Nerd Movie Reviews

Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 6: translating online post speak into English

Yet more odeak translations.  I seem to have a never ending supply of these.

“Social drinker.” Unfortunately this is a suspiciously vague term.  It can easily mean someone who has a drink while out on a Friday night, or a glass of wine with a nice dinner.  The problem is no one is ever going to put “Alcoholic” in their profile and will usually default to this term, so it can also be a prelude to Leaving Las Vegas.  You will have to dig deeper.

“Love to party!” For a girl this is just what it says.  She gets bored easily and wants to hit a different club every night.  Expect all kinds of fun and exciting adventures of the “and then I wrapped my car around a tree” variety.  The good news is you will never have to have a serious discussion with her about your feelings.  The bad news is she will probably get bored of you pretty easily and run off with a guy with a better car.  For guys, this usually is a code word for alcoholic or drug addict.

“Love to dance!” Most women love to dance, so this is a bit of a catch phrase.  Honestly, don’t read too much into it, unless it is combined with “Love to Party” in which case there is a pretty good chance she is a stripper.  Most men hate dancing, so if a guy uses this it probably means he is kind of a phony and trying to impress women.  If he honestly likes dancing double check to make sure you aren’t actually in the “Men seeking Men” category.  If he is strait and claims this to be honest you are required to test it to the max by dragging him to every dance club within 20 miles to see if he has the stamina and can actually dance.

“Love sports.” If this is a woman, it is very likely she grew up with multiple older brothers and is kind of a tom boy.  This is great, but be aware that she is probably both willing and capable of kicking your ass.  This can also be the phony equivalent of a guy claiming to love dancing, so if you meet her and she seems kind of girly ask her if she knows how many points a touchdown is worth (6, for those of you who don’t actually follow sports).  If this is a man than this guy has burned out multiple women in his dating history by choosing sports over his relationship and is desperately hoping to meet a girl who will sit there quietly watching football with him and get him the occasional beer.

“Love to travel.” For both men and women this is the equivalent of a station identification.  It really means nothing.  Everyone loves to travel.  However, be aware that both men and women who travel by themselves or with one or two friends of the same gender are generally going to other countries to have casual sex with foreigners (or locals, depending on how you look at it).  I would find out what countries the person has traveled to with what people and compare it to this article on Dating Guys and Girls in Foreign Countries.  If a guy tells you he loves to visit Thailand or Brazil make him wear two condoms.  If a girl tells you France or Italy you do the same.

“Very sensual.” I’ve never seen a guy use this description, but this is usually code speak for women that means really horny.  This is great, but be aware that this is often a phrase used by prostitutes and people that want to spam you with sex site emails, so be aware.  Women can more or less assume all guys are really horny.

“Really into my work.” For women this can often be translated into “I work too many hours and am feeling frustrated by my personal life.  My biological clock is ticking away and in order to be a complete person I need to have a child as well as be wildly successful in my career.”  If you date her you can expect a lot of scheduling conflicts and hassles getting her alone, but when you do she will probably jump your bones.  If a guy uses this phrase he is probably married and looking for a mistress.  Expect a lot of booty calls.

“In graduate school working on my masters or PhD.” Find out what field.  If it’s business, law,  or something technical than cool.  If it is something in humanities than expect to have him or her never be gainfully employed.  Also, if this is a second or more post-graduate degree he or she is working on than odds are this person is a perpetual student and in addition to never getting a real job has probably never had a real job.

That’s it for today.  Tomorrow I will talk about specific jobs and careers on profiles and what they translate into.

Yesterday’s question, Sandmen versus Red Shirts, is a puzzler.  The fact is the Red Shirts are actually trained for combat, while the Sandmen are trained to hunt down single people running away with a red crystal flashing on the palm of their hand.  However, Red Shirts are the Three Stooges of combat, and tend to die with alarming regularity.  I will have to bet on the Sandmen.  (Red Shirt image courtesy of the Star Trek Red t shirt category).

Today I will shift from Star Trek and ask what would happen if a squad of Sandmen went against half a squad of Stormtroopers from Star Wars.  Who would win?

Tags: Star Trek red t shirts