dude. Check. Older fatherly figure with good looks. Check. All white people in main good guy roles. Check. A charismatically cartoonish evil villain who overshadows all the other acting in the entire film. Check.
But as I watched the film I realized I wasn’t reacting with contempt as I expected and I think it has to do with the fact that secretly I really never liked James Bond that much. For the same reason I really don’t like Superman I find characters who are so unbeatable truly boring. I like my heroes flawed and human. I think I like Daniel Craig’s James Bond the most because at one point he got tied up and some weirdo beat his testicles for a while. That’s the kind of adversity I need in a film. Also he got shot in the last one by a hot chick (oh, the irony) and ended up an alcoholic bum on a beach. My kind of tragic hero.
So it was here. Eggsy (Taron Egerton) did not emerge from his mothers womb with a Bowie knife clenched in his teeth and kill a terrorist hit team that was taking over the hospital before cutting his own umbilical cord. He starts the film as a typical dumb teenager getting into trouble and getting his ass beat. In time through one of my favorite movie tropes ever the training sequence (thanks to seeing hundreds of Kung Fu Theater films) he gets to be a bad ass but even then you never get the feeling he is so overpowered that his life is not in danger and therefore you feel a real connection with him. He perseveres through a series of luck and determination like all great heroes and never seems like he could kill a platoon of soldiers with a carefully aimed fart. Nor did he cause women to fall into bed and spontaneously orgasm with one smoky glance across a darkened restaurant. The one time he got hooked up he had to work really hard for it and as a man who has to work really hard to get laid I appreciated that.
Plus there was a lot of other great stuff in here. As a tribute to Samuel Jacksons acting ability he started the film with a lisp I found distracting (sorry if it’s real and to all my readers with speech impediments) but by the end of the film I totally bought it and him as an excellent villain. His hench woman had blade runner legs that seemed dopey at first but kicked ass by the end of the film (and I was totally in love with the actress Sofia Boutella. Sofia, I know we have never met and I am nothing more than a broke opinionated movie nerd but if any of that is some bizarre fetish for you marry me). Plus let me say whoever they hired to do the fight choreography kicked serious ass. One fight in particular will go down in movie history as one of the greats. If you have ever wanted to see white trash homophobic racists meet a bloody end this is the film for you. The camera work and editing were nigh priceless and I appreciate wire work rather than more lame CGI.
4 of 5. Kind of great.
So I quite enjoyed the film. It dragged a little in the last half of Act 2 (oh, look at me Mr. Educated Film Critic) and they shoved in a clincher at the end that turned Eggsy into exactly the super human who bores me stupid but really I quite enjoyed it. The story is very comic booky but good comic booky (and comes to us from a comic book. What a coincidence) and zero of the characters annoyed me, the plot did not travel through any swamps or toxic waste dumps, and the action was both super fun and reasonably believable. 4 of 5 Phasers.
the Infamous Dave Inman
Farewell Mr. Spock
I’m sure by now you have heard the news regarding the death of Leonard Nimoy yesterday. Most of the nerdosphere heard it within about an hour. I was going to write this last night but honestly needed some time to collect my thoughts and feelings regarding the death of my all time favorite actor.
Readers of this blog back when I did a lot more writing on it and most of my friends will have gleaned that my childhood was not exactly a Norman Rockwell-esque wholesome love and kisses with fireworks on the 4th of July clone of the Wonder Years. My father was an abusive alchoholic rage monster who’s one contribution to my upbringing was a desire to “make me tough” with a Darwin/Nietzsche approach and my mother was so wrapped up in surviving him that she more or less left with zero attention. My so called peers and friends were to a kid hierarchical bullies with me inevitably at the bottom of the pile and my teachers oblivious to the crap I was dealing with. Each day was a miserable struggle with the only the question of whether school, after school, or home would be the most awful.
The one ray of light and hope in that experience was always for me Star Trek. The crew of the Enterprise was the friends I always wanted and Spock was the father I dreamed of having (with Kirk as the fun crazy but loving uncle who took me out to do stuff my mother (Nurse Chapel) would not approve of). When things were at their worst I could tune into any given episode and suddenly cease to feel like I was traveling this universe alone but instead had Sulu and Checkov piloting the ship with Spock as my eyes, Uhura as my mouth, Scotty as my heart, Bones as my immune system, and Kirk as my brain (plus a raft of Red Shirts to protect me from my enemies). For the 50 minutes or so the show was on I ceased to feel despair and loneliness.
It goes deeper than that. In spite of the craptacular example of what a male is from my father I have grown into a man of honor, honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity, temperance, and level logical thought and everything I know about courage, friendship, loyalty, fair dealing, and problem solving I can lay fairly at Gene Roddenberry’s feet. They provided me with an example of what a good human is at a time when I was surrounded by horrible ones and for that I will be eternally grateful. (This might give you an insight into why I am so constantly furious at the JJ Abrams reboot but we’ll save that for another day.) Every one of my current interest, hobbies, business, and all things that shaped me into who I am now stems from Star Trek.
So we come to the death of my dream father Spock and more importantly the wonderful man who played him Leonard Nimoy. I was such a fan of his that I would religiously watch In Search Of just to hear his voice. Many actors have been cast to play Vulcans and they do so to a greater or lesser extent but in general no one has ever matched Leonards ability to play actual unemotional punctuated by emotional bouts. Most people play Vulcans as just coldly angry but Mr. Nimoy managed to transmit his desire for non-emotion while plagued by his human side. Truly there will never be another one like him. For me he was the father/best friend I always wanted and the person Mr. Nimoy was always seemed not far from that ideal.
I admit that when Spock died at the end of the Wrath of Khan I cried like a little girl and even now thinking about it in context of Leonard passing I find myself tearing up. At the time I knew that the crew I grew up with was never going to be as cool and complete as it was in the past and I felt a piece of my childhood that I cherished dying as well. I feel that even more strongly today and am more sorry about Mr. Nimoy passing than any other celebrity I have ever been a fan of. However, I think his very last Tweet to be apropos of my own experience and feelings:
“A life is like a garden, Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.”
Farewell my dear friend.
David Inman
Feb. 28th, 2015
50 Ways to Consent
A Valentine’s Day PSA By Jae Gibbs.
Let me get one thing straight: I am not the Fun Police. I am not here to shame or judge anyone for enjoying the things they like. I am not trying to ban any type of books, movies or artistic expression, or tell people what they should or should not spend their money on. I’m just trying to be a good person, a good friend and a good feminist in a crazy, often scary world. I’m trying to be the change I wish to see, with my words, the articles I post, and most of all with my original writing.
When I was a teenager in a small town, I read Ms. Rice’s Erotic Sleeping Beauty books, some of them out loud at the public library in the children’s section (there were no children present at the time, it was making fun of the idea of a Fairy Tale for adults, and of the awful purple prose and Ikea nature of the sex in those books). And I think “50 Shades” is just more of the same bodice-ripper, Harlequin, free on the internet kind of immature “romance” fiction. There’s nothing new under the sun and no stories left untold.
I take issue with female protagonists written by female authors using tropes that de-power and rob agency (especially sexual agency) from supposed “strong female characters (TM)”. I take issue with abuse being mislabeled as romance or sexy. I take issue with bad writing and most of all, with authors not bothering to do any research on a subject as touchy as “alternative lifestyles” and presenting their fantasies as accurate portrayals of said lifestyles. But more than any of those combined, I take issue with censorship. We have the right to like what we like, frivolity, flaws and all.
I ask only that people think about what they are consuming, and maybe ask themselves why they enjoy something that’s controversial or a “guilty pleasure”. And please, don’t try it at home unless you do the research that the author failed to do. (Stephon from SNL “Spicy!” from our funny t shirt collection. Let’s not take ourselves too seriously.)
Know yourself, and know the difference between love and being taken advantage of. Have a safe and happy Valentine’s Day.
Women in Comics: Part One
Fairer Sex Heroes by Jae Gibbs.
Feminism Finally came to Asgard in 2014.
Did you know that the first masked super-heroes were created for and by women? In 1902, Emma Orczy wrote the Scarlet Pimpernel, about a masked vigilante, and in 1936 “The Phantom” was first published in an Australian women’s magazine. If not for women readers, would modern comic books exist? Doubtful, since in the early days of the medium, (1930’s-40’s) more girls read them than boys, regardless of subject matter. And now, studies show that women and girls are buying and reading about half of all comics and graphic novels, more than that if you include sales of Manga.
(The Mighty Thor from our Marvel T-Shirts collection.)
So, when I saw that Marvel’s THOR was going to become a female character, I thought it a ploy, as did many fans and critics. Then I read it. It was really damn good. The writer, Jason Aaron, denied that it was a ploy from on high and said he’d been planning this arc for the two years strong he’d been writing for Thor. Along with outstanding art by Russell Dauterman and colors by Matthew Wilson, the story of Thor Odinson losing his worth to carry the mighty Mjolnir, his arm and his heroic will, while Freya reigns as All-Mother of Asgardia, enchanting the hammer so that it says “If SHE be Worthy” was an amazing story to behold, even if you’re not a fan of super-hero comics or Norse Mythology.
“Hel Yes!” indeed.
RWBY
I’ve been a fan of Rooster Teeth productions since pretty much the beginning. This was the early days of internet content, around 2003, when their “Halo” comedy series “Red Vs Blue” already finished their first season and was working on 2. I loved everything about the wacky cast of NSFW trash-talking violent sociopaths in the military IN SPACE and as of 2013, the show is still going strong and released on Netflix.
Then, a couple weeks ago I saw a rated TV-PG animated show called “RWBY” (pronounced Ruby) starring an anime-esque (Attack on Titan T Shirt from our anime selection) group of teen girls in color coded outfits (Red, White, Black and Yellow) added to Netflix. As the parent of a small child missing the freshly over Avatar: the Legend of Korra, I wanted to see if it was any good. I found out that RWBY was also made by Rooster Teeth and that it was the brainchild of 33 year old creator, Monty Oum. 
Unfortunately, I found this out because tragically, Monty Oum passed away a week ago after having a severe allergic reaction to antibiotics. The show is fantastic, for any age group or to watch as a family (aside from some Princess Mononoke-like monster blood and violence). The characters are instantly relatable, especially if you play D&D, and the dialog has the signature rapid-fire hilarity that RT is known for with none of the creative profanity.
So if you’re into CGI that looks hand-drawn, fun and funny fantasy, cute girls (and guys) who kick ass and family-friendly action that is well-choreographed and emotionally charged, please check out RWBY on Netflix streaming or on the Rooster Teeth home site. RIP Monty Oum. You were brilliant and generous.
Supernatural, Slash, And Subtext: Part 5
No show has been more often accused of blatant queer-baiting than Supernatural, and for good reason. I know many straight male fans of the show who watch it now, hoping that Dean and his favorite angel get together in the end. That seems to be where the show has been and is heading, despite writers and show-runners unable to agree on anything or even make up their own minds as to whether they support the relationship as romantic or not.
I personally think that they’ve written themselves into several dark corners, because they now have a larger queer (or queer-friendly) audience than a straight, conservative one, and because they might feel as writers that the show would lose its edge or jump the shark if the guys actually got together, or even implied a true romantic or sexual connection. After all, Moonlighting and the X-Files were ruined by their leads getting together and they didn’t have homophobic backlash as an excuse.
All that is besides the fact that Dean and Castiel weren’t ever meant to be the stars of the show; it was originally for more than 4 seasons a show about two brothers hunting monsters and saving the world in a cool car with awesome music. (More like the Blues Brothers, with gore instead of singing, “Mission From God” pic from our Movie T Shirts collection.) If Destiel becomes cannon, who or what do the writers do with poor lonesome Sam (Jared Padalecki)?
Supernatural, Slash and Subtext: Part Three
While at Supernatural Con 2014 Fan Q&A, Misha Collins asked a young lady if she wrote fan fiction, and she said that she’d tried, but to no avail because of her own distracted laziness. So, Misha tried to help her out, especially after it had been explained to him that “50 Shades of Grey” was a “Twilight” fan fiction originally. He told the audience to raise their hands if they would be willing to work with the young lady to help her write and publish a sexy fan fiction for Supernatural, and maybe actually make some money on it. Many hands were raised, including my own. (Girls “I like Guys with Cars and Money” batman hoodie because Misha Collins is amazing and has both things.)
I’ve never read “50 Shades” nor written any fan fiction, slash or otherwise, but I have had erotic original works published and made some money off of it and I do like the idea of Castiel sort of endorsing Destiel style writings being out in the world. Misha called on a young man closer to the front row to exchange information with her instead of me, which was just as well. I have a full plate of writing to do without taking on special projects for a stranger.
Supernatural, Slash and Subtext: Part 2
While at Supernatural convention SF, 2015, Misha Collins was answering fan questions and a young woman, maybe 17 or 18, asked him if he had read any of the Slash fiction that fans had written about his fan-favorite character, Castiel and his not-quite-boyfriend, Dean Winchester (Jenson Ackles), lovingly dubbed by fan-girls (and rarely but not unheard of boys) as “Destiel”. Misha had not read the fan’s manuscripts, except when he was new to the role and accidentally stumbled upon some in 2009 while looking up what people thought of his character in general. His response was shock and awe, saying “Cas! You are being a very naughty angel,” in the most good-natured and ribbing way that Misha has when talking to fans.
(Jimi Hendrix “Kiss This Guy” from our vast music t-shirt collection.) Since then, the writers of the show have dropped innumerable “hints” that the relationship between Dean, the surly pretty-boy alchaholic and his socially awkward, trench coat sporting, blue-eyed pal are more than just friendly. Misha tried to play coy with the audience and at other conventions, Jenson has dodged similar questions, sometimes even outright accusations from real world gay or bisexual fans who are offended at his teasing portrayal (who I guess don’t realize that he’s not in control of what his character says or who he ends up dating in fiction).
Supernatural Convention 2015 Part 1
Family doesn’t end with blood.
The CW’s hit show “Supernatural” has been on the air for almost 10 years and just been renewed for its 11th season. What started as that other show about sexy people hunting monsters on what was then still the WB network, has turned into a flagship for its parent company and a rallying cry for a huge fandom that explores themes of what it means to be human, what it means to be a family and what it means to fight evil, within as well as literal things that go bump in the night.
During its first season, the tag line for Supernatural’s promos was “Scary just got sexy”, and it was described (not unjustly) as “The X-Files meets the Hardy Boys.” (X-Files image from one of our many novelty t shirts) But now, the line is changed firmly to “Join the Hunt.” Still, perhaps it might be better encapsulated with a line from one of the show’s own characters: Jim Beaver’s beloved portrayal of Bobby Singer (a gruff father figure named as a joke by the crew after one of the show’s head writers and executive producers) told the two main characters, brothers Sam (Jared Padaleki) and Dean (Jenson Ackles), that “Family don’t end with blood, boy!” and that has made a world of difference for people on social media, for youths exiled due to being LGBTQ, for fans and strangers to the show alike.
Supernatural Convention Part 2
I personally have been a fan of the show for about 5 years now, and the line “Saving people, hunting things: The Winchester Family Business since 1983” seemed especially appropriate to me as I was born on January the 17th, 1983, and the middle day of the Supernatural Convention at the San Francisco Airport Hyatt took place on my birthday. Much less like other nerdy conventions or even fan get-togethers, Supernatural Con is more similar to a 3 day rock concert with special celebrity guests on tour. This is both astounding and an enriching experience for any seasoned fan of the show, but be warned that it is one of the more costly fan expos I’ll ever attend.
I told every vendor that it was my birthday, and once I had shown proof, they even gave me discounts, and I participated in or volunteered for anything available, which also garnered me free stuff. I participated in a trivia contest with two other fans chosen from the audience (we did not win, despite best efforts. It was really hard), and I was one of maybe 100 people dressed as some version of the character Castiel, the rebel angel and sometimes ally/ assumed love interest/ big bad friend of the two main men on the show. 
I didn’t place in the costume contest either, though I felt really handsome in my long coat and disheveled necktie. (the zombie image from the classic horror movie t shirt I pulled just because in any nerd costume contest you can count on at least one zombie) The competition was steep and diverse, and the guy who won had made full sized black angel wings with pneumatic strings that allowed him to invisibly puppeteer them up and down.
