Muppets Most Wanted Review
I would want to see it even if it weren’t my job.
As I typed that title I realized that really is the measure of a fun movie for me. I see a lot of films and while I can enjoy and appreciate a great film I wouldn’t otherwise choose to go see (Dallas Buyers Club, for example) the part where my job gets fun is when there is a movie that I would want to see and it turns out to meet or exceed my expectations.
On the other hand the films that feel my bile and contempt the most are the ones where I really wanted to see it and it sucks. This could probably describe the entire Transformers series (or Green Lantern. Or Star Trek. Actually the list could go one quite a while) but the other part about seeing a lot of movies is you see a lot of trailers too so I tend to have an expectation that is almost inevitably exceeded or failed to meet.
The point is as a fan of the Muppets TV show and the more recent Muppets movie I was really looking forward to seeing this one and am very happy to report that it met or exceeded my expectations. In many ways it improved dramatically on the first one in ways that I specifically had issues with, leading me to believe that the writers and director of this film are among my 18 regular readers (either that or I am not the observational genius I like to believe I am and other people more involved in the film industry had the same criticisms I had. No way that could be possible however).
The main issue I had with the last film that they more or less eliminated in this one was too many humans, not enough Muppets. In the last film something like 80% of the screen time was filled with Jason Segals big meaty face and his romance story with Amy Adams (her face is much more appealing but she was definitely not dressed as she was in American Hustle, if you catch my drift). If I want to see Jason Segal acting like a wimpy douche I will watch reruns of How I Met Your Mother, thank you. I don’t watch porn for the drama and I don’t watch Transformers movies to see Shia Laeouf whine and bumble his way through life with the hottest girlfriends ever. I don’t watch the Muppets for the humans and the last movie had way toooooo much of them. This one solves the problem nicely by having the only recurring humans be the bad guy (that pronounced Bad-gee. It’s French) and the enormously talented Tina Fey, both in supporting roles. The rest of the humans were really good for little cameos and bits but otherwise kept to a minimum.
The other elephant in the room from the last movie that they shrank down to mouse sized and stuck in a terrarium was Walter. In the last film whatever scene wasn’t up to it’s neck in Jason Segal was smeared with the least appealing Muppet character ever created. Sorry but I hated Walter. I would seriously rather see the entire cast of the Garbage Pail Kids live action movie in this film than have him in even one scene. He is boring looking and has the personality of a Muppet without a hand in its ass. In this film he does a few lines mostly as support and otherwise spends his time under a rock (I assume). Well done. Stick with the Muppets created by Jim Henson jackasses. They don’t need a creative re-imagining thank you.
On the other hand this film more or less ignored all the beloved supporting characters and focused almost entirely on Kermit and Piggy. This was a mistake in that to be honest the main three Muppets (these two and Fozzie) were always the least interesting or appealing characters. This movie made Kermit much more interesting by mixing him up with Constantine, the worlds most dangerous frog. In other words when Kermit has been replaced by a Russian criminal mastermind he gets funny and interesting. However, one minute of Gonzo the Great is worth 15 minutes of Kermit, 45 minutes of Piggy, and 10,243,534,834 minutes of Fozzie Bear. Each of them showed up (including a great scene for the Swedish Chef early on) but once they made their token appearance they slunk back into the background and more or less faded out (actually Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beeker had a great part towards the end and I love the latest invention to come out of Muppet Labs).
For the record the actual world’s most dangers frog, Phyllobates terribilis AKA the South American poison dart frog, secrets a skin poison that is 400 times more deadly than cobra venom. It is considered the most dangerous animal in the world and is a bright orange with black spots. People who vacation in the Amazon rain forests are idiots.
The story. The film starts at the wrap up of the last film (sans Jason and Amy). The Muppets are told they got picked up for a sequel and decide to do a world tour. 
They meet up with world tour manager Dominic Badguy (Pronounced Bad-gee. It’s French. Ricky Gervais-the Invention of Lying, Cemetery Junction) who, with a little input from Walter, convinces them to go on a world tour. Meanwhile Constantine, the worlds most dangerous frog escapes from a Russian Gulag.
The Muppets end up in Berlin where Dominic convinces Kermit to take a walk. Constantine glues a mole on his face and Kermit gets arrested as Constantine puts makeup on his and takes over his life with the Muppets. They do their show while Dominic and Constantine break into the museum next door and steal a painting. They take the Muppets from city to city robbing something in each one. Each robbery gets them closer to their goal: the crown jewels of England.
Meanwhile Sam Eagle shows up to investigate and hooks up with Interpol agent Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell-Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Goats, the Skeleton Twins). They have a hilarious team up with a lot of jokes at the fun of the European work ethic.
Kermit lands in the Russian Gulag under the thumb of dragon queen Nadya (Tina Fey-Admission, 30 Rock, Megamind) and mixed in with some great cameos (including the great Danny Trejo, who later has one of the best jokes of the movie). They figure out quickly that he is not Constantine. She later recruits Kermit to produce and star in the prison musical.
Eventually Animal (who knew Constantine was not Kermit from the beginning), Fozzie, and Walter track Kermit down and use the prison musical as a cover for a mass escape. They get to England to try to prevent Constantine from marrying Piggy and stealing the jewels.
The stars:
Muppets. One star. Three of my favorite Muppets had big parts; Beeker, Animal, and Dr. Honeydew. One star. Really, really funny jokes, especially the Danny Trejo one (actually he had two great jokes now that I think about it). Two stars. Less humans, and the humans that were in it enhanced the Muppets rather than distracted you away from them. One star. 
Tina Fey was especially good (and really good looking. Ending 30 Rock was a great thing for her. Tina if you have ever had a fantasy of dating one of your fans email me). One star. Constantine was freaking brilliant, and the scenes where he is pretending to be Kermit were hilarious. One star. The Sam the Eagle sub plot was also great and helped punctuate the scene shifts from the Muppets on tour to Kermit in prison. An excellent choice in my opinion. One star. It’s rare that I give a star for something that is not in a film, but less Walter was a great move. One star. The musical numbers were all super fun. One star. Some awesome celebrity cameos. The Celine Dion ones were especially brilliant. One star. In general a great time. Two stars. Total: 13 stars.
The black holes:
The lack of time for the supporting characters bummed me out. I really wanted to see more Gonzo, or Lew Zealand and his Boomerang Fish. They are all just more interesting. One black hole. While most of the celebrity cameos were fun, funny, and organic the Usher one felt as unnatural, awkward and unnecessary as skin suit made of steel wool and poison ivy. Normally I wouldn’t black hole for something this minor but at the time it really threw me out of the movie. One black hole. Total: two black holes.
Eleven stars. What a great score. Of course as a fan of the Muppets from my childhood you have to consider the fact that I am very nostalgic but still really fun time. Should you see it? If fun is something you enjoy then yes. If you have no sense of humor or spend all your time worried about conspiracies and politics probably not. Date movie? Hell yes! If she doesn’t enjoy this film and you for bringing her to it odds are she has already been replaced by a Pod Person. Don’t accept her invitation for a walk through her garden. Bathroom break? Hold it in. Every scene is worth watching. If I had to pick one scene to miss I’d say the solo song with Miss Piggy towards the end is the least critical, but if you miss it you will miss a really funny cameo too. Run and don’t wash (eww).
Thanks for reading. To celebrate seeing this Muppets film I am going to see another great Jim Henson film, Labyrinth, tonight at the Castro Theater in San Francisco. It’s going to be classically epic (Labyrinth image comes from my movie t shirt category). Feel free to post here if you have comments on this film or my review. Off topic questions or suggestions can be emailed to [email protected]. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.
Dave
