Free Birds Movie Review
A turkey indeed.
There seems to be a divide between makers of kids movies. On the one side are those who appear to love children and want to make quality entertainment for them while understanding that a lot of parents are going to have to suffer through them as well and thoughtfully throw in some concepts and jokes for the adults. These wonderful people seem to end up working for Pixar or Disney and help produce films such as the Incredibles, Toy Story, Wreck It Ralph, Finding Nemo, and Ratatouille.
On the other side of the divide is a group of people who see kids (and their parents) as untended cash cows and the idea of a cash teat not hooked up to the entertainment machine as a sin. They provide films that are not necessarily bad, but are just there like a brick in a wall. It is not really notable and odds are the wall would survive without it, but no one is going to have a real objection to it’s existence. These films include Planes, Turbo, the Lorax, and Escape from Planet Earth. (damn, I review a lot of mediocre animated films).
So Free Birds. More in the second camp than the first. Not really horrible bad, but pretty much the definition of formulaic. 
I really wanted to love this film, if only because I am a huge George Takei fan (the man who taught me how to pronounce tsunami correctly. Image courtesy of the Star Trek T Shirt category BTW). I am also a Woody Harrelson and Amy Poehler fan and like to see them succeed. However, while this film was not bad in the I-wish-I-were-drunk-off-my-ass sense, it just doesn’t truly entertain.
There is one massive trap in this film that I will warn you about. Like choosing a large pile of snow to urinate on only to find out that it was really a sleeping polar bear, taking your kids to see a film about cute animated turkeys fighting to get turkeys off the menu a few weeks before Thanksgiving will literally bite you on the ass when it comes time to carve your holiday bird. I have always found animated food creatures either fighting against or campaigning for being eaten off putting (Sorry, Charlie), and unless you really want to delve into the depths of the poultry industry and the difference between movie turkeys and food turkeys with your kids you should probably steer clear.
The story. Reggie (Owen Wilson-Cars, Midnight in Paris, Wedding Crashers) is a turkey who figures out he and his friends are due for the chopping block. He is grievously ostracized by the other turkeys due to being smarter than the rest of them (no flashbacks here) and spends his time trying to convince them of their fate. The President arrives at his farm and he manages to get the yearly turkey parole.
He is transported to Camp David to be the Presidents daughters pet and lives life of luxury. Eventually he is shanghaied by Jake (Woody Harrelson-Natural Born Killers, No Country for Old Men, Zombieland), a turkey revolutionary. They sneak into a military compound and steal a time machine named S.T.E.V.E. (George Takei-Star Trek, Heroes, the Green Berets). They plan to go back in time and convince the pilgrims to not eat turkeys on the first day.
They get back there and meet up with a herd (flock? What do you call a group of wild turkeys? All I know for sure is the reason crows are the coolest birds ever is a group of them is called a murder) of turkeys who have been distracting the human hunters away from their underground Rats of NIMH-like compound. Reggie meets Jenny (Amy Poehler-Blades of Glory, Parks and Rec, Mean Girls) and her brother Ranger (Jimmy Hayward, who also directed this film). The humans are more or less starving but Governor Bradford (Dan Fogler-Fanboys, Balls of Fury, Kung Fu Panda) is saving all their food as a bribe for the Native Americans at the Thanksgiving meal. He puts finding food on the head huntsman and all around bad guy Miles Standish (Colm Meaney-Con Air, DS9, Law Abiding Citizen) who for some reason thinks turkeys are the only food in the universe and seems to hate them with the same passion that I hate the new Star Trek movies.
Honestly it just rolls out with bland regularity. The humans hunt turkeys. Reggie tries to chicken (haw!) out but falls in love with Jenny. Things seem to grow grim for the turkeys but for the intervention of Steve and a huge delivery of pizza. The end.
Sorry but honestly I was getting bored recounting the story. I don’t do stars or black holes for kids movies. It seemed like the few kids in the audience were entertained, so by that standard we can call this film a technical success. As an adult I was pretty bored, which means as an actual rounded kids film (Monsters U for example) it’s kind of a meh. However, unless you are an advocate for animal rights and already feed your kids nothing but tofu and bean sprouts this film will definitely make things awkward come the holidays. I don’t really see this film as a recurring holiday film (it’s no Kiss Saves Christmas) but if you are looking to kill a few minutes and already have your tofurkey planned out go for it.
Thanks for reading. Not my most in depth review but middle of the road films like this one tend to be pretty boring to write about. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. If you have comments on this film or my review please leave them here, and if you have off topic questions or suggestions feel free to email me at [email protected]. Thanks and have a great night.
Dave
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.