Nerd Dating: Making “the Move” part 3: Kissing basics
I’m not going to dig in too deep on this. There are any number of sites with advice on how to kiss. Instead, I will highlight things to look for that can make the kiss work well or fail miserably (trust me, when it comes to mistakes you can make to crash and burn, I am an expert).
1. Clean breath. I have stated this before many times, but it is important enough to restate again. If you think you might make out, don’t order the onion-garlic special for dinner. In fact, operate under the assumption that you might be kissing on any given night and order accordingly. Get your stank breath dinner plate on the way home after she rejects you for other reasons. Also, brush, floss, and toss in a breath mint at some point.
2. Match her tongue technique. Kissing a girl can be like trying to pet a strange cat. The slightest bad move and she will skitter under the bed, never to be seen again. Some women like a lot of tongue. Some women think it’s gross as hell. She will show you what she likes with her tongue. Go as deep as she does and not one micro-millimeter further. The difference between her thinking you a nice guy or a sex driven pervert is literally one lick too many.
3. Hold her face. Most (not all) women kind of like it if you put one hand on the side of her face while kissing. DO NOT use both hands. Try it and see if she seems to respond positively. Also, if you have hands big enough to encompass her entire head (I generally do) just use the the finger tips.
4. Go gentle. Slow and easy. Remember that strange cat. (Actually, this advice can be applied to all your interactions).
5. Close your eyes, and keep them closed. Some women will, at some point during the long kiss, open her eyes to make sure you don’t have your eyes open. Somehow the romance is robbed if you open your eyes, but not if she does. It’s called a double standard because it is twice as true.
6. Do your best to control your autonomic responses. Nothing will kill the mood like you having to belch (or something even less savory) during the kiss, but that should be obvious. However, given the audience I am talking to I can’t assume anything, so don’t belch during the kiss. The important one to avoid, however, is showing your excitement in a physical sense if you know what I mean. For some girls this would not be a real problem, but like I have said most women are constantly looking for an excuse to dump you and pitching a tent 30 seconds into your first kiss can give her the rip cord she is looking to pull. Think about baseball or something.
That’s it for today. Next post I will start talking about when and how to initiate the kiss.
Last posts’ “who would win” question actually seems pretty obvious in retrospect. I think Gandalf would kick seven kinds of crap out of Harry Potter in about 30 seconds. Sorry to all the Harry Potter fans out there, but any man who can beat a Balrog one on one will not have a lot of trouble with a pimple faced teenager on a broom.
Today’s question is kind of a “stoppable force meets movable object” one. Who would win; a squad of Stormtroopers verses a squad of Red Shirts? (Stormtrooper image courtesy of the Star Wars t-shirt category).
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The Engine December 13, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Stormtroopers by attrition. After repeatedly being missed by the Stormtoopers, the clueless Red Shirts would get bored and, without the ability to think or problem solve without Kirk to throw them at danger, beam up.