Nerd Movie Reviews

Nerd Dating: Making “the Move” part 4:When is the time right?

OK, you’ve read some kissing instructions (I hope) and are on your third or later date.  Now we come to the crux of the dance known as making out.  Like dancing, if your timing is good it looks like a beautiful performance but if your timing is off by even a little you could easily trod on your dates foot and never see her again.

Unfortunately, knowing when to go in is both situational and requires a certain amount of instinct and experience.  Even with experience you can totally screw up and blow it, so be prepared for rejection.  However, I can give you the benefit of my painfully gained experience.

My personal policy is to go in when the awkward silence seems to get boring.  This is a terrible policy and you should not use it, but I think my personal boredom tolerance level is about the right time, as I seem to be correct more than incorrect (this is not a great record, actually, as this could be as low as 51%, a straight F).  However, everyone has a different boredom level, so don’t try this.

I should probably throw something in here about misinterpreting the situation.  I hate using cliche phrases like “No means no” but the fact is there are times when you think you are on final approach when in reality she is actually waving you off.  If you go for the kiss and she pushes you off or asks you to leave it is time to go home and think about where you messed up.  Either you suck at interpreting women or she is nuts.  If its the former work on it and the latter you are better off having learned now.  However, do not make the mistake of thinking she is telling you one thing while thinking something else.  Bail out and chalk it up to experience.

Here are some signs to look for that tell you the time is right.  This list is neither comprehensive nor absolute, so don’t hold me to it.  They are just decent guidelines.

1.  You have your date alone somewhere private. This is actually more of a requirement than a guideline.  In other words, your first kiss had better be somewhere private.  Do not try to kiss her somewhere in public, as she will be very self conscious and vulnerable.  Also, I find I also feel very vulnerable if there are other people around while making out with a girl, and that tends to ramp up my caveman testosterone fight-of-flight instinct and make me even more a pain in the ass to deal with (at least I understand some of my own limitations).

2.  She is paying attention to you. If you are watching a movie on her TV and she is really into it, don’t try to go in for a kiss.  If the movie is playing and she is looking at you instead of the screen, odds are good the timing is not bad.  If you try to kiss her while she is paying looking at something else you will assuredly get the cheek, followed by getting kicked out as soon as the movie ends.

3.  She is comfortably snuggled up to you. She should be up close and personal.  That tells you she feels safe with you, and that your bathing and brushing regimen are paying off.  By the way, sit up strait.  She wants to feel like she is with a solid manly man, not a human bean bag.

4.  Awkward silence combined with looking into each others eyes. Unless she is truly a psychotic (and trust me, there are reasonable odds that she actually is.  At some point I should talk about some of the women I have dated) she is probably thinking about kissing and wondering when you are going in for it.  This is usually the green flag.  The thing to remember is that when it comes to dating women have mastered the art of maintaining total control while feigning complete helplessness.  If you are alone with her at her place with the lights turned down and your arm around her, it is entirely because she wanted to get to that point.  If she wanted to get rid of you trust me, you would be outside with the garbage.

5.  Unnecessary light contact. All of the former are good signs, but if she runs her fingers lightly up your forearm this is her sending you email, text, Batsignal,  semaphore, and smoke signals that she is ready to start making out (by the way, women, not only is it a great signal but personally I find it to be a remarkable turn on).  A lot of women will not do this, so don’t wait for it, but when one does it usually means she is bored and wants to make out for a while.

(Batman image courtesy of the Batman t-shirt category)

Anyway, that’s pretty much it.  More tomorrow.  My “who would win” question from yesterday has sparked quite a debate among my friends.  Stormtroopers are remarkably bad shots, but Red Shirts are remarkably bad at dodging shots.  I think at the end of a long, protracted, and ammo depleting battle the Stormtroopers would win, but it’s really a toss up.  If the battle were to take place on a planet where Kirk hooked up with an alien female I would have to bet on the Red Shirts, as the odds of surviving triple for Red Shirts landing on planets where Kirk gets his freak on, if you know what I mean.

Today’s question is one of scale:  Who would win, Darth Vader from Empire Strikes back versus Godzilla from any of the Toho movies.

Tags: Batman T Shirts, when to kiss