Homefront Movie Review
With bonus Jason Stratham game!
Another movie that disappointing me by not being as horrible as I expected, based on other reviews and past experience. I guess even I can be surprised. The disappointment, however, comes from the fact that I was all prepared to dump my pent up bile and frustration at my own dating life on the movie of a guy who probably does pretty well with the ladies, Jason Stratham. Now I have to give it an honest review.
Of course, the parts I liked had little to do with Mr. Stratham. And don’t mistake my opening for a rousing endoursement of this film. It is at best an above average action movie. It’s just that in my opinion it does not deserve the 32% rating my “fellow” critics (most of them would be highly insulted that I put myself in their exalted box, but I am free to delude myself as much as I like) gave it on Rotten Tomatoes (on the other hand the 70% audience rating seems a bit generous). Normally these modestly above the mean films make for pretty boring reviews, so to spice thing up I think I will start off with a game I invented called “Write the next Jason Stratham movie”. I’m sure at some point in your childhood you have done Mad Libs, so you should be able to play pretty easily. Just fill in the blanks and I’m sure Fox or New Line will green light it.
“Jason Stratham plays an ex (cop, military, or criminal of some kind) who wants to get out of the life and settle down with his (female relative or significant other of some kind) someplace quiet. He has a few tender moments with her but then randomly runs into (local criminal, mafia, or rogue agent/military). The antagonist acts aggressively but Jason (shoots or beats up) him and (a number between 3 and 10) of his henchmen.
The antagonist goes back to his (crime boss, superior officer, older more powerful relative) and the boss decides Jason is a threat. Meanwhile, Jason investigates the group by (asking around town, calling old associates, or finding a nerdy computer hacker) and then confronts the lesser antagonist and (tries to make amends or threatens him). His romance is kindled further with (significant other or local hot chick with heart of gold).
Jason gets captured by the antagonists and is (water boarded, tortured, or threatened) but manages to escape when the bad guys (leave him alone with some loose tools to escape with, don’t tie his legs, or untie him in order to show they can beat him in combat) rather than just shoot him. He (shoots or beats up) (a number between 3 and 6) of the henchmen and gets away. As he escapes his female relative is kidnapped by the bad guys while his black friend who helped him earlier is killed.
He finds out where they are keeping her by (capturing the wimpiest of the bad guys and forcing it out of him, arousing the sexual desire of the antagonists girlfriend with his bald bad ass good looks, or by having his computer hacker friend or former associates track them somehow). He collects a (trunk full of guns, homemade explosives, or a crossbow) and assaults the bad guy stronghold like a one man wrecking machine, killing (a number between 14 and 50) henchmen. He runs into the lesser antagonist in a (warehouse floor, warehouse roof, or warehouse basement) just as he runs out of (bullets, crossbow bolts, or throwing knives) and they have to fight with (bare fists, a pipe, or a fire axe). Jason wins by (breaking the guys neck, pushing him off a tall building, or impaling him on a pipe and then breaking his neck).
Finally he finds his female significant other being held at gun point by the head bad guy with a waiting (helicopter or boat). All seems lost but then the female (stabs the guy with a hidden knife, stomps on his foot with the stiletto heel he made her put on, or bites the hand that he has wrapped around her neck). He loses control of her, allowing Jason to (shoot, stab, throw off a building) him, thus saving her and putting a stop to whatever nefarious (drug deal, world threatening espionage, or arms deal) the guy had cooking. The end.”
See, you all thought writing these things was hard.
I think what I just illustrated is how simple most of these stories are, and this one hit every mark. At that point the only thing distinguishing one formulaic action film from the next is the quality of the characters, and that his honestly where Jason fails to deliver. He pretty much acts like a pissed off terminator through the majority of the films, and I’ll tell you in advance any of the scenes involving him alone with his daughter is the perfect time to run out and use the bathroom, flirt with the concession girl, or just step outside and appreciate the wonder of being alive on this planet. The rest of the cast more or less makes up for his robotic delivery.
One more thing before I get into it. I guess the director of this film made the mistake of seeing Spring Breakers and realized as I did that the only redeeming thing in that film (aside from hot girls in bikinis, I mean) was James Franco playing an Everglade hillbilly and opted to write that into this film in the role of Gator Bodine, only without the flare. Also, is it even remotely possible they could have found a more stereotypical name for this guy? This is almost as bad as creating a bad guy out of thin air between two sequels and just calling him General Grievous in case you missed the point (that he is bad).
The story. Honestly I just gave it to you up above. Jason Stratham (Parker, the Transporter, Killer Elite) plays Phil Broker, an ex DEA agent who is wanted by a biker gang and moves to a small town in Louisiana with his ten year old daughter (Izabela Vidovic-Zombieland, Home for the Holidays, Grave Secrets). She gets into a fight with a school bully (Austin Craig-no other credits) and kicks his ass. His mother (Kate Bosworth-Superman Returns, Straw Dogs, the Warriors Way) is a meth head with a temper and wants revenge. Jason ends up kicking the ass of her wimpy husband (Marcus Hester-Looper, Lawless, the Conspirator), embarrassing her in front of the town.
She goes to her brother Gator Bodine (James Franco-Spring Breakers, The End, Oz the Great and Powerful), local drug manufacturer and sort of bad ass. He looks into Phil and discovers that he was DEA. 
He opts to sell him out to the biker gang with the help of his girlfriend (Winona Ryder, looking super hot in a dirty way. I’ve always had a thing for her. Edward Scissorhands, Girl, Interrupted, Black Swan. The scissor hands diagram comes from the Movie tshirt category). At that point just follow the Mad Lib. Jason gets captured and beat on, escapes, the bikers come to kill him, his daughter gets kidnapped, yada yada yada. Don’t come to this film looking for surprises.
The stars.
While the story was flat and predictable, if you treat it like the serving platter to deliver a decent meal of mundane food on it was nigh perfect. One star. Action was decent, and at no point did my disbelief feel a lack of oxygen. One star. James Franco was pretty good, as were most of the rest of the local color. Kate Bosworth kind of tore it up as a psychotic meth addict. One black hole. I’m definitely going to give them a star for using Clancy Brown as the sheriff. Oh, who is Clancy Brown you ask? Only the Kurgan from Highlander. You suck if you did not know that. One star. Another star for Winona Rider. I’m always glad to see women who turned me on as a high school student still looking super hot. Also she was pretty good here. One star. In general this film did not suck in the many ways that I expected it to. It was actually fun to watch. Two star. Total: seven stars.
The black holes:
The story was indeed flat and predictable. If your doctor has prescribed no surprises in your life this is the film for you. One black hole. Jason Stratham really is stuck with exactly one character in all his movies (well, all his movies not directed by Guy Ritchie). He still has the five o’clock shadow clause in all his contracts too I noticed. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
So a grand total of five stars. Not bad, really. You could do worse by a lot. Credit to Sylvester Stallone. While formulaic he definitely knows what works in an action film. If you are looking for fun without a lot of brain exercise perfect for you. Date movie? Meh. If she’s into action films sure but otherwise the romance and the little girl are not enough to keep her engaged I think. Bathroom break? I already told you, any of the one on one scenes with Jason and the little girl.
Thanks again for reading. I’m seeing Oldboy later tonight and will write that up tomorrow I guess. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Feel free to leave any comments on the film or this review here, and if you have an off topic question or suggestion email it to [email protected]. Talk to you soon.
Dave
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