Nerd Dating: Spotting crazy girls early pt 6
I think I could write about this for the next six months, but I think I have given you some decent guidelines. Remember that this list is both not comprehensive and not absolute. Each girl is different, and finding just one of these items is usually not a complete red flag (the three or more cats rule is one of the few absolutes I can think of). However, one sign of crazy is usually the herald of an avalanche craziness, so it is rare that you will see one of these running solo. I’d say after you run into three it’s time to pull the rip cord.
Anyway, I think I will give this topic a rest after this post. If something comes up later on I might revisit, but I think the time is upon me to move on to the next dating subject.
19. Does she seem to pick fights with random people all the time? Does she seem to get into a dispute with the server at dinner, cab driver, 
valet, movie theater usher, or random homeless (fellow) crazy people on the way home? This is a real bad sign for the crazy meter. It’s also a bad sign if she seems to shift from “reasonable debate” to “full throttle screaming she-devil” with practiced ease in a shockingly short amount of time. Imagine Wolverine on the debate team. (image courtesy of the Wolverine t shirts)
Also, if a girl seems to have a lot of stories about actual violence she has been involved in, stay away. Sane girls do not get into fights with other girls in her gym locker room. This goes double if she carries a weapon or weapons other than the typical pepper spray. I spent some time with a girl who carried a push dagger in her purse. At first I thought she was cool, but then I realized she was nuts. Avoid at all costs.
20. She revels in telling you about the freaky sex acts she has been involved in. This is something that is fun to discuss after you have actually slept with her a couple times, but if she insists on telling you the gruesome details on the first date she is either completely nuts or is testing to see what kind of weird sex acts you are into. Either way, trouble. So if she likes to talk about her lesbian experiences, three-or-more-ways, her penchant for handcuffs, or other acts that would be found in one of the “specialty” sections at the adult book store, odds are you will be happier in the long run going some where else.
However, in the short run, this girl could be a lot of fun. Just walk carefully.
Incidentally, the whole multiple partner thing is a huge intimacy killer. If you are just going to have fun with her than go for it, but if you are trying to build a real relationship stay away from this subject.
21. Does she drink or do drugs to excess? Getting hammered on a date as a thin excuse for “losing” control is a vaunted American tradition. Getting hammered 4 or more nights a week is a bad sign. Furthermore, while most of the signs of crazy I have listed at least indicated that the girl can be fun and amusing (in the same way being attacked by several hundred Dachshunds can be fun to watch while they chew your nuts off), alcoholics tend to be nothing but depressing. Also, don’t get sucked into the idea that maybe you can save her and then have the perfect girl. You can’t, and even if you did she wouldn’t be the same person you met.
While there is nothing wrong in my mind with the occasional imbibing of pot (heck, I live a couple miles from Oaksterdam University) or trying coke once or twice, regular use of anything harder is not only going to make you miserable but could also get you killed. This goes for prescription meds too. There was a crazy girl I used to like a lot (before coming up with these guidelines) who was on Xanax the whole time I hung out with her. She also had a lot of these other issues too, and in the long run proved to be completely loony.
22. She seems to talk about marriage a lot early on. This may just be my personal Peter Pan “I don’t want to grow up” issues, but I find women who discuss marriage on the first or second date to be trouble. I don’t mean saying “I’d like to get married some day.” Rather I mean the one who has her whole wedding planned out and discusses the flowers, venue, and wedding cake with you on the first date. This is something I have had to increase my tolerance for as I get older and all women are subject to this to a certain extent, so don’t make this the stray that breaks your camel’s back.
I think I am going to wrap it up here. I could probably add another 20 or so, but honestly all women are subject to at least a few of the minor issues, so unless you plan to swear off women you should probably allow for a few of these in your life. I’d say pick which ones are really going to drive you nuts and avoid those. Good luck, my friends.
New dating topic next time I get into it. Leading up to something big!
Nerd Dating: Spotting crazy girls early pt 1
Ok, we are moving towards the big finally of 2010 when I give you my advice on when to move in and make “the move”, but before that I feel the need to help you avoid dating insane women. This is another subject I am too intimately familiar with, so you will be gleaning a lot of benefit from my pain.
Here’s the problem for guys. It’s not hard to spot a nutball when it’s another guy. It’s seems pretty obvious and you get to spend the next three months wondering what his girlfriend is doing with him. However, when a guy looks at a girl his vision is blurred by sexual desire. In other words, you can’t see her lobotomy scar because you are too distracted looking at her breasts. Even experienced daters get caught in this.
Now, this list is not definitive, nor is it conclusive. A decent girl could have a couple eccentricities that show up on this list and still make a good girlfriend. The fact is in my experience all women are insane to a greater or lesser extent (and, to be fair, all men are more or less stupid, including me. It’s the wonderful dance known as life). The trick is find one who is either sane enough to deal with or is insane in a manner that compliments your particular brand of stupidity.
So here are a list of warning signs I have seen or read about that make sense. Feel free to add to this list if you have some ideas, but I will be breaking this list up into several posts so as to milk the content and not damage anyone’s brains. By the way, to any of my female readers, if you spot any of these behaviors youself might consider hiding it until you get a guy locked in.
Here are the first few:
1. She has actually been committed to or participated in an insane asylum, rehab center, or 12 step program. Is she on serious psychotropic drugs? This should be obvious, but you would be surprised how much guys will put up with when they are horny. I had a good friend who met a hot girl and was working hard to hook it up with her. Then a bottle of Tegretol fell out of her purse. His father was a psychologist and he knew that that drug is used in the treatment of the most severe bi-polar disorders. He was going to bail out, but then his little brain took over and he slept with her. Let’s just say things restraining-order bad from there. (Imaginary Friend image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category). Just goes to show how dumb guys can be.
2. She has more than two cats. This is a subtle, but really good rule. Here’s how it works. One cat is cute. Two cats is so the first cat has someone to play with and still kind of cute. Three cats is the first step to turning into crazy cat lady. I had an ex girlfriend who had two cats, so I thought she was OK. However, her roommate also had a cat, which was three in the household. She turned out to be totally bat guano nuts.
3. She has a purse dog that she brings with her everywhere. This is totally valid in my experience. Any girl who hauls her toy poodle around (especially on a first date, which I have had happen) and lets it hang it’s head out of her ridiculous over-sized bag should have a blinking neon sign over their head reading “THIS WAY LIES MADNESS.” The pet has taken the slot in her life normally reserved for children, and given a chance to save your life or her Snookums she will without hesitancy drop you into a lake of molten lava. This rule also counts for pretty much any pet, be it cat, ferret, parrot, of something a little more exotic.
4. She collects exotic pets. As long as I am knocking out all the pet signs I might as well go into this. “Normal” pets are cats, dogs, birds, fish, small rodents, and sometimes ferrets (they are really cute). Any girl who has a fascination with and collects snakes, spider, tarantulas, frogs, or anything else bizarre she is nuts. This is something only creepy guys are into (like my friend Eric. How you doing, bud?) and when you get a girl into them I can more or less promise you she is freaky-deaky. Also, plants are very cool, but if she has more plants than furniture you could consider this a warning sigh.
That’s it. I gotta run, but will post more tomorrow.
