Nerd Dating: the greatest date ever-movie night in Part 6 even more what to watch
Yes I am continuing with this. It amuses me.
Action-this is a fail hole like no other. If you suggest an action film she will make the (probably correct) assumption that you are an insensitive jerk who does not care one bit about her or what she wants to do. If she suggests an action film, this is absolutely, 100% a test to see if you are in insensitive jerk who does not care one bit about her or what she wants to do. It can occasionally be colored by a desire on her part to make you happy, but even then the test is still there and to say anything other than “I don’t know if that’s appropriate” is to fail miserably. Don’t fall into this trap.
Porn-are you really dumb enough to even need instructions on this? Unless she is actually a sex worker, as far as she knows you never even watch porn, much less have a Congressional Library sized collection.
Sexy comedy/drama-these are films which are good stories and acting combined with some hot sex scenes. These are excellent for movie night as they show her you’re interested in sex without looking like you are obsessed with it (which, odds are, you are). Also, while porn will in most (normal) cases just disgust her, seeing two attractive people roll around in bed showing a rated R amount of skin will actually peak a lot of women’s interest. Unfortunately, this is a genre that has really been dropped by Hollywood in the last few years. I guess they feel the need to cater to the freaking ankle biters. God forbid we should make a movie you can’t bring your screaming three year old to in order to make the hapless nerd movie reviewer three rows behind you miserable. But I digress. You have to go back a few years to find something that is both of good quality and has the appropriate amount of nudity. Risky Business and Fatal Attraction are two that spring to mind. Also, don’t fall into the trap of assuming anything rated R will work for this. Both of the Hangover movies were rated R and for the most part had a lot of man penis and cussing in them and not a lot else.
Romantic Comedy-ah, now you are thinking. These movies should get her laughing and also thinking about how miserable her single life really is. If you suggest one it will make you look sensitive and cool. If she suggest one she is throwing you a life preserver. Don’t fail to grab it. Modern ones are fine, but I personally find classics from the 80’s work really well.
Comedies-these can be hit or miss. She could be the type who really likes comedies and will get turned on by laughing at one. Or she could be the type who puts these in the same mental category as action films. Also, there are varying levels of crudeness in comedies and while one film might make her laugh her clothes off another film might well disgust her to the hilt and you by association. Picking a comedy is a lot like the white trash sport of noodling; sometimes you get a delicious catfish, and sometimes you lose a finger to a snapping turtle. Stay away, and if she suggest one assume it is a test similar to the action film test.
The Princess Bride-why does this film deserve it’s own listing, last on my list? Because it is possibly the greatest movie night date of all time. There isn’t a woman I have met who doesn’t love or get turned on by this film, and better yet it is cool and funny enough to hold the most macho guy’s interest. This is one you really can’t go wrong on (actually, failure is the mother of invention, so there is probably a decent chance you will still find a way to screw this up. However, I hold that unless your date is some kind of alien it will never be this movies fault). In a weird twist of mental fate no woman I know would ever actually suggest this, possibly because they assume you would hate it of perhaps for fear of being perceived as too girly. You, on the other hand, will gain massive props for having suggested it. (Inigo Montoya image courtesy of the movie t shirt category).
That’s it for movies. I need to think about where I am going next with this topic, so I may well give it a rest for a day or two. New movies coming out this weekend so look for some movie reviews soon. Talk to you soon.
Nerd Dating: Dating with Physical Activity Part 2
So if you are still reading after yesterdays post I can assume you aren’t frightened by the idea of being outside and generating a sweat. Here are some more idea for good date stuff that involves something more active than flicking the TV remote.
Skiing or snowboarding – if you are fortunate enough to be close enough to ski resort to do a one day trip to the mountain (or, as we used to call it, a burrito run) this can be a great date. It’s outdoors in some beautiful scenery, you get to rest on the lift between runs, its cold which can motivate her to snuggle up, and getting hurt snowboarding or skiing can look pretty studly, as long as you don’t do it while trying to get off the ski lift. Also, unless she is an expert skier at some point halfway through the day she will probably jump at your suggestion to get some hot chocolate and sit in the lodge for a couple hours. Skiing is one of those things everyone has to claim to love, but after five or six runs the average person is happy to sit watching other people be cold while looking cool in their ski clothes.
By the way, this should be pretty obvious, but don’t suggest this unless you actually know how to ski or snowboard. Nothing will make you look like more of a eunuch like flailing down the bunny slope. You need to make sure you are both at about the same skill level or you are better than her (being her teacher for the day can really make you look good).
Those dumb paddle boats – yes, the are stupid. But did you ever wonder how they stay in business? It’s because they make for great dates. You are out on the water (all two feet of it, usually) by yourself with your girl and having fun. It will usually be relatively quiet, and there will be ducks, frogs, and other local fauna to distract her.
As a side benefit, your (hopefully) superior musculature and body weight will more or less mean you can keep your half of the boat moving while doing about 1/3 the work. If you feel at all guilty about that just remember that odds are sometime in the next couple months she will be asking you to move a couch or something. Also, don’t forget that “mauled by a mountain lion saving her” thing from my hiking entry.
Bowling – yes, unless you are on the PBA you will probably suck at this, but as goofy as it is, it is fun and entertaining. This is another activity that everyone claims to love to do, but once faced with the reality of actually doing it are willing to hang it up after about two games. Be sure to practice your moon walk while on the floor with the shoes.
Ice or roller skating – ironically, this is one activity where it is actually OK to be much worse than your date at. Flailing aimlessly around on the ice while she does triple axles is in a weird way endearing and cute. You will not lose any credibility with her even if you fall on your ass. There is a good chance she will even admire your courage and willingness to try something outside your box. On the other hand, if you are great at it you will burn a ton of calories and look cool. There is not a way to lose here, unless you get hurt (not as cool as getting hurt snowboarding).
That’s it for today. More tomorrow.
For our who would win question, the Punisher versus Fidel Castro, I am going a assume Frank Castle either got co-opted by the CIA or discovered Castro was involved in the drug trade somehow. On the one hand, the Punisher is an expert in all forms of mayhem, and with enough planning could probably make something happen. On the other hand, by all reports Castro has survived any number of CIA or NSA attempts on his life. I honestly don’t really know, but I am inclined to go with the Punisher just because I like him better. (Castro image courtesy of the political t shirt category)
For today let’s go historical inventors. Who would win, Ben Franklin versus Leonardo da Vinci?
