A funny story and warning about Hot Pockets
Yes, I know. I’m supposed to be writing movie reviews, and have a couple lined up to do. However, while it might seem to you gentle readers that I write most of these by rolling my face back and forth over the keyboard while high on horse tranquilizers, the fact is they each take a couple hours to write and this time of the year I don’t have ten minutes to burn. I’ll try to get one done later today but am super slammed right now.
As a quick alternative, I think it fair to say that to a man and woman I have the most amazing friends on the planet. They are smart, interesting, and above all funny. Case in point; I woke up this morning to a series of texts that had me laughing hysterically for about half an hour straight. I’m lucky to have survived the drive to work. For your edification here is the text series:
6:49 am my friend: “I accidentally sat on a hot pocket last night. It went off like a plasma grenade. Hurt for hours.”
7:35 am me: “Wow. Sorry but I just laughed my ass off. Sympathy for your pain. Plus the tragic loss of your hot pocket.”
My friend: “It hurt like hell. The cheese blew all over my legs and burned like napalm.”
“Right through my jean shorts too. Not to mention I was forced to eat my remaining pack of ramen so I’m f***ed for the zombie apocalypse.” (zombie apocalypse image courtesy of the Cheap T Shirt category)
Me: “Sorry but nothing you are saying is slowing me down on the laughing.”
Friend: “There’s a hot pocket with your name out there somewhere and you won’t be laughing when you’re having to explain the permanent bald spots on your legs from the burns.”
“I look like a disabled oil rig worker.”
Me: “Now there’s a sobering thought.”
Friend: “Someone get a cap on that second hot pocket or it’ll go up too!”
Me: “You should sue hot pockets. If nothing else the headlines would be awesome.”
So in addition to illustrating what kind of insensitive jerk I really am, I think this story can serve as a warning for the real danger of Hot Pocket sitting related accidents, or HPSRA. Spread the word!
Dave
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