Guardians of the Galaxy Review
Guardians of the Awesome.
First off let me apologize for not writing anything in the last month. The lead up to San Diego Comic Con followed immediately by the Las Vegas Star Trek convention really took it out of me and I have been scrambling to get caught up since getting back. While on the road I was a couple films and tried to write them up but tended to fall asleep at my keyboard. Thus I have the first paragraph of my Planet of the Apes and Earth to Echo reviews sitting in my drafts folder (amazing and cute but meh respectively). The worst part about being so absent is the last review I did was for Tammy and anyone coming to my blog for the first time has to deal with that broken sump pump.
So rather than go back and finish the two I have on deck I thought I would jump in with something epic, Guardians of the Galaxy. I will be honest. I had my doubts going in. I am a big Chris Pratt fan but never really saw him as an action guy (OK, sure Zero Dark Thirty and he was an awesome action guy in the Lego Movie, but still all I see is his goofy character in Parks and Rec) and the use of bad 70’s music seemed to imply that the studio was accidentally remaking Ice Pirates without realizing it. However, had I had the mental werewithal to do some actual research beforehand (hahahahaha yeah like that’s going to happen even when I’m well rested) I would have realized it was directed by Peter Gunn. Sure he did do Movie 43 and the Scooby Doo live action film (also Lollypop Chainsaw, the video game confluence of hot chicks in skimpy Catholic school uniforms and zombies. Actually when I write that sentence out it the game sounds a lot less lame than it did in my head) but one movie he did that really stands out and has relevance in this genre is Super. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. It is not the movie you expect and you will not feel a lot better after seeing it but it is awesome nevertheless.
(actually Peter Gunn also wrote the screenplay for Tromeo and Juliet, putting him on another level of amazing IMO)
The point is I think Peter is good enough to execute a great comic book movie and here he proves it. It seems like the directors I like the best in mainstream film all started off doing lo budget garbage. The guys who cut their teeth working for the big studios all seem to suck (cough cough Bay cough cough).
So this movie is in all ways pretty amazing. What I loved most about it wasn’t the great action or special effects but rather the characters. 
Joss Whedon has had a very positive influence on Marvel studios and honestly this cast of characters and the ship has a very strong Firefly vibe to it (also Nathan Fillian made a cameo in it. See if you can spot him. Mal image courtesy of the Firefly T Shirt category). When asked which of the character I love the best I’m like a five year old. “Star Lord? He’s my favorite. Drax? Oh yeah, HE’S my favorite. Groot? Well, really he’s my favorite. Although maybe it’s Rocket.” Each one had a depth and interest that is lacking in a lot of so called character movies. They all work well together and you get a great feel of cohesion from the cast.
It’s interesting to me that Marvel (or Disney, if you want to get technical) has managed to figure out that when they go deep, deep into the source material and actually produce films based on the comic books they get much better movies than those that are merely “inspired” by their sources. Source material generally has great stories and characters that have been beloved and developed for years, not invented by a couple of coked up college dropouts with a word processor over a weekend. I guess this is a benefit of working for the biggest, most authoritarian entertainment production company in the universe. If there is one thing Disney understands it’s how to protect a franchise. Would that other franchises that may or may not rhyme with Tar Strek, Miderspan, or Franstormers learned that lesson. I doubt there is room for crappy creative ego or character re-imagining when you are under the thumb of the Mouse, and I’m sure any producer or director who said something like “You know what we should do? Instead of having Groot be a walking plant let’s make him a walking pipe cleaner man! The kids will love it!” got a size 16 white rodent boot broken off in his or her ass faster than HR could print out a pink slip. It’s odd that after all my years of railing against Disney I now find myself loving them.
So the story is great, but if you are not familiar with the Infinity Gauntlet and the events leading up to it you might miss a lot. Fortunately the core story holds up very well and the amazing characters will keep you fully engaged. It starts off with young Peter Quill on Earth being brought into the hospital bed to watch his mother die of cancer (I assume). She gives him a gift and tells him one day his father will find him. Peter runs outside and immediately abducted by aliens.
Skip forward 26 years and Peter Quill (Chris Pratt-the Lego Movie, Delivery Man, Parks and Rec) is now Star Lord, an outlaw with a slew of cool equipment including a fold out helmet I would give a lot to have. He is on a desolate planet looking for a weird orb while listening to his 26 year old tape Walkman playing hits of the 70’s. He gets the orb but almost gets pinched by some bad guys working for a guy named Ronan (Lee Pace-the Hobbit, Breaking Dawn Part 2, Lincoln) but gets away on his ship.
Turns out he is stealing the object and ripping off his sociopathic former partner Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker-the Walking Dead, Jumper, Cliffhanger). 
He takes the orb to his buyer but the buyer backs out when he learns that Ronan is involved. On his way out he is attacked by a raccoon named Rocket (Bradly Cooper-the Hangover, Limitless, American Hustle) and Rockets giant plant friend Groot (Vin Diesel-Saving Private Ryan, Fast Five, Riddick), who are after the bounty put out by Yondo, and Gamora (Zoe Saldana-Star Trek Into Darkness, Colombiana, Avatar) the adopted daughter of Thanos (if you don’t know who Thanos is don’t worry about it) working for Ronin. They get into a scuffle and are all arrested by the Nova Corps led by Dey (John C. Reilly-Wreck It Ralph, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers).
They get tossed into prison and meet up with Drax (Dave Bautista-Riddick, WWE Smackdown, the Man with the Iron Fists). Drax hates Ronan and wants to kill Gamora but Peter convinces him to wait for Ronan to come kill her. The group teams up when Gamora tells them she has a buyer for the orb that will pay them enough to be rich forever. They all break out and get to the Collector (Benicio Del Toro-the Usual Suspect, Traffic, Savages) who opens up the orb and shows them it is one of the dreaded Infinity Gems.
Things go haywire and Peter is convinced he needs to turn the gem over to the Nova Corps. Ronan wants the gem in order to destroy his enemies. Things get blown up, guys get their asses beat down, and the movie progresses with an amazingly refreshing pace.
The stars:
Great story that is extremely coherent (something of a singularity these days). Two stars. I loved every one of the characters and as jaded and beaten down as I am it’s rare that I love even one in a movie. Three stars. Comic book movie. One star. Great effects and CGI. One star. The soundtrack worked brilliantly. One star. Pacing was unbelievable. 121 minutes that felt like an hour. One star. I really enjoyed Michael Rooker in this even if he was just playing his usual character. I guess I really enjoy that character. One star. About 100,000,000 Easter Eggs, which made it a lot of fun. One star. I love films that stick to the source material and don’t “Hollywood” it up. One star. In general a super fun and exciting film. Three stars. Total: 15 stars (??!?!!).
The black holes:
If you aren’t up to speed on the Infinity Gauntlet story a lot of this might slip through your fingers. This could prove frustrating if you want to follow the story but if so go read some trades you lazy sod. I am sick of films over-explaining things to the non-fans. Nevertheless it rates one black hole. I was a little disappointed in how little Thanos was used. I thought he could have made another appearance or two and even thought I saw a big one coming towards the end. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
Wow. 13 stars. I can’t tell you to go see this film with more emphasis. It truly rocks. See it on the biggest IMAX 3D you can find. Date movie? Who cares? This film is so great your date could be a supermodel in a bikini two sizes too small for her and you wouldn’t even notice. Odds are you are better off going with your bros but if you do bring a date and she doesn’t love it the fact is the relationship was never meant to be. Better that you find out now. Bathroom break? Hell no. It is worth risking severe damage to your bladder or wear an adult diaper to not miss a minute of this film.
So thanks for your patience and for reading. I will try to get caught up soon and will be seeing a lot of films over the next two weeks. Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu. Please post your comments here or email me with off topic questions or suggestions. Looks like I am going to have to see the new TMNT film (ugh) tonight so look for that review tomorrow. Talk to you soon.
the Infamous Dave Inmam
BTW the IMAX I went to for this film had assigned seating and the bastard sitting next to me had B.O. that could kill 1,000 elves. I suffered through it (once the movie got rolling I could have been on fire and not noticed) but if you happen to be that bastard burn your stupid hat, shave off your hipster beard, stop smoking, and Google deodorant. You just may learn something about personal hygiene that will have people hating you less.
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