Nerd Dating: Dating Etiquette Part 4-Gentlemanly Behavior
So you’ve managed to meet up with your date, either by picking her up or meeting her somewhere, without stepping on any dating landmines. How, then, to comport yourself while on your date?
I’ll take a second here to remind you that all the dressing and grooming rules I gave you when I first started this opus are still in full effect. Make sure you are showered, well dress, well groomed, and generally good smelling (<–important).
Anyway, I would recommend that you act like a gentleman. It is true there are independent women out there may find this offensive, but honestly those are in the minority (also, they tend to be a huge pain in the ass to date. Better to offend them politely then find out two months down the road) and the vast majority of women will appreciate it. In fact, if the last couple guys they dated were jerks you will only look that much better.
Here is a (short) list of gentlemanly behavior:
Gentlemen open doors for ladies-this specifically included car doors. In other words, walk to the passenger side of the car, unlock the door, and open it for her. While walking around open all doors for her. This can sometimes be a little awkward, especially if you aren’t used to it. Practice on your mom or something until you make it smooth.
Gentlemen walk on the outside of the street-again, try to not make it look like awkward. This tradition started back in the days of horse travel. The gentleman was attempting to protect her from splattered horse dung being splashed up from the street. By the way, while you should try to stay on the outside, if you see up ahead a crazy looking homeless man panhandling the gentleman will interpose himself between his date and the insane lunatic. This act will most likely gain you a lot of points with your girl.
Gentlemen do not put their hands in their pockets. Furthermore, if you need to guide her or attract her attention for whatever reason the gentleman will touch her gently on the shoulder, NO WHERE ELSE.
When entering a room or narrow corridor the gentleman allows the lady to proceed him slightly. If you are on a staircase the gentleman gives the lady the side closest to the wall.
These are kind of the basics. There are more detailed rules you can find here, but a lot of those will also make you look kind of old fashioned. You have to read your date and figure out at what point she stops being impressed and starts being annoyed. Error on the side of too gentlemanly rather than not enough.
Steam punk Abe Lincoln was most certainly a gentleman (image courtesy of the steam punk t shirt category).
Next post we’ll talk about talking.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Dating Etiquette Part 1
OK, you have more or less done everything you need to do to prepare and are looking to actually pick her up and take her out. Let’s talk about behavior while on the date.
First question is do you pick her up or meet her somewhere. Either answer is in general ok, but consider the circumstances carefully. First of all, what kind of car do you drive? Most women will claim to not care what kind of car you drive, and some of them will actually believe that, but secretly in my opinion they do. It’s part of that constant evaluation of your stability and potential partner value that they are running you through the entire time like a continuous feed Scantron of your soul. If the car is a piece of junk then it looks like you don’t have the ability to potentially provide or partner up with her. Also, if your car is beat up, dirty, and has a smell reminiscent of wet dog and ass you will look slovenly.
Also, in my experience women rarely understand what is cool from a nerd perspective (unless you are dating a nerd, in which case you are a lucky bastard) so if you have a “nerd cool” car like a KITT replica (shirt courtesy of the television show t shirt category) or classic Galaxy 500 odds are she will not get the idea and you will diminish in her eyes. Women in general like it when your car blends in with all the other run of the mill junk out there. Sad but true, in my experience.
So, if your car fits into any of those categories, push to meet her somewhere. If you have a “normal” car you can ask to pick her up. Don’t push too hard, because you are asking her to trust you enough to tell you her address. If she has you pick her up that means she trusts you somewhat. This is a good sign. If she doesn’t don’t sweat it. Odds are she doesn’t trust any guys (not necessarily a bad policy for women, given a lot of the guys I know).
Best way I have found to ask if I could pick her up is something like this:
“So, do you want to meet somewhere in the modern method or go more traditional and I can pick you up”
Work on the deliver, but this generally works. Even if she doesn’t want to have you pick up, she will laugh.
