Nerd dating advice: to dance or not to dance Pt 5
Now we come to the meat and bones of the matter; how to actually dance. Again, there are those homo sapiens who are blessed with the natural grace, rhythm, and athletic ability to be a great dancer but I am willing to be a good amount of money that that is not you. However, a lack of ability can be overcome by a healthy mix of perseverance, alcohol, and the ability to not give a crap what other people might think of you.
First of all, like Frankie said, relax. Stand easy. You want to make your moves look smooth and natural, kind of like Gumby here (image courtesy of the cartoon t shirt section), not like a man on stilts with a third stilt inserted somewhere, if you know what I mean.
Start off listening to the rhythm of the music. Most dance music (for idiots) has a relatively simple one, two, three, four pattern that can be fairly easy to discern if you stop listening to the lyrics (something I recommend anyway as a means of preserving valuable brain cells). You can start off bobbing your head to the music (not headbanging, as we discussed earlier) in time to the music, unless it is really fast, in which case try to go every other beat.
Move your weight back and forth between your feet. In fact, try to lift each foot in turn off the ground. Keep your knees bent and feel free to add a little bounce to each step. Do not stop with the head bobbing (<–important). In fact, everything I tell you to do stacks, so you have to do them all at the same time. This might sound scary, but with enough practice (or tequila) it will get easier.
Try moving your feet a little as you lift them. Just a few inches back and forth, or side to side. It doesn’t really matter. However, now we get into the first real danger zone in that you have to be sure you don’t step on your dance partners’ feet (or anyone else, for that matter, but your dates’ feet needs to be your number one concern). Also, try to avoid “drifting” either away from your partner or into her personal space. While your feet are moving your relative position on the dance floor should remain more or less constant.
As you move your feet, try to shift your hips around with them. Throw your hip sideways or forward. If you have ever had to shut a refrigerator door with your hands full (and really, who hasn’t) the hip thrust you most likely employed is probably your best bet. At some point you may actually intentionally bump hips with your dance partner, but take it from me, a great deal of control is needed for this maneuver. I know from experience that a 250lb guy can more or less launch a 110lb girl into the DJ booth if the timing and power is off even a little. Save this for a more advanced lesson.
Move your hands and arms, but avoid that collar bone line I keep stressing. Also, while it might seem natural avoid any movement that smacks of combat or martial arts, as well as fast moves, windmills, whips, or anything snake like. Mostly I do little circles at the elbow and hope for the best.
Those are the basics. I will get into more specifics next post, but I wanted to tell you the three real secrets of becoming a great dancer: practice, practice, and practice. Seriously, in your living room, by yourself, load some dance music onto Pandora and go nuts. No one can see you. DO NOT do this in front of a mirror or your web cam, unless you are OK with someone accidentally recording it and making you a YouTube sensation. If you really feel the need to self critique yourself (and I do not recommend you do) set up a video camera and watch afterward. Then delete it completely. These videos have a nasty habit of resurfacing a few years later at the most embarrassing time and place possible (often the video loop playing at your wedding reception) so spare yourself the agony.
Nerd Dating: What to talk about on your first date pt 3
Another topic that will inevitably come up on the first date will be your family and the nature of your relationship with them (Family Guy shirt image courtesy of the cartoon t shirt category).
A negative relationship with your family can really put the average girl off. Don’t fall into the trap of having her tell you how horrible her relationship is and then assume that means she will be cool with your bad relationship. Double standards exist everywhere. She will not want to hear about how bad your family life is no matter how bad hers is.
On the other hand, if you gush too much about your family, especially your mother, you will look like a mama’s boy. A girl in the process of evaluating your ability to be a partner does not want to have to compete with your mother. Basically you need to strike a balance between loving and messed up.
Each person’s life is different, and in this you should not be making stuff up as if you develop a relationship this will bite you on the ass. Instead, tell the truth but use an old sales technique I used to use when I would be selling products I wasn’t gung ho for I like to call “Finding the Positive.”
For example, it would be fair to say my relationship with my father was not Ward Clever and the Beav. However, when I talk about him I try to stay focused on the few fun things we did, and try to see some of the messed up stuff he did in a humorous light. In retrospect most of the things he did that bordered on abuse can be seen as just quirky and funny (by the way, in my free time I am writing stories about my childhood with him).
By the same token, I am very close to my mother. However, I don’t mention that I talk to her pretty much every other day. I talk about being close but I don’t harp on it.
As for your brothers and sisters, feel free to say anything you want, as a messed up relationship with a sibling is not an abnormal thing. Just make sure you end the story with something like “We used to fight all the time, and I don’t talk to him/her much anymore, but of course I still love him/her).
By the way, brothers, sisters, and cousins can be a great source of amusing anecdotes that don’t actually reveal a lot about you. I have yet to even tap that keg, but believe me there is no shortage of material.
