A Guide to Nerd Guys Meeting and Dating Women: Jackets
Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday. Had a lot going on and trying to get ready for a big show next weekend.
Anyway, let’s talk about jackets. I love jackets, and not just for their thermal properties. They can look cool, and really bring an outfit together. They can also ruin all your efforts in one fell swoop. I will start with things to avoid:
1. Anything from the Marlboro catalog-do you really want to wear an “I am a loser” sign?
2. Any sports team jacket-I am sure you are a rabid fan of your local sporting club or whatever, but unless you are going to a game stay away. Anything that smacks of an obsession with something other than themselves puts women off. This rule goes double for Nascar merchandise.
3. Trench coats-I own a black trench coat, but I only wear it when it is raining. The whole “trench coat mafia” thing has cast these in a bad light. Unfortunately, this is the outerwear that most nerds are drawn too, like a mouse to the peanut butter on the trap. Therefore it has become associated with not only nerds, but nerds of a certain social inadequacy. Stay away.
4. Anything with fringes-the ’70s are done. Get over it.
5. Fur or f aux fur-the first because it is reprehensible, the second because you look like one of those douche bags from a few years ago who kept trying look like a pimp. If you are white and have ever felt the desire to wear something like that and combine it with a huge afro wig, stop reading as I think it is best for humanity that you never have the opportunity to reproduce. I don’t care if it’s Halloween.
6. A Letterman jacket-odds are you lettered in Marching Band, so spare yourself the embarrassment. Also, no one cares what you did in high school.
7. A “punk rock” jacket-unless you are actually a punker (hair, facial piercings, etc) stay away from patches, studs, spikes, and ripped up crap. Most of the punk rock girls I have known are pretty sharp, and will see through it for the phony you are. Only high school girls are fooled by that sort of thing, and if you are going for that I hope you go to jail. If you have a patch on your jacket of a band you have never seen in person or own an album, burn it (the whole jacket).
Those are the obvious traps. Let’s look at what works.
1. If you don’t have any objection to animal products, a good black leather jacket can work well. You will be alienating any Vegan women you might meet, but from my experience they are huge pains in the ass to try to date. You literally can’t walk across a room without offending them somehow.
2. A light canvas jacket in a dark color-nice for mid weather days.
3. A pea coat-this is a nice compromise for guys who feel naked without a trench coat. Mid thigh, some pockets. There is nothing wrong with looking like you just arrived from London.
4. A sports coat-every guy should have one of these. They look great with jeans and a long sleeve (unprinted) t-shirt, or a light turtleneck sweater. You will look kind of yuppie-douchy in my personal opinion, but women love this look.
5. A “militaristic” jacket-not an actual military jackets (yes, I know shopping at the army/navy surplus story is fun. Just don’t wear them in public) but a canvas jacket that has a military look can be good. Extraneous buckles, hooks, and small pockets are kind of cool. Go with black, navy, or olive green.
6. North Face-or some kind of similar “outdoorsy” jacket or fleece. I feel a little sick writing this, as I despise this look, but it works. These jackets look sharp and imply that you have a life slightly more active than sitting in front of your computer all day every day. Also, if you get sucked into going for a hike with a girl you will have something to wear.
7. Something classic. Steam punk Abe Lincoln here (image from the funny t shirt section) knows that retro is cool. Don’t go nuts for 70’s garbage, but something that looks like it came from pre WWII can look really sharp. Don’t dive into this idea until you have gained a better idea how to judge these things, but keep it on your radar.
As a rule, when shopping for a jacket fit is kind of critical. If the jacket is too small in the shoulders you will end up looking like an organ grinder’s monkey. If the sleeves are too short you will look like a kid who grew out of it. Unless you are from Seattle your shirt should never be seen from the bottom of your jacket. This is one area where it is better to error on the side of too much rather than too little. An jacket that is over sized can still look cool, although in general try to get one that fits.
If you are of plus sized, jackets are even more important, as they can really help hide some bulk. However, most big guys go straight to the windbreaker because they can get it in all kinds of sizes. Like I said with shirts, if you really want to look good save up your pennies an get a custom jacket made. I have particularly broad shoulders and a long torso, so buying jackets has always been a pain, but last year I found a leather shop nearby that did a custom jacket that looks phenomenal. Cost about half again as much as an off the rack jacket but worth every dime IMO.
That’s it. Next post: accessories.
