Nerd Dating: Dating etiquette part 3
We talked about the guidelines for picking up your date at her place. Let’s assume you were not able to put her at ease (or just plain kind of creeped her out. This does not imply that you are creepy, as some women can be creeped out by a bird flying overhead. Of course, I wouldn’t discount the possibility that you are creepy and if so, work on it) and she doesn’t want you at her place and wants to meet you somewhere public.
Odds are you are catching some shrapnel from some other guy being weird, so don’t be surprised if she is by nature a little skittish. Try to pick a place with a good amount of people, booze, and a place to sit down.
If possible not too noisy, but starting a date off in a crowd of people get a good energy level going.
(t shirt courtesy of the television t shirt category)
Anyway, 5-10 minutes early. Get a drink and sit at a table (not the bar. Drunks hang out at the bar). Keep an eye on the door. Expect her to be 10-15 minutes late. In this circumstance it is OK to text or email on your phone, but put it away as soon as she shows up (look like you are busy). Smile and wave when she appears.
That’s it for today. I gotta run. More tomorrow.
Meeting more celebrities at the Star Trek show: Virginia Hey
So yesterday I posted about meeting the very cool Vernon Wells from The Road Warrior. He had a table right next to my booth. Directly across from me was the stunning Virginia Hey. I was surprised to learn she was also in the Road Warrior as the hot blond girl with the compound bow on the back of the tanker truck, but I immediately recognized her as Pa’u Zotoh Zhaan, the super hot blue, bald alien girl from the first season of Farscape.
It’s fair to say I enjoyed a few blue skinned fantasies about her while watching the show. She just oozes sex appeal on the show. Unfortunately this Logo shirt is the only Farscape shirt I stock (courtesy of the television show t-shirt section). I think had I had some of her shirts she would have signed them.
That gives me a great idea for a new category: hot women of science fiction. Basically every girl I ever fantasized about in science fiction, starting with Princess Leia and ending with the new Uhura from the recent movie (played by Zoe Saldana, who also played the another hot blue alien in Avatar. I think I am starting to see a theme in my fantasies, and to be honest, it disturbs me). Of course, that means I would have to work hard to find a t-shirt from Cherry 2000.
Anyway, Virginia was lovely and hot and made for good eye candy across the hall. She was nice a heck, and let me take a picture with her which I will put up on Facebook when I get the chance. She is also about 5’11”, which makes her even hotter. Turns out she is making these really great soy based candles called Virginia Hey Couture. I am not much of a candle person but they smelled really amazingly nice. They also come in these great cloth gift bags. If you are into candles and smelling nice check them out.
Also, if you are looking for more dating advice, I will probably get back to that after the Warhammer tournament next weekend but take it from me, there is nothing wrong with having some great fragrant candles around in case you get a girl back to your place.
Anyway, Virginia was awesome, and I hope to see her in something else soon. She does a lot of meditation, and seems like a very warm, genuine person.
I have two more celebrities to talk about, so look for more posts later.
Viva Las Vegas
Just about packed up for the Star Trek Convention. I spend a lot of time in Vegas for assorted work things but I can honestly say this is the most excited I have been to travel out here in my life. This is going to be so cool IMO.
I don’t have a lot of time, as the Enterprise guy just called to tell me he is coming to pick me up. Sufficed to say I will be in Star Trek heaven, and selling great t-shirts like this Vulcan Nerve Pinch one from the Star Trek t shirt category. Wish me luck. I’ll try to post from the show if I get a chance (go go superphone!)
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Dating Etiquette Part 1
OK, you have more or less done everything you need to do to prepare and are looking to actually pick her up and take her out. Let’s talk about behavior while on the date.
First question is do you pick her up or meet her somewhere. Either answer is in general ok, but consider the circumstances carefully. First of all, what kind of car do you drive? Most women will claim to not care what kind of car you drive, and some of them will actually believe that, but secretly in my opinion they do. It’s part of that constant evaluation of your stability and potential partner value that they are running you through the entire time like a continuous feed Scantron of your soul. If the car is a piece of junk then it looks like you don’t have the ability to potentially provide or partner up with her. Also, if your car is beat up, dirty, and has a smell reminiscent of wet dog and ass you will look slovenly.
Also, in my experience women rarely understand what is cool from a nerd perspective (unless you are dating a nerd, in which case you are a lucky bastard) so if you have a “nerd cool” car like a KITT replica (shirt courtesy of the television show t shirt category) or classic Galaxy 500 odds are she will not get the idea and you will diminish in her eyes. Women in general like it when your car blends in with all the other run of the mill junk out there. Sad but true, in my experience.
So, if your car fits into any of those categories, push to meet her somewhere. If you have a “normal” car you can ask to pick her up. Don’t push too hard, because you are asking her to trust you enough to tell you her address. If she has you pick her up that means she trusts you somewhat. This is a good sign. If she doesn’t don’t sweat it. Odds are she doesn’t trust any guys (not necessarily a bad policy for women, given a lot of the guys I know).
Best way I have found to ask if I could pick her up is something like this:
“So, do you want to meet somewhere in the modern method or go more traditional and I can pick you up”
Work on the deliver, but this generally works. Even if she doesn’t want to have you pick up, she will laugh.
My review for Inception
I know I keep promising to write more on dating, and I will, but honestly I am not feeling it at the moment. Maybe because it is summer and I am feeling lazy, maybe it’s because I have about a million other things going on, mostly about the Star Trek convention we are doing next month in Las Vegas (“I like to call it lost wages”-name that reference).
Anyway, I will get back on track soon, but last night I saw the movie Inception and felt compelled to write a review for it. In a nutshell, freaking awesome. I normally approach anything involving Leanardo DiCaprio with the same enthusiasm I would approach a dead, radioactive skunk rotting in the center of a toxic cactus patch. I saw the trailers and more or less decided to pass, but then my best friend saw it and told me I had to go. I am very glad I did, and in the course of two hours became a DiCaprio fan.
The story is amazing. Clean, makes sense, doesn’t try to oversimplify in order to pander to the grunting masses that comprises most of human society, didn’t throw in some dumb hot chick for no purpose other than to show cleavage, and ends entirely appropriately. All around great plot.
The acting was superb from all participants. I especially like the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun (a great show) in his first adult roll. The young hot chick (Juno) actually delivered the weakest performance, but really that is only in comparison to everyone else. She did a great job. Just everyone else did better. I also like the fact that Nolan did not over play her to gain teen sex appeal. He seems to understand the concept of supporting actresses just supporting main actors.
Christopher Nolan is great as a director and writer. He did the Dark Knight and I guess it made enough money that he was given free reign with which to prove himself and he did. I guess every Hollywood director isn’t a complete jackass who lets creative freedom turn into an opportunity to gratify his own overblown ego.
I realized after seeing this movie that I have been remiss in not featuring more Dark Knight shirts in my comic book t shirt section. In fact I will definitely keep an eye out for Inception t shirts and put them up as soon as possible.
The thing I love about this movie is when a great, intelligent movie makes a lot of money (as this one is obviously making) it encourages the production of other great movies. This summer has been pretty horrible, movie-wise. If I see one more sparkly, shirtless, body-hairless, homo-erotic teenage vampire heart throb I will vomit. By the way, anyone who wears a Team Edward or whatever t-shirt needs to go shopping for a life and then neuter themselves in order to keep from passing their genes on to the next generation. This summer also has more talking cats and dogs, and the ruination of a great cartoon series, Avatar. In fact, I think tomorrow I will write a review of the Last Airbender, which I was unfortunate enough to watch last week.
Bitterly disappointed by the end of Farscape
I am going to take a break from my dating advice to rant a little. A while ago I bought the entire Farscape series on DvD and have been watching it while repainting all my Skaven. I finally got to the end of season 4, which ended in the most obnoxiously contrived cliffhanger ever, only to find that the fifth disk in the box set does not contain any more episodes but just some more of the usual extra drivel that they always saddle complete sets with (interviews, etc).
I have been enjoying the series immensely (enough, in fact, to order this Farscape Logo shirt and put it up in the TV show t shirts category). I love the fact that they did not try to make every alien out of a human in a rubber suit, and the story is actually pretty intriguing. But then, it ended horrible and according the the internet, was cancelled.
I have found that there was a four part miniseries funded by some European fans that is supposed to wrap it up, but I am really annoyed at the fact that my “complete” box set in not really complete. Also, what kind of morons at Sci Fi channel opted to cancel it??? I thought this was idiotic behavior normally reserved by the Fox Network. Honestly, you would think a channel that produced a movie call Mansquito (yes, half man, half mosquito) would be desperate enough for quality content to keep something like this on.
Oh well. At least it released the characters to show up on SG1, so not a complete loss. Still, really, really annoying.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: What to do Part 4
Of course, after she shoots down your incredibly clever and fun ideas, odds are you will end up simply planning dinner and/or a movie. This is an old standby and generally works well, especially if you have a hard time maintaining a long conversation without falling back to long diatribes about Geordie from Star Trek TNG was 1/2 of the character Spock, the other half being Data.
This, by the way, is a conversation quagmire I have fallen into myself (shirt image courtesy of the Star Trek t shirt category)
If, by any chance, you actually can maintain a decent conversation for more than an hour or so feel free to forgo the movie and simply suggest dinner and coffee rather than a movie. However, the movie can prove a bonding experience and will give you something to talk about. Also, you had better be sure about being able to maintain that conversation.
Never, ever agree to just see a movie. This is something not even friends do.
That’s pretty much it on what to plan. Next post I will start talking about going on that actual date.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 3
OK. Your dressed right, bathed in the last 24 hours, and understand how to not mess up the personal space and body language. You see an attractive young woman and need to talk to her. What do you do?
This is the famous question of what is the best opening line. Honestly, opening lines suck and feel fake. The fact of the matter is there is no such thing as a good or bad opening line. If the girl thinks you are attractive you could say something completely dumb and worthless and she will be enthralled. If she does not then you could make a statement that would cure global warming and she will blow you off. The only time the opening statement is important is in that very broad “maybe” zone that most guys end up in.
I have found the best way to open a conversation is observational humor or comments. If you are at an event and see a couple women with big hair you could say something like “I hadn’t realized the 80’s were back”. If you are at a coffee house and observer her reading a book you could ask here what she is reading (or, better yet, notice what book she is reading and make an intelligent comment about it. If you have the time it might be worth looking the book up on your iPhone, read a review, and then tell her you were just reading a review of the book and wanted to get a first hand opinion on it). If it’s cold or hot make a comment about that. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter what it is (unless you say something really dumb or inappropriate). The reason it doesn’t matter is because it shows confidence.
Captain Kirk didn’t score with hot alien women from one end of the universe to the other just because he had power (although power doesn’t hurt. Try to get some. T shirt, by the way, from the Movie t shirt section) but mainly because he is insanely confident. Girls don’t want to date a wimp, and the first test is if you are confident enough to strike up a conversation. Look her in the eye and speak as clearly as you can.
My best “line”, for lack of a better term, is usually something on the order of “How are you doing?” However, if I am in a park near a hot girl and the Blue Angels pass overhead in formation I will jump on that opportunity and say something like “Think they are on their way to finally bomb the Tenderloin?” (local humor). The best part about that is not only have I opened a conversation, but if she laughs I know she has a good sense of humor too.
That’s it for now. Next post: open ended questions.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 2
Ok. Let’s talk about how to actually start a conversation with a woman who is a complete stranger in hopes of making her not a stranger without creeping her out. The intimidation factor puts guys into a weird head space and more or less forces them to adopt some bad habits.
The number one thing to watch out for is not being intimidating. The main thing guys can do to intimidated someone is to violate their personal space, which creeps everyone out, but especially women. In a perfect world you all would understand the concept of personal space but I have known enough nerds to realize I can’t make that assumption, so I will drop a couple guidelines on you. Basically, there are three different “zones” of personal space. The first is the space used by intimate couples. This zone is where they are more or less touching each other and could be wearing each others clothes. The second zone is the zone used by friends. This is approximately one full arms length away from each other. The third zone is what is considered appropriate for strangers and business associates to deal with. This is a double arms length away. In other words, if you and the person you are talking to were to put out your arms at the same time you could just touch fingers. THIS IS YOUR ZONE! I can’t stress this enough. When talking to a stranger you need to stay at this distance.
Now granted, if you are sitting next to someone on the bus or something you are already violating the zone, but this is OK as long as you don’t have the option of being at the appropriate distance.
Other creepy body language includes talking to someone shoulder first. In other words, leading sideways with one shoulder towards who you are talking about it a very aggressive attitude and extremely off putting. It is a combat position (if you don’t believe me check out Popeye’s body language (shirt from the cartoon t shirt section)) and you should always face directly at whomever you are talking to, man or woman.
Finally, and this is another point I really have to press, never stand or move between a woman you are talking to and the only exit of the room. Women tend to be pretty skittish when talking to a new guy and will feel really freaked out if they don’t know they can get out readily. I have seen guys actually move to block women and it is not only going to make sure she never wants to talk to you again but will also more or less ruin the day or evening for her, which is really an unfair disservice. It is not OK under any circumstance.
So try to not be creepy. More later.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 6 Odds and Ends
When I say odds and ends, I literally mean odds and ends. Let me give you an example.
I have a very good friend who is smart, attractive, funny, fit, and in all ways a great catch for a girl, except for the fact that he had some kind of bizarre growth on his face just to the left of his nose. To this day I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t a mole, wart or anything else, but the one thing it was for sure was a magnet for your eyes. I don’t think I have ever been happier for a friend than the day I saw him and he had had it surgically removed.
That is what I mean about odds and ends. If you have some kind of weird, oddball growth, rash, or other cosmetic disfigurement you must do whatever you can to minimize it’s impact on your appearance. Don’t tell yourself that no one notices just because no one mentions it to you. Trust me. Everyone notices. The issue is no one is cruel (or honest) enough to say something about it but it is rare that you find a girl who is kind (or desperate) enough to see past it.
I worked in sales for years and the rule there was if it was not directly helping your sales get rid of it. You are trying to sell yourself to women (this is true on more levels than you currently realize, I bet), so anything that does not directly enhance your ability to impress her needs to be eliminated.
If you have any kind of growth anywhere on your body, be it a mole, wart, or random yecch, see a dermatologist and get rid of it. Bad acne? Try every cream or treatment on the planet. Thick, Coke-bottle glasses? Contact lenses. Cross eyed? Learn to wear sunglasses indoors.
Ever see Geordi without his glasses (this image from the Star Trek t shirt section)? Kind of disturbing looking.
By the way, if you have a uni-brow seriously look into laser hair removal. I was subject to this curse and zapped it right the hell off my face. Also, learn to trim your eyebrows if they tend to extend any length past your face, and learn to tweeze any excess hair extending from nostrils or ears. It might be painful, but on the whole I feel it tends to be more painful to look at when you add up everyone who sees your face’s pain on a given day.
Scars can actually be kind of cool, but the good looking scars are generally a single line that doesn’t change the shape of you face (by crossing over your lips, for example). A good scar should look like you got cut in a knife fight, not like you went face first through a plate glass window. If you have scars on your face that can be described in terms of square inches, see a plastic surgeon.
If you have some kind of item that cannot be eliminated by every possible means you have looked into, that is not the end of the world. You can work around it. But seriously look into whatever you can to get rid of it.
Next post: Part 2 Clothing
