Nerd Movie Reviews

Nerd Dating: More Cheap Dates

By an overwhelming margin of one vote (thanks, Gina) I will forgo my review of the movie Skyline and do more cheap dating ideas.  Today we will cover the extremely juvenile movie theater marathon.

(I Hate Theater shirt courtesy of the political t-shirt category.  Thank god I finally found a reason to crowbar one of my personal favorites in)

This date will only work if have a good enough feeling about the girl and her sense of humor to believe she will think this is funny, so realistically it is more of a second or third date.  It also works less well if you are over the age of about 32, so keep this in mind.  However, for the mid-20’s girl with the right sense of humor it can go really well.

Here’s how you preface it.  You start off talking about movies and what is current.  Then you say something like “You know what would be totally fun and completely like high school?  If we went to the movies and snuck from one theater to the next.”  Play up the flashback to high school aspect and make it seem like you are into it for the fun of it.  For the right girl ti will seem like a funny adventure, and for the wrong girl it will be a good way to weed her out as she never talks to you again.

If she agrees, you get to see 2-4 movies for the price of one and can also pretend like you are actually doing something wild and crazy.  IF you have never done the multi-theater trick you have either led a much more or much less privileged life than I have up until now, so I will give you some tips.

First of all, you should know that the owners of the theater don’t really care if you do this.  The fact is they make hardly anything off the ticket price, in spite of the massive cost.  Almost all of the ticket price goes to the studios and the distributors.  The theater makes its money on selling you overpriced popcorn and soda.  Also, easily 90% of the minimum wage drones also would have a hard time giving less of a crap.  However, there is always one tool who thinks he will be the next great security guard or wants to kiss the managers ass.  This is the guy you need to watch out for.  Ironically he is almost always the one who looks like a total nerd, so be prepared to be betrayed by you own kind.

Planning is critical.  Look at the schedule and try your best to not have a ton of time between films.  Back in the day the theaters would schedule things so that this was really hard to do, but the fact that theaters don’t really care has made it a lot easier.  It is important that you not be seen hanging out in the lobby for a huge amount of time.  Bring a jacket and try to alternate between wearing it and not while moving from theater to theater.  You can keep the theater happy by buying something every once in a while, although that will take away from your stated purpose of not spending money.  It would behoove you to spend a couple minutes before the first movie to plan out your route as well as the route to the restrooms.  Above all try to not get noticed up to but not including the point of wearing a disguise.  Also, have a backup plan if Theater Johnny Law catches you and gives you the heave ho (I sometimes wonder where this term comes from.  I think it has something to do with getting seasick and you’ve eaten too much ho).  Some witty comments prepared ahead of time could be used to make you self look good.  Spend a lot of time laughing and joking about how you haven’t done this in years (in spite of perhaps doing it the week before) and have a backup plan in case you do get the boot.

Also, the chance of getting kicked increases over time, so given a choice try to see the best movies first.  Also the odds of anyone, even you, having the energy for 4 full movies is pretty slim, so don’t be surprised if she suggests cutting out after the 2nd or 3rd.  Therefore try to see the sci-fi flick first.