Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 18: Keeping the conversation going.
OK, you sent out about 100(,000,000) emails to assorted women and got one back. Your job is now to keep the conversation going until she is comfortable enough with you to agree to meet up.
This is actually a lot harder to do than you would think. The problem is if you exchange too many emails she will either get bored or come to the conclusion that you have something to hide (missing limb, frequent and fragrant flatulence, etc). It’s like trying to drop excess weight to keep a helium balloon from going down in piranha infested water and the only thing you have left to drop is your excess blood. You have to balance out enough weight lost without bleeding to death (while the piranhas get driven into a frenzy by all that blood dripping into the water).
Honestly, I tend to treat this like I would going for the first kiss while dating. 3-5 emails seems to be the correct number. Each email needs to both tell her something about you (not too much) and keep her interested enough to reply. The best thing to do seems to be to ask her a few questions about herself related to her last email while answering her last set of questions with as few details as possible. By the way, if she is not asking you questions than odds are she is just killing time at work. You can probably let the thread drop.
The thing about these is never volunteer extra information. You need her to feel like you are doing her a favor even telling her your name. Also, by keeping detains low you will intrigue her and make her want to see you face to face, where the implication is you will be more forthcoming. If you give here everything she has no reason to email you again.
Here are a few examples.
She asks: “Where did you go to college.” The correct answer would be “UC Irvine. Where did you go?” The incorrect answer would be “UC Irvine. I studied studio art. It’s kind of boring but I had some fun. All my best friends came from there, and my frat voted me “Most likely to bazooka barf on Yeager” three years in a row.” See, if you had gone with the first answer she would have been forced to email you again with questions like “What did you study? Did you like it? Have you ever projectile vomited while drinking Yeager?”
She asks: “Did you have pets as a kid?” and you answer “We had a cat and a dog.” She will then ask stuff like “What kind of dog? Is he still alive? Is there the slightest chance he’s actually a werewolf trapped in canine form?”
See how that works? Answer her questions, but leave the subject open for more questions.
Also be sure to ask her questions. Never get too specific or detailed or she will conclude you are likely a stalker of some kind (probably correctly). Here are some innocuous questions you can feel free to use. “Where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? What did you major in? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What do you do? Do you like it?”
The one thing to remember is any details you are given you will have to remember and reference when you do meet here, so don’t do too much or you will strain your brain.
Incidentally, this exchange is exactly like the game point in a tennis (or, for the less athletically inclined readers, ping pong) match. You hit the ball into her court, she returns, rinse and repeat. If the ball gets dropped for any reason it’s game over. If she fails to respond to your last email you must have butchered it and no amount of “Hey, you never replied to my last email. Everything OK?” will get the ball bouncing again. Go back to spamming new girls.
That’s it for today. I think it safe to assume most of you actually communicate better via email than in person so I won’t burden you with too much detail. Next post we will talk about actually meeting with your girl.
I want to mention real quick that this weekend I will be at the Star Trek Convention in San Francisco this weekend and will very likely be wearing this Star Trek red T shirt just because I like to live dangerously. This show will feature the vaunted Leonard Nimoy as well as the great Michelle Nichols, so if you are in the Bay Area be sure to stop by and say hi. I will have a new girl working with me on Saturday as well so if you see a cute nerdish girl there while I am trying to get Nimoy’s autograph be sure to say high to Angela.
Nerd Dating: Online Dating pt 6: translating online post speak into English
Yet more odeak translations. I seem to have a never ending supply of these.
“Social drinker.” Unfortunately this is a suspiciously vague term. It can easily mean someone who has a drink while out on a Friday night, or a glass of wine with a nice dinner. The problem is no one is ever going to put “Alcoholic” in their profile and will usually default to this term, so it can also be a prelude to Leaving Las Vegas. You will have to dig deeper.
“Love to party!” For a girl this is just what it says. She gets bored easily and wants to hit a different club every night. Expect all kinds of fun and exciting adventures of the “and then I wrapped my car around a tree” variety. The good news is you will never have to have a serious discussion with her about your feelings. The bad news is she will probably get bored of you pretty easily and run off with a guy with a better car. For guys, this usually is a code word for alcoholic or drug addict.
“Love to dance!” Most women love to dance, so this is a bit of a catch phrase. Honestly, don’t read too much into it, unless it is combined with “Love to Party” in which case there is a pretty good chance she is a stripper. Most men hate dancing, so if a guy uses this it probably means he is kind of a phony and trying to impress women. If he honestly likes dancing double check to make sure you aren’t actually in the “Men seeking Men” category. If he is strait and claims this to be honest you are required to test it to the max by dragging him to every dance club within 20 miles to see if he has the stamina and can actually dance.
“Love sports.” If this is a woman, it is very likely she grew up with multiple older brothers and is kind of a tom boy. This is great, but be aware that she is probably both willing and capable of kicking your ass. This can also be the phony equivalent of a guy claiming to love dancing, so if you meet her and she seems kind of girly ask her if she knows how many points a touchdown is worth (6, for those of you who don’t actually follow sports). If this is a man than this guy has burned out multiple women in his dating history by choosing sports over his relationship and is desperately hoping to meet a girl who will sit there quietly watching football with him and get him the occasional beer.
“Love to travel.” For both men and women this is the equivalent of a station identification. It really means nothing. Everyone loves to travel. However, be aware that both men and women who travel by themselves or with one or two friends of the same gender are generally going to other countries to have casual sex with foreigners (or locals, depending on how you look at it). I would find out what countries the person has traveled to with what people and compare it to this article on Dating Guys and Girls in Foreign Countries. If a guy tells you he loves to visit Thailand or Brazil make him wear two condoms. If a girl tells you France or Italy you do the same.
“Very sensual.” I’ve never seen a guy use this description, but this is usually code speak for women that means really horny. This is great, but be aware that this is often a phrase used by prostitutes and people that want to spam you with sex site emails, so be aware. Women can more or less assume all guys are really horny.
“Really into my work.” For women this can often be translated into “I work too many hours and am feeling frustrated by my personal life. My biological clock is ticking away and in order to be a complete person I need to have a child as well as be wildly successful in my career.” If you date her you can expect a lot of scheduling conflicts and hassles getting her alone, but when you do she will probably jump your bones. If a guy uses this phrase he is probably married and looking for a mistress. Expect a lot of booty calls.
“In graduate school working on my masters or PhD.” Find out what field. If it’s business, law, or something technical than cool. If it is something in humanities than expect to have him or her never be gainfully employed. Also, if this is a second or more post-graduate degree he or she is working on than odds are this person is a perpetual student and in addition to never getting a real job has probably never had a real job.
That’s it for today. Tomorrow I will talk about specific jobs and careers on profiles and what they translate into.
Yesterday’s question, Sandmen versus Red Shirts, is a puzzler. The fact is the Red Shirts are actually trained for combat, while the Sandmen are trained to hunt down single people running away with a red crystal flashing on the palm of their hand. However, Red Shirts are the Three Stooges of combat, and tend to die with alarming regularity. I will have to bet on the Sandmen. (Red Shirt image courtesy of the Star Trek Red t shirt category).
Today I will shift from Star Trek and ask what would happen if a squad of Sandmen went against half a squad of Stormtroopers from Star Wars. Who would win?
