The Identical Review
That is, a review of the movie the Identical. Not a direct copy of one of my other reviews.
This may come as something of a shock to you, my gentle readers, but I am apparently not the only person in the world who goes to movies and then writes his or her opinion on whether the movie is good or bad. Lord knows it was a shock to me. It even appears that some of them have somehow scammed newspapers and other media sources into actually paying them money for the service (I’m really at a loss as to how that happens. I can only assume some kind of grift so complex and convoluted that it makes a Ponzi scheme look like a shell game with only one cup). However, do not worry for me as imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and it appears I am being flattered by every paper and web site in the country.
Rather than rail against the injustice of it all I have learned to use all of these lesser reviewers as sort of a bird dog, pointing out easy prey for me to go after (or, more appropriately, like a canary in a mine warning me of fatal fumes by passing out and dying) and when I see a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4% it’s like Commission Gorden lighting up the Batsignal, causing me to change into my super hero reviewer costume (Dickies shirt, jeans, and a “don’t sit next to me” scowl that goes over extremely well in kids animated films and romances) and dash off in my Batmobile (i.e. my silver Crown Vic) to the local theater (I mean crime scene).
So I was really, really hoping for a movie that was so bad it was good. However, this film is a double failure in that it is only just really bad. It is not The Room bad. It is not Plan 9 From Outer Space. It is not even Ice Pirates bad. I’d put it on the badness level of the Warriors Way, a film that started out with some cool ideas and a decent cast but fell on it’s own sword from lack of resources (the main one being decent writers). It has zero originality, zero actual conflict, and a story that looks like it was written by someone who was locked in a room with copies of Great Balls of Fire, Dead Ringers, and a worn out biography of Elvis.
Kiss “Monster Book” sells for $3,500???
Another post that Dave will be bummed about because it is not nerd specific, but I like to think of this blog as a commentary on American culture in general. I just read that Kiss, the band with the make up, is selling a new book for $3,500 pre sale and $4,300 if you don’t pre order.
As this deck of Kiss playing cards I found in Dave’s music t shirt collection clearly indicates Kiss is not a band that is afraid of merchandising itself. In fact, I think it could be fairly said that Kiss is not afraid to sell anything and everything in order to make a fast buck. I honestly think if there were a way Gene Simmons could get away with it he would take his Kiss Army fans and sell their organs on the black market.
I thought this tendency to whore themselves out had reached it’s climax when they came out with the Kiss coffin, but this book of theirs reaches a new low. It is huge, however, and seems to be almost exclusively pictures. I think this fair since anyone willing to cough up this much cash on something so worthless probably can’t read anyway.
I’m not saying the book isn’t cool. Just that you really have to ask yourself how much does Kiss really care for their fans if this is the level of fleecing they are willing to get to.
Jason
