Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
Yes, I liked it. I’ve pretty much liked the whole series. I now realize there is no way I could have fairly reviewed it without having seen the rest of them, so I think I took the right path. I will also say that there was a lot of stuff I didn’t understand, and some stuff that came up in this movie that I probably could have used about five movies ago, so I guess I’m now at the point where I pretty much have to buy and read the books. Do they all have to look so goofy on the cover? One thing the Lord of the Rings has always done right is made their covers as dignified and ominous as possible. I think I would have bought the books years ago if they hadn’t all featured a skinny, bespectacled kid who has a goofy smile on his face.
By the way, after my rant about carrying a ton of extra wands and using a wand in both fists my best friend Dave invented the Gatling wand, so I want to give him props for that. I think it’s brilliant.
I am going to keep my questions down to the ones I feel won’t spoil the plot at all, in case someone like me has not seen it yet or read the books. I will also keep the story synapses to a minimum. Basically Harry and his friends are still on the horcrux Easter Egg hunt, and it leads them to Hogwarts, where the imprison the entirety of Slytheryn (finally) and then are besieged by Death Eaters. Cool stone statues come to life to defend. Stuff gets blown up. People gets killed. Everyone seems to have forgotten where they hid their brooms again. Voldemort rains unholy nostril-faced hell on pretty much everyone. Two of my three predictions pretty much came true.
The stars. Great ending to a pretty awesome story. Two stars. Great special effects and CGI. One star. I’ve gotten so used to all the characters that none of them bug me, and they have all matured nicely as pretty good actors, especially Daniel Radcliffe. One star. The story, in a very real way, was extremely satisfying. One star. They didn’t waste any time with a recap of Part I at the start of the film. It was a huge F you to anyone who didn’t see the first one, but really who is that dumb? Besides almost me. One star. Snape had a really cool, integral part that actually gave him a lot of depth. One star. Despite my fears, Draco Malfoy manage to not end the movie dead or in a horrible situation. One star. The plot was fast paced and made a lot or sense. One star. Ron and Hermione finally kiss. One star. They didn’t try to get a softer movie rating by holding off on the massive carnage. One star. Two more bonus stars for an all around great movie experience. Total: thirteen stars.
Now the black holes. I am going to give one for all the stuff that I would have known had I read the book but they couldn’t stuff into the movie for illiterate morons. I know this would be almost impossible to pull off in a less than six hour movie, and I don’t hold it against the film, but I still see it as somewhat of a failure. One black hole. Voldemort seems to play pretty fast and loose with his last remaining horcrux. One black hole. Dumbledore resurfaces to ruin all the respect he gained from me in the last couple films in order to prove he was exactly the manipulative, heartless bastard I though he was in the first few movies. One black hole. A couple of the deaths of characters I liked kind of really harshed my buzz, especially Ron’s brother. One black hole. Total: four black holes.
So a grand total of nine stars, an excellent score for an excellent series. I feel pretty good about this. However, it would not be one of my Harry Potter reviews if I did not come up with more dumb questions to ask.
Back on wands. I now understand a bit more of wand lore, thanks to one scene where a wand loremaster kind of lays out some details, but I am still intrigued by the idea of size and shape. Could you make your want the size and shape of a baseball bat? Then, if you are in a duel and your opponent is kind of kicking your ass but you are up close you could give him or her a magical concussion. What if you made your wand into a broom stick? Then you could fly around and 
basically dive bomb people. What if you made it into the shape of a boomerang? Then, if someone disarmed you it could come back. For that matter, could you just make a wand the size and shape of a shotgun stock? And then just maybe mount a shotgun to it? That way, just as you are doing one of those different colored firehose duels, with minimal effort you send a load of buckshot at him. Sure, most if it would probably get vaporized in the conflagration, but if a couple pellets managed to hit Voldemort in the shin that would be a pretty huge distraction. (Shotgun image courtesy of the video game t shirt category).
There is a scene in the movie where a bridge gets blown up with explosives, along with a bunch of bad guys. That kind of implies that explosives have an effect on wizards. Why, then, instead of stone guys armed with medieval weapons does Hogwarts not just have a couple of self propelled artillery pieces? The part where the Death Eaters are all together on a hill shooting at Hogwarts could have gone pretty bad for them if someone had called in an airstrike. I don’t know if magic really has to mean you can’t occasionally throw in some modern technology, especially if your life is in danger.
Is Snape not still obligated to protect Draco Malfoy due to his unbreakable oath? He seems to take a pretty lax position with regards to that, letting Draco run around and get almost burned to death. If I were obligated to protect some kid on pain of my own death I’d have him locked up in an oubliette with crate of canned food and a Game Boy until the fireworks were over.
Where did the giants and spiders come from? Did they just see the action brewing and come along for the ride? Does Voldemort have an account with Rent-a-Monster, but his credit limit isn’t enough to get dragons so he just ordered the two he could afford? For that matter Hogwarts can afford to hire dragons, as they did for the Tri Wiz competition. I think I’d have a few of those locked up downstairs in case a huge army of Death Eaters, spiders, and giants happened to come calling.
So every single kid at Hogwarts is some kind of super brave hero? Sure, Slytheryn is evil and all got locked up while Gryffindor is supposed to be the brave ones, but there wasn’t a single Hufflepuff who was like “Hey, I’m just here to get an education. I don’t want to get mixed in this dark master crap.”? If an army of unimaginable evil had laid siege to my high school and I had access to a flying broom I would have bugged out so fast your eyes would spin, and I probably would have set up on a hill nearby with popcorn to watch the show. (Actually, if an army of unimaginable evil had had destructive intentions towards my high school I probably would have gone out the them with a bunch of Cliff Bars, in case they were hungry. However, we are not here to discuss my high school experience).
That’s pretty much it for now. I have to run. Thanks for sticking with me on my Harry Potter marathon. It has been a blast. New movies this weekend. Talk to you soon.
