Haywire Movie Review
Maybe I’m just not cut out to review spy movies.
This is the second spy movie in a row that I spent a lot of asking what the hell was going on. However, in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy the complexity was the result of a poor adaptation of what is reportedly a great, complex spy novel aggravated by the fact that everyone in the movie looked the same. In Haywire it feels like they just added complexity to give an otherwise simple story a thin veneer of sophistication.
Here’s how I define good movie complexity verses bad movie complexity. Good movie complexity has you pulled in and intrigued by the cleverness of the action. Bad movie complexity is when you find yourself asking “Why didn’t they just…and win?” This movie generates it’s complexity by not explaining anything to the audience ever and adding layer after layer of bad guys who appear on screen long enough have you wondering who the hell the are and how they got involved in all this and then vanish into the void.
That’s not to say this movie is bad. I was really impressed by newcomer Gina Carano (Ring Girls, American Gladiators, Blood and Bone). She is an accomplished MMA fighter and it shows in the action sequences. It is amazing how good fight scenes are when you don’t resort to doing .5 to 1.5 second cut sequences in order to make up for the remarkable inadequacies of the actors martial skills and/or the lack of a qualified fight choreographer. Each of the fight scenes was brutal, cool, and believable without being over the top. Gina shows her skills and manages to use techniques that seem to make up for the fact that she is fighting against guys who weigh 100lbs more than her. I was also really impressed by her acting ability. Coming from the MMA world you wouldn’t think acting was a honed skill but she seems to have some.
The problems with this movie are twofold. The first being the unnecessary levels of pointless complexity for complexity’s sake. The second is the movie was flat for it’s entirety, at least for me. There never seemed to be any kind of buildup or climax. The pacing was as regular as a metronome. Fight-coffee-fight-drive-fight-phone call-fight-shoot guys-fight-meeting-fight-spy stuff-fight. There is no moment I can pinpoint as the climax, introduction, or conclusion. There are no acts in this movie. It’s like a 93 minute steady 3.4 Ricter scale earthquake. Enough to to feel (or, as we say in California, enough to stir your coffee) but not enough to excite you.
I am not going to get into the story too much as it is a spy/mystery one, but let me say none of it really caught me by surprise. The story is of a ex Marine (Mallory-the aforementioned Gina Carano. I anticipate seeing her in other roles soon) who works for a private mercenary spy company (?). She is sent off on a mission and ends up being betrayed in a plot so complex Tolkien would have trouble following it. She tells the story flashback style to a hapless goof (Michael Angarano-Sky High, Almost Famous, Red State) she sort of carjacks after beating the hell out of her former partner Aaron (Channing Tatum-Step Up, the Eagle, Dear John) in a crappy diner. Her former employer Kenneth (Ewan McGregor-Star Wars prequils, Trainspotting, Big Fish) is after her. Somehow two other guys played by Michael Douglas (Falling Down, the Game, Basic Instinct) and Antonio Banderas (Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Zorro) are involved, and she runs into a fellow mercenary/spy played by Michael Fassbender (X-Men First Class, Inglorious Basterds, 300) who gets sucked into the complexity.
Anyway, spy action hijinks ensues. Guys get their asses beaten by a girl (a kick ass girl). People get shot. Not a lot of explosions, which I thought was cool. The completely even keel movie motors its way to a completely even keel ending.
The stars. Excellent fight sequences, with a bonus star for not making me suspend my disbelief too much. Three stars. Gina Carano was good, and shows a lot of talent. One star. 
A really good cast of extremely talented actors with a lot of nerd cred, including the great Bill Paxton (“Game over, man! Game over!” Alien image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category) as Mallorys father. One star. Decent camera work. The people on this film know how to shoot fights. One star. Total: six stars.
The black holes. Overly complicated for no reason. Two black holes. In spite of being an action film, the tick-tock pacing never actually had me excited. Two black holes. As I wrote this review I had to struggle to remember the plot or any of my relevant points. Forgetability is never a good thing in a movie (although in truth there are several that I wish I could forget (cough cough Lucas cough cough)). One black hole. Total: five black holes.
A total of one star, and yet another bland middle of the road film. 2012 has not really started off great for films. The problem I am really having with this film is it’s another one that had all the elements to be one of the greatest spy movies of the last 10 years. Excellent action, excellent cast, massive potential. However, the truth is in the execution and this movie fell apart in the editing room, in my opinion. Too bad.
Sorry for the short, kind of boring review but these middle of the road films tend to leave me lacking in inspiration. If you want something really entertaining you have to give me a movie that is either really good or really bad to sink my teeth into. Bland films result in bland review, I guess. Thanks for reading. Still a ton of movies to see, and tonight is $5 night, so look for something tomorrow. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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