Spring Breakers Movie Review
Words literally fail me.
After a nights rest I am not going to say what I originally was going to: that unless any new movies cause their audience to commit mass seppuku before the third act than we have a winner for the worst film of 2013. In the traditional sense of what makes a movie a movie (plot, story, character development, a point) this film manages to have nothing. It is essentially an extended Girls Gone Wild video mated with one of those first person shooter video games where you can unlock the option to skin all the characters as hot girls in bikinis.
Where all other viewers (and to a certain extent myself) are giving this film a bye is the fact that it is directed by Harmony Korine, the guy to did Kids at age 19. His credibility is causing everyone to desperately seek any artistic merit whatsoever like an homeless alcoholic going through the trash behind a bar, sucking at every empty bottle in hopes of finding a little bit of booze. As a former art student I can tell you that you can find artistic meaning and purpose in anything if you want to badly enough. Thus most reviewers are finding something worthwhile in this film; however I would submit that if it were not for Harmony Korine they would be trashing this film like a half a turkey left outside for a week.
So like all other pretentious reviewers I have found some artistic value to this film. It does do some pretty amazing camera work, especially in the area of showing hot young women writhing topless in a bikini while booze is poured all over them and the sun glistens from their perfect skin like hot sexy little diamonds and…I’m sorry was I typing something? The one thing that managed to break in this movie was my respect for women. I can’t figure out if Korine is doing something tongue-in-cheek with regards to the exploitation of women’s bodies in film or just likes to shoot hot chicks in bikinis. In either case huge swaths of this film play out like a porn shoot with a budget and a slow motion effect.
The other part most other reviewers are lauding is the performance of James Franco. I will say he nailed his Cajun gangster character but once you go over his accent, grill, and tattoos you are left with a flat two dimensional character who reeks of artifice. Ever see one of those homemade YouTube videos where some wannabe gangster talks about what a hustler and pimp he is and how many guns and ho’s he has? Well, imagine that for 45 minutes and make him white and you have Franco’s character.
Flat characters are endemic in this film. The four girls could be called the brunette Christian girl and Blond Bimbo’s 1, 2, and 3. The Christian girl has a modest amount of depth, but the other three are as flat, uninteresting, and interchangeable as three machine washers. The funny thing is the girl with the most character is shuffled off the movie early and as soon as one of the other three actually develops a little interest she hops on the bus. The remaining two I defy anyone to tell me how I was supposed to distinguish from each other.
The weird thing about this movie is I can’t really tell who it was about. At first it seems like it was about the Faith, the Christian girl (oh, I see what they did there. Clever) as she was the only one who seemed to have anything going on or any kind of angst about the situation, but she buses home about halfway through the film. The other three girls are pretty much gangster bimbo robots. You might think it’s about Alien but he is portrayed more as an antagonist and really only serves to propel the girls from place to place. It’s surreal.
I will give Korine props for probably coming in way under budget on this film as he seems to have only shot about half of the needed scenes and filled up the rest with flash-somethings all taken from other scenes already shown or about to be shown. Flash backs, flash forwards, and flash sideways cut scenes are used to fill up every monolog and even action or plot scenes. The net effect is to make the film really repetitive, especially when the same monologs and scene sequences are used over and over again. This is where the artistic appreciation comes in and I believe I have seen similar videos back in art school.
The story, for what it is. Spoilers incoming but if you are going to this film for the story you should probably just go stick your head in a sewage pipe. Four hot girls Faith, Candy, Brit, and Cotty (Selena Gomez-Hotel Transylvania, Monte Carlo, Another Cinderella Story, Vanessa Hudgens-Sucker Punch, High School Musical, Thirteen, Ashley Benson-Bring it On; in it to Win it, Pretty Little Liars, 13 Going on 30, Rachel Korine-Mister Lonely, the 4th Dimension, Lotus Community Workshop) go to the most boring college since my own Dullsville alma mater UC Irvine. Faith is the good Christian girl while the other three are exactly the slutty bimbos every college boy dreams his classmates are. They dream of going to St. Petersburg Florida for spring break but are short on cash. The three bimbos opt to rob a chicken joint with squirt guns and a hammer and off the four go (Image courtesy of the Movie T Shirt category). At that point watch any Carson Daly Spring Break special and you have the next 30 minutes of film. Eventually the girls get arrested for partying too hard and get bailed out by local rap star and drug dealer Alien (James Franco-Oz the Great and Powerful, Spider Man, Rise of the Planet of the Apes) who wants them for sex or something (character motivation is apparently an alien concept to Mr. Korine). They hang out with him for a while as he shows off how much drugs, money, and guns he has until Faith gets (correctly) creeped out and heads home. The other three join Alien in a crime spree which seems to mostly involve dancing in bikinis with guns and robbing tourists. Implied sex occurs, which is weird since the rest of the movie seems to have no problems showing off naked women. Meanwhile Aliens old best friend Archie (Gucci Mane-Beef 4. That’s about it. I guess he’s some kind of rap star or something?) is now his enemy and decides to kill him. They do a drive by and one of the girls gets shot in the arm. She actually gets a little interesting at that point but before she clutters up the screen with any pesky character development gets on another bus to head home. The two remaining girls and Alien go after Archie and Alien gets shot before the two girls get involved in a gun fight with a dozen gangsters that is so ridiculous you can’t help but laugh out loud. The end.
If that story seems a little short that’s because most of the film is filled up with flash backs and repetition.
The stars. I’ll give one for James Franco. He did a decent job. One star. The four girls were very easy on the eyes. One star. Lots of nudity (although you will see a significant disparity between the hotness of the girls who take their tops off and the girls who do not). One star. The former artist in me has to give one for at least attempting to do something artistic (if that is what Korine was actually trying to do and not, as I suspect, just messing around and laughing at the audience). One star. Four stars.
The black holes. No real story. One black hole. No characters to really identify with, and as soon as you start to that character wanders off the screen. Two black holes. A complete failure in establishing tone. I think this movie was supposed to be a serious film with some kind of meaning but the audience literally spent most of the movie laughing their asses off. One black hole. With the exception of Franco most of the acting was flat and mediocre, with none of the girls doing anything to establish any kind of separate identity. It was like watching a hot blond creature with three heads. One black hole. Repetitive as hell. One black hole. The action sequence at the end (that by that point I was dying for) broke all ability to suspend disbelief and firmly cemented this film in the ridiculous zone. One black hole. None of the characters seem to have any kind of motivation to do anything other than PARTEEEEEE! One black hole. Total: eight black holes.
So four black holes. Is it worth seeing? If I am wrong and there is significant artistic merit or if you just want to watch topless women dance in the sun in slow motion then yes. However, I will liken my movie going experience to this: have you ever ridden shotgun with someone who drives significantly faster or slower or just does things different from the way you do and you spend the whole trip wishing you had a steering wheel, gas, and brake on your side? That’s pretty much how I felt while sitting in the theater, although had I had a steering wheel I might have just driven this thing off the nearest cliff. Date movie? Hell no. Bathroom break? The repetitive nature of the film means you can pretty much cut out anywhere you like, but if you are looking for a particularly worthless scene (that’s like looking for a particularly boring part of West Texas) the scene where Alien sits at his piano and starts singing a Brittney Spears song (no joke) goes on forever and has no bearing on anything.
Thanks for reading. I’m headed to WonderCon in Anaheim this weekend so I might not have a lot of writing time, which sucks as there is a lot of stuff to see this weekend. I’ll try to have something to write for Monday. Follow me on Twitter @NerdKungFu. Comments on this film or my review can be left at the bottom of this page and off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected].
By the way, I’m not myself a huge fan of the theater but I heard about a live play that is some kind of Sci Fi crime drama involving virtual reality. Since my ultimate goal is to end up a brain in a jar hooked to a computer this is of great interest to me. If any of you are are in the Culver City area check out the Nether and let me know what you think. Looks cool. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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