Nerd Dating: the greatest date ever-movie night in-Part 3 more cleanup
Like the US Marine Corps likes to say, Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. You actually have a human female (to the best of your knowledge) coming over to watch a movie at your place. Don’t screw the whole deal up before she even arrives.
You have hidden away most of your nerd stuff and other things that could potentially embarrass you in your living room. However, there are plenty of things to screw you up in pretty much every other room in your place.
First, the kitchen. Make sure there is actual food in your refrigerator, not just beer and condiments. Salad makings, some meat and cheese, maybe even some kind of food that requires preparation. I won’t go as far as to suggest you actually cook something. I mean, we’re not trying to stop the world from spinning on it’s axis here. Just make it look like you subsist on something other than fast food and Cheetos.
Then the bathroom. Assume she will at some point glance into your medicine cabinet. Get rid of anything medical, especially if it is for an embarrassing affliction. Preparation H, rogaine, viagra, anything skin related, or for that matter anything that could be used for something weird (Vasoline) needs to go away. Your medicine cabinet should contain toothpaste, floss, deodorant, a comb, some hair gel, and maybe some Q-tips. Then, go out and by some good, super soft toilet paper and be absolutely sure you have a full roll on your holder AND a spare roll somewhere handy and visible. You have no idea how much toilet paper some women can go through in a given day, and running out of TP and having to ask you for more (or go without) will really piss her off. Hide the plunger, but make sure you have a toilet brush in a holder. Even if you are not in the habit of washing your hands after using the bathroom (and really, if you aren’t, why don’t you just go out every day and eat a bucket of sewage? Also don’t shake my hand) have some hand soap next to the sink in a dispenser. If you had to buy some for this date make sure the seal is open and dump about 1/3rd of it out.
Finally, the bedroom. This is where you hope to end up, if not tonight than some point in your lifetime. Don’t make the huge mistake of getting rid of all your contraband by dumping it into the bedroom and hoping she avoids it. Get rid of the weird stuff. Make sure you have clean, high thread count sheets, a duvet for all your cruddy blankets, a bed frame (no 
mattresses on the floor), a minimum of two pillows, and a nightstand with a lamp. Assorted other bedroomy stuff is cool, like a dresser or a mirror. Keep the decorations to a minimum. You don’t want her to think you like to go to sleep looking at your Empire Strikes Back poster every night (Empire image courtesy of the sci fi t shirts). If there is something in your bedroom that a 10 year old would think was cool, get rid of it.
Now, it’s time to clean. Yes, everything we have done up until now was just to get your place ready for a complete cleaning. Honestly, I hate this and when I have the money I like to pay a housekeeper to come do it for me. However, it has been a couple years since I have had that kind of scratch, so I am back to doing it all myself. If it has a flat surface, dust it. If it folds, fold it. Make your bed. Scrub out your bathtub, sinks, and toilet (actually pay particular attention to the bathroom, as most women are really sensitive to that sort of thing and will get really skeeved out by a dirty toilet). Scrub your linoleum. Vacuum your carpets. Open your windows and get some fresh air in. Throw down some air fresheners and spray Fabreeze likes it’s a fire extinguisher at a four alarm fire. Don’t miss window sills, the top of your TV, under the couch, or the inside of your refrigerator and microwave.
Odds are you will spend hours and still do a mediocre job of it, but this is the minimum you have to do. The vast majority of women can’t feel comfortable in a place they think of as dirty, and more than anything you need her to feel comfortable so she will want to get closer to you or at least come back some day.
OK, I’m seeing the new X-men movie tonight, so tomorrow will be a movie review. More on this subject Sunday, I think, although I am done with the cleaning stuff and will get into some other movie related specifics, like what kind of movie to recommend.
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