Despicable Me 2 Movie Review
Not really as good as the first, but worth seeing.
I am a fan of the first Despicable Me. I love villains, and find hope for myself in stories where the bad guy finds redemption. Gru is awesome, and his many minions rule (Minions poster image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category).
So all that being said, Despicable Me 2 was good but is just lacked the solidity of the first movie. I am having a hard time putting my finger on it. I think that without the redemption story it just doesn’t hold up as strongly. Gru just doesn’t have the pull as a good guy. His appeal is the evil guy turning good. Gru is fully reformed and suffers no real inner conflict that so colored the first film. Instead of his minions jumping to execute his evil plans they are cleaning the house in a French maids outfit and making jelly. His mother isn’t even in this film (except during the credits. I guess they didn’t want to spring for Julia Andrews to do the voice in this one). Kristin Wiig was of course brilliant as Lucy, the love interest, but aside from giving Gru something to fight for there was no real drama in the romance. She was into him from the get go and all he had to do was decide to ask her out.
Overall this film had a lot more style than substance. The minions were still cute and funny, and the three little girls still had the cute humanizing effect of the first film. However, the film focuses on making the minions even cuter and funnier (the ice cream social is the perfect example of this) while not letting Gru get his dark and sinister side out. The romance might appeal to more little girls but the boys in the audience might find it pretty dull.
Look at me, treating a kids movie like Citizen Kane. I swear I’m not this pretentious most of the time. It was a fun show and if you like the minions you will not be disappointed. In spite of the fact that I was seeing a 10:15pm showing the audience was full of little kids (most parents suck) and they seemed to be enjoying the hell out of it, which is really my only barometer for kids movies. My only disappointment stems from the first movie so overreaching my expectations and my hope that this one would do the same.
The film starts off with a giant flying magnet stealing a Russian research base out of the Arctic. We jump to Gru (Steve Carrol-the Office, Crazy, Stupid Love, the 40 Year Old Virgin) living in his suburban death fortress with his three adopted daughters Margo (Miranda Cosgrove-School of Rock, Drake & Josh, the Good Wife), Edith (Dana Gaier-not much else. An episode of 30 Rock. I hope she gets more work soon), and Agness (Elsie Kate Fisher-Vertical, Bad Behavior, Dirty Girl). While out walking his “dog” he is Tazered and loaded into a trunk by Lucy (Kristin Wiig-Bridesmaids, How to Train Your Dragon, SNL). Turns out she is an agent for the Anti Villain League, a secret organization that fights super villains. She takes him to meet the head of the League Mr. Ramsbottom (uncredited on IMDB. Get on it, guys!).
They want Gru to help them find the villain with the giant magnet who stole a super secret formula. Gru refuses and heads home. There he finds his old friend Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand-Rock of Ages, Arthur, Get Him to the Greek) wants to get back into the evil business and has taken a job with another villain. They send him off with a 21 fart gun salute (see what I mean about style over substance?).
Gru decides to link up with the AVL just to keep his hand in and is teamed up with Lucy. They are set up with a fake bake shop in a mall where the villain is suspected of setting up shop. Gru suspects a Mexican restaurant owner named Eduardo (Benjamin Bratt-Miss Congeniality, Catwoman, Demolition Man) but all evidence points towards a wig shop owner (Ken Jeong-the Hangover, Transformers Dark of the Moon, Community). Meanwhile Margo falls in love with Eduardo’s son Antonio (Moises Arias-Nacho Libre, Hannah Montana, the Secret World of Arrietty).
The movie trucks along from there. Gru discovers he has feelings for Lucy and needs to rescue her from the evil villain. The minions are all transformed into evil(er) purple guys. No real major surprises crop up, although there weren’t really any in the first film.
I don’t do stars and black holes for kids movies. This kids in the audience were enjoying it, and the parents didn’t seem bored stupid(er). By those definitions this film was a great success and I did enjoy it. I was hoping for something more along the lines of the first film, but even without that it was worth seeing. I guess I’m am saying go see it if this is your cup of tea. Date movie? Sure, no problem there. Try to show her the first one so she knows what is up with the minions as they are the cutest part of the film. Bathroom break? The big Cinco de Mayo party doesn’t seem to have a lot going on for the first couple minutes so do it then. Hurry back as the scene right afterwards is kind of critical story-wise.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review leave them here, and if you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. I’m seeing the Lone Ranger and kind of expect it to suck, so look for a much more vitriol infused review tomorrow. Talk to you soon.
Dave
White House Down Movie Review
White House Dumb.
I know. I said I would be kinder to Channing Tatum’s next movie after the sense of humor he displayed in his role in This is the End, but when faced with a lame horse the kindest thing you can do is deliver a bullet quickly. I’ll try to be nicer in his next one.
I’m really curious as to what exactly the Secret Service did to piss off Hollywood, because this is the third movie in the last two months where terrorists successfully take over the White House in order to control this countries nuclear arsenal and portrays the Secret Service as about as effective as a troupe of septuagenarian crossing guards. I find this more than a little offensive. I am a Secret Service fan. They are super cool and quiet about it. You will never know they exist until you do something to attract their attention, at which time they will truly make you regret it. Movies that put them on the same level as Paul Bart Mall Cop are truly unfair, especially given the dedication they exhibit.
I guess I kind of get it. President Obama has closer ties with Hollywood than any other president and so a lot of Hollywood types are having encounters with the Secret Service. This is probably where the inspiration for this dross comes from, and showing the Secret Service in action as they really should be shown 
(someone opts to mess with the White House and leave ten minutes later feet first. People like Me image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category) might make for a shortish film (I would see it. Sounds cool to me). I guess they need to ramp down their competence in order to make for some kind of drama, but honestly that’s just lazy. A smart writer would develop better villains rather than dumber agents, but writing stuff is hard work (anyone else remember In the Line of Fire? There’s a villain worthy of the Secret Service).
So, White House Down. I suppose you could enjoy it if you can buy the fact that the White House can be taken down with a half dozen guys who start with one pistol between them. If all you want is guys shooting stuff this one could work for you. The are explosions, a tank, helicopters crashing, my dream girl Maggie Gyllenhaal (for the love of God, someone invent a time machine so I can go back to before she was married and get rejected by her. At least I can say I tried. No self esteem issue here), and like all other films of this particular ilk the fate of the world boils down to a fist fight between two meat heads. The plot holes run thick and fast but if there is one thing I know the film industry seems cool with it is a script that can double as a colander.
If you have seen Olympus Has Fallen skip the next few paragraphs. This film starts out with President Sawyer (Jamie Foxx-Django Unchained, Collateral, Ray) announcing his controverseal plan to withdraw all troops from the Middle East and getting pressure back from the military industrial complex (no secret message, agenda, or wishful thinking here folks). Meanwhile Capital Policeman Cale (Channing Tatum-21 Jump Street, Magic Mike, The Vow) is protecting the Speaker of the House Raphelson (Richard Jenkins-the Cabin in the Woods, Step Brothers, Jack Reacher). He wants to be in the Secret Service for an ill defined reason and gets his chance. His 11 year old daughter (Joey King-Crazy, Stupid Love, the Dark Night Rises, Oz the Great and Powerful) is a fan girl for the President and the White House and he brings her along.
He gets to interview with Agent Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal-Won’t Back Down, Donnie Darko, Stranger than Fiction) who tells him in no small terms why he is patently unqualified to work for the Secret Service. She then goes to a retirement party for head agent Walker (James Woods-Casino, Videodrome, Once Upon a Time in America), who’s son died on a military mission recently. Meanwhile, a group of white trash trouble makers get into the White House cleverly disguised as a entertainment system installation crew (since when do you need 14 guys to install an projection camera? For that matter it is later established that four of these guys are on the top of the Secret Service watch list. Don’t they do background checks on guys working in the White House? No face recognition software? No cameras in the hallways showing a bunch of guys executing security guards? No locks on the armory doors? How do you use an ICBM to shoot down a passenger jet? The list goes on and on).
The crew takes on the White House and with some inside help manages to kill every Secret Service agent and security guard in like three minutes with no casualties of their own (their amazing shooting and bullet dodging abilities go right out the window as soon as they start shooting at Channing Tatum). Cale was taking a tour with his daughter and manages to rescue the President. At that point it’s just a run and gun action film. Cale and the President sneak around and at one point are driving on the White House lawn, where the National Guard has apparently forgotten how to shoot. Stuff blows up, including a Delta Team that was written to be as stupid as the Secret Service (if one of three attack helicopters gets shot down with surface to air missiles perhaps you should get on the ground and disgorge your men rather than hovering over the roof waiting for more). Turns out the bad guys want to nuke Iran (sort of. Seems like each bad guy had a different goal) which will get us into a nuclear war.
The stars.
Action was decent. One star. Maggie Gyllenhaal. One star. In spite of their choice in scripts I kind of like Channing Tatum and definitely like Jamie Foxx. One star. Total: three stars.
The black holes.
Portraying the Secret Service (and the military, for that matter) like they were all still drunk and hung over from a weekend long party in Columbia. One black hole. Being pretty much a copy of a couple other films. One black hole. Big plot holes. One black hole. The whole premise is weak, and no effort was make to strengthen it. One black hole. Overall I found myself rolling my eyes and groaning a lot. Two black holes. Total: six black holes.
A grand total of three black holes. Not “praying for a merciful death” bad. Not even waste of time and money bad. If you just want some action without a lot of brain activity this will work. I would say this film is perfect for a quiet evening at home with your NetFlix account (or illegal download site). Date movie? Meh. Most girls are not going to really enjoy this film. See it with a guy friend (or a bottle of Scotch). Bathroom break? Any time they cut back to the control center with Maggie Gyllenhaal or the military general that’s your signal that it’s time to cut out and take care of business. Nothing ever seems to happen then.
Thanks for reading. Lots to see this long weekend so hopefully something is good. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Comments on this film or my review can be left right here, and off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Heat Movie Review
Fairly hot.
I’m always glad when I see a movie that could fall on either side of the Great Suck Divide land on the sweet land of decent. I have seen the trailers for this about 30 times (welcome to the life of a movie reviewer) and each time I thought “That looks like it could be really funny, but it also looks like it could suck like a lamprey.” I
t claimed to have it’s spirit originate from Bridesmaids, but each time I saw the trailer I couldn’t help but pick up a One for the Money vibe. (Bridesmaids image comes from one of the movie t shirts in the collection)
However this film managed to avoid the pit that Katherine Heigl fell into. In spite of being directed by Paul Feig, the guy who did Bridemaids it wasn’t just the same movie with a slightly different cast. It was different and at the same time cool and funny.
I will say this movie literally was carried on the back of Melissa McCarthy. Her character, rapid delivery, high quality funny dialog, and overwhelming screen presence made this film actually happen, and were it someone not as talented or entertaining I would be loading my black hole shotgun as I type this. That’s not to disparage Sandra Bullock (to the contrary. I have always had a special place in my heart for Sandra as she is someone I find very attractive and is actually closer to age appropriate than any of my other on screen crushes). She is great as the straight woman and uptight prissy FBI agent, and is as always extremely easy on the eyes. She just doesn’t have the comedy power to do more than act aghast at the on screen antics of Melissa.
I had a weird phenomenon happen in this film. I and the rest of the audience were all laughing our asses off at Melissa’s lines. The problem was she has such a rapid delivery that I often couldn’t hear what the hell the next line was. In an average movie it is rare that I care enough about the mediocre dialog, but this film made me want to hear ever word. It’s often that I wish for a fast forward button while watching some of these films but extremely rare that I find myself looking for a rewind. Looks like I might have to NetFlix this one some day.
Anyway, the story. Ace FBI Special Agent Ashburn (Sandra Bullock-the Blind Side, Demolition Man, Miss Congeniality) has a great track record of solving crimes but is disliked by pretty much everyone she works with. She is up for a promotion but her boss (Demián Bichir-Savages, a Better Life, Sex, Shame, and Tears) questions her teamwork abilities. He sends her to Boston to track down a drug kingpin.
Once there she finds out a minor drug dealer (Spoken Reasons-no other movie credits. IMDB tells me he is a Sagittarius) was just busted. She suspects he has a connection to the kingpin and interrogates him, only to find the arresting officer Mullins (Melissa McCarthy-Bridesmaids, This is 40, Identity Thief) is an aggressive, anti-social, foul mouthed Irish hooligan who doesn’t take kindly to anyone interfering with her work. She and Ashburn have a series of confrontations.
Mullins learns of the case from Ashburn and opts to take it on herself. During the course of the investigation they opt to work together (very organically, by the way. Props to the writer) where Mullins aggressive stance conflicts with Ashburn’s by the book approach. The run into some competing DEA agents and have some hilarious moments with the rest of Mullins’ Irish family. The kingpin is somehow involved with Mullins’ brother Jason (Michael Ragaport-True Romance, Men of Honor, Hitch).
The story has some twists so I’m not going to get into it too deep. Ashburn and Mullins have to learn to work together. They run into problems with their superiors. Guys get shot. Mullins cusses a lot.
The stars.
Melissa McCarthy was hilarious in every scene. I don’t usually give more than three stars for any one thing but she literally carried 80% of the film herself. Four stars. The rest of the cast (especially Sandra) was very solid. One star. The pacing was excellent. 117 minutes that flowed smoothly and felt natural. One star. The relationship between Ashburn and Mullins developed very naturally and didn’t feel at all forced. By the end of the film they had a very real chemistry. One star. Overall hilarious and fun. Two stars. Total: nine stars.
The black holes.
The plot was fairly predictable, and even the big twist felt forced in and wasn’t unexpected. One black hole. If you are looking for an actual police/crime drama go rent Heat. This film is not it. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A total of seven stars. It’s tough to get me to give this many to a Rated R comedy, but as this one opted to stay away from biological and scatological humor in order to make up for bad story and mediocre actors it deserved it. Should you see it? Absolutely. You will laugh and enjoy it. Date movie? Sure, but only if you have been seeing her for a while. If you are still trying to get her into bed this one isn’t the film for you (actually movies make for terrible first dates anyway). Bathroom break? Any scene without Melissa in it. The best one is right after the two of them are taken off the cast and there is a briefing for the agents who are taking over that Ashburn crashes. That scene doesn’t do much and it’s about 2/3rds of the way through the film, so perfect time. Hurry back though.
Thanks for reading. White House Down is on deck. Let’s see if my movie Spidey sense is accurate and the movie sucks as much as I believe it will. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review feel free to leave them here. If you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.
Dave
The Purge Review
Binge worthy.
Once again I am disappointed that a movie with a title so ripe for puns should it prove sucktastic actually being decent. Just rolling into this film I was coming up with hilarious name jokes like “The film wasn’t the only thing in that theater that felt like purging” or “The purge should have started with the writer.” (Anorexia joke courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category) Damn James DeMonaco for being surprisingly talented (the surprise really stems from the fact that the rest of his filmography doesn’t exactly shine like a diamond).
Actually I have hit a long string of decent movies, which means either I’m burning up my good movie karma early and will spend the rest of the year watching films that could be considered a crime against humanity or hit my head a few weeks ago and am lying in a pleasant coma in a hospital somewhere dreaming this life up. Honestly I think I would prefer the later scenario.
Anyway, the Purge. Not bad, really. Kind of Straw Dogs meets Logan’s Run. The story was weirdly believable given the premise and the actions of the main characters more or less made sense (except for a couple of really bad choices early on). On the other hand this film was rancid with social commentary. I don’t think James DeMonaco has much faith in humanity or human nature. Nor does he have much respect for American culture and capitalistic values. This unfortunately divides the audience into three separate camps: the people who agree with him and think this movie is great with an amazing message; the people who vehemently disagree with him and therefore hate this film; and the people who really don’t care and are just trying to watch a film where people shoot each other.
Fortunately I fall into the third camp (along with what I believe to be the majority of the audience). The message is not lost on me. I just think it a little prosaic and ham handed in its delivery.
The film starts off with security system salesman James Sandin (Ethan Hawke-Gattaca, Daybreakers, Training Day) coming home on the eve of the Purge. The Purge is a 12 hour period once a year where all laws and emergency services are suspended and the country either goes out for a chance to hunt down and kill each other or cowers in their houses hoping no one notices them. James has just sold more security systems than anyone else and is ready to start cowering. He comes home to find his wife Mary (Lena Headey-300, Dredd, Game of Thrones) preparing dinner. His younger son Charlie (Max Burkholder-Daddy Day Care, Friends with Money, Parenthood) is a creepy emo kid with a metrosexual haircut and an inclination to making the weirdest looking drone ever. I guess his parents aren’t too hip on the whole “noticing a secret cry for help” business. The daughter Zoey (Adelaide Kane-Goats, Power Rangers R.P.M., Pretty Tough) is super hot but too young for her meat head boyfriend Henry (Tony Oller-As the Bell Rings, Beneath the Darkness, Gigantic), whom she is making out with in her room.
The family buttons down for the night after some typical dysfunctional family stuff (oh, the teenage girl is dissatisfied with her life and her parents! Don’t flatten me with the weight of your originality). Zoey goes upstairs to sulk in her room but finds her boyfriend Henry has hidden in the house. Meanwhile, the son Charlie doesn’t understand the need or validity of the Purge (with good reason. Most of it seems an excuse for rich people to hunt down and execute poor people. There’s that social commentary I mentioned). He sees a homeless man (Edwin Hodge-Die Hard: With a Vengeance, Red Dawn, Big Momma’s House) trying to escape a bunch of young people in masks and opts to let him into the house. Meanwhile Henry tells Zoey that he intends to speak man to man with James but instead pulls a gun to kill him.
These are the three points that stuck out as being really kind of stupid. There is no clear motivation for Charlie to let the guy in, and no comprehension of why James didn’t take more precautions to be sure his 11 year old kid wouldn’t get upset and open the door. Sorry but as much as I may or may not love my hypothetical child until he or she is old enough to drive a car I won’t trust them with anything that could potentially kill my entire family. The third point is how does Henry think killing his girlfriends father going to endear him to her? I am not really that bugged by these as I know 18 year old kids are idiots and parents can often be very trusting of their children, but it was just annoying enough if you know what I mean.
Anyway, James kills Henry just as a gang of creepy mask wearing dudes headed up by their even creepier polite leader (Rhys Wakefield-Santum, the Black Balloon, Home and Away) arrive and demands they cast out the homeless guy. He is hiding somewhere in the house and it is up the the Sandins to find them. They spend time looking for him (Charlie is helping him, BTW) but eventually decide they cannot be part of it and opt to fight the kids.
At that point it’s Straw Dogs all over. The gang breaks in and it’s up to the family to kill them in nice small batches. Everyone has a chance to prove their worth and the neighbors get involved as well.
The stars.
I have to admit I liked both the premise and the story, social commentary aside. Two stars. The main characters were very believable, if a little underdeveloped. One star. The action was actually pretty good. No one turned into Rambo and each fight was an individual struggle. One star. Rhys Wakefield managed to nail the polite psychopath quite well. One star. She was looking pretty bad in Dredd but I have to say Lena Headley cleans up nicely, and Adelaide Kane is a heart breaker (she’s 23, for those of you who are going to tell me I’m creepy). One star. Overall a fun time watching. Two stars. Total: eight stars.
The black holes.
Very didactic (what does didactic mean? It means you need to go back to school). One black hole. Those three points kind of ground on me. I think had more time been spent on the characters prior to the action they might not have been so annoying. One black hole. Once the premise was set and the action started the movie was fairly predicable. One black hole. Total: three black holes.
A grand total of five stars. Like I said, not bad. Worth your time, especially if you are bored on cheap movie night. Date movie? Not really, especially given how polarizing the message really was. If she happens to belong to the camp that hates this film you can blow off your chance of getting anywhere. Bathroom break? There is an extended sequence where James and Mary are creepy crawling through the house with flashlights looking for the homeless guy while he is trying to find a place to hide that could be skipped with impunity.
Thanks for reading. More to see this weekend, and I hope one of them sucks enough for me to purge (haw!) the built up bile for a change. If I were a betting man I’d bet on White House Down, although it looks like the Heat could give it a run for it’s money. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu (for the love of God please follow me. I have very few and it makes my ego thump on the inside of my skull). Post comments on this film or my review here, and if you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Goodbye Richard Matheson
I am getting tired of writing these. For those of you who don’t know, Richard Matheson was an author and screen writer. He wrote the Nightmare at 20,000 Feet Twilight Zone episode, as well as a few others. What he is best known for (and the reason I am a fan) is his book I am Legend, one of the best zombie novels of all time.
If this title sounds familiar that is because it has been made into a movie on three separate occassions: the Last Man on Earth in 1964 with Vincent Price, the Omega Man starring Charlton Heston in 1971, and most recently (and most badly) I am Legend with Will Smith in 2007. This book was also the inspiration behind Night of the Living Dead, and I think it can honestly be said that every zombie axiom we currently enjoy has been at least influenced if not actively created my Mr. Matheson.
What makes his book awesome is that zombies are a visual phenomenon, yet he managed to make them menacing in print. Most zombie novels rarely elicit any kind of actual fear response mainly due to the fact that you can’t really paint a true zombie horde with words (zombie horde image courtesy of the zombie t shirt category). Mr. Matheson did it by focusing on the survivor rather than the zombies, and by making him as real and cool as possible. Plus the story is pretty amazing and goes far beyond the cliche zombie survival canon. If you saw I am Legend and thought it decent without reading the book you should read it and then feel shame for being such an ignorant moron for the rest of your life. Believe me when I say that they literally turned that story into cliche pap. The only things it really has to do with the book is zombies (sort of) and the title.
Anyway, it seems we are hitting a bad spell when a number of great sci fi readers are dying and yet Stephanie Meyer keeps on producing. Once again I am bummed, and feel that if anyone deserves to come back as a zombie it’s Mr. Matheson. You will be missed sir.
Dave
World War Z 3D Review
World War B+.
This film was fun and exciting. It had some great moments and some really awesome scenes. The problem is all the great scenes I have already seen about 100 times in trailers, and the movie shifted gears from a zombie film to an action film and back again with alarming rapidity.
This is one of the films that is going to suffer from my jaded senses, rubbed raw by having seen too many films over the last few years. Had I seen this movie five years ago I would have enjoyed the hell out of it and headed home to play Left 4 Dead. Now, having seen way too many films I can’t help but find issues with the film.
I love zombies and zombie films (Keep Calm and Kill Zombies image courtesy of my personal collection of zombie t shirts). However, this gives me the right (at least as far as I am concerned) to be very critical and discriminating about zombie films and what makes them good. It is not enough to have zombies in it. In all great zombie films (or shows. The Walking Dead definitely qualifies) the zombies are more a natural force, like a flood or earthquake, and the real story is of the struggle to survive. Often times (thank you George Romero) the real enemy is the other human survivors as they try to take the limited resources away by force.
This film started out that way with Brad Pitt struggling to keep his wife and daughters alive but after ten minutes of that the writers got bored and opted to turn this into a Resident Evil-esque action film, only without the skin tight leather outfit. I mentioned Left 4 Dead before and that is apropos as this film was a lot like watching someone play that game, even to the point of the protagonist surviving a plane crash.
Before I get any further I’d like to mention a few other zombie related things that this movie reminded me of. First of all: fast zombies. In order to have the ant hill attack scenes they needed to make the zombies fast, but I happen to know that Max Brooks (the author of this book) writes slow zombies. Slow zombies are far more menacing and creepy. Fast zombies could easily be replaced by fast alien bugs and it would not change the film much. Honestly, what is the difference between fast zombies and an angry mob trying to run you down? (For those of us who have experienced angry mobs in the past, of course) Slow zombies are like the inevitable slow tide of fate and are therefore that much more terrible.
Fast zombies, however, also help patch up another hole in not just in this movie but in the whole zombie infection thing. You see, humans biting other humans as a disease vector is not exactly going to move across the world at lightning speed. Sure, it might catch the first few people off guard but eventually a few cops are going to line up and just shoot them down. If a police officer can carry 100 bullets and use them to kill 5+ zombies before turning into one himself the ratio just doesn’t work out. If all else fails a few fuel/air airstrikes will kill zombies by the acre. Fast zombies make up for the fact that a decently prepared platoon of soldiers should be able to take out any number of slow zombies (it doesn’t really address the problem of a couple of tanks or APCs should be able to reap any type down by the thousands, but whatever).
The other problem I had with this film was the pacing seemed odd. The book was a collection of stories spanning ten years. In this movie the film goes from a weird newscast to the entire world going zombie in literally one night. I just can’t believe it’s possible one bite at a time. They talk about how big cities fell first due to the airports but it is established that one zombie on a plane will pretty much kill the entire passenger compliment in about five minutes. How does this work exactly? I am pretty sure a zombiefied pilot might have some issues landing a plane, and if the pilots are safe in the flight compartment they just might tell the airport to maybe not be too quick to open the cabin doors. It’s possible there was a zombie incubation period for the first few (hundred thousand) victims but the movie never did anything to establish that. In fact they talk about it starting in India and spreading worldwide, and they also establish that the longest a bite takes to turn someone into a zombie is ten minutes, so how does that translate into world wide pandemic? I would totally buy into some attempt at an explanation but they never even bothered, which ended up feeling lazy.
That being said, the movie is fun if you can look past those issues. Brad Pitt is good, and the zombies get looking zombie-ish by the end. The story starts off with Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt-Fight Club, Inglorius Basterds, 12 Monkeys) living the suburban dream with his wife (Mireille Enos-Gangster Squad, Someone Like You, the Killing) and two daughters (Abigail Hargrove and Sterling Jerins). Apparently he used to do some black ops style business for the UN or something. He packs up his family and drives into the city.
Naturally the city is overrun by zombies in like three minutes and they have to hide out in an apartment. Gerry calls his old buddy the Undersecretary of the United Nations (must be nice to have powerful friends) who sends a helicopter to rescue them. They taken to a ship where it turns out the combined forces of the world have organized in like 24 hours but are still losing to the zombies. Not enough bullets, I guess. There is a scientist who is acknowledged as the last great hope to find a cure so obviously the thing to do is send him out into the world with like four military guys and Gerry for protection. They are going to go to Korea where a report using the word “zombie” originated.
They land in the rain and dark, only to find it more or less abandoned. The most valuable scientist in the world accidentally shoots himself in the head. Gerry hooks up with some military guys who are holding on barely and learns from a crazy guy that Israel is where the action is. They refuel their plane in like 30 seconds (no joke. It takes me like 5 minutes just to refill my car) and off they go. In Israel they discover the entire country is fortified but the fortifications fall in like five minutes (it seems the producers of this film feel like watches are for amateurs). Gerry heads off to Cardiff as he thinks he has found a secret zombie weakness (aside from bullets in the brain. I won’t reveal what the secret is but it is as lame as possible). A zombie gets on the plane and they crash. Gerry and his one handed Israeli friend (Daniella Kertesz-AfterDeath, Ha-Emet Ha’Eroma, Adumot) manage to stumble to the W.H.O. facility without any idea where they crashed or where the building was supposed to be (I guess they had been eating homing pigeons to survive).
At that point the movie literally becomes Resident Evil without the giant monsters. They have to sneak through the lab in order to find the magic zombie MacGuffin. At this point we actually see zombies, not just fast moving humans with some makeup. The movie moves to a fairly tepid denouement.
The stars.
Zombies. One stars. Zombies climbing all over each other to climb massive walls. Two stars. Some other really, really cool zombie action scenes. Two stars. I do like Brad Pitt. One star. There were a couple of scenes (early on and then again towards the end) that really felt like a true zombie film. One star. Overall a fun, exciting film. Three stars. Total: ten stars.
The black holes.
Fast zombies. Sorry, but slow zombies just make for a more menacing movie. One black hole. The odd pacing and the rapidity of the plot progression. It really felt like they tried to compress ten years worth of stories into one film (actually, that’s exactly what they did). One black hole. The whole “let’s send our best scientist out to be zombie chow” thing. One black hole. The MacGuffin they came up with was pretty damned dumb. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
So a total of six stars. Good movie, worth seeing. I just keep seeing ways it could have been better. Do yourself a favor and see on the biggest screen you can find. Some of the zombie attack visuals will really suck to watch on a small screen. Date movie? Only if she is a zombiephile (Necromantic!). Otherwise this is a bros film all the way. Bathroom break? Pretty much anywhere they weren’t getting attacked by zombies will work. Best bet would be when Gerry is trying to convince the Cardiff W.H.O. people who he is. It’s towards the end.
Thanks for reading. More to see this weekend so check back soon. I might well be working on a couple of projects the rest of the weekend, however. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Feel free to post comments on this film or my review here, and any off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Have a great day.
Dave
Monsters University Review
Tremendously enjoyable.
I am indeed a Pixar fan, and Monsters, Inc. is my second favorite Pixar film (the first being The Incredibles. I get into arguments about this with some of my Pixar-phile friends but I have to base it on which I enjoyed the most. Incredibles logo from one of the great superhero t shirts on the t shirt site). The marketing for this film hit the saturation point a couple months ago and were I less of a fan would have rubbed me raw quite a while ago (to the marketing firm responsible: enough already), but I am glad to report that in spite of having seen six movie lengths worth of trailers I still enjoyed the heck out of it.
By the way, normally I go see kids movies during kids hours in order to judge how the kids in the audience were reacting. For this film I didn’t want to be distracted by a bunch of rug rats yelling, crying, laughing, running around, throwing stuff, kicking my chair, and puking so purposefully went to a 10:50 showing on a school night and found the theater to be…chock full of freaking kids? Is this really what passes for parenting in America? My father was arguably one of the most sociopathic self centered parents in the history of genetics and even he made sure it was a Friday or Saturday night when he took us all to a late night drive in showing of whatever Rated R childhood trauma he opted to inflict upon my seven year old brain. If it’s 1am on a Thursday night and you are driving your grade school kids home from a movie you really should re-examine your priorities in life.
Anyway, this movie was pretty awesome. As good as Monsters, Inc.? No. The first film was so ground breaking and original that this film could cure cancer and it would not match up. It is as good or better than any other animated film in the last few years (except perhaps Wreck it, Ralph. I’d be happy to discuss the relative merits of the two films sometime) and absolutely better than most of the dross out there. As I have said before a good kids film in like a good table: it needs at least three solid legs to stand on. Cute, colorful characters to keep the ankle biters fixated on the screen; a funny, entertaining story for the pre-teen kids, and some sophisticated humor and plot to keep the parents from strangling their kids for dragging them this junk. This film had all three elements in perfect balance and harmony.
As I do with kids films I will not do my usual rating system as it is kind of a waste to hold a film made for children to the same canon as films made for adults. In this case it would be a particular waste of time as for the life of me I can’t honestly think of a true negative criticism. Films that I can’t find anything negative to say tend to make for the most boring reviews as I do nothing but fan boy it up and end up with me looking like a tool. This film isn’t the Citizen Kane of animated features (although Monsters, Inc. and Toy Story could vie for that title), but it is on the Godfather: Part 2 level.
The story (SPOILER ALERT-skip ahead three paragraphs) starts off young Mike Wakowski (Billy Crystal-When Harry Met Sally, Monsters, Inc., Analyze This) taking a grade school class field trip to Monsters, Inc., where he gets inspired to become a Scarer and attend MU. Flash forward twelve years and he arrives at MU (looking suspiciously like another certain college here in the East Bay that shall go unmentioned but who’s name sounds a lot like Mal Turkeley), eager to start studying. He meets his roommate Randy Boggs (Steve Buscemi-Reservoir Dogs, Fargo, the Big Lebowski) and starts attending his first class. His class is interrupted by young Sullivan (John Goodman-the Big Lebowski, Argo, Roseanne), a naturally talented class clown who looks down on Mike’s lack of scariness and bookish nature. During the first class they are introduced to Dean Hardscrabble (Helen Mirren-the Debt, Queen, Hitchcock), an exacting official who has tough standards for scarers.
At that point it’s pretty much Revenge of the Nerds meets Animal House. In spite of Sully’s natural ability and Mike’s had dedication to study they fail to pass the first final exam and are kicked out of the Scarer program by Hardscrabble. Mike figures out that in order to get back in they need to win the Scare Off, the big Greek scaring contest. Mike needs a frat and joins the lamest one on campus just to get in the contest. Unfortunately his teammates all suck and they are one body short (literally) so he has to bring in Sully in spite that they dislike each other intensely.
At that point the story moves on to one of both triumph and regret in fun ways. Mike and Sully become great friends and teammates.
Like I said, I’m not going to bother with stars and black holes. The kids in the audience loved this film, even the grown up ones like me. Seeing 2-4 movies a week for the last three years has kind of burned out part of my soul that causes me to react in a theater but I found myself with a big, dopey grin on my face for most of this film. Everyone should see it, and if you happen to have kids you are in luck as you can enjoy it right along with them. The animation was amazing, and some of the sets they created were worth the price of admission alone. Date movie? Are you kidding? If seeing this film with a girl doesn’t get you laid it is entirely possible you died a while ago and are actually a rotting animated corpse. Bathroom break? No way. 110 minutes is totally doable. Don’t miss a minute.
Thanks for reading. I have had some amazing luck with films in the last few weeks, which of course will only make the next crappy one I grind through that much more ironically painful. However, I am going to enjoy the ride while it lasts. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Comments on how awesome this movie or my review is can be left here. Off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
Goodbye James Gandolfini
I and pretty much everyone I know was saddened to learn of the death of James Gandolfini, or as he was more popularly know, Tony Soprano. Everyone loved that show (Bada Bing image courtesy of the TV show t shirt category) and his character. It can be said he was typecast and it would be true, but I think he was smart enough to understand where his strength was and embrace it.
I, however, remember him for several other roles. I loved him as General Miller in In the Loop (where he ended the film with one of the best lines ever), and will always remember him kindly for being one of the scariest movie character ever in True Romance (where he beats seven kinds of hell out of Patricia Arquette). He was great in Get Shorty, creepy as hell in 8mm, and hilarious in the Incredible Burt Wonderstone. His talent and sense of humor were tremendous.
I hate having to write these and can honestly say I will miss him. Seeing him in any film was always a sign that regardless of what else was going on in the film at least his part I was going to enjoy. Farewell to an awesome character actor.
Dave
This is the End Review
Pretty freaking funny.
It has been something of a golden period in movies for the last couple weeks. Man of Steel, the Internship, and Now You See Me I quite enjoyed, and even the Hangover Part 3 didn’t make my stomach churn. Now this film made me laugh my ass off, lulling me into a pleasant state of movie complacency with no danger at all of Hollywood using my lulled sense of movie danger to deliver a swift film kick straight to the groinal area.
What’s that on the horizon? Grown Ups 2? Better make sure my cup is positioned correctly.
So snide predictions aside, I really enjoyed this film. I am not a stoner and yet I still really enjoy Seth Rogen films (except Green Hornet, of course), which tells me his comedy transcends the drug humor that it is based on. If you have any kind of sense of humor you will laugh, if only at the self depreciation played at the expense of Hollywood stars. Showing celebrities as shallow, self indulgent, drug and alcohol addicted horrible people may just be terribly accurate but it’s also hilarious, especially when they all get a biblical comeuppance. 
I have to give massive props to all the stars of this film for being willing to play themselves so tongue-in-cheek, especially Channing Tatum and Michael Cera (George-Michael image courtesy of the TV Show T-Shirts). I will have to give them each a notch up when it comes time to review their next films (of course since Channing Tatum’s next film is White House Down, yet another terrorists-take-over-the-White-House movie, he is already deep in the red zone).
This movie was strange in that I couldn’t really decide which character I liked the best. I am a Seth Rogen (Superbad, Pineapple Express, Green Hornet) fan and he was great, and his co-protagonist Jay Baruchel (Tropic Thunder, Million Dollar Baby, Knocked Up) was also great, but they were each occluded by the secondary characters. James Franco (Oz the Great and Powerful, Spider Man 2, 127 Hours) was awesome, Jonah Hill (Moneyball, Superbad, 21 Jump Street) was hilarious, and Craig Robinson (The Office, Peeples, Hot Tub Time Machine) was the perfect straight man. If I had to pick one it would have to be bad guy Danny McBride (Eastbound and Down, Your Highness, Up in the Air), who ended the movie in the coolest way possible for a bad guy.
I am not a terribly religious person, and if you are or are not I am not sure how you might take this movie. If you are very religious you might find the message of Armageddon to be a good thing and hopefully inspiring to the unbelievers. On the other hand you might be annoyed at the fairly loose requirements for getting into Heaven. If you are not religious the whole message may sit ill with you. However, I submit that in any of these cases you lack the sense of humor to enjoy the film regardless.
The story starts off with Jay Baruchel arriving in LA to visit with old friend Seth Rogen. They go to his place to spend the day smoking pot and playing video games. Seth cajoles Jay into attending a party at James Franco’s place. The party is everything you ever imagined shallow Hollywood types indulging in, plus 3. While the two are out buying smokes the rapture occurs, with all the good people lifted up into Heaven on blue beams of light while all the bad people (they never go so far as to use the word sinner) stay around and the world more or less blows up. They run back to the house to discover that no one at the party noticed. Apparently none of them were eligible for Heaven, as telling a statement as to what Seth Rogen and co-writer Evan Goldberg think about Hollywood as you can find.
A giant fire filled sinkhole opens up in the lawn and sucks most of the party guests down. Seth, Jay, James, Craig, and Johan barricade themselves in the house. Next morning they discover Danny was passed out in the bathtub when he wakes up and eats most of their food.
At that point it becomes Survivor: Satanic Apocalypse. There are some great moments as the crew has to figure out how to find food and water, do a lot more drugs, and deal with Hellish demons. At one point Emma Watson shows up looking super cute (I feel really creepy saying that, by the way. Last time I saw her she was Hermione in Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the Perks of Being a Wallflower, My Week with Marilyn) but gets the wrong idea about the crew and steals all their water. They have to cast out Danny McBride after he abuses their water and food (he later shows up even more awesome that before). They discover that redemption is still possible, but it’s not quite as easy as saying sorry.
The stars.
Really, really funny. Two stars. I appreciate the self deprivation and social commentary. One star. Getting some of those stars to do what could readily be construed as not the most favorable roles image-wise must have taken some work. One star. The main characters are clearly real life friends, and the chemistry on the screen is palpable. One star. Pacing was excellent. Movie felt just long enough. One star. All the characters were great. One star. Overall a fun time. One star. Total: eight stars.
The black holes.
The whole Biblical message could put both groups off equally. One black hole. Rated R for language, concept, and swinging male demon meat while not throwing the heterosexual (and lesbian) audience members anything is another waste of potential. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
A grand total of six stars. Really fun, really worth seeing. If you happen to be a stoner I predict you will own a copy and find it even more hilarious when you indulge in your medicinal substances (“Ow my glaucoma!”). Date movie? Meh. If your girl is a stoner sure but honestly this is a dudes film. See it with your bros. Bathroom break? Nothing really stands out as being worthless. The argument leading up to Emma Watson leaving could be missed pretty readily, but it’s pretty funny nevertheless. Try to hurry.
Thanks for reading. I’m excited to see World War Z this weekend. Look for that review soon. I have a couple old films I never got around to reviewing I might do up this week. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review feel free to leave them here. If you have off topic questions or suggestions email them to [email protected]. Have a great day.
Dave
Man of Steel 3D Review
Movie of Steel.
This film is in all ways a good, solid, and exciting flick. There are some definite issues (which I will delve into with a secret sense of petty glee shortly) but in general it is everything I could have hoped for in a Superman movie.
Of course that could be taken as relative praise. Superman is one of the comic book heroes I just don’t really dig that much. He is too powerful and too flawless. All great heroes are tragic heroes, and in order to be a tragic hero you have to start from tragedy. Everyone I bring this up with always says “His home planet blew up”. Sorry, but he was an infant at the time and even if he had memories of it he really didn’t have the time to bond with his parents or planet. He grew up in small down America with the Kents in a bucolic, Norman Rockwell-esque paradise. You can’t compare that to watching your parents get gunned down by a mugger right next to you at age 10, or having your uncle get killed by the very man you let escape earlier that evening.
This film manages to inject some tragedy into the Superman upbringing, which I appreciate. I’m going to avoid spoilers but there was something that makes Superman’s life decisions all that more weighty (although in truth he could have easily avoided the bad situation. After all, he is Superman). However, any connoisseur of comic books or comic book movies will tell you that the strength of a film always resides in the strength of the villain, and in this case the new General Zod hit it out of the park. He is in all ways cool and dedicated, and even more tragic in that he is not motivated by just being a power hungry dick but rather by a desire to save his people. Tragic heroes are great, but tragic villains are awesome. The also managed to avoid the issue most origin stories have where they spend half the movie giving the guy his powers and the rest fighting some bad guy excaped from the deep recesses of the writers ass that we don’t care about (cough cough Green Lantern cough cough). They accomplished this by integrating Zod into the story from the very beginning. Well done IMO.
The part I was looking forward to is while I am not really a Superman fan I am definitely a Zach Snyder fan. 300, Sucker Punch, and the Watchmen are among my personal favorites and I knew he wouldn’t let me down even given less than optimal source material.
However, the film is not flawless and it would not be one of my reviews if I did not find a few things to nit pick. First off how many freaking times to we need to see the Superman origin story? I understand that Hollywood is terrified of anything that remotely smacks or originality or creativity, but the first Superman comic book came out in 1938 and has been running monthly ever since. That’s 75 years of original story telling (over 900 issues) from which to derive something. You are telling me that there isn’t a single story in all those comics that is worthy of fleshing out into a movie script. I’m sure executives look at past movies and decide that if they can’t guarantee numbers close to the last movie they had better just regurjitate the same old song and dance. Chocolate cake is great, but you would be surprised how quickly you can get sick of it if that’s all you eat every meal (in my experience it’s 5 days and 17 hours). Origin stories redone are the chocolate cake every meal of movies.
There are of course the typical plot holes most mainstream movies seem obligated to insert under law. If the Kryptonians have a galaxy spanning star empire why did the not have a few ships lying around for at least some people to escape? What exactly killed all the off world Kryptonians? If they have the resources of the universe at their disposal why did they need to remove their planet’s core for energy? If the Kryptonians know that living on a planet with a yellow sun gives them super powers why didn’t they all move to one millenia ago? Apparenlty they were on Earth 20,000 years ago. How is it a random scout ship just happens to have a Superman costume on board featuring the family crest of the -el family?
These plot holes were weighty and distracting, and had the pace of the movie stayed the same in the last half as the first half they would have been the lighter fluid to ignite my barbeque briquettes of hate. Fortunately once the action started the movie went from a plodding 4.5 to a rock hard 9.8. It’s hard to find a movie slow when someone is throwing a freight train at another guys head.
The last thing I’m going to bitch about comes from our good friend science. I can’t believe I’m explaining this again (this is like the 5th movie that made this same mistake) but saying something is made up of an unknown element not found on this planet makes you sound like a moronic Neanderthal puzzled by the invention of fire. A high school chemistry class will tell you that elements are comprised of protons, neutrons, and electrons. Each element is assigned an atomic number that corresponds to the number protons in the atom. Thus Hydrogen has one proton, Helium 2, etc. Between 1 and 118 there are no unknown elements, and at the higher the number the more unstable and difficult to produce. Ununoctium, atomic number 118, has only had 3 atoms produced ever. The idea that a whole ship is created from an element that is unknown yet still functional (not super heavy, super unstable, super radioactive, or a gas) is laughable, and would have been easily avoided just by substituting “alloy” or “compound” in place of element (remember transparent aluminum?).
Electron image courtesy of the Funny T Shirt category.
All these aside, really good film. Let’s get into the story, shall we? There are some spoilers incoming, so skip ahead to the stars if you find them annoying.
The film starts off on Krypton, a harsh planet that looks suspiciously like the cities from John Carter of Mars. Jor-el (Russell Crowe-L.A. Confidential, Gladiator, Master and Commander) has figured out that the planet is going to blow up but can’t find a ship big enough for him and his wife Lara (Ayelet Zurer (why does that name sound more Kryptonian than Lara? I got rejected by a girl named Lara a few months ago right here on Earth)-Vantage Point, Munich, Angels & Demons) but hey happen to have a baby buggy sized ship perfect for young Kal-el, who just got born. Jor-el infuses Kal-el with some kind of genetic blueprint for the entire Kryptonian race (they are all cloned. Kal-el’s birth is the first natural child birth in centuries). Meanwhile General Zod (Michael Shannon-Take Shelter, Vanilla Sky, Pearl Harbor) is trying to lead a coup against the ruling council. He gets shut down and sentenced to the Phantom Zone.
Cut forward 33 years and Clark Kent (Henry Cavill-the Immortals, the Tudors, Stardust) is drifting across the world, helping people upon occasion but generally trying to stay out of trouble. His childhood is revealed in a series of flashbacks but if you really need me to tell you the Superman origin story let me know what Buddhist monastery you grew up in. He shows up at a ship stuck in a glacier from 20,000 years ago. Turns out to be a Kryptonian scout ship where he learns his origin from his holographic father. He also meets Lois Lane (Amy Adams-the Muppets, Catch Me if You Can, Enchanted), who later tracks him down at his family farm.
Meanwhile, Zod has escaped from the Phantom Zone and want’s Superman’s DNA literally. He also wants to xenoform (the term used in the movie was terraform, but that is completely incorrect. When we turn an alien planet into something resembling Earth it’s terraforming. When aliens turn Earth into an alien environment it’s xenoforming. I know. I’m a prickly hedgehog, but these things make me sad in the face) Earth into another Krypton, resulting in the death of all humans. Superman gets his ass kicked but later comes back and whales on some Kryptonian baddies. Really that’s it. The story is pretty linear.
The stars.
Superhero action on par with the Avengers. Also during the course of the film the collateral damage is astronomical. More than once you see Superman or Zod get punted through three or four skyscrapers only to have them collapse completely. Awesome. Three stars. Henry Cavill did really well as Superman. One star. I liked all the stuff on Krypton, which kind of made up for the fact that they were forcing me to watch the Superman origin again. One star. General Zod was pretty amazing. Two stars. Looking at the broader cultural impact of an alien on Earth was pretty cool. One star. I was particularly pleased with the scene where the military is trying to attack the Kryptonians and gets their asses handed to them. One star. Actual excitement for a change. One star. The ending while was pretty cool, and it wasn’t all Superman. One star. Overall a great time watching. Two stars. Total: Thirteen stars.
The black holes.
Superman origin and General Zod again?? One black hole for blowing out their originality fuse. I know it’s petty, but that alien element thing really bugs. I will roll it together with the xenoforming issue and give one black hole for crappy science. I’ll throw in the other plot holes as well. One black hole. I really didn’t like Amy Adams as Lois Lane. She just didn’t have the grit I expect from Lois Lane. Sorry Amy. You are hot. One black hole. The PG-13 rating was an anchor around the neck of the action. The really went out of their way to hide the horrible things that were going on. There was no way Superman and Zod had the fight they did in Metropolis without killing a half million people. One black hole. Pacing dragged in the first half, and I was feeling every one of the 143 minutes on my bladder. One black hole. Total: five black holes.
A grand total of eight stars, and my rousing endorsement of this film. If you can avoid all the petty issues that grind on me like a sandpaper jock strap you will enjoy the hell out of it. Date movie? Only if you have a cool girl who wants to see this. She will probably enjoy it, but this film will neither help nor hinder you getting her clothes off. Bathroom break? Any of the scenes involving Martha Kent in the last half of the film are pretty expendable. I liked her but she did not contribute much to the character development after the mid point.
Thanks for reading. Movies like this make me glad I got into doing reviews. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Post comments on this film or my review here, and if you have an off topic question or suggestion feel free to email me at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
