15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 2 of 15
14. Inigo Montoya from the Princess Bride
The man is an expert swordsman and knows how to get lit and party. Wesley nailed it when he said “I think you would make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts.” That would be a fun boat to sail on. Plus I could totally see him drawing in the hot chicks with his Spanish accent, tight pants, swashbuckling fencing skills, and smooth charm only to pass out drunk in a pool of his own vomit, leaving the girls in need of a comforting shoulder to cry on and a ride home and guess who pops up then? In the parlance of the sleazy chick picking up world Inigo would not even be a wingman. He would be what we call a bird dog. Think about it.
Why would Inigo want to be my friend? Well, I’m actually really good at making sure my drunk friends make it home safety and that they pass out on their stomach so they don’t choke to death when they puke. 
I would totally be a designated driver for Inigo (you know,designated drivers the life saving dorks although I like to think of myself as a hero from not getting blasted and driving safely. Heroes image courtesy of the Heroes t shirt category). Plus while I am not Andre the Giant sized I am big and can pick up a beer keg with one arm if need be. I could totally do booze runs for Inigo.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 3 of 15
13. Gleep and Gloop from the Herculoids
There are times when I value silence in my friends (in other words once in a while I wish they would shut the hell up) and Gleep and Gloop don’t really say much. Plus they are like walking marshmellows with eyes and a mouth. I kind of always liked that look for being a comic character I can actually draw myself. I was a fan of Shmoo too but he never shut up. Gleep and Gloop have a flying dragon they can ride around on and if there is a cooler means of travel short of a transporter I don’t know what it is. I kind of see these guys hanging around my crib like animated bean bag chairs and nodding or making agreeing noises every time I say something pithy. Plus I figure if I hang around with them long enough I’ll be able to solve the mystery of whether they are husband and wife, brothers, sisters, father/mother and son/daughter, or for that matter what sex they are anyway. It’s those sorts of questions that keep me up at night.
Why would Gleep and Gloop want to be my friends? Duh. They are walking talking skinless marshmellow chicks. I think they would be thrilled to be friends with anyone with a skeletal system.
(Skull image courtesy of the Punisher t shirt category)
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 4 of 15
12. Coach McGuirk from Home Movies.
Generally watching sports sucks for me, and of all the sports none is as boring as soccer. However the greatest figure in soccer for me will always be Coach McGuirk. He treats it with the appropriate amount of seriousness. He drinks a lot of beer, has a cool voice, and is super sarcastic in a dumb way. Plus he drives a cool car. I would want him to be my friend so he could be the best wingman ever. He has massive cojones and will talk to any girl out there but is such a boorish oaf that it would not be hard to totally swoop in and score over him. Plus he is in terrible physical shape so it would not be hard to look better then him. 
Basically I would be using him like the man in the yellow hat uses Curious George to score with women (I have always assumed. Image courtesy of the Curious George t shirt category)
Why would Coach McGuirk want to be my friend? Well, like him I hate soccer and am sarcastic. I’m good at pushing cars so when his breaks down I can help him. I think he and I could just relax and then head out to a bar to try to pick up chicks. He is not the best thinker and the cool thing about having some dumb friends is they are easy to fool. All my friends are smarter than I am damn the luck. I’m McGuirk to them.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 5 of 15
11. Peter Venkman from Ghostbusters.
This one’s a no brainer. I would want Venkman to be my friend because he is just funny and sarcastic as hell. Of course this could totally backfire when he started making fun of me and treating me with contempt like he does pretty much everyone. However I think I could hit him back with the fact that he has a PhD in a pseudo science and got fired for doing nothing but torturing undergrads. On the other hand he is pretty smooth with the ladies and kind of a horn dog. I don’t know if I need that competition.
Why would Venkman want to be my friend? I honestly am struggling with this one. He seems to have no real friends just guys he works with and treats with contempt and disrespect. I guess he is friends with Stantz and Egon but doesn’t show them a lot of love. This is a situation where I would have to count on my natural charm to win him over. In the castle in my head everyone loves me.
By the way the Ghostbusters logo I found in the Horror Movie t shirt category but for the life of me can’t decide if it belongs there or not.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 6 of 15
10. Marla Singer from Fight Club
At first I was just going to go with Tyler Durden but when you think about it he’s kind of dangerous to hang around with. Sure he delivers amazing monologs but how long before he has you fighting Meatloaf or trying to blow up a Starbucks? Those sorts of things can get you killed, whereas just watching Marla function is a class of entertainment beyond the pale. She says outrageous things, is hot in that crazy slutty sort of way, and apparently will eventually get bored and sleep with anything with a pulse and Y chromosome (or so I like to think). You might be exacerbated by her (driving her to rehab, listening to her try to shock you and all your friends, having her pass out and die choking on her own vomit) but you will never, ever be bored by her. Plus if she goes really bugnuts crazy you can probably just lose her number and never worry about it again.
Also I imaging the actual sex must by amazing.
Why would she want to be friends with me? Well, in spite of my many dating problems and massive ego I am actually a really good friend for a girl to have. I am a great listener, am handy when it come time to move furniture or tote bales, and if things ever got creepy with any of her boyfriends have been known to intimidate the heck out of people. Obviously that would have no effect on Tyler Durden but anyone not in a fight club tends to avoid me when I have my game face on.
The Fight Club poster comes from the movie t shirt category. Very cool IMO.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 7 of 15
9. Lord Humungus from the Road Warrior.
There’s a lot to be said about Lord Humungus. He’s a natural leader, loyal and caring to his men in a co-dependent abusive sort of way, decisive, fit, a man of principle, and an eloquent public speaker. In many ways he is the father I wish I had had. At least I could have counted on him teaching me to drive instead of being cool with me riding the bus until I was 18. 
Normally I am put off by that much bare chested masculinity and BDSM garb but the iron mask did a lot to offset that. That is a commitment to a look. I can only imagine he would really be into cosplay. (image courtesy of the Iron Man t shirt category)
Why would Humungus want to be friends with me? Well, as an experienced war gamer I think I could have helped him come up with better battle plan to take the oil refinery then “Everyone drive in circles around the rubber tire wall and catch flamethrowers with your face. Once in a while have one guy on a motorcycle jump the wall”. Siege warfare is not a new science. Also I might have suggested a better trade deal with the oil people than walk away. What if they could keep their cars and gas but just leave the refinery? Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 8 of 15
8. The T100 Terminator from T2
This could possibly be the best friend I ever had if he were programmed to like me. Loyal, super strong, lethal, can drive or shoot anything, nearly indestructible, can see in the dark, and wears cool shades. Plus everyone needs one friend who can help fix your car. I honestly can’t even change my oil. Plus he was trying hard to be more human and gain a sense of humor which in it’s own way better then most humans trying to be more robot like and having no sense of humor. Also who knows what else he could do? Perhaps pick up a guitar and become the worlds greatest folk singer. I kind of see him owning a car repair shop and we hang out in the office watching YouTube clips.
Why would he want to be my friend? That’s the best part! I would have programmed him to like me before sending him back in time to save the human race. He would have no choice, which would go a long way towards alleviating my rampant abandonment issues. I sincerely wish more people were programmable (or at least more women).
Arnold image courtesy of the movie t shirt category.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 9 of 15
7. Gonzo the Great from the Muppets
I would love to be friends with Gonzo for the same reason I love watching Jackass: there is nothing funnier then watching friends of yours slightly injure themselves doing ridiculous things. I would be totally happy just hanging out at Gonzos place watching his home movies. Also Gonzo is a serious player, surrounded by mass numbers of hot chicks (haw!) at all times and I would hope to learn a thing or two from him. What is it about him that attracts the ladies? The wild man attitude? The creative mind? The willingness to risk his life for a laugh? The huge curved beak? What?
(Finest moment image courtesy of the funny t shirt category)
Why would Gonzo want to be my friend? Well, I have been known to do the occasional foolhardy and reckless stunts, and if nothing else would always be willing to hold the camera. I have my Red Cross first aid certificate (long story on that) and do not faint at the sight of blood (I cannot promise the same for compound fractures however). He and I have different taste in women (he goes for the short, rounder girls with white feathers and a cute beak and I go for humans) so we would not be competing on the field of love. I would totally support him in that whenever he suggested some wild stunt to Kermit I would call out from the back “That sounds awesome dude!”
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 10 of 15
6. Grandpa Munster
Admit it. You know without a doubt that Grandpa Munster would be a blast to hang out with. Herman too, but Herman is nothing without Grandpa. He is a dirty old man vampire who can whip up magic potions and has his own laboratory in the basement. Plus he’s always smiling and having people smiling around you is a great way to pick up your attitude. Hanging out with him would give me the chance to solve two great Munsters mysteries: where does he get that amazing hair cut and if he is Lily’s father why is he called Grandpa Munster? Shouldn’t he be Grandpa Dracula (Lily’s maiden name. Never try to out geek-fu me!).
Why would Grandpa want to be my friend? Honestly I don’t think he needs an excuse. He is so friendly and cheerful that I think he just likes everyone (or at least likes sucking out everyone’s blood, although that part was never really addressed in the Munsters). Plus with all the schemes and shenanigans he and Herman get into I’m sure another friend and/or alibi might come in handy.
Grandpa image from the horror movie t-shirt category.
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15 Fictional Characters I wish were real life friends of mine: 11 of 15
5. Scotty from Star Trek
I know what you are thinking. I am such a fan boy why would I not choose Kirk or Spock? Well, to be honest Spock is not exactly a barrel of laughs to hang out with and Kirk would score with every chick in the place human or otherwise leaving you walking morosely home alone. Also he seems to be kind of a mean drunk. Scotty, on the other hand, is a party even when he’s not drinking and when he has a few watch out! In short order we could be singing Irish ballads, making inept pick up attempts at hot green girls, and getting into barroom brawls with Klingons. Also never forget that at one point he was almost convicted of being a serial killer and if that isn’t the coolest story to tell chicks at a bar I don’t know what is.
Why would Scotty want to be my friend? Well, I am part Irish and have a deep appreciation of his accent. I’m not much of a drinker myself and would therefore give him the lions share of the Romulan ale. 
Plus while I don’t get drunk a lot I always have a lot of fun watching drunk people stumble along and fall on their face (Alcohol image comes from the funny t shirt category). In my defense I am also really good about making sure my drunk friends get home safe, so Scotty would definitely be in his bunk in one piece.
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