Stand Up Guys Review
Sit down, guys.
There’s a weird ego driven trend in Hollywood action movies these days. The fact is for stars who have achieved a certain level of success and notoriety there seems to be a hesitancy to give them roles that don’t have them be awesome in some way in spite of the fact that they are well past their action hero prime. It would seem to me after a while when it is obvious you don’t have the ability to go toe to toe with younger guys anymore you take the Clint Eastwood approach of one last signature movie (Unforgiven) and hang up your guns in favor of roles that stress your moral and character superiority (Gran Torino) or just show yourself in less appealing roles that display your acting ability. That does seem to be the path taken by some actors (Bill Murray was great in Lost in Translation and as himself in Zombieland for example) but for other stars it seems they can’t let go of the old magic (cough cough Expendables 2 cough cough).
I don’t even know if this is a reflection of the actors themselves per se. Christopher Walken was willing to play a doddering ex bad ass in Seven Psychopaths and Al Pacino took a role as himself that made him look like the biggest jackass in cinema history in Jack and Jill (did he even read the script before agreeing to do it?). I think in most cases this issue stems from the writer and the director. It’s like telling a kid to build a simple house out of Legos and them giving him a monstrously huge Lego collection (in other words, the contents of my office closet) complete with Medieval, space, Star Wars, pirate, and Harry Potter pieces. Sure, he could create a really good house with that, but the temptation to use this sudden wealth of resources is overpowering and by the time he is done the house has turned into a massive futuristic city with flying cars, space ships, monsters, gladiatorial arenas, defense turrets, and a standing army for defense against the mail man (in other words, a typical Saturday afternoon at my place).
How does this complex analogy apply to Stand Up Guys? (Spoilers incoming, so skip to the end of you will be annoyed by that) Well, the movie started out as an aging buddy picture with a really dark twist. Granted it was slow but it looked like it could actually move you to an emotional response (still waiting to see what that is like myself). However, given Al Pacino and Christopher Walken the director and writer opted to turn the whole thing into a dumb action movie for no apparent reason. Two old gangsters dealing with their mortality and friendship suddenly turn into action heroes, effectively robbing the majority of the gravitas built up until then and take what looked like a real film about real guys and made it into something George Lucas would be proud of (if it weren’t for the lack of annoying racist cartoon characters).
If a movie could be compared to building a castle (sorry now I’ve got my Medieval Legos on my brain) than Stand Up Guys would be made mostly of sand, ground up tire bits, and wood shavings glued together with spit and corn starch. The castle would be a dilapidated mess, but the only thing holding it up would be the most amazing buttresses ever in the form of Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin (Walken image courtesy of the Movie t shirt category). They really hold it together with their amazing characters and acting. In fact their talent is so out of place in this dross that you really wonder what they are all doing there.
The story is of Val (Al Pacino-the Godfather, Scarface, Heat) getting out of prison after 28 years. He is picked up by his best friend Doc (Christopher Walken-the Deerhunter, Things to do in Denver when you’re Dead, Suicide Kings) who takes him to his crappy apartment. They are both old gangsters. It is revealed quickly that Doc has been ordered by a gangster kingpin (Mark Margolis-Black Swan, Pi, the Wrestler) to kill Val for the death of his son and has given until 10 the next morning to do it. Val and Doc go out on the town to live it up one last time.
The two guys visit a brothel (a joke that gets beaten into the ground for way too long) and do some crime stuff such as steal Viagra and a sports car. They rescue their old friend Hirsh (Alan Arkin-Little Miss Sunshine, Argo, Edward Scissorhands) from an old age home who is still the most amazing drive ever or something.
At that point the movie stops being Godfather II meets Grumpy Old Men and starts being About Schmidt meets the Fast and the Furious with a smattering of Above the Law. Hirsh outraces a bunch of cops. They find a naked girl tied up in the trunk of their stolen car and go after the guys who kidnapped and raped her. They go back to the brothel for the 3rd time that night. With each disjointed action scene the connection you felt to the characters drains away. The ending the movie had been building up to all the way through gets dropped at the last minute for what was behind curtain number 2 (a huge pile of ass).
The stars. One each for Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, and Alan Arkin. Three stars. The rest of the supporting actors were much better than this script deserved. One star. Total: four stars.
The black holes. Trying to make an action film out of a drama, and shifting the movie gears to an entirely different transmission in the last two minutes. One black hole. The running gag with the brothel scene took up about 1/3rd of the movie and really got old after a while. One black hole. The Madame of the brothel (Lucy Punch-Bad Teacher, Hot Fuzz, Dinner for Schmucks) is very easy on the eyes but she felt really miscast and consequently had the only part that felt fake to me (not really Lucy’s fault IMO). One black hole. The movie producers should go into time travel research because throughout the film they made each minute feel like three. One black hole. The ending of film managed to take an otherwise fairly tight script and riddle it with plot holes. One black hole. Total: five black holes.
A total of one black hole. Worth seeing? Sure, if you want to concentrate on the performances of the three actors and aren’t concerned with the tone or story. A lot of my issues can be pretty esoteric so most of my specific points might be missed by someone not looking for nits to pick. However, there were long swaths of film that I would have found truly boring were it not for the actors. Odds are the viewer who doesn’t see the subtleties will find those to be a grind. See it in the comfort of your own home. Nothing on the screen requires a theater. Date movie? Meh. Most women aren’t into these guys as dudes are, and that will only leave her bored. Bathroom break? Any of the scenes in the brothel could be missed with impunity. The best parts of this film is the acting chemistry between Walken and Pacino so try to see all of those.
Thanks for reading. I am getting ready for the Star Trek show in Burbank this weekend and don’t know if I will have time to do much for a few days. If you have comments on this film or my review please post them at the bottom of this article (if you don’t see a comment section click here). Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu or email me with off topic suggestions and questions at [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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