Bullet to the Head Review
And one for Jenny and the wimp.
Bonus points for anyone who knows where I got this one (search frantically). Anyway, this is going to be a bad month for aging action stars as the films by Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Pacino have all tanked horribly. As a fan of all three of these guys I am worried that Hollywood will pretty much pass on them in favor of younger, more androgynous action stars. While it is true that the old should make way for the new the problem is the new crop of action stars (with the possible exception of Jason Statham, but really he is in a weird category all by himself) are to a man so blasé and formulaic it’s like they are being cloned from the blandest handsome man ever and are truly forgettable.
I’m not kidding about this. When you are asked to name an action star the names that leap into mind are Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Eastwood, Willis, Cruise, and Gibson. 10 years from now are you really going to think of Gosling, Cooper, Worthington, or Lebeouf? There’s nothing distinctive about these guys (well, if being a whiny bitch is distinctive than Lebeouf has found his niche). This is actually the downside of actors trying to avoid getting typecast. If your talent is in action then it is OK to be an action star.
Anyway, Bullet to the Head. An enjoyable B movie. My issue is I really wanted it to be more. It is directed by Walter Hill who’s filmography reads like parts of my all time favorite movie list. 
Aliens, the Warriors, Deadwood (the HBO show. See it if you haven’t), Red Heat, Last Man Standing, and Demon Knight. Of course he also did Alien 3, Alien vrs. Predator, and Prometheus (many people love that movie but I have certain reservations. Caution Alien image courtesy of the Cheap T Shirt category), so he does not have the Midas touch. However, with all that film history I was hoping to see a true diamond in the rough. Some effort was made to create a Crescent City crime noir film (complete with private eye-style voice over monolog) but in the end the story is both extremely simple and lacking in a lot of motivation.
I will say that Stallone is still looking rock hard in this, as he did in Expendables 2. He’s definitely aged, but it has turned into that really cool “carved from a hunk of driftwood” Eastwood look that is even more bad ass. In the contest to see who’s aging best I think he’s got it over Arnold.
The story. Sylvester Stallone plays James Bonomo, hit man with a modest sense of honor (no women or kids. Why is it a lot of actors are willing to play the sociopath only to a certain level? More on that when I review Stand Up Guys). He and his partner (Jon Seda-12 Monkeys, Primal Fear, Bad Boys II) take out some guy. While waiting at a crowded bar to get paid mercenary Keegan (Jason Momoa-Stargate: Atlantis, Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones) kills his partner and tries to kill Bonomo. Afterwards he feels more or less indifferent about his ex partner but decides to avenge him because the guy never caused him any problem(?).
Before I go on I’d like to say that the low level of motivation is endemic to this movie. At no time are we given a reason why the head bad guy wants to kill Bonono rather than just pay him, what his reason is for hiring mercenaries and contract killers for some kind of real estate scheme when lawyers and lobbyist probably would have done it, why Keegan is even willing to work for him, or why the cop that teams up with Bonono even gives half a damn about the death of some known scumbag in a city 966 miles and several states away from his jurisdiction (this was the one point that really ground on me. Don’t the DC police have murders to deal with that they can actually prosecute? I doubt they have the budget to buy a cop a bus ticket to go to New Orleans). This lack of motivation really tends to disconnect the audience from the story.
Anyway, Washington DC cop Taylor Kwan (Sung Kang-Fast Five, Live Free or Die Hard, Ninja Assassin (never saw this movie, but for the record Sang is Korean not Japanese)) comes to New Orleans to investigate the first guy killed (there’s some back story about the guy being an ex WDCPD cop, but really there are a lot of ex cops out there). In the morgue he sees Bonono’s partner and uses his intuition to connect the two. He and Bonono meet up and after Bonono rescues him and has his hot tattoo artist daughter ((Sarah Shahi-Life (good show IMO), Old School, Fairly Legal) patch a bullet wound they team up to find the main guy .
At that point the story kind of just grinds itself out. They use a mix of cop techniques (i.e. calling the police department and having them track down guys) and criminal techniques (beating the hell out of guys for information) to track down the main bad guys. Kwan makes the decision that letting Stallone run around killing guys is an acceptable compromise in order to capturing this mysterious bigger bad guy neither of them have ever seen or heard of (another story disconnect for me. Don’t police swear some kind of oath to uphold the law and protect people, even criminals (and especially criminals tied to a chair?)). The crawl up the chain and get to the guy below the main guy Marcus Baptiste (Christain Slater. Good to see him working again. I’ve always like him. True Romance, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Pump Up the Volume) and through him get to the big bad guy Morel (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje-G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra, Lost, the Bourne Identity).
Anyway, stuff blows up. The hot daughter is kidnapped. Keegan does a bunch of stuff that makes little to no sense. He and Bonono have an axe duel. The end.
The stars. Stallone movie. One star. While the acting wasn’t much to write home about, this role suited Stallone’s personal style extremely well. His character was pretty cool. One star. The action was fun even if it smacked of over the top at times. One star. Normally I would black hole a movie for having the main character do a voice over monolog, but in this one it kind of worked (especially if you think of it as a noir homage). One black hole. I actually liked Kang as a supporting star, and it’s refreshing to see more Asians get roles normally reserved for Caucasian or African Americans. One star. I fell in love with Sarah Shahi when I watched Life and she is even hotter in this one. One star. In spite of the story limitations and all the other issues associated with a B movie this one was fun to watch. One star. Total: seven stars.
The black holes. The lack of character motivation was a continuous annoyance. It was like having a five year old kid kicking the back of the seat the whole time. Even now I can’t figure out what the hell everyone was trying to do. One black hole. The lack of motivation contributed to the story being extremely simple and non-challenging. One black hole. The whole thing with a cop letting a murderer (who has committed murders right in front of the cop) run around to kill more people was also very distracting. One black hole. The R rating felt really unnecessary. There was nudity but it was almost all side boob, and the action wasn’t particularity bloody or even that violent. If it weren’t for a gross autopsy scene I’d say this film could have easily toned down the language and gotten a PG-13 rating, and rated R for language is like eating ice cubes when you are really hungry. One black hole. Total: three stars.
Not great, but not unworthy of being watched. I’d say entertaining but not a whole lot more. See it in a theater if you feel a hankering for popcorn or on NetFlix if you want to drink beer (this film will rock with a couple of beers in you). Date movie? Probably not. Definitely a guys film. Bathroom break? There is a scene towards the end where Kang uses the daughters computer to look at a flash drive. It’s already been established that the evidence on the flash drive will destroy Morel so it’s beating a dead horse, and since they end up doing nothing with it anyway it’s a worthless scene. Short scene so go quickly.
Thanks for reading. I will be reviewing Stand Up Guys later today or tomorrow morning and want to see Side Effects or Identity Thief so check back soon. I’m leaving Wednesday for the Grand Slam, a decent Star Trek show in Burbank. If you are going stop by and say hi. Just ask for Dave the t-shirt guy. If things are slow I will be very happy to discuss movies with you (plus the girl working my booth is drop dead gorgeous. No joke). Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this movie or my review feel free to post them at the bottom of this post (or click here if you don’t see a comment section). Off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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