The Judge Review Part 1
I Judge thee…mediocre.
All four of my regular readers will have heard me whine about how boring mediocre movies are to watch and (more importantly) to review. I don’t do this for money but because it is fun and when the writing becomes a chore I tend to have “What the hell am I doing with my life” moments. Movie that are great are fun to watch and decently fun to review and movies that truly suck are morbidly OK to watch (in the same way you slow down to check out a traffic accident on the side of a freeway) but super fun to review. However when a film opts to sit dead center on the fence (or in this case on the fence but lean pretty precariously over to the suck yard which in my neighborhood was ours) this job suddenly turns into a job.
I’m was at something of a loss as to how this film could have come out so poorly. It couldn’t have been cast better. Robert Downey Jr. is one of the modern great actors and Robert Duvall the consumante professional actor. The writer Nick Schenk wrote Gran Torino, one of my favorite films. Then I looked at the director David Dobkin, realized he directed the Change-Up and Jack the Giant Slayer and the mystery was solved. He seems to be the master of movies with an interesting idea and a few decent moments but then suck and die like a banana slug in a salt factory.
And this film did have a few good moments, almost all of them reserved to the courtroom. Most Americans enjoy a good court drama and have a love of seeing justice delivered (image courtesy of the Punisher t shirt category). The scenes where Robert Downey Jr. is in court trying to defend his father and out trying to solve the mystery of what happened are downright intriguing. You care about Robert Duvalls character and if you loved Tony Stark you are in for a toned down version of him as the worlds greatest defense attorney. The whole thing had a cool True Believer vibe (the James Woods True Believer. Great movie IMO) that was great.
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The Judge Review Part 2
However the writer and director must have gotten a bad batch of Cliche-b-Gone® because this film was rife with it. Each cliche more trite and boring than the last and each giftwrapped in another sub plot. The sub plots had sub plots. There was the ex girlfriend who might be the mother of the protagonists illegitimate child (who wants to be a lawyer and made out with Downey in a skin peeling scene). There’s the long suffering older brother taking care of the youngest Asperger brother. There is the broken relationship between Downey and Duvall as well as the miserable upbringing Duvall delivered. There is the errors of the past coming back to haunt Duvall and Downey both. There was Downey coming to doubt his integrity as a lawyer. There was the whole “I hate the small town I grew up in but secretly love it” thing. There was a cancer sub plot. There was Downey’s divorce from his wife and his attempting to build a better relationship with his daughter, who also is bonding with Duvall. The list goes on and on and each one getting only about five minutes of screen time before fading out sort of resolved but not really. It was like watching TV while your dog chews in the remote control, constantly changing the channels.
The net effect of all these sub plot was a movie that seemed to lack direction. It also had the pacing of a sick man suffering simultaneously from the worlds worst case of diarrhea and constipation. The whole film moved in fits and starts. The film ran 141 minutes and you will experience every one of them with excruciating slowness.
The characters, while well portrayed, had the stink of cliche about them. 
Downeys was pretty much the slightly less flamboyant Tony Stark: fast talking wise guy with no respect for anyone else (image courtesy of the Iron Man t shirt category). Duvall was the crotchety old man who wasn’t going to change for anyone and was going to do things his way come hell or high water. The prosecutor was the weaselly lawyer out to get Duvall just to put another trophy on his bookcase. There wasn’t a single character who didn’t fall out of another dozen other movies.
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The Judge Review Part 3
Again for all that it wasn’t irredeemable. The courtroom scenes were cool and in spite of playing cartoon cliches both Downey and Duvall delivered solid performances, as did the rest of the cast. The mystery of what happened was intriguing. If you could fast forward through anything not involving the case you could see a really cool 20 minute short.
The story. Hank Palmer (Robert Downey, Jr.) is a high priced defense lawyer who learns that his mother died. He goes back to the one horse town he grew up in and has to deal with his ornery father Judge Joseph Palmer. The Judges worst enemy gets run down and the Judge is charged with murder (Judge Death image courtesy of the comic book t shirts category. Sorry but I couldn’t resist). Hank has to defend the Judge in spite of the fact that Joseph really doesn’t seem to care and also has to deal with about 100,000 other sub plots that rise to the surface to clutter up the screen.
So worth seeing? Meh. Depends on your inclination. If you are a fan of Robert Downey Jr. maybe. If you have a really poor attention span and like the idea of 25 After School Specials packed into one movie sure. However if you were hoping for an in depth drama or crime story with a concise story that ties up all its loose ends give it a pass. It’s not Gran Torino or Sleepers. It’s not even the Incredible Burt Wonderstone. I can’t say it sucks, but I can say it disappoints in it’s mediocrity. 2.5 of 5 Phasers.
2.5 of 5. Meh
the Infamous (and mediocre) Dave Inman
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Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 19 Tomorrow is Yesterday
I did enjoy this one as a kid. My father was in the Air Force and I liked jets a lot. As a movie reviewer I also have to say this is an example where a voice over monolog is well placed. The plot device of the Captains Log as a monolog is a great Star Trek trick and by using it at the beginning of this episode to replace filming the actual accident that sent them back in time they saved a lot of time.
The problem with this one is the very loose approach to the Butterfly Effect Spock takes. Sure Captain Christopher didn’t do much but just by not being on the planet things could have changed dramatically. If he hadn’t been on line at the bank one day someone might have gotten out 30 seconds sooner and been hit by a bus that would have otherwise not happened. This was kind of the whole point behind City on the Edge 
of Forever so I guess I have an issue with them changing time travel mechanics 9 episodes later. Also the “go super fast to travel back in time” was totally lifted from Superman. I like to see more imagination. (image from our collection of Superman t shirts)
the Infamous Dave Inman
Book of Life Review Part 1
Cute, fun, and visually striking.
But at the end not a lot of sticking power. When I see a film and the next day have to strain to remember what I saw that speaks of a middlin’ movie. This film was not bad and the art style and animation were stunning. It does pass my Wreck It Ralph test, which is where at the end of the film I ask am I happier having seen this film then I would have been staying home watching WIR for the umpteenth billionth time and the answer is yes. However the next day after seeing Ralph I was aglow with memories and striking scenes where this one kind of got flushed out of my memory like a functional hands free toilet.
But like I said this film is really fun and has a strong cross cultural element that is missing in a lot of American media. If you want to expose your children to something other than white America and Hip Hop this would be a (very small) step in that direction. The story is good and all the characters memorable (as long as you are OK remembering either of the duel sword wielding heroes as one character). An artistic triumph really.
However veteran readers of my blog will know it is rare that I walk out of a film without at least one annoyance nibbling at my jock strap and in this case it’s the music. You see, in a story about Dios De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) and set in the heart of Mexico you would imagine they might either pull some great Mexican cultural music or at least written some new music with some Latin flair and that is exactly what they did, as long as by “Latin flair” you really mean having the Mexican musician play Creep by Radiohead. 
Why not just have them do a cover of Bugz on my Nugz by Insane Clown Posse (Hatchetman image courtesy of the music t shirt category)? It’s effectively the same. I’m not looking for accordions here but the contrast was startling and really took me out of the theater. Maybe a little Spanish guitar?
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Book of Life Review Part 2
There were a couple other annoyances. The Candlemaker was another “let’s force the audience out of whimsical Mexico and into a movie theater that smells like feet” character and he did it every time he opened his mouth. 
He was as out of place as Megatron in a line up of kids picking teams for dodge ball and by the end of the film contributed nothing more than another set of fingernails scraping the blackboard in my head (image courtesy of the Transformers t shirt category). The entire film was much longer on comic relief then it needed to be up to and including the big bad bandito everyone was terrified of.
The story itself was kind of meh too. The whole thing played out as a lovers tiff between La Muerta, the queen of the Land of the Remembered, and Xibalba, the king of the Land of the Forgotten (played, BTW, by none other than Ron M-F-ing Perlman. That part was cool) and was about as interesting as watching a typical couple fight and purposefully leave the toilet seat up or down to annoy each other. Again as a kids movie I know I can’t expect Donny Darko level complexity or story quality but a little more motivation for anyone to do anything would have been appreciated.
For all that I can’t say it’s not worth watching. I’m sure your kids will love it and it’s pretty enough to keep you entertained as well. The visuals are truly stunning and I absolutely loved the animation. It has a couple of cool messages about loving and cherishing your relatives (although when you think about it there is also a pretty grim message about what will happen to us all once we are forgotten) and ancestors while being true to your own nature. There are a couple of good action scenes and the fight at the end bordered on excitement.
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Book of Life Review Part 3
I will say this film is a great date movie and in truth I wish I had taken the girl I am seeing to see it (4 dates! A new record!). It is good wholesome family fun and once you get it on DvD or streaming you can use it to park your rugrats comfortably for 95 minutes. I just don’t see it as a cherished childhood memory when your kids grow up (although these days what is?).
Story recap: La Muerta and Xibalba bet on which of two boys young Maria will marry. Xibabla choose Juaquin, a brash soldier he gives a medal of indestructibility to, and La Muerta chooses Manolo, a musician from a family of bull fighters. They each try to prove themselves to her in their own way. Xibabla cheats, killing Manalo and sending him to the Land of the Remembered where he meets all of his ancestors. They team up to make him alive again and win the day.
3.5 out of 5.
So worth seeing? I’ll say yes. Go see it. The part of your brain that likes pretty things will thank you. Take the kids. Load up the minivan full of all the kids in your neighborhood and that night feed them all burritos. There is a good chance you will feel like you aren’t raising your kids to be the next generation of white suburban drones by exposing them to something other than Christmas at least for a while. I’ll give this film 3.5 out of 5 Phasers. Pretty good but could have been better. Sorry for the short review but honestly there isn’t a lot I can do with kids films.
the Infamous Dave Inman
PS I was contacted by a guy doing a Kickstarter Campaign for a documentary on comic books called Comix: Beyond the Comic Book Pages. He seemed like a cool dude and has interview with a ton of great artists including Stan Lee. As a fan of classic comic book artists (Jack Kirby image from one of my favorite comic book t shirts) I say if you can help him go for it. His goal doesn’t sound ridiculous to me and he does have some cool swag to hand out. Mostly he needs funds to buy the rights to comic book panels for his documentary.
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Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 20 Court Martial
Kind of a throwaway episode in my opinion. Not really bad enough to be great, but not really great. I did like seeing McCoy bitch out Spock for playing chess only to have Spock throw it back in McCoys face, but not an episode that comes rushing back to my head when I think about Star Trek.
However I did like this episode because it, like a couple others (Obsession for one) gives us a nice glimpse of Kirk as a junior officer. During the series and in TWOK he refers to himself as a very serious and by the book student at the Academy and young ensign. 
Too bad JJ Abrams never saw any of that and just wrote Kirk as Spicolli meets Johnny Bravo (image courtesy of our cartoon t shirt category).
The other cool thing from this episode is for once Kirk got bit on the ass by all his womanizing. One of the women he had a “close encounter” with, Lt. Shaw, shows up and takes the case as prosecutor against him. She claimed it was merely professional duty but there is a part of me that likes to believe she relished roasting Kirk over the coals.
The Infamous Dave Inman
Star Trek Retrospective: Episode 21 Return of the Archons
This is an episode that is fun yet at the same time problematic. BTW if you ever wanted to get into Star Trek cosplay the Lawgivers uniform is basically a brown robe and a metal tube. Super easy. So this one was kind of cool in concept but when you think about it the Festival is pretty much just an excuse to commit rape. Not exactly forward thinking as far as women’s liberation is concerned. There were many episodes with strong misogynistic tendencies and I think this one (along with Spocks Brain and Turnabout Intruder) was one of the worst.
However I like to think they tried and TNG made up for a lot of prior poor gender decisions. However my problem with this episode is the fact that they fell back once again on the old “talk a computer into killing itself” trope. That one is used almost as much as having red shirts die. This was the second episode to us it and after a while it just got lazy. In order to prove what a hard core Trek fan I am I will list all the episodes that use this cliche off the top of my head: What are Little Girls Made Of, I Mudd, the Ultimate Computer, and The Changeling. Seems like standard SOP is when faced with any kind of artificial intelligence just have Kirk argue with it for 5 minutes and run away from the self destruct. 
He’s like Deedee from Dexters Lab’s father (not impossible knowing him. Image courtesy of the cartoon t shirt collection).
Nevertheless fun episode with some half baked social commentary messages.
the Infamous Dave Inman
Fury Review Part 1
Tanks for a great movie!
When you really think about it, the outcome of WWII was kind of a disappointment. Sure, we won the war and for like six months America was the hero of the world but all it really did was set us up for the Cold War like your best friends date setting you up with her ugly cousin (and that date went for 50 years). It didn’t take long for France to start hating us again no doubt based on their belief that in time they would have cast out the Germans through the strength of their Résistance (you know, I almost managed to type that whole sentence without laughing out loud) and over time some of the more morally ambiguous decisions we made started to haunt us (American internment camps of Japanese-Americans (thanks to George Takei for educating me on the proper term. You rock!), dropping the bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki as a means of seeing what it would do, the ultimate rise of the American military/industrial complex that is steadily grinding our economy into dust, etc.). Honestly when you really think about it the only good thing to come out of World War II (from an entertainment perspective at least) is the Nazis.
Not to say Nazis are good. They are horrible people and the epitome of how bad humanity can get. If I could go back in time to kill three people first off would be Adolf Hitler (followed by Melvil Dewey, inventor of the hated Dewey Decimal System and George Lucas at the premier of the Return of the Jedi. 
Sure we would lose American Graffiti but it would a small price to pay for never having to watch the Phantom Menace or any of the other horrors. Losing Red Tails would be a bonus. Image courtesy of my own private collection of cool Star Wars t-shirts). However, due to the increased importance of global ticket sales and the namby pamby super PC I-just-soiled-my-designer-Underoos fear of offending any potentially lucrative minority Hollywood has been cursed with the modern list of groups to be considered movie villains has been reduced to white trash racists, North Korea, rogue CIA elements, and Mexican cartels. Literally every other group in the world has someone who will sue, protest, or potentially not buy a movie ticket.
However, when doing a movie in WWII all those problems dissipate like a mild fart in a wind tunnel. Nazis are the perfect villains. They are by definition all white so you don’t have to worry about offending any minorities, the are demonstrably evil, and even most of the Germans dislike or disavow their existence. By being evil from the get go you can have them be as evil as you like and anything you do to them is fair game. If you dressed a bunch of babies in SS uniforms and filmed a scene of them being tossed into a wood chipper no one would blink because they are Nazis.
(Notice we don’t have a lot of films involving the Japanese because that might be racist. Also the Japanese are now our friends and are cute perverted wierdos who have game shows where guys in loincloths eat bugs and buy used panties from vending machines.)
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