Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 8: understanding poster’s careers
I’m actually having a blast writing these, and in my very humble opinion seem to be coming out with some brilliant stuff, so I will continue. Incidentally if you have a careers you haven’t seen me list or I seem to be in danger of missing email me and I will try to address it.
Software engineer. These people are almost exclusively men, at least online. The extremely rare female software engineer is so surrounded by geeky, desperate single men that they will never have to go online to meet anyone. For guys, they tend to fall into two camps; spiteful ego destroyed cubical code monkey-drones and gung ho super creative free spirits who loves their job and company. The first guy will suck you down like a giant squid in an even more giant flushing toilet bowl. He is a spineless despair magnet. The second guy is obviously the cool one and will be fun to hang out with with tons of weird, cool trivia for witty conversation and will be more or less a great boyfriend. The problem is at first appearance these two guys look shockingly alike. The cool guy is often overworked and presents himself remarkably like the despair guy trying to front a positive image. The trick is to ask them how they feel about there job and hope the despair guy is not good at lying.
Firefighter. Please. Do you really think a male firefighter has to go online to meet women? This guy is a complete and utter fake. Occasionally you might see a female firefighter, and if you are cool with women who are literally more manly than you are (in a fortitude sense, although occasionally in a physical sense too) than go for it. However, the few that I have met are so sick of all the excess testosterone flying around at work that they will most likely grind any semblance of machismo you may or may not possess into the ground.
Police officer. Cops actually do show up online once in a while. It’s not easy to meet women when most of the people you are interacting with are criminals of one type or another. On the other hand, there are women who will sleep with any cop, so they don’t have a ton of trouble. They do tend to be kind of controlling, and your friends will be on edge when they meet him or her. Female officers have a lot of the same issues that female firefighters have, and carry guns. On the other hand, if you date a cop and are into it they generally have handcuffs with them, which can be fun in the right circumstances.
Sales people. Another area I have entirely too much experience with. Sales people actually fall into two camps; hard sales and relationship sales. Hard sales people are essentially used car salesmen. They tend to be really good liars and think fast on their feet. They also feel no guilt in ripping people off. Relationship sales people work with the same customers year after year and tend to be more honest and concerned about their customers well being. In both cases sales people all tend to be freakishly charming, tell great stories, and have weird yet harmless hobbies. They also tend to have pretty loose schedules, so if you are looking for someone who can take a weekday afternoon off at any time this person is great. Men tend to appear like type B personalities but are actually type A. Women tend to be strait up type A and are generally attractive and excellent manipulators. In general this person can be really fun to date but you have to dig a little to get to their real personalities.
Fitness trainers. Good luck. These people almost always have great bodies and tend to want to date the same. If you somehow charm one of these to go out with you, then expect to receive crap from them on almost all levels of your diet, health, and exercise regimen. They are like born again Christians, so expect to receive crap for eating ranch dressing on your salad. They also tend to be kind of boring to talk to, unless you get into them telling you about all their psycho ex boy or girlfriends. However that that is like trading out boring purgatory for a new kind of hell. On the other hand, every time you get bored you can check out their ass and be reminded why you are there. Don’t expect a real relationship unless you are a fitness nut, but the eye candy is good. For men, these guys are not usually muscle heads but rather runner types. Women are inevitably aerobics freaks and spin class instructors who do yoga to relax.
Retail employee. These people are good to date if they are young, and hell to date if they are middle aged or older. When they are young they tend to be fun, hip, and excited by cool stuff. When they are old years of dealing with customers (who all suck) have beaten them into a bitter little troll who’s only respite is bitching about it to someone, usually you. This can be somewhat offset if the employee is actually a manager, but if the person is 38 and still working the floor at Footlocker than you can expect to hear a lot of stories that all seem to start with “The stupidest customer came in today and…”
That’s it for now. More tomorrow. Please send me the professions you want to hear about via comment.
As for yesterdays question, Donkey Kong versus Mecha-Godzilla, after posting it I was inclined to roll with Donkey Kong, as flaming barrels are a pretty good attack. But then my friend Dave texted me with some interesting research he did. Mecha-Godzilla is protected by a layer of armor made of NT-1 and coated with a layer of artificial diamonds. It absorbs the energy from energy weapons and transfers it to his Plasma Grenade, located on his waist. After all that info I am going to have to go with Mecha-Godzilla. (Donkey Kong image courtesy image of the video game t shirts)
For today, I dive back into the fantastic world of Steam Punk to propose the following question; who would win, Steampunk Abe Lincoln versus Steampunk Palin?
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