Nerd Dating: Dating on a budget pt 3
So I am in Southern California for the two different shows in a row, the Long Beach ComicCon and the huge triple show. I am sitting in Starbuck having my breakfast scone and abusing their free WiFi and figured in spite of being on the road I had better do my best to keep all eight of my readers entertained with more dating advice.
Being broke, I still have cheap dating on my mind and so will continue along with that. We live in a great time to be broke and dating, in that almost everything you do to save money you can cover with a thin veil of concern for the environment. No joke. Here are a couple examples:
Problem: you don’t have a car or have a car but don’t want to burn gas money.
Solution: “I am trying to cut back on my driving to reduce my carbon footprint.”
Problem: you can’t afford bottled water and are constantly using your metal water bottle ($4.99 from Walgreens for me) or ordering tap water at restaurants.
Solution: “Do you have any idea how many plastic water bottles just get dumped into landfills every year?”
Problem: you can’t afford movie tickets.
Solution: “The power requirements of a theater, not to mention the harsh chemicals used in actual film production, makes me feel guilty to go to a cinema. The more ecologically responsible entertainment option is to stream films off your NetFlix account in the comfort of your living room with the lights turned down low.” This one is particularly devious in that it kills two birds with one stone in getting her to hang out with you in a dimly lit place of comfort for her as well as making her feel vaguely guilty for not thinking of the eco-ramifications of seeing a blockbuster herself. If this doesn’t get you hooked up you are doing something very wrong (more on actually making the move later).
Problem: you don’t have money for a dinner out.
Solution: “I am trying to support organic and renewable farming by shopping at the local farmers market. Why don’t you come over and I will whip up a delicious salad or something.” Note-this actually only works if you know how to cook, which is why I don’t use it. I make good reservations. Also, if you are going to pull this one be sure she doesn’t come over and see an Albertsons shopping bag in your kitchen. That could go badly. 
Most women at least make a token gesture towards eco-awareness, and if you start off on it before she does you can put her on the defensive and make her even more cheap. With practice you can couch any cheap decision in eco-friendly terms and make it sound like a brilliant idea. The trick is she needs to never realize that for you “eco” actually refers to economical. Whoever said global warming is bunk science never had to date on $3.28. Thank god for science (I Love Science image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category).
Next post: cheap dining.
P.S. I should do this at Starbucks more often. I think this is one of my better posts.
Feeling stupider by the minute…
So yesterdays post was all about the horrible trip I just took to New Hampshire. At one point the luggage handlers in Chicago managed to find an excuse to leave my luggage out in the rain for about an hour, leaving me with a huge wet pile of clothing and valuable personal property.
So I got home and hung the clothes all over my bathroom, which immediately smelled remarkably like wet laundry. Go figure. This morning I got up, went to the bathroom, was hit with the odor, and had the thought “When will this laundry be dry enough to wash…”
So, sufficed to to say, after slapping myself around for a while I am doing my laundry as we speak. I can swear I should never wear this Einstein shirt (from the Funny T Shirt category, although the best jokes have a strong element of truth to them).
Anyway, I promise my next post will be more dating advice. Just felt the need to show the world how inept I can be at times.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: What to do Part 3
I think I should take a moment and discuss the whole “going out and getting wasted” concept for your first date. In general, a bad idea. Most women will be intimidated by the concept, as most of them will stick to a glass of wine or two. This is not to say that they don’t like getting wasted. Just that they don’t want to get wasted with a relative stranger who may have unwholesome plans for them.
That being said, there exists a certain percentage of women who have no problem getting wasted at any time with anyone. For lack of a formal term we’ll call this person “Party Girl” from now on. Party Girl can be a lot of fun, but in the end usually causes more headache than you can possibly believe.
The fact is, odds are you aren’t meeting Party Girl. Party Girl hangs out with guys who don’t need my advice on how to meet women. However, if by some freakish fluke (trapped in the same elevator for a couple hours, seated next to each other at a wedding as a joke, same parole officer, etc) you do meet and date Party Girl , be ready and prepared to drink your ass off and probably not remember what happened. All my advice is more or less worthless for dating Party Girl, so I can’t really tell you anything except just go with it and don’t try to slow her down.
If a girl really likes this shirt (courtesy of the funny t-shirt category) she might be Party Girl.
Novelty Tee Shirts
Show your personality with the clothes you wear. Novelty t shirts have become popular due to the wide variety of designs and slogans printed on them. Some are funny, some thought provoking and some even have—gasp—racy words. They come in numerous colors that are sure to be a hit to young and old alike.
Novelty tee shirts are further unique in a way because the designs are sometimes so outrageous and out-of-this-world that those who have just met him or her would not easily forget the wearer. Make your own fashion statement. Wear a novelty tee shirt that can express thoughts you are afraid to say aloud. You even have the option of having your own photo printed in front with a personal quote you want to share with people you meet.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Jackets
Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday. Had a lot going on and trying to get ready for a big show next weekend.
Anyway, let’s talk about jackets. I love jackets, and not just for their thermal properties. They can look cool, and really bring an outfit together. They can also ruin all your efforts in one fell swoop. I will start with things to avoid:
1. Anything from the Marlboro catalog-do you really want to wear an “I am a loser” sign?
2. Any sports team jacket-I am sure you are a rabid fan of your local sporting club or whatever, but unless you are going to a game stay away. Anything that smacks of an obsession with something other than themselves puts women off. This rule goes double for Nascar merchandise.
3. Trench coats-I own a black trench coat, but I only wear it when it is raining. The whole “trench coat mafia” thing has cast these in a bad light. Unfortunately, this is the outerwear that most nerds are drawn too, like a mouse to the peanut butter on the trap. Therefore it has become associated with not only nerds, but nerds of a certain social inadequacy. Stay away.
4. Anything with fringes-the ’70s are done. Get over it.
5. Fur or f aux fur-the first because it is reprehensible, the second because you look like one of those douche bags from a few years ago who kept trying look like a pimp. If you are white and have ever felt the desire to wear something like that and combine it with a huge afro wig, stop reading as I think it is best for humanity that you never have the opportunity to reproduce. I don’t care if it’s Halloween.
6. A Letterman jacket-odds are you lettered in Marching Band, so spare yourself the embarrassment. Also, no one cares what you did in high school.
7. A “punk rock” jacket-unless you are actually a punker (hair, facial piercings, etc) stay away from patches, studs, spikes, and ripped up crap. Most of the punk rock girls I have known are pretty sharp, and will see through it for the phony you are. Only high school girls are fooled by that sort of thing, and if you are going for that I hope you go to jail. If you have a patch on your jacket of a band you have never seen in person or own an album, burn it (the whole jacket).
Those are the obvious traps. Let’s look at what works.
1. If you don’t have any objection to animal products, a good black leather jacket can work well. You will be alienating any Vegan women you might meet, but from my experience they are huge pains in the ass to try to date. You literally can’t walk across a room without offending them somehow.
2. A light canvas jacket in a dark color-nice for mid weather days.
3. A pea coat-this is a nice compromise for guys who feel naked without a trench coat. Mid thigh, some pockets. There is nothing wrong with looking like you just arrived from London.
4. A sports coat-every guy should have one of these. They look great with jeans and a long sleeve (unprinted) t-shirt, or a light turtleneck sweater. You will look kind of yuppie-douchy in my personal opinion, but women love this look.
5. A “militaristic” jacket-not an actual military jackets (yes, I know shopping at the army/navy surplus story is fun. Just don’t wear them in public) but a canvas jacket that has a military look can be good. Extraneous buckles, hooks, and small pockets are kind of cool. Go with black, navy, or olive green.
6. North Face-or some kind of similar “outdoorsy” jacket or fleece. I feel a little sick writing this, as I despise this look, but it works. These jackets look sharp and imply that you have a life slightly more active than sitting in front of your computer all day every day. Also, if you get sucked into going for a hike with a girl you will have something to wear.
7. Something classic. Steam punk Abe Lincoln here (image from the funny t shirt section) knows that retro is cool. Don’t go nuts for 70’s garbage, but something that looks like it came from pre WWII can look really sharp. Don’t dive into this idea until you have gained a better idea how to judge these things, but keep it on your radar.
As a rule, when shopping for a jacket fit is kind of critical. If the jacket is too small in the shoulders you will end up looking like an organ grinder’s monkey. If the sleeves are too short you will look like a kid who grew out of it. Unless you are from Seattle your shirt should never be seen from the bottom of your jacket. This is one area where it is better to error on the side of too much rather than too little. An jacket that is over sized can still look cool, although in general try to get one that fits.
If you are of plus sized, jackets are even more important, as they can really help hide some bulk. However, most big guys go straight to the windbreaker because they can get it in all kinds of sizes. Like I said with shirts, if you really want to look good save up your pennies an get a custom jacket made. I have particularly broad shoulders and a long torso, so buying jackets has always been a pain, but last year I found a leather shop nearby that did a custom jacket that looks phenomenal. Cost about half again as much as an off the rack jacket but worth every dime IMO.
That’s it. Next post: accessories.
A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Grooming Part 3 Shaving
As President Lincoln here will tell you (from the funny t-shirt section) facial hair can make or break the man. If you have the right face, a good looking goatee can do a lot for you.
Unfortunately, for certain types of men (and you know who you are) “growing a beard” is rapidly converted into an excuse to simply never shave. Shaving is a key portion of looking sharp. Also, if you grow facial hair quickly it can add a great deal of cool variety to your look. But like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil.
First of all, the most important thing to remember about facial hair is: not shaving is not the same as growing a beard. A beard should be cultivated and have a direction, not simply letting hair grow out of your chin. Honestly, having a beard should always be more work than being clean shaven.
My face grows a natural goatee of sorts, and for years I thought that not shaving is all I needed to do. Then a friend of mine showed me some stuff and I saw an immediate improvement. First of all, I learned to even it out and keep the sides nice and thin, for a better look. I had to trim the mustache to keep the hairs from hanging into my mouth, and shave the portions under my lip to either side of where the soul patch would be if I were to grow one. Overall, a dramatic improvement.
At one of the malls near my house there is a place called The Art of Shaving. If you have no idea how to deal with the hair jungle on your chin go there or somewhere similar and have them show you how to trim and maintain your face. Buy whatever products they recommend. If there is no such place nearby go online and find some tips and instructions. Seriously, a good beard is an investment in time. Good beards=Tony Stark from the last Iron Man movie, Riker. Bad beards=Grizzly Adams, Sasquatch, most of the men from Deadwood, anything that could be accurately described as a “flavor saver“.
As for the decision to grow a beard or not, that is a matter of personal preference. Some guys grow facial hair and have incorporated it into their persona to the point where you wouldn’t recognize them without it. Others (like me) grow one until they get board. If you are of larger stature a beard can be a great idea, as it will hide certain features and give people something to focus on. It really depends on your face. I would recommend taking a picture of your face, grow (and trim) your beard, and take another picture in as close to the same light, distance, and angle as possible. Then ask every woman you know (not strangers) for their hopefully unbiased opinion.
If you have decided not to grow a beard, then shave every morning. Fortunately if you are following my advice you will have recently showered and will be in your bathroom in a grooming frame of mind. By the way, for the first 12 years of my shaving life I would shave before showering. Then a girl in my dorm laughed her ass off at me and told me that if you shave after your shower the hot water makes the whiskers softer and less painful to shave off. I am embarrassed to admit she was right.
Personally I recommend shaving cream and a safety razor. Electric razors never seem to get it as complete as possible. At one point I thought I would be more bad ass if I got a classic strait razor and learned how to do it the old fashioned way, but for the most part that was just an experience in bleeding. Stay away in my opinion.
By the way, the bitterest disappointment of my life is that my face is incapable of growing good sideburns. If you can pull it off cool, but your sideburns should never be allowed to grow out far enough to be in danger of occluding your ears.
Next post: Grooming Part 4 Scents
Happy birthday, Cathy
Headed out to a birthday party for my friend Cathy. 
Given the fact that I more or less spent my life savings on t shirts, it would not surprise me if she got a t shirt for a gift. Also given that I have only a few to select from for women, odds are it will be this one. I think she will dig it, however. I’ll probably stop off at the supermarket and buy a card too.
Spent part of last night working on some new paint techniques for my Skaven. I need to re-approach how I do rusty metal. My old technique is simple and tends to leave things too metalic, if you know what I mean. My friend Mike showed me some stippling techniques that seem to produce some good results, so I think I might go with that.
Just got the shirt I have been waiting for since I started my site: the Star Wars Empire logo. I will probably go off on this on my next blog, but it is one of the coolest logos ever. I can’t wait to get it into my funny t shirt section.
Anyway, this thing should be most of the day, so I am blowing off all my work for today. Nothing like letting stuff pile up. I’ll probably come home about 10 or so and put in a couple hours, but not close to what I would normally do.
I just reread that last paragraph and realized my life kind of sucks. I need to find something to do besides work on a Saturday night.
