Nerd Dating: to see a movie or not Pt 2
Sorry I didn’t get this done sooner, but was at the Sacramento Sci Fi Horror Convention with a booth selling t-shirts. The show was a lot of fun, and the highlight for me was meeting and getting this picture with the gorgeous Jewel Staite from Firefly and Stargate Atlantis. Talk about beauty and the beast (of course, if any of you call Jewel a beast I will kill you).
(the shirt I am wearing, by the way, is available in the Star Trek t shirts category).
Anyway, Jewel is married (damn the luck!) but meeting her has inspired me to forge ahead in my quest to meet the perfect women and keep helping the rest of you also meet someone. Last post we talked about movies as a date. Assuming you have determined correctly that a movie would be appropriate (and are not just falling back on it due to your flailing conversation) the question arises “What movie to watch?”
First of all, strike anything cool you want to see off that list. Any sci fi, horror, or action flick will fail miserably. Even if she sounds cool with it, in her head she is either going to think you are incredibly selfish or an incredible geek (probably both).
Second of all, do not see a chick flick. Odds are she will suggest one, but if you agree (or worse, suggest one) have fun being “man-friend” for the rest of you life. You just turned into a hairy girl in her head. Also, your time is worth more than that. A couple years ago I went on a date and somehow ended up seeing Nights in Rodanthe, a Richard Gere movie. It wasn’t so much lame as it was like swimming in a pool of rusty razor blades and afterwords eating a huge bowl of excrement. The mistake I made was not being familiar with the current movies and assuming it was some kind of vampire flick. Do your research. Any movie that involves coming to terms with stuff will make you want to claw your eyes out and use them as ear plugs.
A good compromise will basically leave both parties vaguely dissatisfied, so plan on that. The best option for you will be a good comedy, but make sure it involves women in some kind of role. The Hangover was hilarious but was definitely a guy movie. A good romantic comedy is a compromise in her favor (again, do your research. Love Stinks is technically a romantic comedy, but will turn her off not only you but possibly men in general). Try to have a couple ones to suggest. Having your iPhone set to Fandango before you even pick her up is a plus in your favor.
Next post, movie etiquette.
Nerd dating advice: to dance or not to dance Pt 1
You are on your date, you have dinner, you wow her with your wit and verve, and it turns out your next idea sucks and she suggests you go dancing. This is not so much a trap as a series of land mines, spiked tiger traps, and poison gas surrounded by a ring of fire.
There is no good answer to this suggestion. If you nay say the idea you are a boring stick in the mud. If you agree you have to have an idea where to go. Furthermore, at some point in the evening you will have to actually be seen dancing, and for most nerds that is about as bad as it gets.
I try to remain realistic in most things (aside from my delusion that I will one day rule the world). The fact is I dance like a 6’5″ slightly overweight white nerd. Do not delude yourself into thinking you are good at dancing. If you could dance you really wouldn’t need my help with women. Odds are extremely likely you dance like you are having a slow motion epileptic fit (or, worse, a full speed one).
I could advise you to look into taking dance lessons and even link you some site that would help you find them, but let’s face the facts. You aren’t going to do it, and even if you did I don’t know how much good it would do. You can’t build a skyscraper with Play Doh. If you don’t have the natural inclination and ability to dance you aren’t likely to improve dramatically. (Raver Spock image courtesy of the television t shirt category)
The most important thing to remember about dancing (and the only thing that will help you save your dignity and impress your date) is to have fun. This might sound nigh impossible, but one night a friend of mind dragged me to a club and told me to just dance and enjoy it. I did, had fun, and actually met a girl who kind of picked up on my fun vibe. If you dance like it is actually causing you pain she will most likely associate you not having fun dancing with not having fun with her and bail out.
Next post, in a hugely ironic turn of events, I will be giving specific dancing tips. Talk about the blind leading the blind.
Viva Las Vegas
Just about packed up for the Star Trek Convention. I spend a lot of time in Vegas for assorted work things but I can honestly say this is the most excited I have been to travel out here in my life. This is going to be so cool IMO.
I don’t have a lot of time, as the Enterprise guy just called to tell me he is coming to pick me up. Sufficed to say I will be in Star Trek heaven, and selling great t-shirts like this Vulcan Nerve Pinch one from the Star Trek t shirt category. Wish me luck. I’ll try to post from the show if I get a chance (go go superphone!)
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: What to do Part 4
Of course, after she shoots down your incredibly clever and fun ideas, odds are you will end up simply planning dinner and/or a movie. This is an old standby and generally works well, especially if you have a hard time maintaining a long conversation without falling back to long diatribes about Geordie from Star Trek TNG was 1/2 of the character Spock, the other half being Data.
This, by the way, is a conversation quagmire I have fallen into myself (shirt image courtesy of the Star Trek t shirt category)
If, by any chance, you actually can maintain a decent conversation for more than an hour or so feel free to forgo the movie and simply suggest dinner and coffee rather than a movie. However, the movie can prove a bonding experience and will give you something to talk about. Also, you had better be sure about being able to maintain that conversation.
Never, ever agree to just see a movie. This is something not even friends do.
That’s pretty much it on what to plan. Next post I will start talking about going on that actual date.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: How to start talking to them Part 3
OK. Your dressed right, bathed in the last 24 hours, and understand how to not mess up the personal space and body language. You see an attractive young woman and need to talk to her. What do you do?
This is the famous question of what is the best opening line. Honestly, opening lines suck and feel fake. The fact of the matter is there is no such thing as a good or bad opening line. If the girl thinks you are attractive you could say something completely dumb and worthless and she will be enthralled. If she does not then you could make a statement that would cure global warming and she will blow you off. The only time the opening statement is important is in that very broad “maybe” zone that most guys end up in.
I have found the best way to open a conversation is observational humor or comments. If you are at an event and see a couple women with big hair you could say something like “I hadn’t realized the 80’s were back”. If you are at a coffee house and observer her reading a book you could ask here what she is reading (or, better yet, notice what book she is reading and make an intelligent comment about it. If you have the time it might be worth looking the book up on your iPhone, read a review, and then tell her you were just reading a review of the book and wanted to get a first hand opinion on it). If it’s cold or hot make a comment about that. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter what it is (unless you say something really dumb or inappropriate). The reason it doesn’t matter is because it shows confidence.
Captain Kirk didn’t score with hot alien women from one end of the universe to the other just because he had power (although power doesn’t hurt. Try to get some. T shirt, by the way, from the Movie t shirt section) but mainly because he is insanely confident. Girls don’t want to date a wimp, and the first test is if you are confident enough to strike up a conversation. Look her in the eye and speak as clearly as you can.
My best “line”, for lack of a better term, is usually something on the order of “How are you doing?” However, if I am in a park near a hot girl and the Blue Angels pass overhead in formation I will jump on that opportunity and say something like “Think they are on their way to finally bomb the Tenderloin?” (local humor). The best part about that is not only have I opened a conversation, but if she laughs I know she has a good sense of humor too.
That’s it for now. Next post: open ended questions.
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A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 6 Odds and Ends
When I say odds and ends, I literally mean odds and ends. Let me give you an example.
I have a very good friend who is smart, attractive, funny, fit, and in all ways a great catch for a girl, except for the fact that he had some kind of bizarre growth on his face just to the left of his nose. To this day I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t a mole, wart or anything else, but the one thing it was for sure was a magnet for your eyes. I don’t think I have ever been happier for a friend than the day I saw him and he had had it surgically removed.
That is what I mean about odds and ends. If you have some kind of weird, oddball growth, rash, or other cosmetic disfigurement you must do whatever you can to minimize it’s impact on your appearance. Don’t tell yourself that no one notices just because no one mentions it to you. Trust me. Everyone notices. The issue is no one is cruel (or honest) enough to say something about it but it is rare that you find a girl who is kind (or desperate) enough to see past it.
I worked in sales for years and the rule there was if it was not directly helping your sales get rid of it. You are trying to sell yourself to women (this is true on more levels than you currently realize, I bet), so anything that does not directly enhance your ability to impress her needs to be eliminated.
If you have any kind of growth anywhere on your body, be it a mole, wart, or random yecch, see a dermatologist and get rid of it. Bad acne? Try every cream or treatment on the planet. Thick, Coke-bottle glasses? Contact lenses. Cross eyed? Learn to wear sunglasses indoors.
Ever see Geordi without his glasses (this image from the Star Trek t shirt section)? Kind of disturbing looking.
By the way, if you have a uni-brow seriously look into laser hair removal. I was subject to this curse and zapped it right the hell off my face. Also, learn to trim your eyebrows if they tend to extend any length past your face, and learn to tweeze any excess hair extending from nostrils or ears. It might be painful, but on the whole I feel it tends to be more painful to look at when you add up everyone who sees your face’s pain on a given day.
Scars can actually be kind of cool, but the good looking scars are generally a single line that doesn’t change the shape of you face (by crossing over your lips, for example). A good scar should look like you got cut in a knife fight, not like you went face first through a plate glass window. If you have scars on your face that can be described in terms of square inches, see a plastic surgeon.
If you have some kind of item that cannot be eliminated by every possible means you have looked into, that is not the end of the world. You can work around it. But seriously look into whatever you can to get rid of it.
Next post: Part 2 Clothing
Reasons why TOS is better than Next Gen
I just got a shipment that included a couple of Star Trek Next Generation t shirts and I am feeling a little guilty. I know there are Next Gen fans and I am risking alienating those fans, but I have to admit I am a hard core TOS fan.
Whenever someone starts telling me how much better Next Gen is over TOS it always seems to boil down to better special effects. No kidding. You think a sci fi show produced 25 years later might have better effects? That’s like saying the Buck Rogers from the 80’s is better than the one from the 20’s due to the special effects. Thanks, Capt. Obvious.
I have enjoyed episodes of Next Gen, but the fact is the stories are far more bland and politically correct than TOS. The Original Series did some stories that were totally risque and could have gotten them into real trouble. For example, did you know the very first televised interracial kiss was on an episode of TOS? There were stories about racism, nuclear war, age relations, mind expansion, and any number of other troublesome subjects. On of my favorite scenes of all time has to be when the two aliens who were black on one side and white on the other (Episode 70: Let That Be Your Last Battlefield). The great line from Commissioner Bele was “I am black on the right side. Lokai is white on the right side. All his people are white on the right side.” This was his people’s reason for the race war the were in. Next Gen, on the other hand, had stories that more or less were tame “Save the environment” themes and the like.
Also, there is not a single character on TOS I don’t like. They are like the friends I always wanted to have as a kid (my imaginary friends image comes from the funny t shirt category). Next Gen has a few engaging characters but many that bug me. I like Data, Warf, Geordie, and to an extent Picard, but fat bearded cool guy Riker, too-good-for-a-uniform Counselor Troy (I don’t care if she’s Gene Roddenberry niece or whatever), and hired-for-lame-youth-appeal Westley Crusher should have all been sucked out of an airlock episode 1. Also, while I like Capt. Picard, it’s now 400 years into the future. Whatever happened to the Hair Club for Men? He could not only be president and member, but secretary, treasurer, master at arms, and sweep up after the meetings. Finally, that blond security officer who died and came back also bugged the hell out of me to the point that I refuse to look up her name.
The only cool thing Next Gen did in it’s entire run was introduce the Borg. However, the Borg were much more interesting in Voyager, in my opinion.
Happy Birthday, Leonard Nimoy
Yes, Mr. Spock is 79 years old today. I wish him well. Mr. Spock was a big influence on my life as a kid. I kept wishing I were a Vulcan, where being logical and scientific was a sexy thing rather than just nerdy. I have this shirt here from my funny t shirt collection.
I am a little burned out on working today. Somehow I spent all day on three shirts. Not sure where the day went. I do know I now have a lifetime supply of Scotch tape (Office Depot had a buy-two-get-one-free deal on four packs of tape, so somehow I left with 12 rolls of Scotch tape. Sometimes I am a sucker).
Tomorrow is terrain day. That is, my gaming club gets together at someones house and builds terrain for our big Warhammer tournament later this summer. Normally we get 8-10 guys, but a lot of the regulars guys are at Adepticon in Chicago so this time it falls upon those of us without the time, inclination, or money to fly out there.
